Bad joke a day -thread
- Thread starter ahjteam
- Start date
MetallyGuitarded
He whom thou art not
scorpio01169
Member
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
spioraid
Fancy a pint? Or two?
A guy is driving down the road when he sees a pig with a wooden leg over in a pig-pen. He spots the farmer not too far away and pulls over. "Excuse me sir, but I have to know. Why does that pig have a wooden leg?" he asked. "Well...", said the farmer, "It's an amazing story. A few months ago a crook came to my house and starting breaking things and steeling others when I out working the fields. The pig called the police, stopped the intruder and had him cuffed up by the time the cops got there. Then a few weeks ago, while I was working the fields, the dam broke loose and a flood was headed straight towards my house. The pig rounded me and the family up, placed us on the roof and we were saved. Then just yesterday, while working the fields, my house started to catch fire due to lantern that fell over inside. Within minutes the house was ablaze, but this pig went inside, picked up my wife and kids, got them outside and a few prized items before the ceiling collapsed. Then all were safe and sound."
"That's amazing!" said the passer by. "But that doesn't explain why the pig has a wooden leg."
"Well," the farmer replied, "You don't eat a pig like that all at once!"
~~~~~~
I dreamt one time I died and went to heaven. I was talking with God when He sneezed and I didn't know what to say.
~~~~~~
An Italian, a German and an Irishman walk into a bar. They all order beers and the barkeep hands 'em over. The problem is that there's a fly in each one the beers. The Italian looks at the beer, shoves it away and demands a replacement. The German scoops the fly out of the beer and downs it anyway. The Irish scoops up the fly, starts pushing really hard saying, "All right you, spit it out! Spit it out!"
~~~~~
An Irishman is walking through the desert when he finds a lamp. He rubs it, and a genie appears. "Your wish is my command, Master. I will grant you 3 wishes whatever they may be." Well astounded at his great fortune, he spends some time figuring out what he wants first. He decides and tells the genie, "For my first wish, I want a pint of Guinness that'll never go dry." Then POOF! A pint of Guinness appears in front of him. He downs the whole thing, and before he has a chance to put it down, it magically refills itself."
"Alright," said the Irishman, "I know what I want for my other wishes. I'll take two more just like 'em!"
"That's amazing!" said the passer by. "But that doesn't explain why the pig has a wooden leg."
"Well," the farmer replied, "You don't eat a pig like that all at once!"
~~~~~~
I dreamt one time I died and went to heaven. I was talking with God when He sneezed and I didn't know what to say.
~~~~~~
An Italian, a German and an Irishman walk into a bar. They all order beers and the barkeep hands 'em over. The problem is that there's a fly in each one the beers. The Italian looks at the beer, shoves it away and demands a replacement. The German scoops the fly out of the beer and downs it anyway. The Irish scoops up the fly, starts pushing really hard saying, "All right you, spit it out! Spit it out!"
~~~~~
An Irishman is walking through the desert when he finds a lamp. He rubs it, and a genie appears. "Your wish is my command, Master. I will grant you 3 wishes whatever they may be." Well astounded at his great fortune, he spends some time figuring out what he wants first. He decides and tells the genie, "For my first wish, I want a pint of Guinness that'll never go dry." Then POOF! A pint of Guinness appears in front of him. He downs the whole thing, and before he has a chance to put it down, it magically refills itself."
"Alright," said the Irishman, "I know what I want for my other wishes. I'll take two more just like 'em!"
scorpio01169
Member
A man walks into his house and says to his wife "honey, i am leaving you for some new pussy". and the wife replies to him " if you had a couple of inches more dick, you find some new pussy here".
roy22341
Member
Whats the first thing you do after you rape Helen Keller?
Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
jrt12
Member
MarkG
Member
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
MarkG
Member
Chris_P_Critter
Freeze Tag Assassin
spioraid
Fancy a pint? Or two?
This Pony Express rider is riding through the dessert when he gets captured by a bunch of local Indians who've never seen a white man before. They come up to him and say, "White man," (don't ask how they know English), "You trespass on Indian land. We give you 3 days to live. But on each day we will grant you one wish. What is your first wish?"
The rider thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I'd like to see to my horse." Completely perplexed, they bring his horse to him. The rider whispers something in the horse's ear, then hit rides away over the hill. A couple hours later the horse returns will a beautiful blonde. So the rider takes the blonde into a tent, one thing leads to another and I'll spare you the details. Once they're done she gets on the horse, gallops away, then the horse comes back alone.
Second day comes and they ask the white man what his wish is. "Well, I'd like to see my horse." Amazed that he'd ask for the same thing, they bring his horse to him. The rider whispers something into the horses ear, and same thing as the day before. Only this time the horse comes back with a complete knock-out of a Brunette. They go into the tent, one thing leads to another and I'll spare you the details. Afterwards the horse takes her away and comes back alone.
On the third day, as they are getting the wood together to burn the white man, they tell him, "White man, today you die. What is your last wish?" Again, he asks to see his horse. So to honor this man's last wish, they bring him the horse. But they all lean in to hear what rider says to his horse.
The rider comes up to the horse, grabs him by the ears and looks him straight in the eyes and says, "Posse! I said Posse!"
The rider thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I'd like to see to my horse." Completely perplexed, they bring his horse to him. The rider whispers something in the horse's ear, then hit rides away over the hill. A couple hours later the horse returns will a beautiful blonde. So the rider takes the blonde into a tent, one thing leads to another and I'll spare you the details. Once they're done she gets on the horse, gallops away, then the horse comes back alone.
Second day comes and they ask the white man what his wish is. "Well, I'd like to see my horse." Amazed that he'd ask for the same thing, they bring his horse to him. The rider whispers something into the horses ear, and same thing as the day before. Only this time the horse comes back with a complete knock-out of a Brunette. They go into the tent, one thing leads to another and I'll spare you the details. Afterwards the horse takes her away and comes back alone.
On the third day, as they are getting the wood together to burn the white man, they tell him, "White man, today you die. What is your last wish?" Again, he asks to see his horse. So to honor this man's last wish, they bring him the horse. But they all lean in to hear what rider says to his horse.
The rider comes up to the horse, grabs him by the ears and looks him straight in the eyes and says, "Posse! I said Posse!"
slayercannibalsuffohead
Get a dog up ya!
Why have they banned women from swimming in the sea?
So they can keep the smell out of the fish!
So they can keep the smell out of the fish!
slayercannibalsuffohead
Get a dog up ya!
slayercannibalsuffohead
Get a dog up ya!
slayercannibalsuffohead
Get a dog up ya!
slayercannibalsuffohead
Get a dog up ya!
