51 Rules for a Power Metal fan to avoid being labeled as gay

eternalhours said:
I hate it when people say certain musical genres 'suck'. Its music, right? There are people in the world that like it, right? We can't all have the same taste in music.

I hate it when tot's like you don't have a sense of humour.
Some of them are very funny but most are just gay-obsessed and I don't find gay funny at all. I prefer not to bother with them IMO.
I like most music, if the melodies are good and the musicians kick ass then I like it. I don't care about the names pretty much :p :Spin:
Power metal is one of the few styles of music where the musicians actually have singing/instrumental ability. Playing fast guitar solos isn't easy and neither is hitting such high notes. That's not to say I don't like other styles of metal, sometimes the more extreme styles are good for venting out aggression but if you look at it from a musical point of view it doesn't take much to do cookie monster growls.
And one more thing... there is obviously a perception by some narrow minded dickheads that power metal is gay music. I'm a girl and I'm into power metal, fantasy worlds, mythologies, dragons, elves, hobbits and stuff like that, so does that make me a lesbian?
Rules For The Novice Power Metal Band (written by ME of course)

1. Always maintain your favorite album is Helloween - Keeper of the Seven Keys Pt. II, in interviews and everywhere else. When asked about the newer Helloween, maintain that they'll never get better then Keeper II.

2. Your frontman is influenced by two singers: Michael Kiske and Bruce Dickinson. Nobody else. EVER.

3. You are from Germany, Italy, or Sweden. Even if you're from 'effin Canada you are still from Germany, Italy, or Sweden.

4. Claim that because you are from Germany, Italy, or Sweden that 'the melodic Metal' runs in your blood.

5. You like ManOwaR, even if you're smart enough to realize they suck. DON'T ARGUE!

6. ManOwaR are the Kings of Metal, and you are the new Saviours of Metal. Again, DON'T ARGUE.

7. While we're on that subject ALWAYS capitalize the first letter of Metal.

8. Metal doubles as a person or deity, how else do you think there are Metal Kings or Metal Gods?

9. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have an album intro.

10. At least three songs must contain the word "holy"

11. At least two songs must contain the word "metal"

12. Remember, no intro, no p0wer.

13. Remember, no loosely tied concept album, even less p0wer.

14. Let's avoid spelling it like "p0wer".

15. Avoid referring to your band as Power Metal altogether. You are the Saviours of the Melodic Metal.

16. If you don't have a song called Wings of Destiny, write one.

17. If your singer has no accent, get him one.

18. Change members of your band every other album at MOST.

19. Make sure the new members are from another Power Metal band.

20. Make sure the other members of that Power Metal band have been in 5 or more other Power Metal bands before.

21. Tommy Hansen will produce your albums, now and forever.

22. Play no more then 5 shows in the U.S.A. your entire career.

23. Every other album must be a "return to the roots, combined with elements of the newer style", and sound exactly the same as the last album.

24. Only play with keyboardists from a "neoclassical" background. It helps if they've played with Yngwie.

25. Make sure your debut has split-environment cover art.

26. You believe in God and gods all at the same time. Make this known in your lyrics.

27. No Double Bass Drumming = No Power Metal!!!!!!

28. Noise Records is your friend. Remember this.

29. Appear on at least 5 tribute albums throughout your career.

30. Thank every Power Metal band in existence in your liner notes.

31. Look ugly.

32. Make sure at least 3 members of your band have side projects.

33. These side projects must also have songs on tribute albums. (see rule 29)

34. If your writing becomes stagnant, move away from medival fantasy and into outer space.

35. Dress up as either "Templars" or "Warriors" in promo photos. No other persona will suffice.

36. Get Kai Hansen or Piet Sielk to guest on your album. Preferably both.

And I LOVE power metal. :Spin: