Bad joke a day -thread
- Thread starter ahjteam
- Start date
johnnypreset
The melter of heads
Pman
Member
A man walks into a bar, and sits down at the counter. Everyone in the bar is staring at the man. Half of the man's head is a large orange. The bartender walks over and the man orders a drink. The bartender brings him his drink and says "May I ask you something". The man says "What is it?". The bartender replies "Why is half of your head a large orange". The man looked at his drink replies with:
"Well, i was out one day, wandering around the beach, and i found a magic lamp. I rubbed the lamp, and a magic genie came out. The genie stated "You have awoken me, and you may have 3 wishes before i return to my slumber." I thought about my wishes for a short moment and decided that for my first wish, I would become incredibly rich. The genie said, "All your bank accounts have been filled with large amounts of cash". I pondered my second wish for a while and decided that, i wished to become incredibly attractive. The genie said "When you wake up tomorrow, you will no longer be short of female attention..." The bartender, stunned by the story so far, anxiously said "So...What was your third wish??". The man turned to the bartender and said: "For my third wish...I wish my half of my head was a large orange."
"Well, i was out one day, wandering around the beach, and i found a magic lamp. I rubbed the lamp, and a magic genie came out. The genie stated "You have awoken me, and you may have 3 wishes before i return to my slumber." I thought about my wishes for a short moment and decided that for my first wish, I would become incredibly rich. The genie said, "All your bank accounts have been filled with large amounts of cash". I pondered my second wish for a while and decided that, i wished to become incredibly attractive. The genie said "When you wake up tomorrow, you will no longer be short of female attention..." The bartender, stunned by the story so far, anxiously said "So...What was your third wish??". The man turned to the bartender and said: "For my third wish...I wish my half of my head was a large orange."
Chryst Krispies
Vanilla Gorilla
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
Via Noctis
Member
How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb...??
5. one to change it and 4 to sing about how much they miss the old one.. ha ha ha...
5. one to change it and 4 to sing about how much they miss the old one.. ha ha ha...
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
According to an Australian I met after Obama won the election the sales of pillow cases and scissors increased 75% in the US. It took me a couple seconds to figure out what he was implying.
I'm loving this thread.
I'm loving this thread.
slashvanyoung
Dopefish lives!
robfromthedeep
Member
Metal Overload
Member
- Sep 8, 2005
- 1,778
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I thought this was cruel when i heard it.
Why the womens in Somalia get pregnant frecuently??
Just to feel something in their stomach.
Why the womens in Somalia get pregnant frecuently??
Just to feel something in their stomach.
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
Yes that's cruel, but how about this...
How do you evacuate an entire Somalian villiage?
Roll a donut down the road...
How do you evacuate an entire Somalian villiage?
Roll a donut down the road...
spioraid
Fancy a pint? Or two?
MT01
Member
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F*ck off, you won't bring it back."
The librarian says; "F*ck off, you won't bring it back."
Chryst Krispies
Vanilla Gorilla
spioraid
Fancy a pint? Or two?
Felix Neumann
Member
Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
AIDS
(dark, i know, my mate finds that absolutely hilarious)
AIDS
(dark, i know, my mate finds that absolutely hilarious)
