The Matrix - Revolutions

[ChiefB]

After all the hype, the red carpets and the famous premieres here in London, I eventually got off my ass to see this picture.

This film is a load of old hairy bollocks.

This film is a special effects feast, which is great for the brain dead and those into nu-Metal. After so many minutes my brain just switched off. Dazzling lights, mechanoids firing at each other and explosions; I know now how an epileptic must feel when subjected to strobe lighting.

The story is fucking arse wipe: The Wachowski brothers have leant on such topics as the Resurrection of Christ, Chinese Mythology, Spiritual understanding; infact just read one of Deepak Chopra's books and this film has it. The story line is so convoluted because they have tried to cram everything in here to make The Matrix as some God like creation and how everyone is preordained with some destiny...excuse me while I fall asleep....yawn.

The final scene has Neo flying around like Superman fighting Agent Smith? I could not believe that I was watching something akin to Superman II - infact Superman II is a better film.

This film just came across like a complete mess and I am so glad that this trilogy is finally over. The Matrix films in my opinion are just pure hype.

I am so glad for films like Kill Bill which blow these massive blockbusters out of the window. It has become so boring to watch special effects

 

[Black Winter Day]

**idea!**



MOVIE REVIEWS AT RC! MORE WORK FOR JAYKEELEY TO DO!

the "epileptic/strobe light" quote is hella-funny, btw

 

[JayKeeley]

MOVIE REVIEWS AT RC! MORE WORK FOR JAYKEELEY TO DO!

Can you imagine? As if we have enough time to even listen to the music we're supposed to review. Having said that, I've always had a secret desire to build a section on gore/horror film reviews, but I guess that should exist on the Royal Carnage sister site (if we were ever to build one).

 

[JayKeeley]

This film is a load of old hairy bollocks.

I feared as much. It was going to be tough to come up with the goods when both parts 2 & 3 were filmed back to back. And since part 2 was monkey turd teggits, part 3 was no doubt going to be gritty anal pubes.

I could not believe that I was watching something akin to Superman II - infact Superman II is a better film.

Yes but part III was the best!

The Matrix films in my opinion are just pure hype.

Well, the first part ruled. They should have just ended it there. It would have eventually hit cult status a la Blade Runner. The sequels have driven into the same zone as "Jurassic Park" and "Phantom Menace".

It has become so boring to watch special effects

Well, as long as people keep going to spend money on movie trash, the film companies will keep greenlighting them. But you're right about CGI - just look at the quality of movies in the 70's compared to today. You'll never see greenlights for the equivalent of The Godfather, All the Presidents Men, The Exorcist, French Connection etc unless they are laced with CGI, nuMetal soundtracks, and starring Will Smith and Cameron Diaz.

 

[Black Winter Day]

btw, here is another review of it from the best website in the universe entitled THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS IS BORING AND SHITTY http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=matrix3

 

[JayKeeley]

btw, here is another review of it from the best website in the universe entitled THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS IS BORING AND SHITTY http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=matrix3[/QUOTE]

*** SPOILER ALERT *** SPOILER ALERT *** WHO THE FUCK CARES? ***

 

[Black Winter Day]

i sure as hell didn't when i read it

 

[JayKeeley]

Heh, "There's something about seeing "bullet-time" special effects in Lebanese music videos that doesn't make it cool anymore".

 

[ChiefB]

Black Winter Day] [/b]the "epileptic/strobe light" quote is hella-funny, btw

Seriously, they had warning signs outside the entrance of the cinema notifying people of the strobing effects. I ignored the notice and boy I am suffering. Maybe I should sue on the grounds that the film was so bad I had a fit !

Yes but part III was the best!

Are you kidding me? The one with Richard Pryor who builds the super computer? Man, even the special effects on that movie was dated for its time - you could even see the dreaded 'white outline' where they had used blue screen filming on the characters. Part 2 Rules - Superman getting his arse kicked by the three black leather bandits was awesome. The ending where the powers are reversed and Zod is commanding Superman to 'Kneel before Sod' - yeah right you wanker, I'll just squeeze your hand and chuck your ass down the crevice...

Heh, "There's something about seeing "bullet-time" special effects in Lebanese music videos that doesn't make it cool anymore".

The bullet time sequences were just tiring to watch. It really does feel like some cunt in the projection room has fallen asleep on the moving reels, thus slowing the film down to a snail's pace. By the way, since when did you sign up for 'Aljerzeera on cable?'

 

[JayKeeley]

I ignored the notice and boy I am suffering.

Probably has little to do with the movie...

Are you kidding me? The one with Richard Pryor who builds the super computer?

Yeah, I tell you why: (a) Richard Pryor is hysterical; (b) he figures out that his company rounds off all paychecks to the nearest dollar and so decides to steal all the loose change - genius!; (c) they try to make red kryptonite but they're missing a key ingredient so Richard Pryor just throws in "tar" for the hell of it; (d) Superman turns bad and fucks around with oil tankers and straightens the leaning Tower of Pisa!!!; (e) it's got none of these gay Krypton rejects flying around in black PVC looking for a quick hand shandy. What, did Terence Stamp need the money?

By the way, since when did you sign up for 'Aljerzeera on cable?'

I was quoting the other site that BWD listed. Man, time to upgrade that 28K modem and join humanity by jumping link to link. Don't you also type out your forum posts in Notepad before cutting and pasting into the thread?

 

[ChiefB]

Man, time to upgrade that 28K modem and join humanity by jumping link to link. Don't you also type out your forum posts in Notepad before cutting and pasting into the thread?

Actually, its a 56k modem !

Oh yeah, up yours smarty pants !

 

[JayKeeley]

Oh yeah, up yours smarty pants !

Ahh, lack of debate implies full agreement from you that Superman III was indeed the best Superman film ever, and that deep down you really liked Superman IV just because it had Nuclear Man.

 

[ChiefB]

Ahh, lack of debate implies full agreement from you that Superman III was indeed the best Superman film ever, and that deep down you really liked Superman IV just because it had Nuclear Man.

Man, I am laughing off my fucking chair reading this thread! I have absolutely no idea how to respond to this debate because I am laughing so hard while I type this dumb email....

Superman II: This is a well rounded story. 1) The bomb which is in the Eifel Tower is ejected by Superman and thrown into space. The reversal is that the shock waves destroy that 'glassy' thing in which the three PVC 'hand shandy perverts' are all snuggled up. 2) The fight scene between Superman and the three leather bandits is just awesome. 3) The fact that Superman gives up his powers for that ugly bint (who ever casted Margot Kidder was definately a dyke - anyone heard of a beautiful woman, not a transexual!) and then later in the bar gets into a knuckle duster of a fight 4) Lex Luther played so well by Gene Hackman, wants to get rich as usual and rule the world makes a deal to deliver Superman to the three plastic turders. 5) The final battle held at 'Solitude' is another great reversal where Superman takes all their powers away - even Margot gets to give that PVC bird a knuckle sandwich.

Can this thread please get any more funnier than this?

 

[JayKeeley]

Superman II: This is a well rounded story. 1) The bomb which is in the Eifel Tower is ejected by Superman and thrown into space. The reversal is that the shock waves destroy that 'glassy' thing in which the three PVC 'hand shandy perverts' are all snuggled up.

I actually thought that bit was gay.

2) The fight scene between Superman and the three leather bandits is just awesome.

I thought that it was cool when they came into town and defeated the national guard. The fight with Superman was also gay, because he cheated by using holograms of himself. He might as well have started pulling their hair and kicking shins. Even Batman wouldn't stoop that low.

3) The fact that Superman gives up his powers for that ugly bint (who ever casted Margot Kidder was definately a dyke - anyone heard of a beautiful woman, not a transexual!)

Exactly. Superman III rules because it has Annette O'Toole playing Lana Lang. Much fitter, and probably takes it up the arse.

and then later in the bar gets into a knuckle duster of a fight

And he loses that fight because without his powers, Clark Kent is gay. And when he gets his powers back (aka takes his viagra), he comes back to the diner to find the guy that beat him up. What does he do to him? Puts him on the bar stool and spins him around until he gets dizzy. Oh woe is me. The pain, the pain.

4) Lex Luther played so well by Gene Hackman, wants to get rich as usual and rule the world makes a deal to deliver Superman to the three plastic turders.

Yes but Gene Hackman just played the same role from part 1. Superman III had Robert fucking Vaughn man! Robert Vaughn - the man from UNCLE!!! For fucks sake, he was one of the Magnificent Seven. And he had a fit blonde side kick. Who did Gene Hackman have? Old fat squealy boy from Deliverance. Here piggy piggy.

5) The final battle held at 'Solitude' is another great reversal where Superman takes all their powers away - even Margot gets to give that PVC bird a knuckle sandwich.

The final fight in Superman III against the supercomputer hidden in the desert is so much cooler. The computer even turns that she-bitch into a mechanoid borg.

Can this thread please get any more funnier than this?

Isn't Superman II the one where gayboy flies to Africa to pick flowers for his dinner date in the Fortress of Solitude with Lois Lane?

Superman III, flyboy turned evil, developed a split personality that literally, er, split, and ended up having to fight himself in the car junkyard. Now that was a good fight.

Superman III is like the ring that rules them all. Superman II is the deformed hobbit with flat feet.

 

[NAD]

Well apparently this thread dipped into Superman territory, but I didn't open it until I actually watched the 3rd Matrix movie, which was right now.

Well, the first part ruled. They should have just ended it there.

Yep. Matrix movies: 1st >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 2nd > 3rd

 

[lumitalvi]

We were just talking about this film with some friends and thought we could watch the last final (hypehypehype) battle in slow motion, so the "fun" would last EVEN longer. Then there would be the time for noose or just plainly a shotgun.

Do I even have to say that the first one would´ve had to leave as it was.

 

[J.]

still haven't seen it, though I plan to. will probably try to rent it tomorrow, since I have GOod Friday off. (oops sorry, it's know as Spring Holiday here. we don't want to offend anybody, you know.)

 

[En Vind Av Sorg]

btw, here is another review of it from the best website in the universe entitled THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS IS BORING AND SHITTY http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=matrix3

DAMMIT. I was just going to post that too.

 

[Demonspell]

Revolutions = shit. The story is no longer fascinating and the spiritual allegories have become far too obvious, the ending was incredibly stupid and anticlimactic, and watching robots beat on each other for a full half-hour is indeed mindless Hollywood "entertainment" that only a mook could get any pleasure watching.

 

[JayKeeley]

I think I'd rather watch Superman IV.