Quotes from the weekend:

[AngraRULES]

Waking up Greg on saturday morning.

Me: "Yo, Greg?"
Greg: (sleepy)"Mmmm?"
Me: "It's time to taste the eggs."

 

[Yippee38]

Not sure who said this first. Yardleybates told me, but I think somebody else told her about it.
"When you're trying to pick up a chick, do not use the line, 'I want to eat your ass'."

 

[Yippee38]

Zod: "We have no idea that women even have feet, so we couldn't care less what shoes you wear."

 

[Tess]

Zod: "We have no idea that women even have feet, so we couldn't care less what shoes you wear."

LMAO! That is great! There were so many this year. Mike DiSarro provides most of my favorites

In the venue he jumps off of the stage and stumbles all over the floor and seriously almost busts his butt
-Whoa. That was a little further than I had planned.

We were getting dinner Friday night and he was sitting in the backseat of my parents rental. My dad was telling HIM a joke we have all already heard and in the middle of my dad talking (not realizing my dad was talking to him) Mike says:
-So, Tess. What are you doing for your birthday?

As soon as joke was over he spilled his monstrous diet coke in the back seat
-I'm sorry I spilled my coke in your futuristic car.

My sis on Wednesday night at the karaoke
Me: Where is John Doe (protecting name of innocent)?
Her (without even looking up): Right where we left him
LMAO! He SOO was. I almost choked.

Zod talking to mi madre about her love and his hatred for Pain of Salvation
-I'm a happily married man but if I was single I would totally pretend like I like Pain of Salvation so I could date one of your daughters
(You'd have to remember our NAMES first!)

Me and Zod talking about how much he SUCKS for not knowing my name.
Him: Come on, just tell me. I'll give you $8. $12. $43.
Me: Pull it out!
Him: I'm sorry, WHAT did you say??
Me: OMG, NO! The cash!! Show me the cash you're talking about!

Kelly Jo after walking in the room while I'm in the bathroom with the door WIDE open (duh, Tess)
-I see your hiiiiiiiiney. All white and shiiiiiiiney.

SOOO awesome! LOL.

And of course the theme of the whole weekend was "SAY SANDWICH!" because my mom told me the most dirty joke EVER and it is AWESOME!

 

[shreddy]

At breakfast:

Random hungover fest guy: "Why does Michael Jackson like 28 year olds? Because there are 20 of them."

Old Lady serving booze at the Peachtree's Happy Hour: "Do you want 50/50 for your drink or stronger?"

Guy: "Can we take a picture with you?"
Me: "I'm not Portnoy"
Guy: "Thats ok my friends wont know"

 

[DreamThief]

At the airport we saw Mattias Kitchen Band waiting for his luggage (they had moved them to carousel 7 but no one told him). So being the helpful attendee I am, I told him the guys from Communic had just left with a bunch of dildo shaped luggage.
Mattias: Fucking Norwegians.
Yes, I pointed him to Carousel 7 eventually lol

Jeff

That's hilarious, and ties in nicely with my "Mattias Moment."

Ran into him in the VIP Lounge before Sonata went on, so I went up to him and asked,

"Are you really a Swedish Bastard?"

Mattias: "Oh yes, very bad."
Me: "Is that worse than being a regular bastard?"
Mattias: "Oh yes, much worse."
Me: "Is there any country with bigger bastards?"

2 second pause

Both of us simultaneously: "Norwegian Bastards!!!"

 

[freakchylde]

Speaking of Swedes...

Mattias: Lara, the Airconditioning isn't on.
Noak: Yes it is.
Me: The rear A/C isn't on (as I'm flipping the switch to high)
Mattias: Oh sweet Swedish wind!

(at which point he launches into the newly written chorus of Air-con-ditioning!)
*I will post the video for this, hopefully, by Sunday sometime.

 

[yardleybates]

Me and Zod talking about how much he SUCKS for not knowing my name.
Him: Come on, just tell me. I'll give you $8. $12. $43.
Me: Pull it out!
Him: I'm sorry, WHAT did you say??
Me: OMG, NO! The cash!! Show me the cash you're talking about!

FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

Todd: I suck
me: I think I have detected the root of a problem, isn't that supposed to be her job?
Todd: Not like that
Yippee: that's a great t-shirt
Colleen: Yippee, can you sign this waver?

There was a second t-shirt idea from the woman's perspective, but I don't remember that one.

Not a quote, but the funniest moment of the weekend was in the Granada hallway party Friday night when I tapped SharkBlack's bottle with mine, but not hard. He demonstrated the move, smacking his own bottle with his other hand and simultaneously letting go of the bottle shooting beer all over his feet. Babs ran over like the energizer bunny and mopped up the beer with her sandles.

I got a stomach ache I was laughing so hard.

Ah, and Johnny Mac will forever be known as "the bad vagina guy".

 

[J-Dubya 777]

Speaking of Swedes...

Mattias: Lara, the Airconditioning isn't on.
Noak: Yes it is.
Me: The rear A/C isn't on (as I'm flipping the switch to high)
Mattias: Oh sweet Swedish wind!

(at which point he launches into the newly written chorus of Air-con-ditioning!)
*I will post the video for this, hopefully, by Sunday sometime.

I was actually present for that. Freakin' hilarious...
(Thanks for not making us walk! )

 

[Wandrail]

At breakfast:

Random hungover fest guy: "Why does Michael Jackson like 28 year olds? Because there are 20 of them."

Old Lady serving booze at the Peachtree's Happy Hour: "Do you want 50/50 for your drink or stronger?"

Guy: "Can we take a picture with you?"
Me: "I'm not Portnoy"
Guy: "Thats ok my friends wont know"

So YOU'RE the guy I saw who looks like Portnoy...haha...you caused me to do a double take.

 

[Yippee38]

Guy: "Can we take a picture with you?"
Me: "I'm not Portnoy"
Guy: "Thats ok my friends wont know"

Damn funny!

 

[biggs0072000]

There's like, five guys who look like Portnoy at the fest.

"HEY TORONTO!"

 

[Wandrail]

There's like, five guys who look like Portnoy at the fest.

"HEY TORONTO!"

Yeah, but one guy in particular really looked like Portnoy from when he had the shorter hair.

 

[lady_space]

Not sure who said this first. Yardleybates told me, but I think somebody else told her about it.
"When you're trying to pick up a chick, do not use the line, 'I want to eat your ass'."

I think that was sage advice from Linda.

 

[Gunstar9]

*during Sonata Arctica's "Old McDonald"*
random woman - "Don't encourage his behavior!"

me - "One day someone is going to ask you to sign a dildo."
Christer Örtefors - "We'd do it!"
me - "Get your salad tossed in the Freak Kitchen."

Oddleif Stensland - "Do you play guitar?"
me - "A little but I'm not very good at it."
Oddleif Stensland - "Here, this will make you play better."
*hands me a Communic guitar pick*
me - "It's the pick of destiny!"
Oddleif Stensland - "That's a funny movie."

me - "Their name is After Forever because that's how long their set lasts."

 

[Cephalopod]

Adventures with Ralf at The Granada on Saturday after the show -
Jessica: "Ralf, why don't we party in your room?"
Ralf: "Oh, my clothes are strewn all about the room...I brought a lot of clothes."

Bill from Cellador on Friday, wasted and slurring his words badly -
"It is true, I am the shit. I am the greatest thing on the planet. Do I know you? I like you...come sit here with me."

During Primal Fear's set, misinterpreting song titles -
Scott: "'Running in the Dark?' What the hell is that?"
Me: "A bad idea."

Bob from Firewind, distraught over the lack of ashtrays -
"Who do I have to kill around here?"

 

[Tess]

Bill from Cellador on Friday, wasted and slurring his words badly -
"It is true, I am the shit. I am the greatest thing on the planet. Do I know you? I like you...come sit here with me."

THAT is great! HAHA!

 

[Kong]

Oliva: " You should see my shower at the hotel....It's got a jacuzzi big enough for 6 people. Unlike Europe where I usually have to butter my hips just to get into the bathroom"

I nearly uke: up my Crown and Coke all over the soundboard when I heard that one!

 

[sh0kr0k]

Oliva: " You should see my shower at the hotel....It's got a jacuzzi big enough for 6 people. Unlike Europe where I usually have to butter my hips just to get into the bathroom"

I nearly uke: up my Crown and Coke all over the soundboard when I heard that one!

+1!!!!!!!! ROFL!

 

[AMBR]

Trying to get Zak's Kiss make-up off with dish detergent.

Me: This really isn't working. You need to use Vaseline
Zak: But there are better things to do with that! Oh wait....it really doesn't work that well.

(edit: forgot the second part before)

Random Guy at the Granada Happy Hour to Henrik of Sonata Arctica,
"So, are you with a band?"
Henrik, "Well...
Some Wise Ass, "Oh, stop lying to everyone and telling them your with Sonata Arctica."
(To Random Guy) "He's so full of shit."
The look on Henrik's face was priceless. (The truth came out eventually)