We all live dreaming, so... post here your feelings, your thoughts, your dreams!

[Blue Moon]

Greetings.

Final_Vision : Well, I won't write a novel to you about it, but your post made me think about the theory I just had today : the most important thing in life, I believe, more important than love, than success, than happiness, the more important thing is self-confidence. With self-confidence (and I don't mean over-confidence), love, success and happiness are much more likely to be in your grasp. Ever asked yourself why all those jerks always have the women's attention ? Because they believe in themselves. Being self-confident doesn't mean that you have to be arrogant towards others ; instead, it means that you have a very keen knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses, without the need to brag about it, because you don't necessarily care about what others think of you.

Just take an entire evening to think about yourself, your past, all the things you've succeeded at and what they brought to you, all the things you've failed and the wisdom they procured. No need for regrets, it's failures that make you who you are and what you are. Failures brought people to depression and abuse of any kind because they prefered to drown in their own self-pity and frustrations ; you are visibly not one of them, as you are coherent, always sober, cheerful even if I remember your other posts clearly, although I don't know at all. So think about what you've done to become what you are now, and be proud of yourself for what you are.

Someone who's proud of himself is self-confident and doesn't give a fuck about what others think of him. So he's natural and in peace with himself all the time, especially while interacting with others. Every charming people you have met in your life were self-confident ; I'm pretty sure you, and everybody here for that matter, can be as well. Siren, I think it was her, said earlier that everybody deserves to be happy ; I sincerely believe the best way to be happy for the rest of our lives is to be sure of ourselves. Then a girl's (or a boy's) refusal won't be that bad, because there are others everywhere around that can benefit from your presence anyway.

I hope I was coherent, because I really believe what I have written. I really figured that out today, and I see the results shining already. Have fun.

 

[FatherVic]

@VC well man....that's why I don't drink at all....don't have this kind of split life....different feelings when drink/sober....that must be hard to take. I usually have the same feelings...it's just mood which takes the part of changing them from time to time.

@rahvin: you are ok...but remember the Ulyses was tied at the ship mast, so that's why he got away with that...we all know the lustfull orgy he would have got if he wasn't tied!!!

@F_V I think the easy thing of opening here is that we don't have to face the rest of us in "real" life. I mean, you will step tomorrow in your highschool and I won't turn the next corner, so the judge can't be taken! The fact that we don't know each other makes things easier and that's why I love it....specially when I finally come to meet those ppl, 'cause the judge feeling is gone by itself by then!

@Blue_Moon...well that's not to be taken 100% sure. I'm selfconfident and I've had the luck of always beeing.... I'm your everyday charming idiot from the pack. But still my feelings are on my own and I decide where to keep them... Once I'm given to someone I don't fear nor have difficulties to open my heart, but untill that moment arrives it's just impossible for me to open. Even in my actual relationship she was the one who had to make first step. I'm glad she did, so know she gets lotsssss of freetaxes caresses and tons of uncounted love pieces!

fathervic (opening once again)

 

[Blue Moon]

Greetings.

FatherVic : Of course you don't have to open your heart to any stranger that you meet, in fact it's not really recommended But empathy is a good skill to acquire as well in order to "scan" correctly the people you meet ; that being said, I personnally believe that being able to open your heart with a person that does the same leads to a great friendship. 5/6 of my friends (and they are quite numerous) were made that way. I had to be sure they were not potential enemies/betrayers, and when I was 100% certain of it, I realized they were already telling me stuff they "never said to their long time friends", and this happened very often. Mutual trust are the key words here, but you've got to follow your instincts and trust your skills as well.

And that brings us back to self-confidence in a way, because if you don't trust your own skills, you'll be affraid to miss your "empathic check", thus you'll be affraid of being betrayed/laughed at/not taken seriously so you won't open yourself to anyone (okay, once again I know it's not 100% true and there are several shades of grey, but it's still a truth, if you really think about it).

 

[Final_Vision]

@fathervic took the words out of my mouth man.

@Blue your post was veeeerrryyy interesting to read and I appreciate your insight. I honestly have a huge problem. The problem is I care to much what others think, I dont want to make other angry, I dont want to make myself feel centered upon by everyone, I dont like drawing attention. Thats why Im very closed in. I feel like if I express myself than people think things, while they do. People are always judging, and its especially bad in high school. Thats why im so damn clean cut, i dont drink or do anything for fear of what others think, or what ive been told. It helps to think "hey, who gives a fuck what they think" and than do it, but I always revert
For instance, its to the point where I feel like an idiot when people ask me what band im listening to, and I tell them "Vintersorg" or "Dark Tranquillity", I feel like their thinking "Uh....ok....whatever", maybe they are but I dont like being looked down upon like that. Im not sure how I can get over it, its just how people act in High School.....as childish and generic a problem it is, thats why girl problems dominate my day. I really want someone to ya know just be happy with everyday, to hug, hold. All I can do is be optimistic, it just fails a lot it seems....

 

[FatherVic]

@bluemoon: that's it, different shades of grey...I liked your post a lot!

@F_V damn! At least you know where the problem is!!!!
You see I lost many many many friends because of that. They didn't like me for what I am, just for what I seemed to be...
Sometimes I was ehmmmmm somehow the star of the show. Somekind of leader, specially in primary. But then we got to Highschool and then the cool thing was to party and drink like there's no tomorrow....Then I showed how I really was, just the guy who won't bend to what others did...I was supposed to be the most drinker and the most grasssmoker. Still many ppl when I say I don't use drugs they freak out and say they've always thought I did So I started to be less cool...even I was the same freaky guy! But I didn't care since I stayed the way I wanted....
So just do what you feel like.....one days those friends will disappear and you'll get new ones (uni/work) and then it will be only you the one to be shown, not your friends!!!
I know it sounded a bit weird and difficult....but at least worked a bit with me....and hey, you're such a nice person not in need to do what others like just for the sake of that!!!

 

[FatherVic]

ok, this was my 1500 post and well I wanted it to be somehow special, that's why I wanted to write it down here before I go to my dreamy bed! Damn it's a quarter to six in the morning!!!
Oh! the dreams thread!!! How special is to me...thanx you all for making me feel happy

fathervic (soon 3 out of 3)

 

[Final_Vision]

congrats FV on the happy 1500, someday youll be grand like me and hit 2000!

Thanks for the imput my melon headed friend. Its just hard, I get by, but it eats at me in the back of my mind. I try my best tho and am usually very happy every day....

 

[rahvin]

@vultureculture: i know how it is. these days i wouldn't trust myself with a cellphone in a mile-wide range, past 11.30pm. the tempation to fall into a deadly 'send now/cry later' loop is just too strong and there really is no way of knowing what will come out once a few drinks unlocked the cage. happily, i'm always out with friends who care enough to take that damn thing away from me (no, i don't mean the drinking) and secure it away until i'm safely tucked up in bed. they're so nice they won't give it back no matter how i might plead or command.

@final_vision: i don't think there's anything terribly wrong with caring about other people's opinion (of you, the world, anything). you should just tune it down to a point where you can see different pov's and judge freely which one you like best. however, being suspicious towards your listening to any band or your occasional bizarre behaviour is not really an opinion: that's just prejudice. as you can see checking the world around (as on this board) there's all sort of ppl and ideas and you wouldn't want to base yours upon stale bias that are maybe just fashionable in your high school.
it might be awful to be in an environment that's so very close-minded, but please believe that your efforts to fit in will soon be directed towards different goals, merging with different ppl, finding those who share you views.

@bluemoon: the self-confidence part was great, but i don't think it's true.
let's take it personal: i tend to have a very self-confident approach to reality (i'm afraid it leans on arrogance at times) and i mostly got what i wanted out of life, at least until now. i know where my strengths and weaknesses lie, i'm not prone to fall into depression because of other ppl's refusal, i'm always more or less sure of the things i do or say, and if i don't exactly lead any pack i'm at least quite good at pushing it the way it wanted to go all along but didn't dare.
however, there simply are situations when there is no damn way to reach happiness. there simply are situations i can't do a thing about it. and since i'm in one such situation at the moment, i can tell you all my self-confidence isn't worth being cut short on the not-so-funny side of joy.
being positive and thinking happy thoughts hasn't done much for my situation either, and though i don't feel inclined to moan and whine the whole day, i must admit there are refusals that hurt and you have to deal with them no matter how strong and self-assured you might be.
i liked the part about other ppl being around that can benefit from one's presence: that's mostly all i'm doing right now, but try and see how this is not happiness, not realisation of the self, just something worthy to spend your time on. on the other hand, it's no good to ignore what others think of us. judgements and opinions affect even the high priest of self-consistency himself (or herself, although that'd probably make her a priestess).
finally, i'd like to thank you for adding new material to this thread. it's nice to know we can still get others involved in such discussions.

@father_vic: it's not exactly a different life, when you drink. it's more like the effect of releasing something that's been pushed down way too hard and way too long. the results are linked to whatever it was that you pushed down in the first place, but its size and shape might change a lot.
as for the orgy thing, i wouldn't want to party that hard with my cellphone.

rahvin. (feeling like posting today)

 

[Blue Moon]

Greetings.

I'll only reply to Final_Vision for now because it's pretty late and I want to sleep, but I'll reply to the others tomorrow I hope.

F_V : When I was reading your post, I could only relate a LOT with all you said : life in high school, watching all your actions carefully, thinking about girls for the sole pleasure of a caress and a smile. Despite the late hour, I felt compelled to send this reply, and I hope it will help you somewhat.

First off, I'm pretty sure that deep inside yourself you are feeling superior when compared to these people, and you would be right : open-mindedness is a virtue, sensibility gives you the skills to taste all of life's fragrencies and subtleties, being passionate (and I'd bet my life you are) is the best fuel there is to help you make the distance between you and your dreams. You have all those and they haven't, shame on them, good for you. If they cannot like you for what you are, a complex human being who at least knows how important dreaming is, then fuck them and their arrogance, they don't deserve to know you, to be with you, to understand you. High school is but a mere sphere of mediocre existence when compared to all the marvels life has to offer beyond its boundaries, and you'll be able to take them all into your grasp and feel them entirely while looking at those fools that won't be able to do so, entangled they are with their close-mindedness, strangled they are by their callousness.

All this is not about misanthropy, it's about not losing your energies on people not worth all the care you've put on your actions so far. Recognition is important, but the only recognition that is essential is the one provided by the ones you love, they are the only ones you should try to please as hard as possible, without compromise ; you can try to please the others as well, without compromising yourself.

 

[|ngenius]

|ngenius is far away, in the depths of the "Abyss of the Board" (TM). But his cellphone will help him to say some words here.

@Blue Moon: You're right, the self-confidence is an important fact in life. It could make you fly. But just think about this: you're not the one who choose to be more or less secure 'bout yourself, life doesn't let you the choice to choose. Every circumstance of your life is a step forward or backward to reach that self-confidence you talked about. You cannot simply wake up one morning and say: "Hey, I'm chupi indeed!". Your mind must reach that idea by itself, and one way could be looking for more options or alternatives, seeing that light at the end of your tunnel. On the other hand, your words (and my words two pages ago on this same thread, focused to encourage and bring some options) are words of hope, words that maybe shows a bit of light, breaking the darkness.

As a summary: You must know the difficulty of wake up and realize that life can't push you down if you don't want to, but you can trust, your will is the key. (That's the difference between optimism and pessimism, you know).

@Rahve: You're right too, my friend. The fact of the self-confidence isn't the direct and infallible way to reach your goals, but is the way in which you're doing the best you can, so it's an intelligent and secure way, isn't it?

There aren't infallible ways, there isn't an absolute wisdom, just do all you can, and learn, learn, improve!!! (As you're doing right well, my italian friend). CARPE DIEM!


|ngenius (Yep, this new fresh air is chupi)

 

[rahvin]

@|ngenius: i actually try to live and learn, alternating emphasis on the former or the latter, depending on where i see the path of least resistance (i obviously choose the other ).
as a further reflection, i reckon self-confidence is something we build up in response to the world around us and the amount of stimuli we receive from it. in the land of ppl talking through their hats, the only sane man might find very difficult to believe he's in the right.

rahvin. (trying to catch |ngenius cellphone's waves to find out his whereabouts)

 

[Siren]

Seems I missed a lot... Anywayz I'll try to say a few things I thought of.

@the drinkers and not: The effect drinking has to me is that it releases my fears and my sorrow. I know I have a problem reaching my darker side, I'm kinda afraid of it, but when I drink, I can touch it and cry to it...
I also get to be a little more loose and open with people, a little friendlier maybe
Anyway, I have quit it for I _had_ to, ie not a drop for me now. I have also been _really_ drunk once, and quite drunk several times.
I have to say that I like the get-in-touch-with-your-sad-side-and-let-the-pain-out effect, but anywayz.
I'm in a phase that I might not drink again even if I can, and the attitude of some people here, like FatherMelon and Final_Vision is really helpful on that


@Final_Vision: What I wanted to say has been pretty much said. I'll just point out that those people that you feel are judging you may not have a clue of what is valuable and what's not.
What matters primarily is for you to feel good with yourself and your choices, and then to please others. And not to do things just for others if they don't agree with your ideas.
Just take some time to think what everyone has told you on this board about this matter, some people have said pretty amazing stuff


@rahvin: Imo the reason you feel your happiness is unreachable is because you are impatient. You want to see a result _now_ (or at least as soon as possible) and since that _seems_ impossible, you feel helpless. But remember: patience is virtue


@|ng: Glad to see you back


Siren (who knows where her cellphone is)

 

[rahvin]

@siren: alcohol is bad only when you suffer dire effects from abusing it. despite what most of us might think, embarrassing cell-messages and shameful pick-up lines are not what authorities refer to when they talk about the 'plague of alcoholism in society'.
as for me being impatient, well, i am but i'm not. i can wait forever, but the other side of the fence is still beyond my reach. the only reason why i would like to break the glass right now is i feel very upset. some things are just too good to be true, so the urge to do something to make your life better through them is very powerful, and i suffer the consequences of not being water-proof, namely: right now my heart is some sort of very soft pin-cushion.

rahvin. (who's been told where siren's cellphone is)

 

[Final_Vision]

wow quite a conversation since i was last here Good to see this thread is having a resurgence!

@bluemoon exactly, beauty lies within yourself and it all revolves around self confidence. Something of which I lack, no clue why. Like I said, I try to get into that mindset where I should think "fuck what they think, just do it", its just incredibly hard for me, im not really....ok not at all, a confrontational person, which is suprising for a man of my size (6'5" 240 ) so I i have a tendency to avoid things that make people focus on me, I like drifting into the shadows, but sometimes it hurts hehe. I wish I was a more open person but its not in my genes I guess, my life would most likely be a lot better but I cant seem to help it.

As Ing said will is the key, something which I also lack. My will power his horrible, only when its a bad situation or if I need something bad, than I focus but even than...eh....I wish I could wake up some day and feel very chupi about myself, but its harder than it sounds

 

[Blue Moon]

Greetings.

I probably won't be on the forum tonight, I'm at job for now and I'll be busy almost all night I guess, but I still want to answer you all.

One thing though, while I am here : Can somebody PLEASE tell me what chupi means ?!?

And if you pronounce it "choopee" it's among the cutest words I've ever heard

 

[Final_Vision]

haha, chupi around here is generally used for to decribe something that is awesome or great, or really good. What it really means I dunno....papi melon told me its like a childish way of saying cool hehe. I pronounce it choopee too so....uh thats all hehe.

 

[FatherVic]

ehmmm actually is pronounce as CHEWPEE so I guess CHOOPEE is almost the same....but well I don't know Spanish is nice because we pronounce things as we write them so CHUPI is CHUPI

@rahvin: well don't think that's the way either...I mean, when sometimes seem to good to be true then AND specially then is when you have to grasp them tightly and don't let them turn into not_true!!! There are few things in life that are too good to be true so whenever I find one I try it not to fade. Right now I have one of this things on my hands too. It's a very risky and difficult thing....I'm extremely happy on things as they are now, I nearly can't believe it....andddddddddd hell, never thought something could be this chupi, so I will try this not to end and stay as too good to be true state forever!!!!
btw: is that cushion a velvet one???

@final_vision, |ng, bluemoon: we're somehow doomed to be as selfconfident as our life let's us. and sometimes even selfconfident won't help to lead your life to better shores!!! I guess it's a mixture of a lot (a big lot!) of circumstances to have a pleasent life, but I agree that the ones who are selfconfident have the half of the way done!

@siren: uhmmmmmmmm well the alcohol thing for me is like with drugs. I've seen many ppl doing extremely stupid and embarrasing things while drunk or drugged. Some got addicted some not. Some are still great ppl some are a mere shade of what they were. Soooooo why to risk myself??? May be I just get a cool effect of feeling open, but what If I get violent??? It doesn't worth the try, at least for me

fathervic (who doesn't know where cellphones are, but hopefully far enough.....'cause he HATES cellphones and of course won't use one)

 

[Final_Vision]

Originally posted by FatherVic
Right now I have one of this things on my hands too. It's a very risky and difficult thing....I'm extremely happy on things as they are now, I nearly can't believe it....andddddddddd hell, never thought something could be this chupi, so I will try this not to end and stay as too good to be true state forever!!!!
btw: is that cushion a velvet one???

explain further my chupi friend! I like hearing about others great days, it helps me pick up mine lol.

@siren thanks for talking to me on ICQ today, very much a pleasure, and a pain at time

 

[rahvin]

@final_vision: i suppose there are ways to become a little more confrontational and self-assured, and i reckon this is not exactly the easiest thing to do in your high school. i also remember you posting that the - ahem - culture about the music we like and other stuff is not very diffused down where you live. it's normal that you feel like being inconspicuous when you feel so differently from most of the ppl around you. but we've all been to high school (some already are, i expect) and know very well that they are a passing phase. the world's bigger and hopefully much brighter than that. and the time to open up will surely come, especially if you got something to give. speaking from the long-distance of one who's just read your posts on a board, i bet you have.

@bluemoon: if i hold my breath any longer, my pin-cushion will start pumping needles directly in the blood.

@fathervic: i'm afraid the act of grasping would be seen as definitely overboard, if not downright harrassment.
i'm sure trying to keep as close as it is fit, but anything more would go against my morals and eventually result in the too good to be true part to fade away from me. in a way, i'm like the moth around the flame.
the cushion's getting dark blue.

rahvin. (and his cast of unlikely metaphors)

 

[|ngenius]

Originally posted by the fuckin' Melon
@final_vision, |ng, bluemoon: we're somehow doomed to be as selfconfident as our life let's us. and sometimes even selfconfident won't help to lead your life to better shores!!! I guess it's a mixture of a lot (a big lot!) of circumstances to have a pleasent life, but I agree that the ones who are selfconfident have the half of the way done!

Arghh! Isn't this the same shit I said in my last post? This calls from the official "Abyss of the Board" (TM) aren't cheap enough to see someone repeating my words, my "dressed on pink" melon. I'm too much selfconfident to know that, despite my circumstances in life aren't inclined enough to reckon it's easy to become a robot secure about himself. I'm flying without a reason to do it!


Ok, c'mon with the meaning of chupi. Chupi, as the californian jewel of the board said, is a childish way to express something is great, cool. This is the main meaning, something chupi is mainly something great, amazing, ya know?

It's a spanish word, of course, I used to use it in my spanish conversations (unusual word in a spanish speech too, 'cos its childish meaning, you know). So, when I started to post in this lovely board, I introduced it, and quickly became a common expression here.

The usage of the word chupi has no limits, there are many expressions to use with. I.e: to express your agreement with something ("We're going out tonight, do ya wanna come with us?" Answer: Chupi! (=Yeah, yes, that's ok...)).