The definite, new "How Do You Feel" Thread

[marduk1507]

@fireangel: well, I said what I said about my wife and its true, shes a wonderful person, nice of you to remind me of it. Its just that even the most wonderful people sometimes annoy the hell out of you and you are too tired to give it the upteenth try, cause it happens so often. I said I was gentle, I dont push her to say things. Its that "I dont know..." reply that scares me most.

 

[Magrathean]

solefald: What marduk said. Most women don't know what they want and/or get scared the moment the relationship starts to get serious. And some like having guys beg them to be with them, so they do all kinds of stupid shit to achieve that. Eh, i've given up trying to understand people. Chances are you'll never find "that perfect person". Most people end up with someone who doesn't really make them that happy. There's always pain, and pain from love hurts like hell. And that's the reason i've given up on love, but that's another story and one you probably don't care about. Just forget about her, man. If she's the kind of person who does that shit to people, then you're better off without her.

marduk: I don't want to imply anything (and please don't take what i said to solefald personal), but maybe there isn't anything to say, like you said. In that case, nothing makes much sense, does it? Maybe you guys just need to talk, who knows? Just don't let her make you believe that it really is you that has a problem.

Dafne: =) Yes. "I'm not sick, i'm just different" (taken from something i wrote once). And yes, i agree with you in that both most women and most men are fucked up as persons and do totally fucked up shit like marduk's wife and solefald's ex, but it's true that most women don't seem to know what they want (men have different problems).

fireangel: Don't you think one of the main things about love is the supposed absolute trust there is between the two persons? If something is bothering you, you tell your partner, even if it's your fault. That's what relationships are all about: finding someone who will care about you and trust you and be there for you and understand you and so on.

Now feeling: Somewhat better. Determined to try even harder (although i don't really know how). Some of the tension has been relieved (or so it might seem), and i don't feel that stupid anymore.

 

[marduk1507]

@UC: Welll, thats what forums are for, arent they? I felt much better myself last night.

 

[fireangel]

marduk: I don't want to imply anything (and please don't take what i said to solefald personal), but maybe there isn't anything to say, like you said. In that case, nothing makes much sense, does it? .

They are not that old that they could have possibly said it all yet They surely had a reason for their marriage, and then you don´t just give up when there is a crisis. You know, "staying together and support each other in good and bad times". =) When you think in terms of a lifetime, what is half a year with a problem? And we possibly can´t know what is the deeper reason for her behaviour, it should be found out before anyone could judge that. Maybe it has to do with both of them? Could also be what she´d have to say would be something that bothers her about Marduk and she doesn´t want to hurt him so she is still in the process of figuring it out?

fireangel: Don't you think one of the main things about love is the supposed absolute trust there is between the two persons? If something is bothering you, you tell your partner, even if it's your fault. That's what relationships are all about: finding someone who will care about you and trust you and be there for you and understand you and so on.

Now feeling: Somewhat better. Determined to try even harder (although i don't really know how). Some of the tension has been relieved (or so it might seem), and i don't feel that stupid anymore.

Good to hear you feel better

And sure, trust is an important factor, but it would be quite too easy to say: She doesn´t trust him and that´s why she isn´t telling it. You could also see it the other way round: he should trust in her, that her problem it is not easy to tell and just allow more time

I would theoretically say or comment much more on relationship-stuff and love, but as some people know, Salamurhaaja is my boyfriend/fiancé and we prefer to keep our life in private. But inevitably everything I would say on this allows conclusions on what I / we would do or think and that should only matter to us.

 

[solefald]

@UC: Welll, thats what forums are for, arent they? I felt much better myself last night.

well thx for your nice words marduk.I hope your get a better solution to your situation than me.as you 2 are married there must be a lot of trust in your realtionship...I hope for you it isnt gone with the wind...
its hard to find someone to trust or feel in this world but if you find someone who seemes to care of you, dont forget that also these people are the backstabbers with the longer knifes...thats what happend to me last week.

anyway one problem less, its time to challenge new horizonts and forget the dark past...like UndoCOntrol said.thx man.

 

[Dafne]

Most women don't know what they want and/or get scared the moment the relationship starts to get serious. And some like having guys beg them to be with them, so they do all kinds of stupid shit to achieve that.

hey it's what GIRLS think about men!!! the same!!! so it is just a different perspective... and i quit since ages to think girls vs boys but just good ppl vs bad ppl... and anyway at least in Italy it is very common that boys escape 21336536 km away when the relationship is going to get serious...

Don't you think one of the main things about love is the supposed absolute trust there is between the two persons? If something is bothering you, you tell your partner, even if it's your fault. That's what relationships are all about: finding someone who will care about you and trust you and be there for you and understand you and so on.

I TOTALLY AGREE but it seems like that it's only one OFTEN who acts that way...

 

[Dafne]

its hard to find someone to trust or feel in this world but if you find someone who seemes to care of you, dont forget that also these people are the backstabbers with the longer knifes...thats what happend to me last week.

you know I understand you sssssssssssso much, it happened to me too, not last week but many many weeks (months to be exact) ago and now that time has passed by and I'm ok again I feel so much stronger and I 've forgotten that person. It took lots lots lots of committment in "removing" (i dunno if it's correct, in italian we call removal when you try to totally cancel things from your mind) ABSOLUTELY ALL about him, but now it seems so strange to think he HAD BEEN the most important person in my life for LOTS of year. Now i don't even feel anger, absolutely nothing for him, and believe me when you reach that point wow it's so great! hope for you will be the same!

 

[Dafne]

I would theoretically say or comment much more on relationship-stuff and love, but as some people know, Salamurhaaja is my boyfriend/fiancé and we prefer to keep our life in private. But inevitably everything I would say on this allows conclusions on what I / we would do or think and that should only matter to us.

oh well but you can speak in general or just from your perspective, without telling us private things...
and you know yep you are right, we must see both perspectives in a relationship but i think that at a certain point all we have to do is to forget and to turn the page... I mean, sometimes the reason for a split-up is beyond the acting of your (your in general) partner, and some ppl don't wanna go on in the relationship just cos they have a personal crisis for instance... at that point the partner may be the best in the world but the other want to split it up, so...

 

[Magrathean]

marduk: Good to know. =)

fireangel: Yes, you have a point there (about marduk's thing). And thanks for caring! =) I didn't know you two were together. I wish the best to you two.

solefald: Anytime, man. And remember (just a tip for future relationships): never put anyone before yourself.

Dafne: I quit that ages ago too. I'm not trying to start/continue a girls-vs-boys war, i'm just talking out of personal experience. Of course, i wouldn't know whether boys are the same as girls in that matter since i'vew never been with a boy and i'm not like that (i.e. being afraid, not knowing what i want) even though i'm a boy. I'm sorry if i offended you in some way. About what you said to solefald, i was there months ago too, and then i forgot her, and then someone even more important came along, and now i'm in the process of "removing" everything about her too.

 

[solefald]

@undocontrol youre right(again)
but im really angry and sad about what she did but Im not sitting around here and want her back and things like this. seems to be a good sign.
NF:better.tomorrow me and my paper-tech class gonna visit a papermill.so it seems to be a good day with beer and paper...

 

[marduk1507]

Hehe, this thread is finally worth it!

The problem is (at least for me) the fight between two consciences, so to speak - the religious and the existential. The first tells you to be altruistic, to put others before your self, in short to care more about the other peeps problems than about your own. The latter is quite the opposite, it tells you to lead an "authentic" life, meaning to pursue your own goals no matter what. The first tells you there are people around you, the second that you are all alone. Now, I went through phases when the first was really strong, then the second and now Im trying to find a ballance between both. But its fucking hard and it costs me a lot of nerves and strentgh. The point is that Im at least trying, but it seems to me that the people around me dont give a shit, that they act like theyre perfect. So, trying is fucking annoying sometimes (especially when you simply cannot not to).

 

[King Chaos]

@sole: you just have to get over the fact that most women have absolutely no idea of what they want.

haha first time I've looked at this thread in a while and straight away Im like "YES!!!". Very good.

@Solefald: Ah that sucks man, but listen to Marduk... Marduk knows.

NF: I've had cold for three weeks, so I think it's actually either aids, TB or bird flu. I finally got a job... And then got another job at the same time. Now I have two part time jobs. University is kind of like a breeze... but also kind of shit. It's alot of bussing around... but the work is easy as hell. I been making lots of music recently and kicking ass in a new band that should be gigging soon. Edguy are touring at my home town. I'm so happy. Still no love life or owt... but not too bothered. Been having some fucking insane dreams though.

 

[Dafne]

Hehe, this thread is finally worth it!

The problem is (at least for me) the fight between two consciences, so to speak - the religious and the existential. The first tells you to be altruistic, to put others before your self, in short to care more about the other peeps problems than about your own. The latter is quite the opposite, it tells you to lead an "authentic" life, meaning to pursue your own goals no matter what. The first tells you there are people around you, the second that you are all alone. Now, I went through phases when the first was really strong, then the second and now Im trying to find a ballance between both. But its fucking hard and it costs me a lot of nerves and strentgh. The point is that Im at least trying, but it seems to me that the people around me dont give a shit, that they act like theyre perfect. So, trying is fucking annoying sometimes (especially when you simply cannot not to).

oh yeah I agree with you and I feel that way too!(even if i'm not into religion). and i think when you feel alone you take the risk to be angry with the all the ppl and feeling "MORE" alone again... and it's so damn hard!!!and when love hurts a lot it's also so damn hard to be positive and fall in love again and give trust to other ppl...

@Undo: oh no i didn't get any offense!!!at all!!! mine was just a talk, you know, I was just considering things... sorry if i gave the sensation i was getting offended!!! and that's great to hear that you too removed all about her! and greater thing, you have another important person me, I did cancel him trying to concentrate on other passions i have, music and friends first of all, and no there's no one important in my life yet, maybe cos to "remove" him I really concentrated on myself and... I'm going on that way

 

[Magrathean]

solefald: Good to know you're feeling better.

marduk: Indeed, i also often get tired of trying and failing. But i guess either we're stuck with trying or we choose the only way out (suicide), which i don't think is an option for you at this moment at least. I think somewhat of a balance would be to think that you are alone and that the best thing to do is to put yourself before others always (without going to the extreme situation of not giving a shit whether others are suffering because of you, of course) but that once in a while someone will come around and make you feel like life isn't total shit. I don't know, i do believe we are truly alone and that an attempt to establish a bridge between two people will either eventually be destroyed or miserably fail to be an absolute connection like it was intended to be.

Chaos: That's cool that you're feeling good about your band and not too bad about love. Hope university gets better, though.

Dafne: Good to know you weren't offended. It's not that it seemed you were, but i tend to offend people without realizing and then wonder why they won't be nice to me. =P About love and removing: i said i'd removed all about the first of the two girls who were really important in my life, but i think that what i said about the second girl sounded like we were still together; we broke up about two months ago, and now i'm in the process of "removing" her as well (she will always be an important part of my life as she's the person i've loved the most in my life and i really admire her in several ways, but i'm trying not to feel for her anymore). Anywho, i think it's a good thing to concentrate on yourself rather than on someone else. =)

Now feeling: Much better. Like everything is kind of back to normal. While still caring about my friends, i'm not letting their problems get me depressed, which is cool, and i think i'm on the way to solve my own problems. Military service in Mexico is a strange thing: they "randomly" pick out about a fourth of the male population who is 18 years old to do military service for a year, and the other 3/4 don't have to (kind of like a bingo contest where they take out balls and call out a name; if you get a white ball, you have to march, and if you get a black ball then you don't); i don't have to march, which is amazing, seeing as i'd have to drive all the way to Mexico City and march every saturday for a year if i had to march, which would suck bigtime. And i'm okay with not having a girlfriend, which is kind of new for me and feels amazing. =) Thanks to all you guys who helped me out when i was down!

 

[hyena]

sorry everyone but i don't think i can catch up with/reply to the individual posts, so just do as someone who's received my very smart advice.

nf: pretty ewww. i almost was in a VERY BAD car crash. then i actually was in a small one. i was right, but the annoyance of having to repair my car is quite large. i am also going through a training program which is taking a large toll on my nerves. and i have to go to sleep soon because i need to wake up at 7 to drive to the training centre and risk awful car crashes.

 

[Magrathean]

hyena: If you don't mind my asking, what are you training for?

Hell, all that talk about car crashes reminds me that i have to get my car's bumpers. It's going to be more or less 6500 pesos (about 600 usd or 500 euros).. gotta start saving... =(

 

[marduk1507]

nf: 3 bottles of blue portugal with a good friend, hey ho! Quite well, actually!

 

[rahvin]

sorry everyone but i don't think i can catch up with/reply to the individual posts, so just do as someone who's received my very smart advice.

thanks for summing up the way i feel about this thread everyday.

also: dafne is giving advice for ten people and deserves a medal.

also: don't be in car accidents.

also: i thought you already sold your car.

 

[marduk1507]

WoW!!

 

[Dafne]

also: dafne is giving advice for ten people and deserves a medal.

eheheh, i don't think i gave advice but just a "I-wanna-share-this" thing and it's sad that "love hurts" is a very common subject! and thank you for the medal! hope it's a gold one!

Anywho, i think it's a good thing to concentrate on yourself rather than on someone else. =)
I think somewhat of a balance would be to think that you are alone and that the best thing to do is to put yourself before others always (without going to the extreme situation of not giving a shit whether others are suffering because of you, of course) but that once in a while someone will come around and make you feel like life isn't total shit.

wow it's great what you said!!!