The best jokes..

outrageous

METAL MAIDEN
Nov 26, 2005
875
1
38
Richmond, Syd
www.myspace.com
To lighten the mood around here even more, post the best joke you have ever heard.. no matter how offensive :p and post some others that will actually make people laugh!

I would start it off but I want to start it off in a good way, and right now I have no worthy jokes...:)
 
Two ducks are on their honeymoon . As they're about to make love the male realizes he doesn't have a rubber (oh , no!) . So he calls room service and the clerk says , "Yes , we have some . So do you want me to put that on your bill ?" And the duck says , "No , don't do that - I'll suffocate !" :D
 
:Spin: Chapped Lips :Spin:

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"

:loco: :loco: :loco:
 
An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"

Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.

Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!

Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).

He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will have hit the federal cap of $9500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st, 1998.

If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?

But:

Jordan will have to save 100% of his income for 270 years to have a net worth equivalent to that of Bill Gates.

Nerds win!
 
How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a light-bulb???

Two...One to hold the bulb..and One to drink until the room spins..heh..