Special Trona Poll
- Thread starter cedarbreed
- Start date
Cerulean
Not very cerulean eh
Hmm just from now on I think I can see the state that you're in, Trona. I didn't know it was that serious. I don't wanna get involved in this discussion though, I'm sick of depression (both me being depressed or other people), I simply refuse to let feelings which could cause depression take part of me. And I've been feeling really okay for the past year or so. And just like Andy, I seem to have been in kind of the same situation. And I didn't really realise what I was saying to people or on the internet, and I don't think you realise either, until you've become better. But I'll say it again: I don't wanna get involved in this discussion.
Frodnat
New Metal Member
trona said:
This is paradox...!!! Do you really know what love is? Does love for you always involves that the beloved is hurting you?
This isn´t love this is pure fucking ADDICTION !!!
Sympathy for the asshole?! Sad to hear...
or is it all related to your past !!!
(Another explanation would be that Ben is a part of you, of your personality, another personality?)
@Trona you once said about a guy,living in Australia,is that him?ben?i bet you already know this doesnt do you any good.i dont mean to sound like a mum,but maybe you should get advice from someone that could help you out of this?
I'm sure you have lots of rich feelings,that could very well be accepted by someone that respects and gives you his positive feelings in return...If only you could turn page...?
I'm sure you have lots of rich feelings,that could very well be accepted by someone that respects and gives you his positive feelings in return...If only you could turn page...?
trona
New Metal Member
somnium_in_tenebris said:
I wish I could. It's been a year of growing feelings towards him.
Ben is very special to me, and he is not completely to blame for all he does either. He has many of his own problems which I do my best to accept as the root of all of the way he can be, but he also has been so so kind to me, made me feel completely at peace with the world, myself, and him, and can be a very good friend at times. I'm watching him be one to someone else right now. This hurts very much because I don't understand why i can't be as well right now, he shuts me out. So when he does not want to be, it is very bad with him.
He struggles with many things himself and he is very strong to deal with what he is dealing with. I admire him so much for it.
Frodnat, he isn't a part of an alter-ego complex, he exists.
And I love him unconditionally, I can't turn away from it. If you want to call that an addiction, so be it. I think it is what real love is. Nothing he has done has ever changed anything of how I feel towards him except just really scarred me, but I care for him just as much. He is like family to me.
Frodnat
New Metal Member
Do you really think that you both are capable of having a relationship with eachother? You both seem to be the target of all the extreme emotions each of you has... this causes many problems. You know there is something you have to achieve before you can love someone else, loving yourself.
And Trona, you said that you love Ben unconditionally. I think the opposite would be correct. If it hurts too much then turn away... and ask yourself why. Is it really the first time that you have such a twisted relationship to a person you adore?
You shouldn´t be the target of the generalized hate a person has... He has to hate someone else, not you. Maybe he is blind somehow.
btw... do you remember ???
And Trona, you said that you love Ben unconditionally. I think the opposite would be correct. If it hurts too much then turn away... and ask yourself why. Is it really the first time that you have such a twisted relationship to a person you adore?
You shouldn´t be the target of the generalized hate a person has... He has to hate someone else, not you. Maybe he is blind somehow.
btw... do you remember ???
Frodnat
New Metal Member
Susie
Member
trona
New Metal Member
Frodnat said:
I've been in love like this once before and was with that person for quite a while. It was very intense and volatile as well. But he was also very smart, like Ben but much different in most ways. He lived his life like a supernova.
Ben is mentally ill. I don't think he can always help it. This is what I just accept as where most of it comes from, as painful as it is. His parents have never helped him either and they did tremendous harm to him along the way. He suffers in all ways much more than me and the addictions he has developed to help him cope with the lacking in his life in turn keep him from experiencing the real world as it really is. I think he'd rather fantasize in these things, float in a dream world and through life than actually know that these things only go so far into reality. He even suggested this to me once but it was blatently obvious to me already, he sure didn't need to tell me it for me to know. Part of why he cannot get a grip on me and the reality of this situation. He has no real life experiences. I don't think he is fully aware of how real my pain from him is or how real my emotions about him are. He really doesn't realize, I don't think. Or how much he actually really hurts me. And if he does, then that is something I will find out myself when I see him, that he actually is the kind of person who enjoys other people's suffering.
I love my life, but just not how I feel most of the time.
And do I remember what? My past? Most of it. I remember all the stuff that has made me what I am now.
Susie
Member
haha he is the coolest guy , i can see why you would want to be himLight said:Thank you my dear.
That's what I want to look like when I grow up.
trona
New Metal Member
Bastet said:
By the way, I see stuff on here that offends me often, but then again, I'm an American and we are prudes to some things. And it is mainly the strange photos Suzie digs up that offend, we just don't have the stomach here for it here!
p.s. and Light's avatar. WTF?!
Cerulean
Not very cerulean eh
trona
New Metal Member
Cerulean said:
Let me explain their writing(and you've only seen very little of it) once and for all. It is not meant to be funny, it is meant to point a direct finger at the hypocrisy in each and every one of us surrounding these issues, issues of violence, agression, sex, religion, racism, prejudice in general, all condoned by our societies and the way we live as people supporting it and always lying to ourselves about it in us, and how it is used to control us. Look at how people react when they don't sit back and try to understand what is being said. Violently. Blindly.
These writings of Ben, Chris and Raf's are complete sarcasm, satire, etc. It is meant to be a knife in your heart filled with it's own hypocrisies. We as societies support all of these abuses if it is being sold to us through the media, through religion, sexism, use of minors to sell everything through pseudo-sex, stereotypes we idolize to emulate which keep us down, or used to control us by any outside force that wants to. Why? Hypocrisy. We can't see it.
This is a peom that Chris, Ben's brother wrote that I think explains their intentions well. I hope it does not offend some people, it is not meant to, ok? Just read it, please, with an open mind. There is nothing offensive in it, it isn't like the others.
Chris, this poem kicks ASS.
.
.
.
.
The dissipated stench of death
with clothing bearing dissipated breath
from people breathing into sleaves
or coughing, the mouths the sleaves would sheathe
Or the front of the shirt,
when cars go by,
breathing into cotton
cause the fumes are rotton
and water in the eye
as they drive by.
The smell of the leaves
the sense it bereaves
and soon I'll be gone
and the park will be full
with the hundreds, or tens
of locals who party
by throwing their frisbees
a little too hearty
and they'll feed kids on disney
to pass the time
no more reading books
full of nursury rhyme.
The television is on
and the cigarette lit
and the nights are long
with coughing fits
as the kids use their sleaves
to cover their mouths
as their parents light death
inside their own house
and the sleave sheathe will capture
the kids caught in rapture
or maybe just caught
uncommonly short
stunted growth
rather gross
people smell horrid
their souls smell putrid
their eyes are bloodshot
their minds are stupid.
The drugs are relations
to death and sensations
and pop revelations
channelled reincarnation?
dancing with death yet
right on death's doorstep
having drugs while she's pregnant
is fucking ignorant
and the crack baby screams
and she'll just get adopted
to a family with a different name
self esteem maybe propped up
but for every good situation
a million are bad
parents natural and borrowed
make children all sad.
New adults come forth
from their childhood from hell
can't read or spell,
Social skills have fell
from the place that they dwell
or should, perhaps would
if the people on top
wouldn't be so damn greedy
but they won't stop.
And they'll light up the screen
and they'll put on a show
and the sight will be seen
Dark night... tv glows.
And the lower class suffers
on the smoke of their mothers
to supress the pain
and the shaking and strain
from the beating from daddy
who is off in his caddy
now someone else is suspecting
maybe they'll be expecting
and the child'll be mummy
at age 14 dummy
in the child's mouth
so it can't scream or shout
and the education goes on
the "mis" part grows strong
And they hate their own lives
cause they don't know how to change it
men beat their own wives
it's how we arrange it
emotional outburst
forgotten with a drink
and the outburst will get worse
when he can't think
and the child who's lucky that he's got a father
cries to sleep, cause daddy hits harder
than mummy or grandma or even the teacher
who's stupid as well cause they didn't even teach her
cause the wages are corrupted
and out of proportion
Government needs to be interrupted
and stripped of a portion
as the politician business man
makes his little business plan
Of doctors and lawyers he's a fan
And he'll do what he can
to increase his income
so the money will come
into his hands
from other lands
from gold and oil
great lands they spoil
and people they slaughter
no good drinking-water
so supply of rations
that's out of fashion
as the capitalist weapons shine
in the hand of the ruler
of a third world country
where the people are crueler.
But that's not right,
people are the same all over
all people are liars
like a 3 leaf clover
everyone is the same
they're all stupid and greedy
make the rich poor and the poor rich
soon you would all see
The pettiness of people
born into money
is the same as that in poverty
and it's not funny.
And it's not ironic
and it's not powerful
and it's not demonic
that's just how it is.
People are dying
being born, and killing.
For every one gone
another is willing
to fill the roles set out
by a history of lies
and a history of truth
that is full of goodbyes
for the endless truth is very near
there's no heaven or hell
we just disappear.
trona
New Metal Member
