Your relatship with your mom

[CladInDarkness]

I don't think this thread has been done so I'm gonna start it. What is your relationship with your mom or your parents. My parents have divorced and now i mainly stay with my mom. I still see my dad he takes me places and stuff, just about once every week or 2 weeks.
I hate my mom, I really really do. She drives me insane. Since, she has ocd its ok for her to do whatever she wants. She uses it as a crutch. If I don't like something about her and I ask her maybe i she could change se just goes off saying well ima human being you should just accept me for that. For example, lately she has been burping. She does it constantly too i swear, and im not exaggerating shed do it about 2 or 3 times a minute with a rest here and there. I asked her if she could do something abou it but what do i get " im only a human being" crap.
Another thing she does that really bothers me is that, I'm gonna be 17 tomorrow and she still treats me like im 10. I get things done, i dont bother anyone, and i dont interfere with anyone. Why cant she let me be and do as i wish. I have no idea but she thinks im out of control and i dont listen to her. which is not true i may not listen to her much but im not out of control. So she think she has to prove to herself that she is in charge but setting some stupid rules like what time im supposed to go to bed. She get these dumb moods wings too. She drives me insane i tell you!

 

[CladInDarkness]

i also dont like when im talking and it just pauses while im talking and i end up with words like relatship bah you know what i mean relationship

 

[Morningrise]

Happy Birthday first of all!
It dosn't suprise me that you would post something like this man...
My parents are actually pretty cool, of course they treat me a lot younger than I am, but thats the way parents are man, they still want you to the child they rose. It is very hard for them to grow out of it, maybe metalman could let us know. I am able to talk to my parents about anything from music, to maybe even personal stuff, which is very hard to do though. I act very unusual in front of them to, and they have fun with it, its prtty fun sometimes. My dad has a horrible temper though, and both of my parents are very anal. I find myself arguing a lot because I don't agree with a lot of their house hold ideas, but what teenager does. I don't think you should say you hate your mom, of course you could resent her, and have no respect, but think about saying you hate someone that rose you....

 

[CladInDarkness]

Well, you know a lot more of what has happened then what i posted. The thing is I basically taught and rose myself plus i get a lot of ideas from my dad. Me and my mom disagree on everything and she hasnt taught me a damn thing. If she would have id be a selfish arrongant conceited sob (which to me i technically am, well the last part). Not one thing do i share in common with her. I think completely differently then what she does and im glad i do. i would hate to be anywhere similar to her.

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

I posted my thoughts about my parents in the abortion thread, if you are interested hunt it down, i'm too lazy to hunt it down and post it myself.

 

[bleedingskeptic]

ha, cladindarkness, your mom sounds just like my mom, right down to the burping. does yours hate opeth and all your music too? mine actually tried to throw out my opeth cds once!!! and mine has all this religious self righteousness to her. fun stuff...well, not really.

 

[CladInDarkness]

yes bleeding she hates my music. She says i should play good music, she listens to crap like prince and hanson bah. and she preaches too me all the damn time

 

[MetalManCPA]

First I'll answer the posted question : I get along with my Mom OK. But I notice as she gets older (closing in on 70), she becomes more of a child. She is book smart, but not street smart. She doesn't fully understand me, or some of the issues we all face today. She pretty much stays at home, and plays role playing games on the computer. We argue, but we get over it. I've always had good family relations - but lately more with my Dad. With this past years issues with my daughter - my Dad understands things more. My mom tries to use logic on everything - it just doesn't work. She has great difficulty seeing outside the lines.

I'm looking forward to more answers from teenagers on this thread. With my kids as old as a lot of you (18 & 16), I like to see how kids view their parents. I was a kid once - I had those same teenager feelings about my parents - over-bearing, bossy, too many rules, "not fair", not understanding me. But now I am on the other side of the coin, and I realize at that point in my life, I didn't understand what it was like to be a parent. That was in the 70's - this day and age is way more screwed up, and it's much more difficult to be a parent.

I have my way of being a parent (and my wife is like me - we parent the same - believe in the same things). My job is to guide my kids - help them find the yellow brick road, then send them on their way and cross my fingers. I can't rule their lives - they are individuals. I can only teach them what I believe is right and wrong - teach them to be moral, use judgement, learn values - be human. As a kid - your worries are your educational and social growth. You have to learn to get along in this messed up world - battling through mixed signals - those of your parents, your peers, the media, and the knowledge of what goes on in this world. It sucks being a kid today - more so then when I was a kid.

But I, as a parent, have my things to worry about. I have to make a living, to best support my family, and give them as much as I can. This world is full of comparisons - I try to give my kids enough so other kids don't look down on them (and it's a pathetic thing to have to deal with). Why should a kid suffer because he's wearing an $8 pair of K-Mart sneakers while other kids wear $50 Nikes? I have to deal with that kind of shit. I have my own inner demons that effect my parenting. For instance - I have this stupid notion that I've worked hard, and have earned my way to a decent home. I come home at night, and in my mind, all I want is a few minutes alone with the wife - with no kids. I've been bringing up kids for 18-years, so for some dumb reason I think I have the right to feel that the kids should be in bed so I can jhave a few quiet minutres. When I don't get it (and I usually don't), it bothers me. So I get effected by some dumb thing, then maybe snap at the kids to go to bed. You, as the kid, don't know that - you just see a parent snapping and being restrictive. It's that kind of crap that always keeps the gap between parents and kids. All the other pressures - of work, money, etc., effect me as a parent. I am not the best communicator with my family - but I bet most families are the same. So the kid forms this opinion of an over-bearing non-understanding parent - while at the same time the parent thinks the kids show no respect. Viscious cycle - isn't it?

I believe mostly all of you love your parents (this is a generalization). If you've suffered some real crap - then this might not be true. I'm just talking from my eyes. I know my kids love me. I know they think we're pretty cool. But I also know they think we set unfair rules around the house - don't give them enough freedom, etc. It's not about wanting the kid to stay a kid - it's really more out of fear. How can I not fear this world? I have 20 more years experience dealing with this world then my kids (or a lot of you), and whether you believe it or not, that really makes a difference. In parents eyes - kids think they know too much. Maybe we over-fear the world - but it's the instinct of being a parent. I can't stop it. I love my kids - I want to protect them as well as send them off into the world. It's a contradictory struggle we parents deal with every day, and I don't think all kids really understand this.

Hopefully I haven't babbled too much - and have somehow let you see things through my eyes.

 

[Analog_Kid]

My situation's a bit unusual. My Mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclorosis when I was four. Within a year she was completely unable to walk. She also developed a addiction to prescription drugs,(Darvon, Darvacet, Xanax, to name but a few). By the time I was seven, my Dad filed for divorce. I was there when the cops showed up and served my Mom with the papers. Very ugly scene. Dad got custody of me in the settlement. I got to see my Mom for six weeks in the Summer and also every other Christmas. At the time, I hated my Dad because he wouldn't cave-in to my every whim as my Mom would. Dad and I had a tough time co-existing alone for several years.

In 1984, when I was eleven, I was spending Christmas with my Mom. Six years of doing nothing but lying in bed and doing drugs finally caught up with her. Two days before Christmas, I went in to my Mother's room to wake her up and she was dead. It's a image that has stuck with me every day since then. I'd like to say that we actually had any kind of relationship before her death but it's hard to get to know a person who stays wasted during every waking hour. My Dad says that I have many of her creative and humanitarian qualities that she had before all of that happened. I wish I could have known her better.

The following Summer, my Dad re-married. It took several years for me to get adjusted to my Step-Mom. Aside from that, by the time I hit sixteen, Dad and I established the incredible relationship we have today. We genuinley bonded and became not just Father and Son but something closer to brothers. He's still my best friend to this day and is the most unique individual I have ever known. Ask me any day and I'll tell you: Dad rules!

Both my parents,(my Dad and my Step-Mom) have always supported me in my music too. You know how most parents freak when their kid starts to grow his hair long and listen to Metal? Well, I started listening to Metal when I was six, Dad never had a problem with it. When I grew my hair, no problem. I was just always encouraged to be myself and forge my own path. My parents never interfered. The only time my folks ever get on my case is when I'm NOT actively pursuing my musical career. Imagine that! We did, however, have to endure a lot of extreme emotional hell to get to where we are now.

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

I take for granted how nice my parents are. They don't make me do anything, and they don't interfere with my (lack of a) life. My parents have never heard the music I listen to, she thought the Opeth logo was pretty though. I do my thing, my parents do their thing, if we happen to run into each other we'll say something. My mom is pretty cool, she understands me decently, she doesn't do a bunch of overprotective stuff or anything. My dad can get on my nerves, he is really nice and cool though. He just tries to be a "good dad", which pisses me off often. He thinks making "funny" comments will make me stop doing stuff. Example, I stay in my room all day, and when I finally decide to go downstairs for a while, as soon as he sees me he'll say something like "He's alive!" or "He came out of his cave" Yeah, that will get me to not want to go back in my "cave". He also does this annoying thing where he buys stuff he has no need for, and he won't use it. When I was into paintball he bought a gun twice as good as mine, which I thought it'd be cool if he played, but he NEVER played paintball ONE time, not ONCE, the gun sits in the cabinet UNUSED, my friends always would say "Why don't you use your dad's RT" And more recently, he's bought a Camaro, wow, what a good use of your money. I always get asked by my friends "Why doesn't your dad use his Camaro", so fucking annoying. I once heard someone point to my dad's garage and say "That guy has like four vipers in there". He has a bunch of old cars from the mid 60's, that he rarely uses. He doesn't drive it more than once a month either, it just sits in the garage wasting space with the cover on it. Also, I pretty much live upstairs, there are four rooms up here, mine, my brother's, the bathroom, and my dad's "office". It wouldn't bother me if he used the thing, but he doesn't. It's larger than my room, it is a better room, and he never uses it, and he doesn't want me putting any of my stuff in there, bleh. Other than some complaints, I like my parents though, my parents never lose their temper at me, and they don't make me do anything. This fits my lifestyle of doing nothing very well

EDIT: After reading over this, it may be hard to see why I get mad at him for buying worthless stuff and not using it. It's not like it bothers me personally, but like... everyone always gets on MY case for my dad wasting his money on stuff he doesn't use. Same with the office "Mike, why don't you use the office, geez", it's hard to explain to people how my dad is with his stuff, it still confuses me

(Yeah I know I said I was too lazy to say anything, but I felt like venting.)

 

[slingblade]

well. i don't know all the facts, you may have a real legitimate beef here, with the way you've been raised. true, it is really up to you to be your own person, be the person you are and the one you think you should be. like i said, i don't know all the facts so i can only go so far with this. but another thing you have to keep in consideration, you only have one mother, and one father. and the fact that they split, and your with your mom, that really puts a lot of pressure on her. to do the best job she can raising you. now she feels if anything bad happens other adults, mainly your father might see this as her fault. i'm sure regardless of what goes on, she really does love you and in her own way is doing the best she can. i myself have lost my father, and my mother is truly my best friend. i fear losing her. just whatever you do or say, try to think of things from her side too. i wouldn't let the LITTLE things bother you so much. parents can get real freaked out and overanalyze things too. its a lot of stress i'm sure. i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about do i? sorry.

 

[Morningrise]

To metalmancpa...
I really looked forward to seeing your response on this, oviously because you are in the same age range as my parents, who are 48 and 49. I really and truly respect you for many things you have said, especially a while back you said how you can't over rule your childs decision if you don't know what they are doing in their life, I never really thought about it, and thought it was a extremely responsible and bold statement. Also having you here, learning and paying attention to what you say has really made me notice things about my life, with my parents in particular. I have learned to respect my parents a lot more, and to respect my life and my actions. It really affects a 15 year old discussing personal and deep issues with a 41 year old, even though we don't directly discuss many things, I pay a lot of attention to you for the extreme amount of respect that I have. Anyways I guess I sound pretty fucking corny, oh well, thanks papa opeth!

 

[E V I L]

Children cry over spilled milk *literally*.

But teenagers?

So your mom is an ass. No, parents are not perfect- many of them are just older version of teenagers- naive, stupid, full of flaws.

I used to get whipped by my drunken father- I had whelts so big on my ass you could lay coffed cups on them. No, I'm not as abused and tormented as I make it out. I handled my father, put the bitch in check. But it's true. I have had friends who had the worst and most childish of parents- in some cases seriously fucked up. And I know kids who grew up with their grandparents who have had a great deal many more peeves than you'll ever be able to dig from your mom. (I still have visions of an acquaintance/friend getting into a championship fist fight with his dad one day outside in a park- his dad won of course with swift punches and round houses. )

Sorry if this post seems bellicose (damn I'm a rapper ) but can you see where I'm coming from? how it seems some teenagers are more likely to "whine" and cry over spilled milk, and not realize it? The only thing that's painful, in truth, is your naivety. (Damn again, sorry, don't mean to be too offensive though it sounds like it. I need to take a course on social graces or something.)

Hope things get better!

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

We sound like smurfs calling him papa Opeth

"Thank you Papa Opeth, that was a very Opethy argument you had there, Bleaky and I are going to go pick Opethberries today, is that okay if we go Papa Opeth?"

If you haven't ever watched Smurfs, I probably just sound insane

 

[CladInDarkness]

Well, my mom doesnt act like a parent at all. She sits on her ass all day and does nothing. You know how some of you hate those that leech off the govt. and such well thats my mom. Since she has Ocd she cant do anything (which is all an excuse). She gts social security and now applied for welfare, all the while talking with my dad about getting a fur coat. She has been in jail for stealing too(only one night but still) She doesnt teach me anything. I read oyos post in the abortion thread and i can relate to that too. Its basically the same thing. My mom doesnt try to teach me anything. just rule over me, hell i would love the guidance metalman but i dont get it. My mom is a lazy slob that lays in bed all day! and i dont think that is right.

Analog kid, ah that really sucks about your mother. I'm sorry to hear that she passed away like that and especially that you had found her.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by Morningrise
To metalmancpa...
I really looked forward to seeing your response on this, oviously because you are in the same age range as my parents, who are 48 and 49. I really and truly respect you for many things you have said, especially a while back you said how you can't over rule your childs decision if you don't know what they are doing in their life, I never really thought about it, and thought it was a extremely responsible and bold statement. Also having you here, learning and paying attention to what you say has really made me notice things about my life, with my parents in particular. I have learned to respect my parents a lot more, and to respect my life and my actions. It really affects a 15 year old discussing personal and deep issues with a 41 year old, even though we don't directly discuss many things, I pay a lot of attention to you for the extreme amount of respect that I have. Anyways I guess I sound pretty fucking corny, oh well, thanks papa opeth!

Thank-you

And in the same fashion - I look forward to what other kids like yourself (not just my own) have to say. I see my kids in a vacuum - a world myself and my wife have created for them. They look to us first - then outside for growth. Honestly - this forum, with varying kids with varying backgrounds gives me a broader perpective on the issues I as a parent need to be wary of. As difficult as it is being a kid - it's just as difficult (but in a different way) being an adult, but especially a parent. I want to prepare my kids the best I can to face the world on their own - so hearing it directly from other kids as opposed to a news story is way more informative.

So I thank-you in return.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by Oyo
We sound like smurfs calling him papa Opeth

"Thank you Papa Opeth, that was a very Opethy argument you had there, Bleaky and I are going to go pick Opethberries today, is that okay if we go Papa Opeth?"

If you haven't ever watched Smurfs, I probably just sound insane

I loved the Smurfs - watched them every Saturday growing up!

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

Nah, my mom doesn't rule over me. She just understands that I don't need her being all Motherish. She works as a substitute teacher, and she does a bunch of stuff, and has friends etc. She has her own life, and it doesn't involve hassling me. I guess I didn't explain this very well in my previous posts, I probably made my parents out to be bums, I guess

 

[Jannet]

My relationship with my mother is very close NOW. It was horrendous when I was a teen-ager. I was very nasty to her, abusive, disrespectful, etc. I'm glad those days are over. We had a really great talk one day in my mid-20's, I finally realized what an ass I had been to her, very unappreciative of all she had done for me. We cried, hugged, and I vowed to always love her and never hurt her again. Now she's my mother and very best friend (It took 25 years though, but at least we made up and now we're doing well).

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by metalmancpa


I loved the Smurfs - watched them every Saturday growing up!

What? They existed in 1930's too?

(i'm actually amazed, though. I grew up watching them. The cold saturday mornings.. the sloppy breakfast cereal, and me full of wonder and musings.. aww the good ol, good ol.)