The definite, new "How Do You Feel" Thread

[fireangel]

fireangel: Ok, now i understand. All i have to say is that if long-term planning works for you then a) keep planning and

Actually now that I wrote that answer here, I could clarify my thoughts on that damn saying of "use/cherish the day" (or however you translate carpe diem) because I wondered for a long time how to integrate it in my life and now I see that I simply don´t have to.

I don´t mean that I don´t try to make a good day every day, but I think that not every day can be the best, and I´m quite happy with that some days are more than excellent and others are alright, in opposite to every day on the same (good) level.
Although I quite suppose that from a certain point on, where a few things in my life are the way they should be, I´d be much more happier in general

b) wow, i'm not that crazy then.

I think everyone around here carries their own bag of crazyness, it just appears in different aspects


Wildfyr: I have no idea if you understood what I mean; your first two smilies are somehow saying the opposite of what you write?
I don´t use every day to the maximum, instead I have some under-average days and some days in heaven alternatingly. Or something like that.. Although I recently seen a lot of luck in small things and a huge deal of kind people, too, which upgrade the quality of the day quite a bit


NP: Charon - Downhearted

 

[wildfyr]

'carpe' = type of fish in Italian.

I'm not surprised.

 

[wildfyr]

Wildfyr: I have no idea if you understood what I mean; your first two smilies are somehow saying the opposite of what you write?

Pay no mind to the hypno smilie. That's just my way of expressing my own self-doubt.

I don´t use every day to the maximum, instead I have some under-average days and some days in heaven alternatingly. Or something like that.. Although I recently seen a lot of luck in small things and a huge deal of kind people, too, which upgrade the quality of the day quite a bit

Ok. You're right. It's the small things that are important in life (imo).

 

[The Bringer]

I feel great because 9:30 tomorrow morning I am leaving for Finland!

 

[Magrathean]

fireangel: I'm happy for you. It's cool that you managed to put that thought/concept in order. By the "crazy" thing i meant that i, too, always plan a lot into the future (though in my case it's usually years into the future, sometimes as far as 10 or so) and people around me (ex-friends mostly) used to tell me to live life to the moment or seize the day (carpe diem) and all that shit. But i think bliss comes only after pain, so alternating between good and bad days is better (but more tiresome).

Bringer: Cool! Forever? If so, then i'm really happy for you. Europe is the future!

NF: Tired and frustrated from programming all day and not even getting all of my programs right. One of them is quite hopeless, i guess, as i have a day and a half to fix it before turning it in and the error is so subtle that it'll take hours for me to find it (and besides i still have a lot of other stuff to do for tuesday and wednesday).

 

[Magrathean]

NF: Terrible. Confused and fed up and just sick of everything. I wish all of this ended already. I did terribly at uni this semester, and i feel incredibly stupid (and, again, i'm a failure). Nothing i've tried to do lately has turned out the way i wanted it to. Emotionally, my life is shit. Music won't heal me anymore, writing is something unreachable because all of my bloody inspiration went down the drain, and i've felt semi-sick (physically) as of late. And, for once in three months, i feel lonely. I don't find comfort in friends anymore, and i miss my ex so much. Logic tells me that going back with someone i've broken up with in the past is just about the stupidest thing i can do, but emotions tell me that i'm going to have a hard time going through all of this without her by my side (i can't have her by my side at this moment anyway, since she'll be in another city for the next year and a half or so). My pessimistic way of thinking tells me that this time i've really fucked up for good. Reason tells me that suicide is always an option, but experience tells me i lack the courage. Fuck my perfectionism. Fuck my obsessiveness. Fuck my unwillingness to be stupid. Ignorance is bliss.

 

[marduk1507]

Maybe you should spend more time outside, you know, like with real people. And maybe your huge ego needs to taste the sweet and sour humility, hehe. But what do I know, do what thou wilt.

 

[Magrathean]

Oh, my ego hath tasted such bitter stuff as humility is made of -- and hated it. Alas, it needeth not humility now, but rather success to give it time and strength to recover.

You know, i find more comfort in this kind of stuff (i.e. forums) than in "real" people. Makes you wonder.

 

[rahvin]

@marduk: it's ombelico with one l, if you were looking for the awesome italian effect.

@undocontrol: there's all of the obvious considerations about how writing in general - and therefore writing on message boards - creates a protective shell around the people communicating which makes them able/entitled to express things they otherwise wouldn't in ways they otherwise wouldn't use to people they otherwise wouldn't be talking to, and blah. i'm sure you already know how it goes, and how cliched it can sound to those who are aware of the medium they're using.

to that i'd like to add that on a forum such as this one, everybody is easily seen on their best social behavior. most of the annoying habits of people you might, with complete disregard of personal danger, decide to hang out with, tend to disappear around here: giving the cold shoulder translates to simply not posting, so it's hardly noticeable, and a snotty comeback is the worst you can expect, as you're not likely to actually hear everyone else laugh at the offensive jape. emotions are also tuned a down a notch or two, both because this is not teen central and because most of the regulars have given up on / never been interested in / finally resolved not to / taken a long break from pushing other regulars' buttons. it's cozy for a while, but it's the comfort of a still life with metal band, ultimately merely a pretty picture to hang over your fireplace. not that any drama would make it better.

the world outside your door, while not necessarily more interesting or full of purpose, is however worth a longer look than this pseudo-intellectual community of mostly european metallers giving it their best shot at english grammar while trying to penetrate the mysteries of transcendental philosophy as explained in skydancer. for starters, it's more complicated and funny in a sad kind of way, or vice-versa. and it's probably not going to shut down or undergo maintenance, like, ever.

 

[marduk1507]

originally posted by Undo Control
You know, i find more comfort in this kind of stuff (i.e. forums) than in "real" people. Makes you wonder.

Oh really? I havent noticed! But seriously, I would see your feeling of loneliness and longing as a healthy sign and also as a warning. Your body never lies to you and when it says I want to be with people and especially a woman, youd better listen to it. Otherwise you might cultivate a nice little disease in it. But maybe you need it. I know I did. And after I managed to get over it I am happy to be alive and see all those huge problems I had as stupid trifles.

 

[fireangel]

I have to say, rahvin is right

Undo Control:

But there is one exception to this internet/real-life contradiction, or actually two, but they are not directed to UM only but the whole internet:
- In the net you´ll often find a lot of like-minded people with whom you can discuss about music that no-one else around listens to, and since in forums gather people with the same interests in general, it´s quite easy to discuss a few things which others, who lead a different life, cannot understand.
- There happened a mixture between internet and real life, when I met a lot of people I got to know through the forums, or through websites of their bands of which I wouldn´t have heard at all without the internet. And it were not only mere acquaintances, but some persons became very good friends.

Getting lost in forums can have advantages and disadvantages. I think as with everything else, the way you use it, and your dependence on it is what matters for the good result.
If UndoControl has an easier life and manages to manoeuvre through a crisis better when he´s able to post whatever in here, it helps. Sure he would manage without the net, too, but life is hard enough. One day comes for everyone the time when they get disillusioned about the forums or the internet and panic because the majority of their friends lives >500 km away and then you get to strive for balancing both worlds.

 

[Human Desert]

I feel great because 9:30 tomorrow morning I am leaving for Finland!

Welcome to our crap weather!

 

[hyena]

@alex: well, if you did badly at school just give it a better shot next time. as i said in the past, you're a smart guy, therefore i can easily conclude that bad marks (or marks that were not as good as you would have liked) are the result of insufficient study. so just gear up and work more, results will come. i know this means sacrificing free time etc., but then again you are going to feel even worse if your grades don't go up next semester.

about your ex - i can't say anything because i don't know you well enough, don't know her at all, don't know anything about your relationship - but you should try to see if wanting to go back to her is merely the result of a feeling of loneliness (in that case, stay away) or if you really have valid motives for questioning your past decision. i'd say the best thing is talking it over with her, such moves should not be one-sided for the simple reason that feeling stuff for people should mean that you care about their opinion too.

nf: decent, today i am on strike, will go to the gym in some ninety minutes, have a friend whom i have not seen for ages over for dinner, bought some nice wine and fresh fish - when i'm back from the gym i'll close the good trading positions, leave the bad ones open, call my family and cook.

 

[marduk1507]

@rahvin: thanks.

 

[Magrathean]

rahvin: If UM were only about philosophizing about "Skydancer", life, God and so on, then maybe i would look at it as merely a place to hang out / waste away when i have nothing else/better to do. But i find that this "pseudo-intellectual" band of metalheads is by far more intellectual and more intelligent than most of the "real" people around me. Of course, i'm not going to spend the rest of my life behind a computer monitor talking to imaginary people i'm never going to see, but this "forum-life" is more important to me than it might seem. Everything you said is true, which makes forum-life quite a bit more synthetic than "real" life but also takes away some of the synthetic parts of "real" life (like those barriers/masks people tend to use to hide their true selves (people on forums, as you said, aren't as afraid as "real" people to show their emotions / speak their thoughts / be as close to themselves as humanly possible within this medium of wires, satellite waves and electricity)) (hah, there you go, double parentheses again ). And, again as you said, life is more complicated, funny and sad than anything that can ever happen on UM and is sometimes too complicated, too funny/ironic and too sad for me. As emotional/passionate as i am, i don't think i'm built to withstand for a long time all of the emotional changes i've been having lately. I'm not that resistant / strongly built. And i'm honestly sick of growing stronger with each thing that doesn't kill me.

Guess i'll have to learn to stick with "real" life. Meanwhile, this is my shelter. And the comfort of a still life is that, no matter what happens or doesn't happen, you can always go back and look at whatever beauty there was before, for it doesn't disappear as it does in a dynamic life, i.e. "real" life.

Did i happen to say that i'm also running quite tight on cash? I think i forgot to mention that in the list of problems i posted yesterday. Since when do you, the socialist, anti-capitalist anachronism, worry about money?, you might ask. Well, i answer, since i depend on it for a living.

 

[Magrathean]

marduk: I'd rather listen to my mind than to my body (although at times i doubt it). My mind says girls have made me suffer enough, so i try to be happily single (although that "happily" part is the one that sometimes (now, for example) fails). So do i cultivate the disease of eternal loneliness, to use your metaphor, or do i risk getting hurt by the one person i've loved more than anyone else in my life?

Dammit, i feel stuck.

 

[Magrathean]

fireangel: I agree. The level of dependance is the problem here, i believe. While i don't want to become completely dependent on something like an internet forum, i find that it's one of my few comforts from a reality i don't want to live anymore. I wish it were as easy as you put it: "if UndoControl has an easier life and manages to manoeuvre through a crisis better when he's able to post whatever in here, it helps". But sometimes it's not that i have an easier life if i post in here, but that posting in here lets me more or less crawl through life altogether. As though this (and writing, and music, and a couple of other things which seem to be stopping working) were the air i need to breathe to be able to stay alive. I know it's probably a bit of an exaggeration, but it's not that much of an exaggeration, which is what scares me.

And that disillusion part already came to me in a past which i don't really want to remember. I'm kind of hoping it won't happen as suddenly with UM and empty Spiral.

 

[Magrathean]

Claudia: That (give it a better shot next time) is what everyone has told me. And i know it's the obvious thing to do. Yet i can't seem to be able to get over the fact that, no matter how wonderfully i might do in the future by trying harder, i did this bad in this semester. It makes me feel stupid. Sometimes i'm not as sure as you are about my intelligence, but i guess that if you think i am then i am. No, seriously, thank you.

Should i post the story of my ex and me? I don't really think it's going to be anything more than one more story in an endless ocean of stories nobody wants to read anymore because everyone has gotten tired of them. I'm sure that 3-4 years in a forum means you've read too many stories and soothed too many depressed people. Anyway, right now i think the thing about wanting to go back with her is the result of loneliness / depression / needing something to hold on to, since during the three and a half months since we broke up i hadn't missed her that much before. I talked things over with her back when i had no intention of ever going back with her. She said she'd love to be with me again in a not-too-distant future, and i said that would never happen. So if i talked it over with her now i think she'd just get her hopes up (and maybe in a few weeks i'm better and i stop wanting to go back with her). So i think the best solution is to keep away. Thanks for the advice, it was useful. =)

nf: decent and so on and so forth

I'm happy for you.

 

[hyena]

Since when do you, the socialist, anti-capitalist anachronism

if you're not into money, you are not my friend. :Spin::Spin::Spin:

heavy money or no money at all?

 

[Magrathean]

I'm hoping that was a joke. I'd come to respect and like you.

I had some money in a bank account, and my father will regularly put a bit of money into it to help me survive while i'm studying (studying means no time for work, thus i earn no money, thus my father helps me out), but i crashed about a month and a half or two ago and about half the money i had in the bank went down the drain to fix my car, and lately the bank has had some problems and still hasn't registered the last deposit my dad made into my account, so i'm more or less broke.

If that's what you mean by "heavy money or no money at all?". And if not then i have no idea what you mean by that.