The definite, new "How Do You Feel" Thread

[Schwedentod]

OK, now I answered quite much, although I'm f**king tired. I wish you all a good night, until tomorrow. Need more sleep...

 

[Magrathean]

'Night. Keep us informed.

 

[rahvin]

You explaining what that particular phrase means would be almost as satisfactory.

that the ending or resolution of events holds the key to interpret and give value to said events. or, that you can only express an opinion on things based on how they turn out to be in the end.

see, it's three words in latin, it's not her fault.

 

[TheFourthHorseman]

Also about that "too-young"-point of TFH, I´d just say the opposite. Now he has surely the energy to deal with a possible long-distance relationship. I think if both of them want to, they should just try and see how it goes. Then maybe in one or two years, there is enough experience and knowledge to decide what to do next, or if one of them moves country and so on, or if they want to stop. But no-one can know before they tried.

Why waste energy into something that doesn't lead anywhere? One or two years...well, it's not necessarily too long, but I don't see why waste all that time either. Just meet as often as possible and see if it works, it's not like it takes two years to see if you fit together. With older age there would be the advantage of both being free to take leave of whatever posessions they have and probably have the financial conditions for it too, but now it's not so simple if either of them, or both, are living with their parents and not necessarily working since they might be busy studying.
Of course no one can know anything before they've tried, but you can go so far with that...no one can know that an atom bomb dropped in the middle of a city will completely destroy it, but most likely it will.
The point of what I'm trying to say is that if you're going to have a long-distance relationship, you should pretty much at all times work towards making it stop being one.
But it should be mentioned that I'm just saying this for the sake of debate mostly, since it doesn't wholly apply to Schwedentod.

TFH: Do you know how old I am? (OK, just realize there's my HP...) I think, this is no matter of age, and maybe a long-distance relationship might be better in my situation right now because in 1 year I'm free, finished my studies and can - more or less - go wherever I want.

At least you're not 50 so I'm saved from some humiliation. For some reason I didn't think you'd be too old...well, I suppose you have better changes of making it work then.
Of course I hope that you two work it out if you think it's worth pursuing.
(What do you mean with 'HP'?)

 

[hyena]

@fireangel: you quite possibly did not understand a word of what i was trying to say.

@tfh: well, what rahvin said. and then again i'm high-brow and all, i speak in tongues.

 

[Human Desert]

Had a pretty bad day, i didnt pay my ticket to take the subway today, and guess what?? they were checking tickets today, and i got a 72euros fee to pay in the next 3 days

That's so annoying. They check the tickets so rarely, at least here, and the one time you don't have a ticket you get caught I usually have a ticket, and they never come and check it
Though here the fee is "only" 60euros and has to be paid within a week.

 

[Schwedentod]

At least you're not 50 so I'm saved from some humiliation. For some reason I didn't think you'd be too old...well, I suppose you have better changes of making it work then.
Of course I hope that you two work it out if you think it's worth pursuing.
(What do you mean with 'HP'?)

HP = Homepage... In "about me/ contact you find everything you ever wanted to know about me...

NF: Going to have a coffee now. Prepared by a finnish girl. ...

 

[fireangel]

hyena: well, yes, that´s not difficult

Why waste energy into something that doesn't lead anywhere? One or two years...well, it's not necessarily too long, but I don't see why waste all that time either. Just meet as often as possible and see if it works, it's not like it takes two years to see if you fit together. With older age there would be the advantage of both being free to take leave of whatever posessions they have and probably have the financial conditions for it too, but now it's not so simple if either of them, or both, are living with their parents and not necessarily working since they might be busy studying.(..)
The point of what I'm trying to say is that if you're going to have a long-distance relationship, you should pretty much at all times work towards making it stop being one.
But it should be mentioned that I'm just saying this for the sake of debate mostly, since it doesn't wholly apply to Schwedentod.

I might explain more. What I said were suggestions from a distance. I don´t know Schwedentod, so I can only say a few things and hope that they are helping a bit. Of course they can meet as often as they have the chance to, and it doesn´t take 2 years to find out about how serious their relationship is. What I mean is, that with a decision now, it´s not carrying the weight of the world, meaning that now you shouldn´t worry too much if that will work forever and just go for it if you feel so. The answers will show themselves.
But they could still be in love and still would know more about each other in one or two years time, so that then they would feel able to make bigger decisions, and as Schwedentod said well, then they are finished with education and have more freedom. I think now it´s easy to deal with lots of travels and separations because it doesn´t bother you that much for what you´re gaining. Sure you can work towards a LDR being one in the same city, but it could equally happen at home, that you meet someone and are only together for a few months, so in both situations you would "invest energy in something that doesn´t lead to anywhere". You invest feelings with all kinds of people all your life, and you cannot save them up.
This is all said because Schwedentod is still unsure about what to do. If he was completely sure, he would know the answer by himself.

I personally have a different experience, because I was sure from a very early time on and I anyhow wanted to move country, if I had met Salamurhaaja or not, and there are completely different circumstances, so the things told above don´t apply to me, but since Schwedentod is in a bit different situation at the moment, I said what I found reasonable for that case. It wouldn´t be right to just apply my personal answer to someone else´s life, or to say, well, if you have to think about it, and don´t know like a flash by heart, it´s not the right thing or something like that.

 

[Dark_Silence]

That's so annoying. They check the tickets so rarely, at least here, and the one time you don't have a ticket you get caught I usually have a ticket, and they never come and check it
Though here the fee is "only" 60euros and has to be paid within a week.

NF: Another dead pet..

yeah usually thet never check tickets but the one time i didnt pay they did

 

[Hiljainen]

heh, the only smart thing they did in the town where i study is free buses for students :Spin:

NF: bubu

 

[Magrathean]

I envy that feeling of yours, Hiljainen.

 

[La Rocque]

Everything is beautiful

 

[Magrathean]

Cool. What's the reason?

NF: Wanting not to care about certain stuff. A girl i used to like likes another boy. I suppose i shouldn't care because a) i used to like her and b) i shouldn't really let people hurt me that way.

 

[TheFourthHorseman]

But they could still be in love and still would know more about each other in one or two years time, so that then they would feel able to make bigger decisions, and as Schwedentod said well, then they are finished with education and have more freedom. I think now it´s easy to deal with lots of travels and separations because it doesn´t bother you that much for what you´re gaining.

Which is what I said as well with "With older age there would be the advantage of both being free to take leave of whatever posessions they have and probably have the financial conditions for it too", even if I didn't know that this was more or less the case with Schwedentod.
I still don't think that it would be easy to deal with the separation though.

I personally have a different experience, because I was sure from a very early time on and I anyhow wanted to move country, if I had met Salamurhaaja or not, and there are completely different circumstances, so the things told above don´t apply to me, but since Schwedentod is in a bit different situation at the moment, I said what I found reasonable for that case. It wouldn´t be right to just apply my personal answer to someone else´s life, or to say, well, if you have to think about it, and don´t know like a flash by heart, it´s not the right thing or something like that.

So what exactly are you trying to say with this?

My fault was writing as if to a teenager when it wasn't so.
I'm just fairly sure that most long-distance relationships fail with much more certainty than their non-distanced counterparts. That's all.

 

[fireangel]

Which is what I said as well with "With older age there would be the advantage of both being free to take leave of whatever posessions they have and probably have the financial conditions for it too", even if I didn't know that this was more or less the case with Schwedentod.

yes, correct, but I understood you this way, that you said: If they were older, it would be easier. You said "now it´s not so simple" and "at your age (even though you probably didn´t mean that_young as turned out) it´s a no no". So I understood that you meant: now it´s difficult because they are so young. If they were older now , it would be easier.
Then my reply was, that now they "have to" start the relationship if they later want to reap the benefits of a finished education and more money, like a combined thing. So that if they are willing to deal with the problems of distance now, it will become easier with time because of their personal situation.

So what exactly are you trying to say with this?

what I wrote
Well, to refine it: For me, everything fitted together and I knew the answers by heart. I also didn´t have to contemplain whether I later relocate for the relationship and what to do with my future because I had thought and decided about that already years before.
Because as you said, most people living in separate places want to live together sooner or later, so now Schwedentod and his girl probably think about how to solve that and how long time it might take, which is why they are probably thinking about whether to start a LDR at_all, the point that is currently in discussion.
I wrote some contributions and opinions before which hopefully suited to Schwedentod´s situation, because I don´t think that my situation applies to everyone. Because if I would do, I´d simply say that they must know by heart and that then he wouldn´t be here in the forum talking about his situation. But people live different lives, so I´d find it a bit arrogant to assume that the way I think and feel does apply to other people. That´s why my opinion about my own life and about others´ life can result in different advices.
But probably now I think about it, the only way Schwedentod can find out is by talking to his girl and spending time with her right these times =)

 

[Schwedentod]

fireangel: You moved? From where to where?

I think it might be a problem here. I only speak German, English and a little Swedish (OK, learned french in school, but almost everything's gone, sadly...). Learning Swedish properly wouldn't be a big problem, but Finnish... She is one of the swedish-speaking Finns, but Without any Finnish, I wouldn't have big chances I think...

 

[TheFourthHorseman]

yes, correct, but I understood you this way, that you said: If they were older, it would be easier. You said "now it´s not so simple" and "at your age (even though you probably didn´t mean that_young as turned out) it´s a no no". So I understood that you meant: now it´s difficult because they are so young. If they were older now , it would be easier.

By then you had surely noticed that I was mistaken about Schwedentod's age, so you could just have come to the conclusion that I at least agreed with you about people who are done with their studies, don't live at home etc. having better chances. I even said that I'm only saying it for the sake of debate. But ok whatever.

Well, to refine it: For me, everything fitted together and I knew the answers by heart. I also didn´t have to contemplain whether I later relocate for the relationship and what to do with my future because I had thought and decided about that already years before.
Because as you said, most people living in separate places want to live together sooner or later, so now Schwedentod and his girl probably think about how to solve that and how long time it might take, which is why they are probably thinking about whether to start a LDR at_all, the point that is currently in discussion.
I wrote some contributions and opinions before which hopefully suited to Schwedentod´s situation, because I don´t think that my situation applies to everyone. Because if I would do, I´d simply say that they must know by heart and that then he wouldn´t be here in the forum talking about his situation. But people live different lives, so I´d find it a bit arrogant to assume that the way I think and feel does apply to other people. That´s why my opinion about my own life and about others´ life can result in different advices.

I just don't understand the relevancy. It's as if we somehow need to know of your personal experience or, as it appeared to me at first, you were trying to tell me between the lines that I'm letting my personal experience affect my judgement. But that's probably just my bitter self behind that thought.

And as I said, I don't think the point of this discussion, at least for me, is anymore Schwedentod's prospect of a long-distance relationship, but long-distance relationships in general.

 

[fireangel]

By then you had surely noticed that I was mistaken about Schwedentod's age, so you could just have come to the conclusion that I at least agreed with you about people who are done with their studies, don't live at home etc. having better chances. I even said that I'm only saying it for the sake of debate. But ok whatever.

I wasn´t sure if you were mistaken or really meant that after your first post concerning age. But this is one of the moments where it would be a lot easier if all contributors would be in the same room and could talk

I just don't understand the relevancy. It's as if we somehow need to know of your personal experience

If you don´t understand what I re-explained in my latest post, then I don´t know any other way to explain anymore, sorry.

or, as it appeared to me at first, you were trying to tell me between the lines that I'm letting my personal experience affect my judgement.

no

And as I said, I don't think the point of this discussion, at least for me, is anymore Schwedentod's prospect of a long-distance relationship, but long-distance relationships in general.

That´s what happens to 98% of discussions here


Schwedentod: no, I haven´t moved yet, but I plan to do so.

Concerning the language, that´s a tough obstacle for sure. You just have to see to learn as much as possible. And probably your friend knows more about how to get along in Finland with mainly Swedish, since she is of the
Swedish-speaking community and maybe knows about or heard of other people who speak Swedish but not Finnish (I suppose she herself does know both languages because it´s obligatory at school). Or you consider living in Sweden later Of course she could also study German and move to your country.

PS: To The Fourth Horseman: These are examples for what I meant with "you have to see how it goes after 1-2 years" - if then you will see for sure about all the organizational background and whether you are really willing to still do all that.

 

[Hitori]

i agree with TFH, if you don't have any chances to move to the same country in the nearby future, or the ecnomic resources to visit each other very often, it's extremely difficult for it to work out in the long term. even though yes, i know of cases in which it has happened.

NF: very very pissed off. i've been working on a final project for the last two days, only to find out the computer lab where i save everything was closed today. as i have to hand it in half an hour, ive been designing my project in 2 hours instead of the 8 i'd already done, so it sucks.

 

[Siren]

i agree with TFH, if you don't have any chances to move to the same country in the nearby future, or the economic resources to visit each other very often, it's extremely difficult for it to work out in the long term. even though yes, i know of cases in which it has happened.

this sums it up for me.