Anette Parting with Nightwish

[Traxan]

Believe me, I have actually met couples with this particular "living arrangement", and it always boggles my mind as to how they think it's better for them to be adulterous than to get a divorce. But I'm not one to judge, and it's their god they have to answer to, I guess.

Coming from an Italian family and community, I can tell you this is quite common. No one says a word, there's a lot of denial. It's kind of silly, but really, because of the necessity for silence and discretion, it also keeps things from getting dirty and dirty laundry from being aired out.

 

[C.]

Yep, it's like that in the Latino community as well. Kinda the same thing. I have also met enough couples to where I recognize this is probably more common than we realize, but it still perplexes me. Maybe it's just because I don't take as much stock into religious traditions and such stuff.

 

[kathleenkat]

And they say gays ruin the sanctity of marriage

 

[BaraHime]

^ This.

 

[C.]

Exactly!

 

[kathleenkat]

They also say the same thing about polygamous cultures; at least they're honest about having multiple partners (and do so legally).

 

[C.]

I think the whole institution of marriage is a sham. I've been "living in sin" for 17 years and feel no need to ruin a perfectly good thing.

 

[kathleenkat]

I have been sinfully cohabitating since the age of 18, however, common law marriages tend to be the thing. No need to go to the courthouse, you just get a letter in the mail! At least the gays can marry in my state now, now all sorts of consenting adults can be legally responsible for eachother!

 

[C.]

I don't think common-law marriage is recognized in California, but then again, for some stupid reason, neither is gay marriage. Well, my boyfriend and I own a house together; that's about as "legally binding" as you can get!

 

[kathleenkat]

^You could always top it off with a kid, of course you'd probably have to get married for you/your kid to be covered under his health insurance.

 

[Traxan]

Common law is not recognized in Calif and quite frankly, if you are with someone a decade and have a life together, you're stupid not to get legal recognition. You'll realize the folly when a problem comes up, like legal or medical.

 

[C.]

No way, I'd never have kids (well, even if I wanted them, I have too many medical problems that would make having children very difficult and perhaps even life-threatening)! And we're both disabled, so we both have the same insurance. His is a little better than mine as he was not born disabled and used to have a job before his accident, but even if we were married, I wouldn't be eligible for it anyway. So I guess in that case, a marriage certificate wouldn't do jack sh*t.

 

[kathleenkat]

I have encountered some problems with not being married. I mean, not huge problems, what people would call "first world problems," but here are a few:

-We could not live on campus together, in college, because we didn't qualify for "married couple housing"
-At Enterprise Rent-A-Car, if you are married, you can add on your spouse as a driver for $10/day. If unmarried, your spouse pays full price.
-Most, not all, places he and I have worked, you had to be married for the spouse to take advantage of employee discounts.
-Whether or not you can claim someone on your taxes. There were times I did not work, and he supported me. No tax break.


I think our society is still a very pro-marriage one, even if marriage is becoming less important. Married people still get special bonuses that single and unmarried couples do not.

 

[pere]

I wonder if the laws in Sweden require consent from both parties to grant divorce, and perhaps that's why Johann can't get a divorce? If not, seriously, if he left a woman to be with another woman who had his baby, at least cut legal ties with the wife. Maybe the wife still hopes he'll come back.

I also wonder if Anette's divorce was related to the unplanned pregnancy with Johann; she was married when she entered Nightwish, then got divorced. The timeline of these events are just very unclear to me.

I know hardly anything about Anette's and her boyfriend's particular circumstances and don't really care, but generally AFAIK the Swedish marriage legislation is pretty similar to the Finnish one and here a divorce is a matter of simple paperwork. Remarrying is a very simple matter as well.

Additionally, our local version of common-law marriage is indeed very common and hardly carries any social stigma. So I've hard time believing there's anything more complicated behind their partnership arrangements other than that they simply prefer it that way.

 

[kathleenkat]

I have heard that Sweden has some sort of 'reconsideration period' where they wait a while before granting the divorce. Perhaps that is why he is not yet divorced from his wife.

 

[C.]

While those problems suck in their own way, I've never had to worry about them, thankfully.

-We could not live on campus together, in college, because we didn't qualify for "married couple housing"

My boyfriend is quite a few years older than me, so we never went to college together. And I had my accident which kept me in physical therapy for over 2 years right as I was starting college, so I never returned.

-At Enterprise Rent-A-Car, if you are married, you can add on your spouse as a driver for $10/day. If unmarried, your spouse pays full price.

I can't drive!

-Most, not all, places he and I have worked, you had to be married for the spouse to take advantage of employee discounts.

We're both disabled and at least on his part, can no longer work. I never have as I was "born this way" and have spent most of my life in and out of hospitals/doctor's offices.

-Whether or not you can claim someone on your taxes. There were times I did not work, and he supported me. No tax break.

Folks on disability don't file taxes because our "income" is far too low, or some such technicality.

 

[kathleenkat]

Yeah, like I said....We *totally* suffer from First World Problems.

I thought of another one:

-My name is on the house, and as we have different last names, he mistakingly gets addressed as "Mr. Mylastname" rather than "Mr. Hislastname" under the society standard that 1. he own the house, and 2. we are married. This usually comes with "spam" snail mail, though, so any legitimate person would actually know what our names are.

 

[BaraHime]

^ Oh I hate that! I can't stand seeing mail addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. *insert man's first and last name here*" Mrs.(Mr's) is a horrible abbreviation anyway. But using his FIRST name also when addressing a guy's wife is just disgusting. As though she abandoned her autonomy completely when she married him.

 

[kathleenkat]

I'm not really disgusted by my situation, mainly because I think it's funny the tables are turned, and he's the one getting MY last name =}

 

[BaraHime]

^ yeah, that's true. Poor guy.