The Dreams Thread

[Oblivious Maximus]

I go downstairs to put some wood in my stove. After putting a few pieces in I turn to go back upstairs when in the corner of my right eye I see an elderly wizard in a black cloak and witches hat hobbling over and shaking his fist at me speaking in a vernacular that sounds like a combination of hillbilly and Snoop Dogg yelling out "Yuh dang dum varmint yuh forgot to shizzut the stizzove!" I look and see that indeed, I had forgotten to close the handle tightly, so I close it and walk back up the stairs when a techno/industrial song plays with the wizards cry of "Yuh forgot to shizzut the stizzove!" loops over and over in a variety of pitches.

The wizard taunted me yet again the other night. I get up and attempt to slide my feet into my slippers but since I didn't turn on a light I can't find them. While I'm doing a deranged form of line dancing trying to find my slippers in the dark, out of the blackness comes the wizard singing in a pirate voice "YA CAN'T FIND YER SLIPPERS?! WHUDA YUH MEAN YA CAN'T FIND YER SLIPPERS?!" I find my slippers after eventually turning on a light and the wizards taunts regarding my inability to locate footwear begin looping over metal riffs.

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

i look like a clone of my dad
and my dad has a huge amount of baby-mamas

in my dream last night
a girl that has my face starts flirting with me in Starbucks, and the room shimmers and morphs into me fucking her in a bedroom and after sex she tells me she's my father's daughter

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

I almost never recall my dreams but last night I dreamed I was in France and I had no pants, just tighty whities and the small bulge of my flaccid sausage and I had to call an uber.

I look at the app on my phone and see the car coming, it takes a stupid inefficient route but it arrives and the driver is a French guy, he says allo, hi in a french accent. Wanting to show off my french I say salut, çava? Tres bien tres bien, he says and notices I have no pants, questce qui s’est passé? (What happened?)

Jai perdue mes pantalons mec, quand je me suis reveillé ils sont disparue! (I lost my pants dude, when I woke up they disappeared!)

Ah vraiment? He starts looking at my junk lustfully. I feel uncomfortable and try to cross my legs. He flashes a wry smile and moves his eyebrows up and down. He is not bad looking. My small bulge starts becoming an erection and I wake up

arg's subconsciousness is starting to realize that guys have buttholes, too.

That's pretty gay bro, even my homoerotic dreams usually begin with a pretense of heterosexuality, like a hot woman suddenly morphing into a dude and promising to let me fuck her if she/he has their way with me first. This is what happens when you feed your carnal desires, pretty soon you'll be unable to get off to anything less than necrotic horse anus in a sex barn.

He'll be cruising Euro tranny spots in no time.

is it really gay that i frequently dream of tranny pornstar Sarina Valentina??

 

[Oblivious Maximus]

Remembered this gem. I'm in what is either a motel or an apartment and watching someone who looks a bit like Sarah Gilbert during the later years of the original Rosanne series packing a suitcase and say "Best of luck in your future endeavors". We might be cousins. We hug. After that I walk down a set of stairs and start hearing a song that isn't real. It had a laid back, 90's stoner kind of vibe with a rumbling bass line and real lazy vocals. Think the guy from Cake. The lyrics were "Richard doesn't wanna kayak today" over and over. Then all of a sudden I'm sledding down a hill and the song is still playing.

 

[Einherjar86]

We'd collected art and hung it on the walls of a small room. Largely abstract and expressive, it elicited particular feelings and sensations in us when we looked at it. As time went on, we realized the art was getting harder to see, as though the light in the room was dimming. Eventually, the room--once colorful--had turned dusty, bleak, and gray; and we had turned into some kind of sterile, prostrate cocooned figures--like mummified corpses yet somehow conscious, although we weren't fully aware of what was happening to us. We commented on the state of the room, but didn't know why it had dimmed. At some point it became clear that it was our doing, that we had somehow consumed the art into chalky dustiness, ash.

Then we turned on each other. At the base of our cocooned figures were two taloned feet, which one of my counterparts began using to dig into me. I understood that I was being ground up. A creepy mantra accompanied this practice ("Digging, digging, digging," or something along those lines). I resisted this attack, squirming and screaming. My discomfort culminated in a great burst, at which point the figure digging into me abruptly lost its cocooned state--re-emerged, shook off--and was human again. She held me, and I watched the ashen chalkiness drain from my hands, and color returned to the room.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I had a dream that I was climbing around the edge of a cliff overlooking a large lake, when I found a literal bulletin board posted to its side. On it was a note left by The Ozzman, offering $1500 for anyone willing to build a bomb for him. On a small recess within the cliffside was another piece of paper with some encryption-like gibberish covering most of it, a line that said "password:", and a signature by vihris-whatever his name is (I think he only popped into the dream because of all the retrospective shit lately). The paper was printed on both sides, however, and the only difference was that they had different passwords, one something along the lines of "i_pwns_all_fbi" and the other something to do with Alexander the Great. There was an opening near the end of my ledge but there was an implication that if I had the sheet of paper wrong-side-up, the bomb would detonate upon attempting to enter. I chose the Alexander the Great password which ended up being correct, and led me into some old dusty Greek ruins-looking room. Then a reanimated suit of hoplite armor literally tried raping me, but then some motivating positive voice in my head told me "You may be a small man but so was Alexander, it is the Great Man on the Inside(tm) that counts" and suddenly I was amped and beat that spectral pederast into dust with one of those tiny dinner plate-sized gladiator shield things.

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

I had a totally non-sexual dream about Gianna Michaels
She's fully dressed, and trying to tell me something non sexual but i can't understand what the effing hell she's saying because her speech is going back and forth between Elvish and Klingon

 

[Carpe Mortem]

I'm 18 again, but living with my father instead of my mother, and with the same job I have now. I skip work with two new friends of mine, one male and one female. I can't recall their faces well but I know him better than I know her.

We wander a countryside and stumble across some sort of subterranean government facility where there's large bronze pods, some filled with liquid and some dry and empty.

This next part is hazy. But it somehow comes out that this chick I'm with is some kind of evil alien, at least that's what the men in charge want me to believe, and the guy is an agent. They have grappled her into one of the pods and release some kind of water torture... She screams as it hits her skin and I see smoke rising in the chamber, bright purple light streaking through it. The controls are on one side, but there are multiple viewing windows, and I make my way around the cylinder to the one in back.

Again, this part is hazy. But there's possibly another door on this side. Either way I touch something and it opens. The girl appears gone, nothing except puddles inside the chamber, until several men shout angrily at me and a large ball of purple light richochets out of the chamber to pinball desperately around the room.

I have at this point taken a fetal position next to one of the agents and evidently stay that way for hours, because I remember looking at my phone and watching time tick by. The one agent I had come with is next to me along with the first now. They keep hinting that I should leave, like this is a party where I've overstayed my welcome.

I'm apparently very concerned about missing work and night school so I insist I'll leave if they give me a ride to class and write a doctor's note for work. They acquiesce and suddenly the mood is very jovial and kind. We get into a car that oddly enough I drive and feel as if it's my car - so yeah not sure why they came with me- but either way the good times 70s show vibe shortly comes to a screeching halt.

My friend from earlier reappears in a terrifying visage as a stormy ball of purple energy and her in the middle, in a distorted horror posture with neck bent and hands twisted, first in front of the car and then streaming across the pond in front of the facility. The men have exited the vehicle and I assume are chasing her.

I'm sick of this shit. So I just leave and head to class, then sit in my car without ever going inside. My father calls me at 8pmish when I would generally be finishing up and I hurry him off the phone as if I'm still in the classroom.

I call him back minutes? Hours? Some time later. I'm terrified of the woman, and the agents, and the paranoia as I dart my eyes outside the window is actually painful. It's a cramp in every muscle and a ball in my throat when he finally picks up and I just say with a sob and a huge collapsed shudder, "I saw something I shouldn't".

Everything goes black and I've woken up now.

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

sometimes my dreams don't involve me
i'm like a fly-on-the-wall
it's like i'm watching a movie directed by my subconscious
last night i had one of these dreams

i'm on some alien planet where the aliens feed the humans this really huge banquet
then when the humans have to shit,
they are led into this room where everything has a weird orange tint/glow
there's a big warm bubbling Jacuzzi
the group of about a dozen naked-from-the-waist-down people are led into this Jacuzzi thing
they all shit simultaneously after they are all sitting in the glowing orange water
the human shit mixing with the special glowing orange liquid makes a blue crystal spaceship around them
and then this blue crystal spaceship thing launches itself up though a widening hole in the ceiling of the room with glowing orange walls
then once the crystal spaceship gets outside the hole in the ceiling closes itself
then my perspective changes
i'm on the ground on earth, looking up and i see the ship bring the humans back to earth,
landing right next to the house of Courage the Cowardly Dog

 

[Draehl]

Learned my parents were getting a divorce because my mom read a book on jumping technique and now she can dunk and doesn't need him anymore.

...

I've had weirder dreams but the premise of this one is by far the most fucked up.

 

[Einherjar86]

Was the implication that he used to toss her in the air? or less literal than that--like, now she can attract a more impressive mate with her mad hang time?

 

[Draehl]

Was the implication that he used to toss her in the air? or less literal than that--like, now she can attract a more impressive mate with her mad hang time?

I think it was more implied that she was going to go off and play basketball and couldn't be bothered to stay around. "Bound for greater things at age 58"

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

I had a totally non-sexual dream about Gianna Michaels
She's fully dressed, and trying to tell me something non sexual but i can't understand what the effing hell she's saying because her speech is going back and forth between Elvish and Klingon

had this dream again except instead of Gianna Michals it was Larkin Love and Tessa Fowler
i gotta stop watching porn right before i fall asleep

 

[Onder]

I had a dream today that I had some white starchy filth on my feet and I was sort of scrathing it out but when I looked closer I realized it's those white meaty starchy worms in big lumps. I was scratching them off of my feet and some of them half massacred got stuck between my toes. Then I decided to take a shower to clean the rest, which was pretty satisfying, but after I did that, the rough and thick parts of the skin started to come off so I basically flayed the bottom of my feet and threw the skin away. Then as I walked my feet were very sensitive which was pretty satisfying so I woke up and felt good.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I had a dream that I was at what was supposed to be some kind of Konosuba musical/concert. I can't remember too many details except that at one point, Dave Mustaine made a cameo appearance and played some never-before-performed instrumental track he had written in 1983, which was supposed to be some mini-suite where each riff had its own name and he'd announce the name of the riff as he began it, and one of the riffs was named Iron Lung which was sort of a thrash Bo Diddley rhythm. At some point I remember feeling that a mysterious force was watching me from a distance, so I left the concert feeling creeped out.

Then I found myself in some kind of observatory deck in a massive Costco-like wholesaler. Everything had this dim but uniform light over it, like no direct light was reaching any of the aisles yet it was still an unnatural fluorescent color and not the full-bodied sunlight that such stores usually have. I noticed that almost every shelf was packed with partially-drunk gallon-sized bottles of Powerade (not Gatorade, an important distinction), with some random personal-size snack items like Corn Nuts and Fritos, also mostly half-consumed. Then from the center of the store a platform began descending from the ceiling, stage lights illuminating Blurry_Dreams in an Elvis suit, welcoming me to his store. He took me on a tour of the place, which still consisted of the same trash food items over and over, telling me his inspirational story about how his parents built it from the ground up and that he inherited it after they died in a car accident.

We make our way back to the observatory where that fat YouTube Boogie guy was lying in wait, ready to pounce and hug me. I dodged him and he left me alone after that, at which point Blurry_Dreams informed me that Boogie was his brother. Blurry then showed me a personal work of art that he considered to be his magnum opus, some kind of tileable Peter Griffin MS Paint drawing, wearing a hat shaped like a Christmas tree and a goatee like Tom Araya's. He told me that I would be permitted to leave the store only if I made an improvement on the drawing. I tried turning the beard more curly and the Christmas tree into a turban to make him look Muslim, but Blurry thought it was shit and told me to start over.

Then my alarm went off, thank goodness.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and at one point when back in the observatory, some random model-looking woman in lingerie appears and complains to Blurry that the cash registers are unattended and she can't check out. He apologizes and says it's on the house, and then offers her a partially eaten bag of Corn Nuts as a freebie. She turned down the offer and left obviously disgusted.

 

[no country for old wainds]

if only your dream.......... had been blurrier.

if that guy even starts spamming my fucking dreams with his insipid garbage i'm definitely putting him on ignore.

 

[Bloopy]

I dreamt that Winston Peters (current Deputy Prime Minister of NZ) was an invited expert of honour at some sort of committee discussion on the topic of apologies. It doesn't get any more ironic than that!

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

finally got a few hours of sleep last night

in my dream everyone who posts on GMD Social decided to get together into one room
it ends up being the largest room in this place
https://www.google.com/maps/place/3...f5e865e5faf2ce2!8m2!3d32.9102685!4d-96.678578
@Dak and @Einherjar86 are talking to each other and there's a hilarious moment where it becomes comically obvious that they can't see/hear anyone else in the room
@TechnicalBarbarity brings a shit-ton of Xanax with him and no one asks him where it came from or why he brought it
but then @The Ozzman tells Tech to swallow some of the Xanax because Tech is Screaming inchoherently at @CiG
then @jimmy101 opens his guitar-case to show us a guitar custom made for this gathering
the guitar's neck is shaped like a radioactive-green penis, complete with hilariously-bulging veins
@Onder eats "american food" and it makes him get fat

 

[CiG]

finally got a few hours of sleep last night

in my dream everyone who posts on GMD Social decided to get together into one room
it ends up being the largest room in this place
https://www.google.com/maps/place/3211+Forest+Ln,+Garland,+TX+75042/@32.9101377,-96.678649,3a,75y,82.72h,90t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1sOKrcyjjxkxb5QAjRd-dhBw!2e0!6s//geo1.ggpht.com/cbk?panoid=OKrcyjjxkxb5QAjRd-dhBw&output=thumbnail&cb_client=search.TACTILE.gps&thumb=2&w=360&h=120&yaw=82.72135&pitch=0&thumbfov=100!7i16384!8i8192!4m5!3m4!1s0x864c1e1a4038585d:0x2f5e865e5faf2ce2!8m2!3d32.9102685!4d-96.678578
@Dak and @Einherjar86 are talking to each other and there's a hilarious moment where it becomes comically obvious that they can't see/hear anyone else in the room
@TechnicalBarbarity brings a shit-ton of Xanax with him and no one asks him where it came from or why he brought it
but then @The Ozzman tells Tech to swallow some of the Xanax because Tech is Screaming inchoherently at @CiG
then @jimmy101 opens his guitar-case to show us a guitar custom made for this gathering
the guitar's neck is shaped like a radioactive-green penis, complete with hilariously-bulging veins
@Onder eats "american food" and it makes him get fat

 

[Blurry_Dreams]

nobody wants to post their dreams anymore??