I’m going to be perfectly blunt: you will not want to read this review to find a band to check out. You don’t want to listen to At Vance. I understand, people have different opinions and such, but seriously… no. Any further reading should be for entertainment value only. Fair warning.
This is truly some of the shittiest power metal I’ve ever heard. I used to own discs by Steel Attack, Pegazus, and a few other bottom of the barrel, pure shit power metal acts, but none of them compare to At Vance. I’ll admit, I own a few Blind Guardian discs, have a pair of Gamma Ray albums (no wait… their latest three), even went ahead and helped myself to a good portion of Sonata Arctica’s discography. There is some quality stuff in there, albeit cheesy as fuck and borderline homosexual. I’m surprised HammerFall’s “Glory to the brave” doesn’t come packaged with a dildo to stick up your ass while listening to epic tales of slaying dragons and the glory of fallen warriors. But yes, even HammerFall is better than At Vance.
The music is bad, generic power metal. Mostly midpaced, lots of hard rock vibes here and plenty of solos that are ultimately unmemorable. No need to explore much further because if you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it millions of times. That’s bad enough, but then they have the vocals. Hooooly fuck, the vocals. Honestly, it sounds like a mix of Jörn Lande and Michael Bolton. That’s right folks, Michael Fucken Bolton.
“Why should I change my name? He’s the one who sucks.”
You want to hear Michael Bolton? Check out “Shiver”, one of the three ballads. Yeah, I know. There’s only 10 songs and 3 are ballads. Anyway, “Shiver” has the total Michael Bolton feel. I fully expect him to amend the vocals live “Shiiiveerrrr…......WHEN A MAAAAAAAAN LOVES A WOOOOMAAANNN!!!” Then there’s “Answer me”. How about you answer the phone guys? It’s Nelson, and they want their gay back. And speaking of gay, “Lost in your love”... fucking hell. I almost want to upload this song just so people can hear how fucking bad it is.
Ken, hurry with the cover art review so the hurting can stop!
“Epica has no boobs. We offer 4.”
And nothing else needs to be said. Sorry… I just can’t go on. I’ve listened to the album a number of times now and there’s just nothing else to say.
1st place in the shitty adult contemporary vocalist contest out of 10 contestants.