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viewerfromnihil
Vein-Marbled Tower
zabu of nΩd
Free Insultation
- Feb 9, 2007
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damnromulans
Klingons do not faint
So my uncle had a psychotic episode at the doctor's office and called the police on himself, then ended up spending 6 days in a state mental facility. Sadly no one in the family is surprised.
Astrum
Psion
Astrum
Psion
nothing like a neurotoxic chemical to make you better. I personally could go on the klonopins alone, benzodiazepines put me in the perfect headspace to do anything. aderall just makes me anxious.
monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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i've taken Adderal and i've taken Klonopin
Adderal "feels like coffee-in-a-pill"
and Klonopin (that i took at about 10 AM today)
makes me feel drunk/high in a fun way,
like smoking really good weed
Adderal "feels like coffee-in-a-pill"
and Klonopin (that i took at about 10 AM today)
makes me feel drunk/high in a fun way,
like smoking really good weed
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
So I had my first group therapy session yesterday. It's a program called "Minfulness" that focuses on cultivating our abilities to "be in the moment" instead of constantly dwelling in the past or uncertain futures.
It was incredibly irritating, mostly in that it made me realize just how messed up my mind is. We spent 2 hours staring at raisins and lying on the floor trying to pay attention to our bodily sensations. The idea is that by focusing on these things and pulling our wandering minds back to it we thereby exercise our ability to focus attention and "be in the moment." It was awful. I couldn't feel any sensations and my mind just couldn't focus on things so meaningless as.
It was like we had to see beauty and meaning in the fact that we never stop to contemplate all the colors of a raisin or all the sensations we experience while eating it. All my mind could do was go elsewhere into some rational world tangentially related to the raisin, thinking that its colors were merely relative to how our brains interpret electromagnetic wavelengths, or how the raisin is a seed that contains some doomed Aristotelian or Hegelian potentiality.
It made me realize that I lack presence in pretty much everything I do. It's all a means to an end. Nothing is intrinsically meaningful to me anymore. Life is just a means to death. I'm failing to draw any spiritual fulfillment from contemplating the process or disinterested knowledge as for its own sake.
I'm glad that I'm not sedating myself anymore. Lately I've been able to produce when I have extrinsic obligations to do so (academic demands, mainly); but I wonder if the Adderral is making this severe ADD worse by making my brain dependent on it for focus at the expense of exercising its ability to do so on its own. Then again, the two could work in tandem toward the same goal. But here I am talking about ends without valuing the means.
I'm committed to this 8-week program. I have to set aside an hour a day for meditative practices, namely a "body scan" in which I lie down and listen to a recording that guides some exploration of my somatic sensations. I've recognized the problem, and that the solution seems so repugnant is the best evidence that it's a real problem. In the end perhaps I'll stop living this quasi-gnosticism that has estranged my mind not only from my own body, but from the whole world around me.
It was incredibly irritating, mostly in that it made me realize just how messed up my mind is. We spent 2 hours staring at raisins and lying on the floor trying to pay attention to our bodily sensations. The idea is that by focusing on these things and pulling our wandering minds back to it we thereby exercise our ability to focus attention and "be in the moment." It was awful. I couldn't feel any sensations and my mind just couldn't focus on things so meaningless as.
It was like we had to see beauty and meaning in the fact that we never stop to contemplate all the colors of a raisin or all the sensations we experience while eating it. All my mind could do was go elsewhere into some rational world tangentially related to the raisin, thinking that its colors were merely relative to how our brains interpret electromagnetic wavelengths, or how the raisin is a seed that contains some doomed Aristotelian or Hegelian potentiality.
It made me realize that I lack presence in pretty much everything I do. It's all a means to an end. Nothing is intrinsically meaningful to me anymore. Life is just a means to death. I'm failing to draw any spiritual fulfillment from contemplating the process or disinterested knowledge as for its own sake.
I'm glad that I'm not sedating myself anymore. Lately I've been able to produce when I have extrinsic obligations to do so (academic demands, mainly); but I wonder if the Adderral is making this severe ADD worse by making my brain dependent on it for focus at the expense of exercising its ability to do so on its own. Then again, the two could work in tandem toward the same goal. But here I am talking about ends without valuing the means.
I'm committed to this 8-week program. I have to set aside an hour a day for meditative practices, namely a "body scan" in which I lie down and listen to a recording that guides some exploration of my somatic sensations. I've recognized the problem, and that the solution seems so repugnant is the best evidence that it's a real problem. In the end perhaps I'll stop living this quasi-gnosticism that has estranged my mind not only from my own body, but from the whole world around me.
Dak
mentat
Sounds like the [nearly] inevitable result of a nihilistic and /or gnostic view. I have an acquiantance with a similar problem except he isn't into philosophy, so he's a nihilist and doesn't know it.
Although I'm not nihilistic, I do have issues with "living in the future" at the expense of the present. I often have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for the past future that is the present.
Although I'm not nihilistic, I do have issues with "living in the future" at the expense of the present. I often have to remind myself to stop and be thankful for the past future that is the present.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
It perhaps explains my fascination with Platonism as an intellectual negative reaction to the modern world.
Einherjar86
Active Member
Dak
mentat
As I referred to above, someone can suffer from nihilism as a problem and not even know what it is/understand it. Unless a new term is coined for this and the phenomenon is separately categorized, I don't see nihilism being redeemed as a method. Zeph offers further anecdotal evidence against.
Einherjar86
Active Member
I don't think people "suffer" from nihilism. Nihilism presents no position in which to suffer, especially the form of suffering Zeph's describing. The failure to fulfill one's values isn't a problem of nihilism, it's a failure of evaluative positions in the first place.
Astrum
Psion
You sound like a friend of mine. He looks at consciousness as a mechanical function that serves a purpose in nature just like everything else. We have constant discussions debating the existence of a spirit soul, or a metaphysical consciousness, or whatever. Trying to be mindful and meditative practices are, honestly, going to do nothing for you as long as your world view is as such. You need to have an "awakening", of sorts, before you can take further steps toward self realization and "mindfulness". If your taking an elevator to the third floor, you cant skip over the first two on the way.
I could sit here and try to explain to you how the purpose of life is to experience, enjoy, and life is not just a means to death, but I know as well as anyone not to try and indoctrinate. I'm going to get flamed out for this but...what I think would benefit you is a spiritual experience. And the easiest way to induce a spiritual experience in the mind of a thinker is a psychedelic trip. I'm not suggesting you seek drugs to get high or for any real recreational purposes, but I'm going to say right now I used to be a complete atheist. I couldn't fathom the existence of "God" because I had the wrong idea of God. I had this picture in my head, and I was looking for one thing while God was completely something else. I couldn't find an ounce of meaning in life, and nothing I read or that anyone told me could change that. I had to see it for myself, I believe you do as well. Someone can teach you how to drive a car in conversation, or in a book, but until you get behind the wheel you won't learn. Psychedelic drugs served the purpose of the car for me. PM me if youd like some more information, because I can share a lot of personal experiences stemming from serious, non recreational use of psychedelics for spiritual growth.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
I did have the spiritual experiences you speak of, mainly back in May when I was smoking pot with Kevin and Grant and I had several moments when I just "understood" and knew what God truly is. My interest in Neoplatonism is to a large extent an exploration of how Greek philosophy arrives at those types of self-realizations (what Sophocles would call synesis and the Neoplatonists henosis).
One reason I was acting so weird at MDF was because having been smoking most of the weekend I was becoming really spiritual and religious. I left MDF thinking I was going to turn my life around, join the Orthodox Church, and live a meaningful life. But then the residual THC started wearing off and I reverted to the debased Epicureanism that I've been usual living.
I can't touch pot anymore because the past couple times I've used it this summer it had the complete opposite effect, and it cast me into a Tartarus of anxiety, depression, and, the root of it all, an utter loss of working memory and ability to focus attention on anything either mental or physical.
What I've reduced myself to is someone who can talk about these experiences, these philosophies, but feel utterly cut off from practicing them, which is the whole point of these systems.
One reason I was acting so weird at MDF was because having been smoking most of the weekend I was becoming really spiritual and religious. I left MDF thinking I was going to turn my life around, join the Orthodox Church, and live a meaningful life. But then the residual THC started wearing off and I reverted to the debased Epicureanism that I've been usual living.
I can't touch pot anymore because the past couple times I've used it this summer it had the complete opposite effect, and it cast me into a Tartarus of anxiety, depression, and, the root of it all, an utter loss of working memory and ability to focus attention on anything either mental or physical.
What I've reduced myself to is someone who can talk about these experiences, these philosophies, but feel utterly cut off from practicing them, which is the whole point of these systems.
Some people slit their wrists to try and relieve the pain, but if they fail realise it's more painfull than life. And they want to live.
