I guess I have a lot of shit to whine about, mostly regarding my health.
On sunday I was having beers after work and after a sixth one, at 21:30, my dictor calls and tells me that there's place for me in the hospital so they can do some shit to me under narcosis and I was waiting for that for two or three months so I said ok. So I went to the hospital right in the morning and spent the first three days of this whore moon in a hospital. I wanted to fucking work on my school shit but no, let's fucking chill in a fucking hospital that's not even in Prague it's in some shithole where I have to take a fucking train to get there.
I like trains though. The train I took there was named after Franz Kafka and the train I took back was named after Karel Čapek. There's now wifi and electricity sockets in the trains so I'm thinking about taking my girlfriend on some trip later when I'm healthier. Who needs a fucking car if you can watch stuff on a train together.
They took my blood and did all kinds of shit because of the narcosis and the anesthesiologist was definitely a gay buddy poo he was writing some shit down and in the end asked "do you understand when I say examination of anus?". Well I fucking hope I do brother. Later right before I was injected the sleepy stuff in a gynecological position the anesthesiologist asked me to tell him what they're gonna do to me, they need to hear this to ensure I know what's happening or something, I don't know, and I said "examination of the anus" and he laughed. Goddamit brother, don't laugh yo.
There were three old fagets ridden with a colorful disease spectrum driving me crazy in my room. One farted one burped, the other one kept fucking bothering the nurses and shit. One farted the second said "that's nice" and the third said "that's terrible" and there went another fucking minute of my life ruined. Time is running in the waste for fucks sake. Nurse comes in the evening and he asks her some sleazy bullshit. "Are you gonna sleep tonight girl?" She says yes sure buddy, "Are you gonnu sleep like a fox?" She doesn't know what that means but it basically means that she will sleep with a tail in between her legs.
This guy had what he remarkably called a traveller's testicle. Basically his testicle turned large as fuck and it was really firm and it started going somewhere I don't know where, I think it left his scrotum and went on a walk into his belly or something. That's what you get for having a mustache anyway you old shit. Have a nice day you gangrenous motherfucker.
Well anyway, doctor did some shit in my ass while I was asleep and afterwards he told me he didn't have the right machine there to do what he wanted so we would repeat the examination when I'm awake so he can take biopsy and take pictures for whatever reason and stuff. So I was like, ok, so I get raped in the ass twice once in my sleep and then fully conscious. But that's not all. Basically I had to buy some dildos (this will sound like I'm making it up on the go but trust me), some medical dildoes and I will have to insert them in my asshole at home rather regularly. I didn't know this was a thing until now, but it made me convert from my very gnostic atheism to some other parts of the spectrum. I just fucking think that when your health condition requires you to painfully peg yourself then it means there's a fucking buddy pal god in the skies having a masturbation session. He went "here we have little Onder, he would love to lead a straightforward and peaceful heterosexual life with his pretty and intelligent girlfriend and he thinks he's so fucking clever so why don't we make him fuck himself in the ass?" so here I go.
My mother bought me the dildo today. I didn't feel like doing it myself. She comes back from the medical props shop and says "I have no idea why it's so expensive" and I feel her, it's just a plastic peg, but hey, dildos are expensive. My girlfriend's dildo apparently costs a little over 1000 czk but that one vibrates and has like three gears and shit, my dildo just stretches my inflamed ass so I'm in more pain.
I was in the pub yesterday with my girlfriend. She has some low blood pressure issues and not even beer helps her so sometimes her head starts spinning and she falls on things. Especially during her period. Once a month I see her with bruises and I'm like who, and she says she just fell on some furniture.
I would like to find some positive things in my life because I feel the light of hope gleaming inside but there's not much left and I'm just fucking tired. I have two 12h shifts this weekend and I should really just stay at home and sleep but I just have to go there. My butt hurts. I need to wake up at 4:10AM and I need to do school work at my actual work. I mean, seriously, goddamit.
Positive things in my life:
1) I bought some cheap ass canned fish with mustard sauce. It's rubbish food but I'm all in for the mustard sauce game.
2) I almost completely changed the music on my iPod so now I will listen to all fresh shit on my way to work.
3) Err. I'm in bed right now, I guess I could also be sleeping under a bridge freezing to death and bleeding or something.
It's the small things in life I suppose.
!
