We all live dreaming, so... post here your feelings, your thoughts, your dreams!

[|ngenius]

Thank you, atlantis, for supporting my words with some chupi examples, despite that wasn't your purpose with your last post, my old (but not too much) wise & experienced (but not mature yet) italian woman.

Yep, as atlantis said, there are many ppl that doesn't want to change the world. She's not lookin' for the hapiness... but she knows there are wonderful days in her life, she's nice and the love appeared in her life, she has some friends and she helps them, definitively: she choosed a way, she's fighting in many fields, but she's saying she doesn't.

There are wars and hungry ppl in the world, ppl that dies every day, and she said that if it changes, it could make her feel better, so she's closing her eyes to these realities and thinkin' "that's all and there's no more to say", when the possibility of changing is in her hands too.

Just get the point: I'm not talking about hapiness, I'm not talking about change the whole world and turn it upside, I'm talking about all those ppl that are livin' in sadness and can't enjoy just because they can't fight a bit, they believe there are things that cannot change and they're alone. And that's the supreme lie.

Thank you again for the support.

|ngenius (explaining himself)

 

[Siren]

@Papi: The only reason I mentioned little goals was to give you a place to start. Small goals are easier to acheive, thus it is easier to set you going. After the little goals, it is easier imo to set bigger ones and so on. If you don't like the small goals set bigger ones
I hate your denial, I was that way a couple years ago, maybe I still am
A goal you can set is to make yourself better in every aspect, there is always room for improvement.
But in the end, you have to remember that noone can tell you which goals to set. That you will have to find on your own.

 

[Malaclypse]

true, true.
although i find it rather difficult to set small goals, they greatly help you appreciate your work and raise your self-esteem. people always want to look at the big picture, but they can't see any progress. but if you concentrate on maybe this day, when you come home and feel tired, you can say to yourself that you archieved something. you will only be a little closer to your mayor goal, and that makes it dissatisfying to watch. we need the small goals to see that we are getting on, AND we are more concerned with how to archieve the big goal if we set small ones. if you just imagine, woha, it's time to get a new girlfriend/boyfriend, simply NOTHING will happen. but if you try to break it down, you can find your way through the maze.

 

[atlantis]

@|ngenius:
Funny, my young lad, pretty funny, I adore your sarcasm, too bad you didn't get my point it seems....
Let's take a simple example: yeah, stopping wars or helping people feeling better makes me glad.

Happiness is something else, and maybe I'm so cynic, cruel, selfish, dumbass to say: it's not enough.

Or maybe I am too lazy to fight, waste energies, or simply try to hide this 'wonderful' cold heart.

But nevermind: everyone is a different world.
Humankind is a costant surprise, we should be thankful (and glad, or happy, freedom of choice ) for it.

If people don't want to fight why should they??

 

[FatherVic]

oh! glad to hear atlantis is doing my dirty work....
It's the same way I feel...
I really don't like the word "fight" it's kind of stupid...there's no fight to be fighted. There are personal aims and personal thoughts. When I hear ppl saying that we don't "fight" enough, I ask myself how the hell does he/she know what I would fight for??? may be I don't care for child slavery in some places of the world, may be I just do! May I should fight for getting a better job to be satisfied with myself, but may be having to get a job to get a better life is not what will make me happier!
What I don't like is how LIFE in general is being held by humanity in a whole....I don't want to spend my whole life working, but I know I will just have to do it! So where's and who's to fight???
I know my way it's (may be) the easiest one, just complain a bit, and don't look for a better opiton (even I'm constantly doing on my head) but I don't think it's that harder to say "we got to fight" but don't knowing how, and what for, when there's no "what for" stated for a whole society but just for each individuals...

fathervic (rambling and reckoning if there is something good out of this)

 

[|ngenius]

I said you should to fight? I don't know atlantis well enough, so maybe she doesn't find a reason to fight for or doesn't need it (probably the second one). She entered in this issue when I began to explain some things for some concrete ppl.

If atlantis is going on in her life, ok, that's fine. Do what you wish to do, and it will be quite good. It wasn't my purpose to say what you should to do, 'cos I can't do it.

My words were for all those ppl that are feeling down, constantly annoyed, and they wish to rise up. My words are for all those ppl that don't enjoy staying down.

And of course, I'm an optimistic robot, do ya remember? I know the mankind will surprise me, that's my hope, my wish. I hope to find almost part of the meaning of life (perhaps my own meaning) and to reach that mature you said (but not in an absolute status, growing up on that), atlantis. And excuse me for the sarcasm, you know I love you.

@Melon: Don't let other ppl to do your dirty work, you don't have to continue with this discussion, just think about you and decide what do you want. If you're enjoying as you are now, don't fight if you don't want it. But the fact "the life sucks" and "I have to work my whole life" are too easy to say. And that's the meaning of that my stupid word, my invisible friend, to "fight" means to go on in one or many fields of your life, try to be more clever than life, there are many ppl that don't need to work and didn't born as a rich men. But if you only want to stay down, and you enjoy it... c'mon, man. Each person is a world, isn't it?

 

[FatherVic]

well I could go and grow vegetables in the mountain but that's not what I expect of life!!!
I don't like to be down, but I don't want to do things just to think I'm not down....I like to pass through "down_times" slowly. I know it's more painfully but then when they pass, I know they're really gone!
About the whole life thing, it's just ways to see it...you still believe in mankind, I don't! I guess that's the big difference...
and yep, I guess I won't add more strings to this thread (or at least in this way, may be I come with a dream sooner or later )

 

[|ngenius]

Ok, I won't say a word more about that. We can follow that in catalan and nobody cares.

So, c'mon with a dream. I said it before, but Fair Warning's "Go!" makes me feel glad and up. This lyrics I'm going to post are from "Follow My Heart", the seventh track. I know this isn't the thread 'bout lyrics, but I hope this won't annoy anybody.

"Morning light is breaking, distant skies alight
melting on the shadows of the night. I find myself
still dreaming, as I open up my eyes, to the beauty of a
new day come alive.
For the times they are a-changing, I can feel it in the air
And wherever they will drive me, I don't care"

CHORUS
" I follow my heart - down the road I'm riding
Led on by the sun to a new days shine -
So don't call me back to those lost horizons
I follow my heart, I follow my heart this time"

"I'm singing to the sunshine
Laughing at the rain guided by the whisper of the wind.
And the worries 'bou the future they're fading in the past
And one day I'm breaking free"


I want to sing to the sunshine, I want to laugh at the rain!!
That's it, my dream, my hope, my absolute security I will.

 

[FatherVic]

good lyrics....if it just were that easy to follow ones heart without taking in consideration what mind says!!!!

 

[|ngenius]

Ohhhh, Melon, feel the honey of the poetry in your lips. That was an expression of the romantic feelings of a musician!!

Si, noi, em sembla que podem començar a emprar el català, pq això no interessa ningú.

 

[FatherVic]

no seas tontín!

oh! sorry, you know I normally don't do this

 

[Malveaux]

Update about my dream: the beloved person.
As always, it was just a dream. she let me understand that there can be no love between us: she's already in love with someone else. all her kindness, the fact that we spent the NYE together alone, everything. mere illusions. the soap bubble has broken.
Again, it's a deep pain in the chest, a lump in my throat, and I'm furious about this all.
i have enough of suffering for this kind of feelings: it only takes to suffering, always, with no exception. if i have to be alone, so be it. no more illusions.

Who is that idiot that said that it's better to love and have lost one's love than never having loved?





Never has my avatar's facial expression been more appropriate to the mood of what I'm writing.

 

[Melancholia]

"Who is that idiot that said that it's better to love and have lost one's love than never having loved? "

Ok,the idiot is noone else than me...
do I still believe what i wrote 2 months ago?? sure i do..and now I am even more sure...I have both love and lost...lost the only beautiful relationship i've ever had,but when things give more pain than happiness it is better to make yourself free of them...
no,it wasn't easy..it was a very painful experience and at some time i thought i was really going to die after all these crying and other slight self-destructive behaviours... and it was even more painful because it was a long process,i knew it would end a long time before it ended... but does this make me feel i'd rather not had this experience?? Definitely no,cause it's not only the pain but the experience that remains... let's say some i;ve gained some sort of knowledge...i have learned things from what happened,things i can use from the future,for a better living possibly.. and i have also very good memories... all these 22 1/2 months weren't perfect,but at least the 18-19 were...That's why i still believe what i've once said...i felt crushed and lost after all these,but now thanx to sth nice that's happening to me i have started recovering-if not recovered completely-... *insert dreamy smile here*
I will be happy for the past but life goes on...
There has been much pain,but sure the pleasure of having experienced what people call "love" and the "knowledge" is what i will keep from it and it is actually what helps me to move on...
No,i no longer want to be with him... it's over...and i have no reason to torture myself anymore...

I know all these are quite personal....why do i wrote all these?? because i felt the need to justify what i had once wrote...especially now that i have seen both sides of the coin...
it's my beliefs and you can't share them....everybody is unique and carries its own beliefs and biases... we can't agree everywhere...and this is the magic and the interesting about humans

Malveaux, I'm sorry your dream didn't become reality....but still you shouldn't be discouraged.... take it as sth that wasn't meant to be...and if you're still interested about finding love,gather your pieces and try to move on...life is not always a pleasure...but some things are worth experiencing...it depends on what one is searching for...

~Mel~(who sadly enough must go back to her studying...and somehow is lost in her dreams and wishes these days...and feels the will to live flowing in every inch of her body... it's a long time since i've last felt life is worth to live... )

 

[|ngenius]

*clangorous applause for Mel here*

I can smell (smell? Hahahaha) a greek troll fighting, at least. Who said trolls are dumb and ugly? Wise words of hope, my dear, and your sincerity makes me proud of write here, my thread is still living thanks to the sincerity and all those ppl who are still honest with themselves.

It's easy to stay up when all around you seems to be fine, the difference between the strong and the weak is in the hard times, when the strong can face the wind, smile and learn about his own pain.

@Mel: I was wrong about you, and your last post has changed your image for this catalan. Stay!!!!

@Malveaux: There's nothing more to say, I'm absolutely agree with the troll.

 

[Malaclypse]

@malveaux

that is sad to hear. i can imagine what you're feeling because i felt the same way. i also told myself that i'm not gonna fall in love again - but this is impossible. for the last two years i walked alone, yet i constantly searched for this special 'someone' all the way. she didn't come around to far...
what i'm trying to say is that you simply can't control love. it just happens. i'm not very fond of people who say that love is 'learnable'.
it's no use to want to refuse it... maybe, in two weeks, you will meet another fine lady... maybe you will find the woman of your dreams when you are seventy. but in any case, love has YOU; it won't ask you if it's o.k. and it won't be on shedule.
try to look forwards, not with a searching eye, but relaxed and cheerful. the best is yet to come.

 

[falling bird]

you all have my deepest sympathies!
it's so wonderful to see that there still are people who really have the will to fight so that they are on the way to find their will to live again like you Mel. My relationship of nearly 17 months broke up for about 7 weeks ago. Like for you Mel it was my first love and so it was so hard to cope with it for when you give a person all your faith and love and this person just can't give it back to you the way you need and wish it, and is afraid of too much closeness and so dissociates from you more and more in every way... it was just too hard over the last months,it had nothing to do with love anymore,it was just one of a big complex for both of us and i was always the fighting type trying to make the best out of it, but i failed. Now i know that you cannot and never really "move" a person to do something you would like him to do. When this person does not do it himself it won't come. Everything else is just a fake. In a relationship both partners have to fight.
In the last days i was just sitting outside in the rain and thinking,thinking about how my life had gone so far,what i experienced and the most interesting thing for me now,what will come??? It really helps to free my mind. People with whom can really talk,talk about life and feelings are the most precious ones in these days, that goes for you too even if we all just write.
This forum here is very kind and warm.
Thank you.

 

[mousewings]

I am very sorry and you all have my best wishes.

A year and a half ago, I broke up with a man I truly loved. It was very difficult for me, as I was going through severe depression at that time and was seeing a doctor and taking medication. Also, only my best friend was sympathetic towards me; my own family did not try to comfort or console me... even if I was on the verge of a breakdown and felt more suicidal than ever. I am better now after taking medication and going to the doctor for a while. I can't believe I am writing this...

I recently broke up with this other guy, but I am not sure if I really did like him as much as he liked me... Well, we were both bored of each other, so it ended. I don't think that counts as a sincere loving relationship... I feel bad about doing that; it was so shallow and pathetic. I am going to try and only date people who I do love.

The quote about "loving and lost being better to never have loved at all" was bought up by my best friend who asked me if it was true... It doesn't feel like it. I first felt that I was never going to fall in love again or let myself... but that would be cheating myself of a beautiful experience... and who knows the next person could be the one for me... I also know that not all men are like my exes, and it annoys me when some people say "all men/women are like this or that" since it simply is not true. Each person is an individual with their own personality and free will... and there are some nice and not so nice guys (and girls).

I haven't found anyone else I love, but I do realize I am only barely 18. So, judging by my genetics, I have a lot of time. I am not going to compromise my ideals and won't let anyone push me into doing something I don't want to (drugs, smoking, sex, or just acting like an arse). Weirdly enough, I am planning on staying celibrate until I get married; I have been successful so far. No one believes me on that though. They say I don't seem like "the type".

Sorry if this post was really incoherant and rambling... I'm not good at formulating my feelings into thoughts.

I truly hope everyone finds that one right person. Keep on looking.
I haven't been to a board like this one, It is truly beautiful that we can share so deeply here.

Much love to all of you.

 

[Malveaux]

Sorry, Melancholia. I didn't know that you actually said that phrase. It wasn't my intention to insult you: I wasn't here two months ago :/.
Willing to fight? Not now. The wound is too fresh. I just want to reach my dark corner and release my sadness. Alone.

Why fight? All this suffering would just happen again and again. It always happened. I thought this was the right time, but no...

Right now, I'm not in the mood to fight. All happened yesterday. Give me the time to have the strenght to look upwards again.

If I had to choose a song to represent how I feel now, I'd choose 'I break' by Katatonia.



Thank you anyway for your words. To everyone of you. Gather my pieces? Will require time. They're reduced to fine sand.
Love again? Oh, no, at least not in the following months. After that, yes, maybe. Not that I can choose wether to love or not to love. As Vulture just said, it happens, no matter what I want. But I hope it won't.

 

[Malaclypse]

it will. and you will like it. not right now, in your current situation, of course. just give yourself some time.

 

[FatherVic]

uhmmmmm intense stuff here!
@malveaux: I'm sorry, realy... I was one of those who always thought like you! They higher you feel the hardest the fall!
as I supose you know, one day, my 5 and a half year relationship just ended....the whole axle of my life, my plans, my thoughts, my desires, my future broke, and bits got stuck in my heart, just to hurt me being broken as they were!
I really felt I'd preferred not to have been in love that much as I felt lost and emtpy. But well that really gave me more than anything in life has given to me. Now I know things you always assumed to be true can turn to false in no time...so I'll try to live my life enjoying what present is ofering to me now! (i know it's hard for this cold and calculative melon!)
and well vulture couldn't have said it better! you don't want to get in love again, not to be open again, and suddenly someone stole your heart and you even didn't notice! I know it's absurd to say now but well!

@mel~ as |ngenius, I'm pretty glad to read your lines. It's a shame you lost your love, but as I'm saying to malveaux someday someone will steal your heart too...it seems to be the only way to go on...and I think it's a great thing.

@|ngenius: see???? your thread is still alive....as so are ppl in here

@mousewings: hey, glad to hear somebody who is not in a rush for sex! I was like that, my X just kept asking for it and I wasn't prepared and one day I felt and then went on. Once again is up to you, but the best thing is not to be close to some personal thought. I mean, if one day you feel like, just try it! It's one of the best things life can bring, and it also helps to unite the couple. I just didn't wait till marry since I was too young to wait for my possible marry. There's no possible wedding here untill 26 (minimum!!!) and I was with her since 17!!! So now, I'm happy since all that experience is now on me, and I won't have to discover what it's on that! So do just what your heart says, but not feeling attached to what your head says (is it me who said that???????? )

oh! I love you all

fathervic (in constant evolution)