The Dirty Limerick Thread

[Morganna]

Ok, I have to go soon but in response to the "interesting thread inside" I'm making one.

It can be any dirty limerick you made up, or your old time favorite. Most of mine are stupid because I make them up and sing them when I clean the house. LOL

But this one is my favorite that my Grandmother told me years ago.



When a man grows old his balls grow cold, and the end of his pecker turns blue,

When he goes to diddle it bends in the middle, does this ever happen to you.

 

[Det Som Engang Var]

There once was a man from Nantucket

With a dick so long he could suck it

I forgot the rest

 

[Morganna]

Oh man! that one is on the tip of my tongue but I can't remember it. Ahh! LOL I hope someone finishes that. It's a classic!

 

[Captain Beard]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"

 

[asdfasdfadsfieieie]

There once was a girl named Alice
Who used dynamite as a phallus
She blew her vagina to north carolina
And the rest of Alice is in Dallas

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"

is that the "actual" rest of that thing? i always thought the gag of it was just that everyone knew the rest of it and it was so bad that the other party just screamed "No!" after someone said the first line.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

okay, so you can blame will for this one ...









was that Nantucket Nectar on his chin?

 

[Dead Winter]

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night he was
On her and off her

Not a limerick, but one of my favs.

 

[Evil Blakey]

There once was a girl from Reno
Who lost all her money on Keno
She laid on her back and opened her crack
And now she owns the casino!

 

[Morganna]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it!"

YES! LOL! That's the one! That was the one I heard anyways. LOL For some reason the Nantucket is a hard one to remember.

I remember Evil B's, but it was a different version. That one is also fragmented in my memory.

I went something like a woman lived in a shack, opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling. I think the woman's name was Fielding. LOL I suffer from can't remember shit syndrome.

 

[Dead Winter]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider and sat down beside her and said,
"What's in the bowl, bitch?"

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

old mother hubbard went to her cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
and when she bent over she got a bone of her own

<3 the diceman

 

[Dead Winter]

Mary Mary, quite contrary
Shave that pussy cuz it's too damn hairy!

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Mary Mary, quite contrary
Shave that pussy cuz it's too damn hairy!

i've been listening to this marilyn manson cd for like 3 hrs and it's got "long hard road out of hell" (one of my fave manson songs) on it (with the lyrics "mary mary, quite contrary/to be young is so scary") so when i first read that i was like "holy shit get out of my brain!"

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man
He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand
Said 'excuse me lady, I'm doing my duty
So pull down your pants and give me some boody

 

[Tide In Mind Out]

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Fucking this cutie pie
Stuck in his thumb, made the bitch cum
Said 'hell of a nigga am I

2 Live Crew

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

thumb, huh?

hmm

 

[Morganna]

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man
He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand
Said 'excuse me lady, I'm doing my duty
So pull down your pants and give me some boody

this one sent me into a laughing fit!
Here is an old one from my childhood. (Yes we sang this shit when we were kids HHAHHAH)
I went down town to get a stick of butter
Saw an old man, shitting in the gutter,
Took a piece of glass, and shoved it up his ass,
Never saw the mother fucker run so fast.

 

[csfdsfdsfdsafdhfe]

There was an old pervert from Notts,
Who loved licking young ladies botts;
Whilst rimming one tart,
She passed a wet fart;
And covered his face in brown spots.

 

[asdfasdfeuhj]

A thrifty old man named McEwing
Inquired, “Why be bothered with screwing?
It’s safer and cleaner
To finger your wiener,
And besides you can see what you’re doing."