The (Un)official write anything you want page

[Dark One]

Or even more basically, here's the proof.

 

[dorian gray]

 

[einride]

mankind should be annihilated, q.e.d:

Skepticism's "Aes", a single track, 27 minute EP bored me numb. If a song is this long, it had better be either interesting, progressively moving, or immersively atmospheric. I've found this track to be none of those.

Don't mistake me for a newcomer in this genre. True, I don't own countless demo tapes of obscure, unknown bands and projects of funeral doom. But I do own most of the essentials, with many other releases I have found along the way. "Aes" isn't an essential by any means; it only occasionally actually captured my interest and rarely kept my attention. Once again, I'd like to expand upon my qualifications in this area; I enjoy Ahab, Wormphlegm, Tyranny, Thergothon, Mournful Congregation, and, not funeral doom, but incredibly slow nonetheless, Sunn O))).

excuse me sir but i think you will find, while perusing this list of funeral doom, ahem, qualifications, that i am most suited to judge the pertinent recording by its, shall we say, funeral doom-esque qualities as relating to other bands of this particular genre, for example, including but not limited to,

 

[MajestikMøøse]

Alas for the Latinless youth.

 

[Crimson Velvet]

Today is the twenty year anniversary of me losing my virginity, on the day. Imagine that.

 

[Guthrum]

You know what would make it even better? If you were 21 years old.

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

Today is the twenty year anniversary of me losing my virginity, on the day. Imagine that.

impressive that you can remember that!

 

[Crimson Velvet]

Well, it was at a new year's party....

 

[Hell Mike]

Congratulations, mr V! I suggest that you celebrate by trying to nail the same lady again.

 

[Ellestin]

Wow then Crimson Velvet must be approaching 30, I thought he was younger...

 

[Crimson Velvet]

I'm 33...

@Herr Mike: To be honest, I can't even remember the girl's name. :\

EDIT: Thinking about it now, though, I do however remember the feelings of inadequacy and humiliation at the discovery that I wasn't the Casanova I had imagined myself to be. Also, the strange wondering if the condom was supposed to be that loose-fitting. haha yeah, I definitely wouldn't contact this lady even if I did remember who she was.

 

[Claws of Perdition]

Happy new year fuckers, 1am here at the moment and i'm out of it.

 

[Hell Mike]

I'm 33...

@Herr Mike: To be honest, I can't even remember the girl's name. :

EDIT: Thinking about it now, though, I do however remember the feelings of inadequacy and humiliation at the discovery that I wasn't the Casanova I had imagined myself to be. Also, the strange wondering if the condom was supposed to be that loose-fitting. haha yeah, I definitely wouldn't contact this lady even if I did remember who she was.

Please please PLEASE get in touch with someone else who was at the same party that may remind you, chances are the lady in question will find it very cute and stuff and score you a freebie and possibly even turn out to be the love of your life..? Worst thing that could happen is that you relive all the shame and humiliation with no sex to wash it down!

Also: You hadn't tried a condom before? I thought it was part of every boy-to-man procession that you tried on a condom and preferably luxurized your alone time at least once...

 

[Crimson Velvet]

I don't think I'd ever even seen a condom before that shameful night. You make a good case, though! If my meet some old acquaintances tonight, I'll definitely make some enquires...

Anyways, I'm going out to drink myself stupid tonight as well (some things never change...), so hopefully history will repeat itself! Minus the... ehhr... shame and stuff... hopefully...

 

[Reign in Acai]

I'm 33...

@Herr Mike: To be honest, I can't even remember the girl's name. :

EDIT: Thinking about it now, though, I do however remember the feelings of inadequacy and humiliation at the discovery that I wasn't the Casanova I had imagined myself to be.

I went as limp as a wet noodle, attempted for several minutes to rouse my hooded klansmen to rise to the occasion, and ended up in a pity cuddle, where we awoke at dawn.

 

[lurch70]

pity cuddle

 

[Hell Mike]

I don't think I'd ever even seen a condom before that shameful night. You make a good case, though! If my meet some old acquaintances tonight, I'll definitely make some enquires...

Anyways, I'm going out to drink myself stupid tonight as well (some things never change...), so hopefully history will repeat itself! Minus the... ehhr... shame and stuff... hopefully...

With some luck you'll fill out the condom too, eh?
This whole story puts a smile on my lips, and it's not because I enjoy thinking of adolescent males trying to have bad sex. It's just the whole spirit of the thing I guess. Good luck tonight, matey!

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

EDIT: Thinking about it now, though, I do however remember the feelings of inadequacy and humiliation at the discovery that I wasn't the Casanova I had imagined myself to be. Also, the strange wondering if the condom was supposed to be that loose-fitting. haha yeah, I definitely wouldn't contact this lady even if I did remember who she was.

Thats ironically the opposite of my experience...

1. I was so drunk I couldn't cum, I gave up
2. No condom (I lose, but the test came back clean)
3 I was totally drunk and stoned, could find out her name if I cared tho

I went as limp as a wet noodle, attempted for several minutes to rouse my hooded klansmen to rise to the occasion, and ended up in a pity cuddle, where we awoke at dawn.

much is explained? nah.





Happy new years fucktards, I'm making "Bloody Andy's" (see Radiobabe and Candy Andy comments). A spicy and strong evolution of the bloody mary, that tastes grand.

 

[Reign in Acai]

What was kindly omitted in the re-telling of my rite of passage was the boldness of my character. Earlier that evening after the sun receded behind the Valencia canyons, we partook in some friendly drink of Bacardi 151, a drink which I had no problem keeping my wherewithal under. After a vainglorious attempt in getting my companion tipsy for the final act of the hunt, an uneasy sensation resembling Swashbuckle playing alongside the London Symphony Orchestra began to unfold in my breast. I with every ounce of intestinal fortitude valiantly gasped to retain the bilious yellow heap of acidic flare that shot from my profungus mortis, but there's only so much an adolescent can control within his own destiny. The interior of the Volkswagon (driver's wanted) was spackled with vomit from the nether regions of common sense. 1 boy, 1 girl, 1 cup. You can only imagine what was stirring in a young man's mind at this very moment, as well as during the subsequent clean up mission which filled the vacated time slot which was to be held by my most triumphant testimonial of masculinity. 60 minutes later, I battled back from self-imposed adversity to only once again be beside myself with not only how to swiftly slide on the "protection", which she expertly assisted with, (to my surprise and further humiliation), but also the disgrace of reaching an impasse upon insertion. Frankly speaking, I was not sure if I broke the line of scrimmage. Some awkward thrusting and testicular gesticulation on my part, prompted my maiden of the night to assure me that I was "in". Another nick to my armor came when I accidentally slipped my sausage in her ratatouille, to which she quickly voiced her disapproval. I was a man swimming up stream being out climbed by salmon. My visions of triumph were kaboshed, along with the sugarplums. Failed coitus would lead to a cuddling consolation, despite my entreaties.

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

someone please shut the internet down now. There is nothing more it can offer.