Your relatship with your mom

[Morningrise]

i wish i talked more to my parents about shit when i was a teen. could've saved me a lot of grief......

Well I usually dont go to my parents, I have to my mom and she really helped me a lot. But if I am sad I feel obliged to not show it because I don't really feel I can talk to them about much, it is very hard to get the guts to say "Mom, I have to talk about something with you..." All that shit on Tv about "talk to your kids" its such crap, it is a lot harder than anyone could imagine unless put in that situation. I am usually alone, I don't have many friends, but I have a few special people in my life that i can go to.

 

[slingblade]

Originally posted by Morningrise


Well I usually dont go to my parents, I have to my mom and she really helped me a lot. But if I am sad I feel obliged to not show it because I don't really feel I can talk to them about much, it is very hard to get the guts to say "Mom, I have to talk about something with you..." All that shit on Tv about "talk to your kids" its such crap, it is a lot harder than anyone could imagine unless put in that situation. I am usually alone, I don't have many friends, but I have a few special people in my life that i can go to.

my point exactly, it is hard but if you can work to form a bond with your parents in your teens, (which i failed to even really try) believe me, no one could want to help you more. be more honest. its rare but it can and would be a great asset.

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by Morningrise


Well I usually dont go to my parents, I have to my mom and she really helped me a lot. But if I am sad I feel obliged to not show it because I don't really feel I can talk to them about much, it is very hard to get the guts to say "Mom, I have to talk about something with you..." All that shit on Tv about "talk to your kids" its such crap, it is a lot harder than anyone could imagine unless put in that situation. I am usually alone, I don't have many friends, but I have a few special people in my life that i can go to.

I'm always wishing that my daughter would come and talk when feeling distressed. It's got to be so hard though. I know she's used the word embarassed - of course, we the parents don't see why she should feel embarassed to tell us anything, but that fear factor in her must tie her up in knots.

Of course I think opening up would help - but easy for me to say.

 

[CladInDarkness]

She won't bother to get help, she wont help herself. She just uses her illness as a crutch and an excuse.

Metalman if you dont mind me asking, does your dauhter have a mental disease? what were her reasons for doing so?

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by metalmancpa


Mental illness is so damn complicated - no solution, but you can only hope to help the person control their inner demons.

metalmancpa,

Isn't this being defeatist? I don't mean to pry but why wouldn't there be a solution? I know psychiatry is "iffy" but I happen to believe there is a solution to every problem. Perhaps your daughter's is just a phase?

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by CladInDarkness
She won't bother to get help, she wont help herself. She just uses her illness as a crutch and an excuse.

Metalman if you dont mind me asking, does your dauhter have a mental disease? what were her reasons for doing so?

Yes - it's a real illness. She spent from May - Oct in/out of inpateinet hospitals, outpatient day treatment, and residential treatment.

She's on medication #14, has had therapy from all directions. It is diagnosed as chemical. Her reasons? Depression - a loss of a will to live. I could write pages on this - but I'm not going to get into a weakness discussion. It's not all about being weak - it's many things combined - various factors.

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by CladInDarkness
She won't bother to get help, she wont help herself. She just uses her illness as a crutch and an excuse.

CladInDarkness,

Do you think you should as a typical teenager resent it? Or should rather be more loving and forgiving towards her?

postedit: it's a two-way street. And teenagers sometimes forget their own duties- that is to be more patient- the fact that parents need love too (to be cliche about it)

 

[slingblade]

Originally posted by metalmancpa


Yes - it's a real illness. She spent from May - Oct in/out of inpateinet hospitals, outpatient day treatment, and residential treatment.

She's on medication #14, has had therapy from all directions. It is diagnosed as chemical. Her reasons? Depression - a loss of a will to live. I could write pages on this - but I'm not going to get into a weakness discussion. It's not all about being weak - it's many things combined - various factors.

my best wishes papa..

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by E V I L


metalmancpa,

Isn't this being defeatist? I don't mean to pry but why wouldn't there be a solution? I know psychiatry is "iffy" but I happen to believe there is a solution to every problem. Perhaps your daughter's is just a phase?

We've been trying for over a year. She's been stabilizing - but now that attempts have been made - this problem will be there. You hope meds help - you hope therapy works - but one can never truely know. It's really all in her head. And as a teenager, not willing or able to tell everything to us or doctors - some things will stay private. It's those things that worry us - those unknowns that could be dangerous (if we only knew). It's the complexities of mental illness. We have been very pro-active in this treatment - I probably am a better psychologist now then most real ones out there just from the knowledge I've gained this past year.

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by metalmancpa


We've been trying for over a year. She's been stabilizing - but now that attempts have been made - this problem will be there. You hope meds help - you hope therapy works - but one can never truely know. It's really all in her head. And as a teenager, not willing or able to tell everything to us or doctors - some things will stay private. It's those things that worry us - those unknowns that could be dangerous (if we only knew). It's the complexities of mental illness. We have been very pro-active in this treatment - I probably am a better psychologist now then most real ones out there just from the knowledge I've gained this past year.

I'm not surprised by the last sentence.

This is radical, but maybe "illness" is a wrong term? She's private about it, and there's something "embarassing"- do you think this really so "chemical" or a genetic thing?

My suspicion is that it's not. How is her social life? Who are her friends, her boyfriend, her influences, what is her environment like at school? Her grades? etc?

 

[Jayde]

I love my mom. I go places with her and all the so called "freaks" look at me like I'M the poser and that I should be ignoring my mom or some shit. We get along great. She likes Opeth, and she supports my musicial pursuits fully.

My dad.......well.......he's not my dad anymore. We'll leave it at that.

 

[CladInDarkness]

Originally posted by E V I L


CladInDarkness,

Do you think you should as a typical teenager resent it? Or should rather be more loving and forgiving towards her?

Well there is also a lot of other stuff that goes with it too. I guess you would agree with her since shes human i should accept her for that. Its a terrible excuse for all she has done. She gets mood swings and has to buy stuff constanly, wasting her money, She goes on power trips and acts righteous. She is selfish and doesn't think about others. Something that I have learned to do, although it may not seem like it from this thread. She verbally insults me almost everyday. She has no respect for me and i have lost respect for her. I have never done anything to have her lose respect in me. She doesn't trust me, she doesn't believe in me, she doesn't care what i think, she doesn't think i can do anything at all. She has the brains of a 5 year old and has no common sense. Things here and there to you may seem like something i should still care about her to you, but everything adds up. She steals (from me also), she lies. She trys to pass the buck onto everyone. She doesnt do anything, but lie around. She bugs the hell outta me and does it on purpose too sometimes. Heres an example of something she would do, I had a gf a while back and i had made plans to go out with her on a saturday. I told my mom she was like ok whatever. Then friday comes along, shes like i dont care what you have planned this weekend your not doing anything ( i hadnt done anything). Saturday comes along shes trying to get me to go to this mall. I told her i didnt want to go. I was lying in bed, so she starts hitting me and pulling my ear and why because she wanted to use me to go to the mall so she could have a reason to buy beanie babies. You cant even walk in her room becuase it is literally full of boxes of beanie babies and keep in mind that she doesnt work and all she does is lay around. She gets into fights with everyone. She has already drove my dad insane, he couldnt take it so he divorced her. So she moves in with my grandparents. My uncle her brother still lives her and what does she do, she steals his credit card. Takes it and buys some jewlery and coats and when he finds out he put dam bruises on her arms just from grabbing her. Shes gotten into fights with both of her parents as if she was a teenager over petty things like how to cook some meat. she has been threatened to be kicked out of the house many times. why because no one likes her. Im not crying over "spilled milk" here.

so does that answer your question evil on why i resent her more then i love her?

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by E V I L


I'm not surprised by the last sentence.

This is radical, but maybe "illness" is a wrong term? She's private about it, and there's something "embarassing"- do you think this really so "chemical" or a genetic thing?

My suspicion is that it's not. How is her social life? Who are her friends, her boyfriend, her influences, what is her environment like at school? Her grades? etc?

You're kind of proving my point - how complex this is. You ask very good questions. She seperates herself from friends outside of school - although in school she has friends : no boyfriend yet by her choice and fears : she is active in show choir, dance, and other extra-cirriculars : she gets A's and B's.

I have answers to specific pieces - but when trying to build the puzzle - there are too many holes - too many questions left unanswered. Chemical - in this case, yes. Every mental illness case is different. I've spent over a year researching and learning from various professionals - taking what they have learned and incorporating it into my daughter. Don't forget - these "professionals' have known my daughter for a year - I've known her for 16. I can read her better than these "professionals", but they have knowledge I don't . So we work together.

Illness, disease, whatever the word. This is not a phase - you'll just have to believe me on this one. I can see her changes - it's eerie, and it's real. And some things she can't seem to control. Again - every case is different. For those here who "suffer", it's different for each of you - each with different reasons for suffering.

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by CladInDarkness



so does that answer your question evil on why i resent her more then i love her?

Yes, but the question is should you? there is some kind of problematic "ought" hovering horizons. Let me explain. And I have a jumble of thoughts.

First, you're just like one of the friends I had in high school- his parents, especially his mom were seriously childish.

Second, brute fact: your mom is one fucked up lady, pardon my bluntness.

Third- more to the point: there are the practical things- stunted plans and dates, disgusting living habits (beanie babies) of another you have to deal with. But I wonder, should you resent this? or should you purely and utterly just pity it, be filled with that non-bellicose/antagonistic pathos that feels sorry for your mom? The root of your problem- if I may be so bold- lies in just the fact that you like your mother refuse to be "bigger" and more mature in the house.

Fourth and final: Why don't you just move in with your Dad? How's college plans for you, etc? jobs, career? how's high school?

 

[E V I L]

Originally posted by metalmancpa


Illness, disease, whatever the word. This is not a phase - you'll just have to believe me on this one. I can see her changes - it's eerie, and it's real. And some things she can't seem to control. Again - every case is different. For those here who "suffer", it's different for each of you - each with different reasons for suffering.

She's not schizophrenic is she? And just how many pharmaceuticals has she had?

What are all her thoughts on God? life? There are diseases of affluence, one of which, ironically, is a pessimistic view on life. Conjoined with other things it's a neurosis that gets amplified drastically. It gets extremely complicated indeed. My heart goes out to you.

 

[CladInDarkness]

My dad's house is a mess, I like living with my grandparents. Highschool sucks, im unhappy there also. I live in the ghetto and go to school there too. I dont get along with anyone there too well except for a couple of kids. I'm in an honors program there im in the I.B program if you heard of it, so the chances of me going to college are i dunno cant pay for it only way is through a scholarship. I don't have a job yet,with school and such. As far as being the bigger person in the house i tend to ignore what she does the best i can, but i also have an opinion of her. Sometimes incidents just get inflamed like when she started hitting me. What am i supposed to do then?

 

[MetalManCPA]

Originally posted by E V I L


She's not schizophrenic is she? And just how many pharmaceuticals has she had?

What are all her thoughts on God? life? There are diseases of affluence, one of which, ironically, is a pessimistic view on life. Conjoined with other things it's a neurosis that gets amplified drastically. It gets extremely complicated indeed. My heart goes out to you.

Not schizophrenic - either by diagnosis or by my eyes.

We've never been to church - and we don't talk much about religion. She wants to go to church at some point to see what it is about - I think she is either a believer or an agnostic. Again - we just don't have religious conversations.

Depression, OCD, anxiety, bi-polar - I have 100's of pages of doctors reports on their analysis of her condition, plus we've formulated our own too. I've heard everything. It's the problem with the mental health industry - it just isn't like fixing a broken bone. Too many variables. I wish I could be more concise - but actually, I really am being quite to the point. I live in a fog.

Oh yeah - she's on 3 meds now - but has been through 14 so far.

 

[CladInDarkness]

And evil are you aware that she too has a mental disease? she just found out she maybe bi polar along with the ocd. She takes about 5 or 6 different medications

 

[Obyeybyeogone]

My aunt and grandma are bipolar. My aunt made deaththreats to people and so she got arrested. The medication to help her bipolarness makes her skin get all itchy, and she can't get out of jail until she's on her medication, but she'd rather be in jail than have itchy skin

Did you know you can't send a regular stamp to people in prison, it has to be an ink stamp, otherwise you could put LSD on the back of the stamp

If I inherited bipolarness, could it emerge later in life, or would I know by now? Because my odds don't look good! I already got some junk from my crazy grandma with all the problems, I hope this isn't just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[Lee_B]

My Mum was a Great White whopping whale of a hog's cunt. A drunk, stupid junkie shitbag and I'm glad she's dead. I found her that way. The best day of my life...