OT: Who gets the last word?
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Anarchy X
Dance, Black Mage, dance!
Riehlthing
It's "The Amish" To You
What did Hellen Keller's parents do to her when she was bad?
Walked on her homework with golf shoes.
What did they do when they wanted to confuse her?
Put doorknobs on the walls.
Yes, very tasteless jokes...sorry.
Walked on her homework with golf shoes.
What did they do when they wanted to confuse her?
Put doorknobs on the walls.
Yes, very tasteless jokes...sorry.
bRaTpRiNcEsS
Member
What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?
With a sponge.
His teeth.
How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?
With a sponge.
bRaTpRiNcEsS
Member
And yes, there is plenty of Vernor's outside of Michigan, although I never heard of it til my husband who is from Michigan, shit his pants over it. 
Anarchy X
Dance, Black Mage, dance!
Ooooooh.......Helen Keller jokes!
Do you know why Helen Keller plays piano with one hand?
She sings with the other.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Courderoy.
Do you know why Helen Keller can't drive?
She's a woman.
j
Do you know why Helen Keller plays piano with one hand?
She sings with the other.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Courderoy.
Do you know why Helen Keller can't drive?
She's a woman.
j
Riehlthing
It's "The Amish" To You
mrthrax
riffer madness
1.whats the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
a hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
2.what do tupperware and a walrus have in common?
they both like a tight seal.
3.whats the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaahhhh?
about 3 inches.
4.why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
for traction in the mud.
5.why do most woman pay more attention to their appearance than improving their mind?
because most men are stupid but few are blind
a hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
2.what do tupperware and a walrus have in common?
they both like a tight seal.
3.whats the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaahhhh?
about 3 inches.
4.why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
for traction in the mud.
5.why do most woman pay more attention to their appearance than improving their mind?
because most men are stupid but few are blind
mrthrax
riffer madness
heres a good one for you all
a bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks what he wants.he says"i want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick sweat from between your tits"."you dirty bastard"shouts the barmaid"get out before i get my husband"the bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.the barmaid accepts this and asks him what he wants.he says"i want to pull your pants down spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off"you dirty filthy pervert"she says,your banned,get out"!!! she screams.
again the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.
"one more chance"says the barmaid."now what do you want?"
"i want to turn you upside down,opem your flaps and fill your pussy with guinness,and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup"the barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion,she runs upstairs to fetch her husband,whos sitting quietly watching the telly."whats up love?"he says."there's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off"
"i'll kill him,where is he?"storms the husband."then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt between my arse cheeks and lick it off"
"right he's dead"says the husband ,reaching for a baseball bat.
"then he said he wanted to turn me upside down,fill my fanny with guinness and then drink it all"...
the husband then puts down his baseball bat and returns to his armchair and switches the telly back on."aren't you going to do something about it?"she cries hysterically.her husband replies,"look love i'm not fucking around with someone who can drink 15 pints of guinness..."
a bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks what he wants.he says"i want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick sweat from between your tits"."you dirty bastard"shouts the barmaid"get out before i get my husband"the bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.the barmaid accepts this and asks him what he wants.he says"i want to pull your pants down spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off"you dirty filthy pervert"she says,your banned,get out"!!! she screams.
again the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.
"one more chance"says the barmaid."now what do you want?"
"i want to turn you upside down,opem your flaps and fill your pussy with guinness,and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup"the barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion,she runs upstairs to fetch her husband,whos sitting quietly watching the telly."whats up love?"he says."there's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off"
"i'll kill him,where is he?"storms the husband."then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt between my arse cheeks and lick it off"
"right he's dead"says the husband ,reaching for a baseball bat.
"then he said he wanted to turn me upside down,fill my fanny with guinness and then drink it all"...
the husband then puts down his baseball bat and returns to his armchair and switches the telly back on."aren't you going to do something about it?"she cries hysterically.her husband replies,"look love i'm not fucking around with someone who can drink 15 pints of guinness..."
Riehlthing
It's "The Amish" To You
That was funny.
5am entertainment...woohoo!!!
And they turned on the lights at my work, all of them on. They suck. Can't sleep now.
5am entertainment...woohoo!!!
And they turned on the lights at my work, all of them on. They suck. Can't sleep now.
bRaTpRiNcEsS
Member
A guy finds a genie lamp in his aunt's attic shortly after her funeral. He looks at it and thinks, what the hell? and rubs it. A genie comes out and says, "I will grant you one wish." The guy says, "Don't I get three?" The genie says, "That shit is just in the movies, don't push your luck. What do you want?" The guy says, "I want to go to Austrailia." The genie says, "That's it? First class all the way!!" The guy says, "No, you don't understand. I'm afraid to fly. I want to drive there." The genie says, "Drive to Austrailia?" "Yes," says the guy, "I want you to build me a bridge." The genie screams, "WHAT? Do you have any idea how much work that is? The steel, the concrete!! Please, mister, anything but that. Isn't there anything else I can give you?" The guy says, "Well, okay, there is one more thing. I want to understand women." The genie says, "Would you like that bridge to be two or four lanes?"
Anarchy X
Dance, Black Mage, dance!
Strikingly similar to a drummer joke at ironmaiden.com.
A very worried bass player is strolling along a beach in California. He steps on something hard, and picks it up. It's a lamp. He rubs it, and a genie pops out.
"I am the genie of the lamp and I grant you one wish".
"I think", the bass player says, "that I'd like to go to Hawaii one day. But I get airsick and seasick. I'd like you to build a bridge so I could drive over."
The genie thinks this over, and gently explains that it would be almost impossible, with labour costs what they are and the sea as deep as it is.
"In that case, how about this. Our drummer never writes any songs. I'd like you to make him write a song."
The genie ponders for a bit, then asks, "This bridge....you want it two-lane or four-lane?"
...but I like yours better.
http://www.ironmaiden.com/ironmaiden/mayhem/jokes/index.asp
Riehlthing
It's "The Amish" To You
I really liked the one about the aunt though. I had heard that before, and it was cool.
Woo-hoo, it's not 5am, and I can understand what I'm reading now. Always a plus.
Woo-hoo, it's not 5am, and I can understand what I'm reading now. Always a plus.
mrthrax
riffer madness
how do u know when the drum riser is straight?
the drummer is dribling from both sides of the mouth
the drummer is dribling from both sides of the mouth
DrBell
Member
Riehlthing
It's "The Amish" To You
Don't know any music jokes...
How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? (yeah, I know I can't spell, I'm not awake yet)
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? (yeah, I know I can't spell, I'm not awake yet)
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
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