relationships

[I-TEND-TO-DIE]

well I don't knowerk but for me it seems so that relationships (to girls) are much shorter and change (every week, or month) very fast if you are between 15 and 25 years old.
I think you find the real partner for your life when you are older and more experienced..
Iam just curious if relatioships you have as a teenager are relevant for any later relationships in life?
or do you think if you have never had a girlfriend in your youth
you probably do very hard to find some even if you are 35 or older??

It's a stupid thread I know but I always think about that at the time..

 

[razoredge]

My first lasted 2 years. It was very critical in my development and still hold it dear for what it was. As with anything else... variables. I know a small handful of people that are still with their highschool sweethearts decades later, but obviously a small percentage of the population.

 

[10293847]

My first lasted 2 years. It was very critical in my development and still hold it dear for what it was. As with anything else... variables. I know a small handful of people that are still with their highschool sweethearts decades later, but obviously a small percentage of the population.

I very much agree that your first relationship, and the next few afterwards, are critical to your development. With not only relationships, but with people in general.

For most people, the first few relationships are essentially practice runs for the more serious ones down the road. This is when you really learn about the things you admire in a partner. I think it's also important to, "have your heart broken", so to speak. In this way, you are better able to deal with future dissapointments, and it sets a certain compassion in you for future relationships.

We all grow and mature in different ways. Some of us know what we want out of a partner earlier on, or later than others. I think the most important thing one can do early on in their relationships is to be open to all types of people. What I mean by that is to not pigeon-hole yourself into only one type of person who you think would be perfect for you. At least to not be so rigid about it. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I have found that giving someone who you didn't think would be your ideal partner at first a chance, showed themselves to have qualities that you found were great for a partner.

To sum this long post up, I think it's a good idea to have a criteria of characteristics your partner should have. Yet, it's also important to realize that there is no perfect person out there, and who one ends up having a serious and long-lasting relationship with will more than likely be one who was not seen as completely ideal in the first place.

 

[I-TEND-TO-DIE]

For most people, the first few relationships are essentially practice runs for the more serious ones down the road. This is when you really learn about the things you admire in a partner. I think it's also important to, "have your heart broken", so to speak. In this way, you are better able to deal with future dissapointments, and it sets a certain compassion in you for future relationships.

We all grow and mature in different ways. Some of us know what we want out of a partner earlier on, or later than others. I think the most important thing one can do early on in their relationships is to be open to all types of people. What I mean by that is to not pigeon-hole yourself into only one type of person who you think would be perfect for you. At least to not be so rigid about it. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I have found that giving someone who you didn't think would be your ideal partner at first a chance, showed themselves to have qualities that you found were great for a partner.

To sum this long post up, I think it's a good idea to have a criteria of characteristics your partner should have. Yet, it's also important to realize that there is no perfect person out there

yeah very interesting point!!
I also experienced disappointments
that made me frustrated..
for me its sometimes still very difficult to deal with that.

 

[razoredge]

yeah very interesting point!!
I also experienced disappointments
that made me frustrated..
for me its sometimes still very difficult to deal with that.

So now you know relationships are a bitch and you can move forward fully knowing that and not take anything too seriously until it becomes blatently obvious that something real is actually going on. One must get through the first stages of lust and see whats left after the party is cleaned up, so to speak. In the mean time while the party is going down, you just gotta go with it and figure its all for the fun at the time. Remember "I love you" means nothing until you hear it 4 or so years after the fact, even then you have to look for the angle

[this is me talking to myself BTW]

 

[Fenrisúlfr]

Never had a girlfriend (nor boyfriend) nor do I really need one. The first 'relationship' I had was with the school nympho at the tender age of 17. Since then, the relationships have been many and cost-effective (<$5). Plus, they were like Domino's Pizza: 30 minutes or less

Methinks love is what happens when instincts to reproduce or protect one's offspring leak from the id into the ego. Given I have never experienced it, odds are it is merely because I knew better.

 

[razoredge]

or something else

 

[Blowtus]

Methinks love is what happens when instincts to reproduce or protect one's offspring leak from the id into the ego. Given I have never experienced it, odds are it is merely because I knew better.

Probably. Wouldn't want anything as pesky as love getting in the way of the truly important things, like money.

 

[Einherjar86]

Probably. Wouldn't want anything as pesky as love getting in the way of the truly important things, like money.

There's no reason why people should think love is more important than money. People have the right to set their own priorities.

 

[Blowtus]

No reason that 'love' specifically should be - but when 'money' itself becomes the goal and not just a means, it seems a rather pathological and flawed view. People are of course welcome to this priority - just as I am welcome to deride it.

 

[Fenrisúlfr]

Probably. Wouldn't want anything as pesky as love getting in the way of the truly important things, like money.

Finally someone who gets it! Hippie-dippie romantic, idealistic values ultimately surrender to practical e.g. financial considerations anyway, so one may as well structure one's priorities as such.

 

[razoredge]

The pursuit of a companion is a natural right and brings no harm to the worthy

 

[Einherjar86]

I personally don't believe that there is one single person out there for me. I believe there are... well, a decent few. And throughout my life I'll meet and continue to meet them. You can't settle on "true love" before the time is right. The things that are important to me take precedence. I want to finish my education, go to Scandinavia (along with other places), secure a job I'm happy with, etc. I have no idea what kinds of people I'm going to meet on these excursions, and so I won't bind myself permanently. When I went on my study abroad in England, I met a girl who I honestly thought could have been in the top five. She was funny, cute, and smart (loved Romantic literature ). But that was a study abroad. It just wasn't in the cards. So we made it known how we felt for each other, but when our time was over we each moved on. Who knows, maybe one day we'll run into each other again.

As far as relationships go, I embrace them and participate in them, but I consider myself more important at this point in my life (not to sound egocentric). I still have so much that I want to do. The girl I'm with right now is great, but I know that it probably won't last more than a few years, just because of differences between us in future plans and goals. No one likes to go through life alone, and so relationships are fun and rewarding. But ultimately, they can't control you until you're absolutely ready to place them ahead of everything else.

 

[derek]

That's how I feel too. I pass through relationships with lovers and friends with little nostalgia. It's just a product of how I live my life at the moment.

 

[Fenrisúlfr]

The pursuit of a companion is a natural right and brings no harm to the worthy

Yep; free association (i.e. liberty) and to the willing there is no injury.

I just chose not to exercise that right; such a partnership is contrary to my interests. My first stepfather found this out the hard way.

 

[psychobitch]

My best advice to you I-Tend-To-Die, is if you aren't very picky, become a male stripper, you will find many dates, and you will go through all those stages you need to go through to become a cold-hearted-picky-bastard.
stage 1 - shy
stage 2 - being open to dates
stage 3 - dating many different people
stage 4 - becoming a heartbreaker
stage 5 - all about money ( at this point you either become a prostitute or unwilling to do things for money-your choice-I'd prefer unwilling)
stage 6 - self-absorbed
stage 7 - you've realized through the many different social interactions with hundreds of people what you really want out of a person you're dating.

 

[psychobitch]

whatever you do you need to know that nobody can make you happy but yourself, and if you look down on yourself, you need to remember that people wont look down on you if you don't look down on yourself.

 

[razoredge]

first post very good gettobitch, both humorous and reality to the point, regardless the "profession"... in many people.

good points by einherjar as well, though somethings happen in some cases where relationships get in the way for the good and the worst. My first of that nature was around 22 or 23, certainly detoured my course, I was headed west, well I never did. She was perhaps my soul mate excluding a few major flaws, which would seem contradictory. That would be the girl with the brother that just died. No one knows me better, accepts me or has the ability to make myself at my strongest as she but what a high maintenence situation that I just cant deal with. Then I spent 3 years alone and had another life altering that was perhaps needed, my little girl, no longer little but contain many of my "best times" or memories as well as the worst... fathers move away or become catatonic when your daughters come of age... Her mother and I got along great but was more like a sister relationship, no passion, never. Now at 50 Im single again and it has its ups and downs, time will tell where it lands me but Im predicting alone and empty, there is not a large field out there that meets criteria or perhaps I will settle again but its not what I want.

I have been a hopeless romantic as long as I remember, so its highly important to me to be close and jive well with a woman, I have been there and its wonderful for the best parts, its the flaws that kill ya.

This topic is coincidently interesting to me at this time. A few months back I unexpectedly met a lady that totally slayed me, one of those things thats written or fantasized about or spoken of that never happens. I could barely breath, but alas she is out of my league. None the less she aroused many things within myself long forgotten since I was 16. So bad I wrote the sappyest damn song I never thought possible. Its called "Elusive Desire" which I think sums up this topic. It is totally opposite my typical anger filled, political and social, metal ready lyrics. LOL @ the hopeless romantic..... felt great though, a precious pain.

@ Cypher - I hope for your sake you do not remain totally barren your whole life, protection is one thing, an important thing but walls can get to sucking after awhile.

 

[psychobitch]

I also think it's important to think if you'd want a baby with somebody you've decided you're going to sleep with, with all of the problems in birthcontrol and things these days I've got too many girls I know who have had kids on the pill, or with a condom.

 

[Blowtus]

Is it important to be happy to die before you cross the road, too?