shit you wish bands would stop doing

[Satanstoenail]

I don't see the correlation between metal and long hair. I had long hair several years in advance of becoming interested in metal. Then I kept it short for a while, got into metal, eventually let it grow out again, and then I cut it again. There are also plenty of long haired men in other music scenes, as well as short haired / bald men in metal, ie. Muhammad Suicmez and Galder.

Stop being difficult.

 

[BlackMetalWhiteGuy]

I prefer my hair longer because I think it looks better. Why should I give a shit if some guitarist or his fans approve?

 

[Pelata]

I prefer my hair longer because I think it looks better. Why should I give a shit if some guitarist or his fans approve?

If you prefer it long, keep it long. I'm sure for many long haired people, thier hair has nothing to do with Metal.

But to deny that there is a correlation between long hair and Metal culture is simple denial. It's so intertwined that it's pretty much a cliche.

 

[Tans]

I wish for less Emo in some bands.

...and I wish Machine Head would suddenly play my local pub

 

[ohiogrinder]

Such is how Anal Cunt came about.
"You can start sucking anytime now. There you go. That's just fucking awful. We'll call it noisecore, act all pretentious, and make wankers feel good about themselves."

you just don't get it do you?

 

[ohiogrinder]

Isn't that the name of an Anal Cunt song too?

no, but it should be

 

[FerretallicA]

Ah. The old "Holding Magical Orbs" pose. Gotta do it to be in a death metal band.

Hooray for regionalisms. I always knew that as the "Mama mia" or "Ohhhh Mr. Hart" pose but it looks like everyone has their own term for it. Pineapple crushers wins though... Quite possibly the funniest thing I've heard all year.

 

[Cythraul]

Over here we call that the metal orb, or something like that. I've seen metalcore faggots doing it these days. Why do assholes always have to take something metal and make it shitty?

 

[mutantllama]

Over here we call that the metal orb, or something like that. I've seen metalcore faggots doing it these days. Why do assholes always have to take something metal and make it shitty?

Because they want to be metal???

 

[Cythraul]

Because they want to be metal???

Somebody needs to tell them that they can't be metal until they stop being fucking gay.

 

[ohiogrinder]

Somebody needs to tell them that they can't be metal until they stop being fucking gay.

QFT

 

[Enemy242]

wow, did I strike a nerve? besides, I'm being honest, not pretentious. big difference. Noisecore isn't meant to appeal to narrow-minded mainstream dickchuggers like yourself. its obvious that you miss the point entirely and have no idea what you are talking about. You're also probably from Relapse, so on ignore you go. go listen to some Clay Aiken or other mainstream garbage. this is a metal forum. please leave.

EDIT: I'm also suspecting you may be Blue Jay's new account as well.

you know what else, I saw your drummer wearing a Deicide shirt. they are one of the shittiest death metal bands ever. look at the bands in my sig. they own the shit out of anything Deicide has ever squeezed out of their rectums.

Furthermore, you play in a nu-wave thrash metal band that I guarantee within 5 years will not be able to get a gig cause no one will give a fuck about it anymore, much like nu metal and At The Gates-pilfering metalcore. noisecore will never succumb to trends, it is anti-music in its purest form, true punk rock. I can't wait to see your band's CD in the cutout bin.

wow i hope you don't really consider that shit you produce good, i can scratch and beat on walls and turn on chainsaws, that doesn't make you rebellious, it just makes you a retard. and good one making fun of my drummer, oh no you're so tr00, everyone is so mainstream but you're true underground posing for 5 pages of myspace pictures in your different band shirts. you sound like a 14 year old kid who just got into metal and thinks that by liking metal he's super cool because he's different than everyone else, its pretty sad.

 

[The Ozzman]

the long ass paragraph about Deicide sucking

Honestly, I can't get into Entombed. I'd much rather listen to Deicide.

 

[Hatebreeder]

Honestly, I can't get into Entombed. I'd much rather listen to Deicide.

I can't seem to get into either, though I've listened to much more Deicide than Entombed. Neither of them really warrant repeated listens for me.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Okay, I wish metal bands would quit having these retarded 2-minute acoustic instrumental tracks on their albums, or 1-minute ambient intros/outros. It doesn't fucking make you sound "deep" or "eclectic" or "diverse". It just points out how much you suck at writing music that isn't metal.

 

[ohiogrinder]

wow i hope you don't really consider that shit you produce good, i can scratch and beat on walls and turn on chainsaws, that doesn't make you rebellious, it just makes you a retard. and good one making fun of my drummer, oh no you're so tr00, everyone is so mainstream but you're true underground posing for 5 pages of myspace pictures in your different band shirts. you sound like a 14 year old kid who just got into metal and thinks that by liking metal he's super cool because he's different than everyone else, its pretty sad.

dude I've been into fucking metal and hardcore before you were even out of diapers you piece of shit. I've gone to shows, rocked out with some asskicking bands, and had great times. I don't give two fucks if you think my shit is talented, its a slap in the face of idiots like you who just don't get it. why don't you leave this fucking forum you little shit, before V5 bans your ass for trolling.

 

[BlackMetalWhiteGuy]

This has nothing to do with the bands themselves, but I hate it when I get a new CD and it's in the jewl case upside down, or sideways. It's like walking through an art exhibit in which the lazy staff hung the paintings up crooked.

If you prefer it long, keep it long. I'm sure for many long haired people, thier hair has nothing to do with Metal.

But to deny that there is a correlation between long hair and Metal culture is simple denial. It's so intertwined that it's pretty much a cliche.

Most of my metal friends have shaved heads, of very, very short hair. My brother and I are the only two who have or have had long hair, and most of our friends say we don't seem like the metal type. Or maybe we just don't wear enough black.

 

[Belligerent]

Okay, I wish metal bands would quit having these retarded 2-minute acoustic instrumental tracks on their albums, or 1-minute ambient intros/outros. It doesn't fucking make you sound "deep" or "eclectic" or "diverse". It just points out how much you suck at writing music that isn't metal.

Excluding Agalloch

 

[waif]

Singing about yourself. Rappers are the worst for it (though that's the least of their many punishing flaws) but there are many metal bands who can't resist having at least one song about themselves or how they're going to "come fuck you up". One of the main dark spots on Iron Maiden's career.

? That song is about an actual Iron Maiden, not the band itself, and it kicks fucking ass. The dark spot would be the 90's.

Ok, time for a long list.

First off, metalcore. I don't like it. There's just something about it...maybe the way all the bands use that gay lacey font, or the way it pretends to be metal...or maybe how it just sucks.

Next off, how every show I go to has way too many metalcore bands playing. Look at this:
Megadeth with In This Moment and The Confession
Amon Amarth with Sonic Syndicate and Thy Will Be Done (who were actually good)
Dragonforce with Killswitch Engage, Chimaira, and He Is Legend
Dragonforce with All That Remains and HORSE the Band
Sounds of the Underground is all metalcore, plus AA, Shadows Fall, and GWAR
And Iron Maiden's last US tour? Openers such as Bullet For My Valentine and Trivium. What the fuck is up with good metal bands touring with shitty metalcore bands? Is it just me?


Next: Packaging
Good: Lyrics, pictures, liner notes about the writing or recording of the album (a la the Sepultura reissues of Arise and Beneath The Remains, or the Megadeth Remasters)

Solid: Lyrics, pictures (a la the Maiden Reissues, which had all the single artwork too - well done)

Shitty: One single band photo, or just the copyright info (a la some of the Anthrax reissues, the Peaceville reissues of the first three At The Gates albums, et)

But best of all - lyrics, photos, background info, and a map of whatever fantasy world you're singing about. See Rhapsody - Legendary Tales to see how it should be done.

Live Performances
Dos:
Kick ass
Interact with the crowd (slapping hands and such)
Play sober
Poll the fans for setlists
Have a nice stage show
Know how to play your songs

Don't:
Suck
Ignore crowd
Play wasted
Create a shitty setlist
Rely on your stage show and crazy lighting to make up for a mediocre performance
Do the emo hop
Have crappy stage moves
Stand in place all night (Maiden gets a pass on this - Dave Murray and Adrian Smith stand in place, but Steve Harris and Bruce Dickinson run around)
Tour with metalcore bands
Set up quickly and then just sit around for 10 minutes (this happened at an Amon Amarth show - the roadies finished in 15 minutes, but the band didn't come on for another 15. I think this has more to do with the management of the venue than the band, but it really annoys me)
Cut your hair but still headbang
Wear your own band shirt
If the entire crowd is sitting down, just leave the stage.

Then there's image
Ok, don't look gay. Just irritating. But don't try to look hardcore and shit. Pictures should look fairly natural. Axes, corpsepaint, and all that bullshit look ridiculous. You're musicians, not clowns (I hope). Not to say there can be no corpsepaint, just...gets kind of ridiculous.
However, if the picture complements the music (i.e. Turisas band photos), go for it.
The main rule of image is: NO FUCKING EYESHADOW.

Lyrics:
Self absorbed lyrics are boring. I don't care about your fucking issues. Unless you actually mean it. And then you walk the thin line of becoming emo. So basically, self absorbed sentimental lyrics are tough to pull off. Better off singing about battles n shit.
Gruesomely violent lyrics are A) boring and B) gross. Why can't there be a brutal death metal band that uses typical hard rock lyrics about girls and cars, except with a death grunt?
Fantasy lyrics - remember, kids, if you're riding a dragon, you're gay.

Cover art: It shouldn't look shitty. All I have to say.

Number of tracks on an album: Should be 8 to 10, but don't write filler to inflate it.
Length of a solo: Should be as short as possible, because solos are only fun for the guitarist
Bonus tracks: NO MORE JAPANESE BONUS TRACKS! THEY JUST GET PIRATED ONLINE!
Covers: Please, do more covers! Covers are great. I love covers. Bands don't do enough of them. Just...it would be nice if they picked songs that people would be familiar with.

Selling out:
Is defined as: Making an alteration in the style of music, image, or whatever of a band for the sole purpose of making more money.
Examples:
Metallica - S/t (Load and Reload weren't really sell-outs - they were just doing their thing)
Megadeth - Everything between Youthanasia and The System Has Failed

Bashing religion for no real reason:
Gets really boring. Just put an inverted crucifix in some artwork and that's enough. We get - you play metal, therefore you wish to eat Jesus' entrails. Get in line.

Calling yourself KFK:
Does that stand for Kerry Fucking King? cause it sounds like Kentucky Fried Koalas or something. Who said you get to give yourself a nickname? And why would you pick "fucking" as a nickname?

 

[Txsxhx]

Okay, I wish metal bands would quit having these retarded 2-minute acoustic instrumental tracks on their albums, or 1-minute ambient intros/outros. It doesn't fucking make you sound "deep" or "eclectic" or "diverse". It just points out how much you suck at writing music that isn't metal.

I like them.