A question.

[OctoberVision]

Do you people think that in a relationship, it's normal to begin to wonder about being with other people once things get to the point where they level out and become comfortable?

For example..I've been with my current girlfriend for a little over four months now. Not long really..but long enough for things to calm down and level out. The giddy, thrilling excitement isn't there as much..and I always thought that was normal. I'm not saying that it's GONE by any stretch of the imagination, but it's just slightly reduced.

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend told me last night that she'd been feeling really guilty for the past three weeks because she's sort of had feelings for somebody else. Not strong feelings she said..but enough to make her doubt her relationship with me. I'm her first experience with these sort of things, and I can see how that might be confusing.

The whole conversation was terribly dramatic and drawn out, but in the end she decided to stay with me, because I still make her happy.

I feel sort of silly about posting this, but I guess I'd like some other people's opinions on the situation. I really don't know how to feel about it. I'm afraid the same thing is just going to happen again in a week, but on the other hand, I really don't want to lose her. Although four months is really only a short time in the grand scheme of things, it's been the best four months of my life.

 

[MacMoney]

I've wondered about this question too. I've been in a relationship for two years and I was happy just until the last couple of months. But recently... I just don't know.

 

[Misanthrope]

Im sorry to hear that but from personal experience i can say that there is not much you can do. Give her a little space if you want, or keep the relationship like it is but in the end she will come to realize what she really wants...it might not be pleasant at times for you but is well worth it specially if you have strong feelings for her..

 

[Blackspirit]

Originally posted by OctoberVision
Do you people think that in a relationship, it's normal to begin to wonder about being with other people once things get to the point where they level out and become comfortable?

For example..I've been with my current girlfriend for a little over four months now. Not long really..but long enough for things to calm down and level out. The giddy, thrilling excitement isn't there as much..and I always thought that was normal. I'm not saying that it's GONE by any stretch of the imagination, but it's just slightly reduced.

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend told me last night that she'd been feeling really guilty for the past three weeks because she's sort of had feelings for somebody else. Not strong feelings she said..but enough to make her doubt her relationship with me. I'm her first experience with these sort of things, and I can see how that might be confusing.

I am going through the same thing right now, just that I am the girl.
My boyfriend is my first one (I've had some other boyfriends,
but then I was much younger and didn't take it the way I do now),
and I find myself thinking about other people as well...
I am not falling in love with others, and I'm not willing to leave my
beloved (it's been 1.5 years now!) but the feeling of just having
falled in love...the exitement.... it's gone and you sort of miss it....
But right now I am feeling very comfortable with the one I love...
I know him, but know that there are more things to find out about him,
and I want to know everything. I also feel that I have a lot more to share with him.

Some days I get the feeling of just having falled in love again....
Nothing special has to happen for me to feel that way, the feelings just come....
But I'd like to give you some advise OctoberVision;
If you really want to keep this girl you could try to do things that
both you and her liked when you first got together...
Dunno what you used to have in common, maybe going out somewhere?
For me it was getting cute postcards and e-mails and the fulloflove hug )
And another thing --> never stop touching eachother...
Don't stop having skincontact... Kuddling is the best thing ever! ))

 

[Evisceratrix]

i think its important to be wary of the giddy feelings that come with beginning a relationship and not to set your ideas of/standards for a person to high-

cause this isnt always the case- but it's often true that all that happiness and the "oh theyre so wonderful!" feelings are the result of a psychological projection-seeing what you want to see in someone, instead of really seeing them...so i think it is definatlely normal to wonder about being with someone after things 'level out' because your getting a more realistic view of what your into.

but then, you also have to hope that the person isnt just fickle.

good luck!

 

[Russell]

For me, I have wondered about what it would be like to go out with otherpeople,but every time I think about it just makes me realise more hwlucky I am....

So I think it is natural, and I don't think it should be a mojar thing really, unles one of you makes it....

I agree with blackspirit here cuddling rocks (she opbviously hasn't discovered the power of the word"huggle yet" )

(and does ne1 else like the way she writes her posts- they flow nicely - they all seem to be - not in prose )

 

[Lina]

It's unrealistic to think that the excitement of a new relationship will last with one person forever. But hopefully, it will be replaced with something even deeper -- a knowledge that there's one person who truly understands you, knows everything about you, is always there for you, etc.

People are ready to trade one type of relationship for another at different ages. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, which is rare since it's the first serious relationship for both of us. But we're still going strong, and the time has just flown by.

If this is your first relationship, it's natural to doubt your feelings after those initial butterflies are gone. But if your bond is stronger than just physical attraction, hopefully she'll realize there's nothing better than the comfort and security of knowing she's dating her best friend. But she simply may not be ready for a long-term relationship at her age. At least you two are able to talk openly about it.

 

[Russell]

Originally posted by Lina
But she simply may not be ready for a long-term relationship at her age. At least you two are able to talk openly about it.

Idon't think age has a large effect - i think its maturity. I know a couple who have been together 4 years and they are 17 - young, but its a long relationship, and serious. So while age affects maturity, I don't think its always the case...

 

[transfixed]

this thread is depressing :s

 

[Malaclypse]

yep, but i'd also say things calm down and get different after a few months. the time really depends on how often you see each other during the week, how much you talk on the phone etc.
of course you can't always have this up-feeling you have when freshly fallen in love. you just have to realize it won't be always this way, and if you know that it's gonna happen, you are better prepared. you surely don't have to quit your relationship (i did that once, which turned out to be rather silly afterwards), just try to take it as a fact, maybe as you would take getting older... there's nothing you can do about it.
sure, all those of you who recently fell in love won't agree with me. make the best out of it.