We all live dreaming, so... post here your feelings, your thoughts, your dreams!

[Malveaux]

@Melancholia
Heh, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to let you miss the snow...

As far as helping others through written words, I can just tell you that I've got many friends from around the world, and even some that I love very much. I've been going through feeling the need to help them, and of course I could only send them my words.

And I do feel that my words are just that, typed words, not my voice to comfort them, not even my hand on their shoulder to let them hearthen up. The internet communication is the coldest way to say things, this is true.

But I can tell you that when I feel depressed (and it's kinda chronic mental disorder for me) and I tell my friends from Canada, Japan, Australia and so on about it, let me assure you that their words do affect me, and help me feeling better.
Okay, the internet communication is cold. But behind it you have to remember that there's the heart of someone speaking to you. It's hard to remember, sometimes, but it's always true.

This is why I tell you that what you write is not meaningless, and that you don't have to feel so down.
In the end we are all alone, but we can always manage to feel less alone by communicating with others.
Since everyone does have something to say, I think that nothing one says is really meaningless. At least it says something about him or her, and although I don't know you and it's soon to judge, my impression about you is surely that you're not useless.
Let me tell you, you've got much more to say than many other people that pretend to be important or interesting.

I know how you've been feeling, I've been feeling like that many times myself. Most often I have to get out of that bottomless sadness with my only forces, because I'm usually alone during my days.
I have the fear to 'infect' other people with my depression, too. But I can tell you one thing about me: it doesn't annoy me to hear other people speak about their sadness. It's just the opposite, it makes me feel useful to listen to someone's problems and try to give my advice. I think it's the same for most of us here, so don't worry about this.

I sincerely hope you feel better today.

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by atlantis
If I have to show my point of view, it'll be mine. If i have to fake something i am not i will. I don't get the point, sincerly.

i don't, either. i thought the basics here were: reply on point and speak your mind. i did both in calling you out on your opinions. there was no forcing, probing, or general beating around the bush. if i feel anyone's pov is different from mine i try and discuss the topic out at will, as much as it has ever been on any thread in this forum.
after i posted some considerations over your outlook on reality (that you decided to tell straight out in public) you told me there was a generalization of sorts on my part. i replied explaining you why, imho, this is not so.
therefore, i feel totally beside the point further suggestions that i am: a) soliciting faking behaviour; b) repressing your attempts to repeat that you're inconstant over and over; c) underlining anyone's obsessions; d) assuming you or others here are right/wrong/shades of grey on the matter. partly, they're beside the point because they're false. on the other hand, it's true that i'm straying from the thread topic, but so is nearly everyone since - well - a couple of weeks or so and that never raised arguments.
i'm sincerely sorry if you're over-sensitive to some particular issue i might have brought up. since i was merely interested in confronting different opinions, i would gladly stop trying on this one.

rahvin.

 

[FatherVic]

well, I think this thread has more lines than the rest of the whole forum. I'm glad. I know I even can't enter in the"conversation" rahvin and atlantis have, too much personal to be bothered (and no sarcasm nor irony, I just love to read you guys!)

@OpethChild: well who told us our plans for life would ever be achieved?? I planned my life too early, and now guess what?? those plans are crumblind ashes on the dustbin! Some are unachievable now, some have become better. I'm not as rahvin in here, I wouldn't leave it all for a girl (now I know!!!), but I understand perfectly her. Bogota may be is dangerous but is her homeland and her family is there....it's normal for her to leave (IMHO)

@mel and malveaux: well it's nearly 8 months since I feel depressed in many many ways. I've never been possitive in my whole life and never have seen anything with optimism. My only difference is that I keep it for me, that's my way. It's better??? don't know. |ngenius thinks it's not. But I normally show other face to my mates/parents/bosses/whoever. It's not that I don't want to infest them, it's just that my problems can be told but cannot be discussed. I prefer time to heal than facing my problems directly. I know this could sound cowardly but it's my way to face them. I don't like ppl to ask me any time how do I feel, so I make up myself with joy and crumble inside. At least I don't have to care for ppl trying to help me, when I know it's just me who can do things. Of course I like "my_ppl" to cheer me up sometimes, but I normally give too much importance to my problems when being with ppl, I prefer to get them from the back when I'm alone...May be this way you can feel your not so "opressed" by sadness and you get some warm feelings outside

As a matter of fact and totally offtopic (well not really) today it snowed all the morning here. I never saw to snow that hard here in Barcelona. I skipped a class to have a walk under the falling snowflakes. It's so wonderfull....the only shitty is that you get soaked without noticing you're getting soaked
sorry for you mel...

fathervic (who shits on the polar wind!!!)

 

[terria]

i could quote the whole of malveaux's last post here, but i won't, so imagine i'd have done it, because it's RIGHT what he writes.

 

[Melancholia]

First of all I would like to thank u people this forum is a very warm place and you are all helping me.It has always be soothing to know that there other people out there who feel the same way and be supported...

atlantis@ thank you for your suggestions...you are right,people DO have the chance to change..I have always believed that,otherwise I would be dead right now..

rahvin@ indeed,everything is my life.....but when i wrote thinking about my life I was refering to all these "philosophical" questions we all have in our heads.Questions like:what is this that make other people happy?,Why i feel nothing interesting is happening?,what is this that's missing from my life,will things ever change blah blah etc..... all these swirl in my head almost every day now...."let go for a while. depression will still be there when you come back." You are absolutely right and i'm trying to do so,even though sometimes it's hard....While I was in the bus today i was thinking about sth that now reminds me of what you wrote....I am not depressed anymore,I'm rather empty and sad,but i have managed to find some pleasant things in life and have many plans for the future.I don't consider myself depressed cause i no longer think everything is meaningless,i no longer wish to go to bed and never wake up again... I am into a big void right now,but still i can feel some warmth and happiness in some parts of my life...Yet this void is still there (and will be for a long time i feel )...

Malveaux@ thank you for your long post...I am definitely feeling better than last night.Had a usual day,nothing bad/good happened,I was rather busy (=hoepfully I didn't have enough time to torture myself).My mood was up and down all the time,but still i feel better than yesterday..
Now that i read all this in a less sad mood,you are right in what you write about this meaninglessness thing.Written words are just words,but you're right there's always a heart behind them.Internet is cold,that's for sure,but still there are some warm beams here and there otherwise i wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn't have these 2 wonderful netfriends (which i actually love and consider them as REAL friends...).It's just that sometimes my low self-esteem takes over and then i feel i have nothing more to offer to the people around me...Yesterday i was feeling like that,like a living dead or sth... *sigh*
Whatever it is that makes you feel depressed,I wish you will overcome it soon.....

FatherVic@ i don't know if it is better to keep your feelings/problems inside or express them. Having tried both i can't still tell what's the best.During my dark years I used to keep everything inside,it was probably not a very good method since i had all this outbursts of weeping when i was alone (either completely alone,or between the crowd/people i don't know).But still i managed to feel better in they end,though it took me many years...I am still wondering if this happened because of the way i was trying to get over my sorrow or because I ceased to be a teenager and started viewinng life in a different way or because something important happened in my life.... On the other hand now that i feel constantly empty i have 3 people who i can trust and speak about all this and of course this board.Of course as for the rest of people around me i don't show that something is wrong with me,i don't dare to speak about it cause they won't understand me anyway (and this won't help at all) ,not everybody needs to know and after all I am always so shy and an introvert,that even speaking about my inners with a few people is actually a big achievement.At least sharing my thoughts with these few surely helps me...yet i will never know if shuting up and trying to work it out all by myself would have been a better solution...
I guess there is no best choice between sharing or keeping inside.It is sth very personal,it depends on the person,the way one sees life,the situation etc
"I prefer time to heal than facing my problems directly"
again we can't tell which way is the best and we'll never know.
In times like these i really wish i could relax and let time heal my wounds,fill my emptiness,cause i feel that by facing my problems directly and overanalyzing I am only forcing things and nothing is happening anyway...maybe i should let things roll a bit....hmmm...

Hmmm....I don't know if i managed to expressed myself in a clear way

Take care of yourselves!

 

[FatherVic]

Originally posted by Melancholia
"I prefer time to heal than facing my problems directly"
again we can't tell which way is the best and we'll never know.
In times like these i really wish i could relax and let time heal my wounds,fill my emptiness,cause i feel that by facing my problems directly and overanalyzing I am only forcing things and nothing is happening anyway...maybe i should let things roll a bit....hmmm...

so this is exactly what I meant. I normally tend to "overanalyze" things. As it was a 3d object, give it some spins and face it from every point of view. That's nothing but torturing myself. I rarely can scape to this, so that's why I normaly take it so straight forward not thinking on that (vain or not). Buuuuuut as I said, this is only what works fine on me (at least last years, but things are begining to overlap) and obviously everyone must consider if this is his/her way to follow. It's a hard way, but to me has worked quite well for now.
BTW: I'm on some other forums and the level here is so high considering the rest that is nearly incredible to me....Is it normal that all the fucking great ppl meet on the same forum??? I guess not.....but I'm not the one to say ;p

 

[OP666187]

I must say, you guys have laid down some pretty deep posts here. I don't know that I can really compare, but I'd like to return to phyros' question about whether we feel the way we do because of the music or whether we listen to the music because of the way we feel.

I think the way we feel decides the lyrical styles that move us, but our musical tastes are all based on what we're exposed to when we're young. Of course, as a kid i listened to jazz...now I'm a metal head.

Hey, FatherVic, over-analyzing is a curse. As an addict of it myself, all I can say is get over it, because you're not going to glean anything new from an old event.

 

[Malveaux]

Originally posted by Melancholia
Malveaux@ thank you for your long post...I am definitely feeling better than last night.Had a usual day,nothing bad/good happened,I was rather busy (=hoepfully I didn't have enough time to torture myself).My mood was up and down all the time,but still i feel better than yesterday..

It's me thanking you because you gave me the possibility to be of some help.
Yeah, keeping oneself busy is the best way to avoid sadness haunt you. During the last days I've seen that going to my university's library and stay there most of the day studying and meeting other people I know has been a very good way to overcome depression.

I do feel better, thank you very much .

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by FatherVic
I'm not as rahvin in here, I wouldn't leave it all for a girl (now I know!!!),

i wouldn't either, not for a lover (there's a couple of people out there for whom i'd leave it all anyways). i thought maybe opethchild might be interested in doing this because i saw how he was in pains. as my signature politely suggests, i don't approve of suffering.

@mel:
- 'what is it that makes other people happy?'
i don't know, maybe a dream-like mind or the feeling of doing something worthwhile. just striving for the better might actually make you feel happy, or happier, because you figure there's some goal in sight. don't you see any? are you so indifferent to possibilities of what the future might offer? (just a question, no yes/no rethoric reply expected).

- 'why i feel nothing interesting is happening?'
perhaps because nothing interesting is happening. it'd be easier if you defined 'interesting'... intellectually challenging? dangerous? mystical? heart-breaking?

- 'what is it that's missing in my life?'
i reckon there might be tons of answers to this one. you might want to try asking those who know you well for an answer. you'll likely be surprised for what they might come up with.

- 'will things ever change?'
no point in asking, just try and see.

- 'blah, blah, etc'
ah, one of the difficult ones.

as for the rest, if one is not the carefree, easy-go-lucky individual who never gave a s**t about feeling down, the 'void' as you call it is not likely to go away at all. but i wouldn't reduce my life to a binary i'm happy/unhappy dychotomy if i were you. there's a lot of good things around for you to take even if at times the cracks keep showing.

rahvin.

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by FatherVic
I wouldn't leave it all for a girl (now I know!!!)

I wouldn't leave all for a girl, too!
Jokes apart, actually (for a man) I would....
Few months ago still I wouldn't even think about it- but people have the power to dream- and change their mind.

OpethChild- go with her, if you really want it.
But just if there's nothing more to do, only if you truly want it- to the core.

Will can be stronger than anything else- IMHO, of course... think of all the things you'd lose with her- and without her.

Try to get what you really want... even if you can't always get it... if you don't give a try you'll never have the chance to tell.

Good luck


a

 

[Melancholia]

rahvin@ I wasn't expecting you to answer all this questions,they were just examples of the "what's the meaning of life" type questions that dance in my mind....but thank u anyway
hmmm Interesting...definitely not something dangerous or sorrowful,but something that would be a change....like moving from my town or even at least from this flat... something cool happening to my friends or to my brother... Generally sth that will change this routine and steadiness around me... heartbreaking;definitely no,cause if sth like that happens now i will collapse,that's it...

FatherVic@ "That's nothing but torturing myself"
yes,overanalyzing is self-torturing...this is what i'm doing to myself


Hmmm...would i leave everything for a man? This is sth i can't give a general answer.....It depends on the situation...I have some plans which i don't think I would abandon,cause i would probably regret it afterwards... Probably it sounds egoistical,yet this is just the way i see things now and it may change when/if I'll have to face such a situation...

 

[OpethChild23]

Hello All,


First of all I'm sorry for not replying in awhile just got busy with work and the like. Anyways I need to tell a bunch of people in here something...

Yes I do have to accept the fact that she has to go back to her homeland. I was talking with her on the phone for quite awhile and I was just thinking about, what if I was in Columbia and didn't get to see my family friends back home in the US and I had the chance to go back I would. I can understand why she feels she needs to go back home, and I accept her decision with all my heart and soul. Anyways if you do love someone then you would be all for his/her decision. And I have to say I may actually love her, and I support her decision. Anyways if she stays safe and healthy she promised me she would come back here in the summer, and as soon as she comes back she said I would be the first one to know that shes back. And there is always keeping in touch over the net for the time being. I will still feel lonely at times, but as long as shes safe and sound I will know that that someone I love will come back. And if something terirble happens I don't know how much pain I would feel inside and I pray for her safety. Well I should go for the time being, take care all and I'll have more to talk about later.

 

[FatherVic]

see? this is much ehmmmm "coherent"
I said he must her leave because of that situation.
Obviously depending on the situation I would eventually leave it all for someone. I would have most of my past time. Always having in consideration what I was to leave and what I was to get. i.e. I would not follow anybody to see the catacombs in Egypt for a lifetime. And in the case of OpethChild I thought it was to premature to go for it and leaving to Bogota.
I think the solution you found is the best one, or at least the one the best suits with the situation, but may judge may differ depending on what it's envolved to the one leave, to where and where from!!!

 

[OP666187]

I have this to say about the three-way convo between rahvin, Melancholia and fathervic. People are all wayfarers, and we have this need to explore new ground. It's like every day I just gotta find something new. When our life sinks into monotony, we can't be happy. They world just becomes an insipid replay of the same crap every day. When we can't find something new in our lives, we search in our heads. And then we start to make stuff up about the past. We let it kill us with all this crap that doesn't exist.

The key to happiness is change. Meet someone new. Toke out on some new drug. Take a vacation to somewhere obscure. BTW, Melancholia, if you're taking a vacation to the Rich Archaic Heavens anytime soon, let me know...I'll call ya.

 

[terria]

sorry for abusing this thread, but originally it was about feelings so here i go

cancer. three of my friends lost their fathers to it some years ago, one after the other. so it wasn't too much of a surprise for me that after feeling good for a short while chuck died... business as usual.


but still it hurts; very, very deep inside something broke in two when i read it this afternoon and still it's

i knew and loved human since it's release ('91) which is quite a long time me being 19 years old and i am just listening to it and suddenly all sounds different
too many words

 

[OP666187]

I'd like to apologize sincerely to Terria for what I have to say. While my words will most likely go unheeded, it's worthy to say.

Life's a game of cards. The secret is that we're all dealt s**t. You lose a few hands, and you keep playing. I know it hurts dearly, but crying over a lost hand won't help anything. Take the next one, and just keep playing. What you've lost is nothing to the future. Take what's left and make something of it.

 

[|ngenius]

Mel, I'm agree with Rahvin, ask to the ppl around ya, ppl close to ya to find together that meaning of life. FatherVic not only believes in time as a healer, he actually only wants that time and nothing more. In the other hand, I need just the opposite, time can heal me, but I need friends around me to talk 'bout my problems, despite they couldn't help me. Choose your own way and think that all can change if you make it change. I'm sure, I really believe it. And there are not a justified reason to be afraid.

Despite I feel all alone, I feel the Christmas spirit on me since it was snowing here two days ago. I'm haapy without a concrete reason, and it makes me feel more strong and able to fight against my actual desires. Quite chupi!!!

@tlantis: Could ya leave all for me?

@FatherMelon: Compraste ya las entradas de Rubianes, no?

@Rahvin: Nothing but... feo.

@Everybody: Merry Christmas!!! HO-HO-HO!

 

[rahvin]

@mel:
i know those questions were just examples, but why is it you have questions you've even surprised someone tries to answer to? i also have tons of issues without apparent solution but i try not to treat them all as if there was no solution, just because i haven't found it yet.
and i'm afraid to change routine you're pretty much left with trying it out yourself or waiting forever for it to happen, too. take for instance one of (i dare imagine) the most important changes in your life: getting together with your boyfriend. did it happen all by itself? did your boyfriend one day just climbed down from heavens above and told you (quote) 'hey, i'm here, they told me i'm more or less your soulmate'? i think not. so it is for most things. i think change is constant, but we have to steer it somehow.

@opethchild:
what you said on your latest post is quite different from your pov the first time you posted on this thread. despite being more consistent and lucid, it shows (imho) that you're quite taken over by waves of - different - passions. this is surely going to absorb a lot of your energies, whatever your choice. as for her safety, i think that's a little overboard... if she (i mean, her parents) have means to travel to another country, she's probably not that much at risk where she lives anyway, what with money being able to buy a lot things etc etc.

@op666187:
while i mostly agree with you, i don't think that crying over a lost hand won't help. exploring the bottomless depth of sadness is at times somewhat needed to build up yourself again. besides, lack of external showing of feelings is sometimes (mis)taken for lack of feelings, and i wouldn't advise the latter. to feel sorrow and miss someone helps know the value of things. taking your life for that would be (generally speaking) a mistake, but crying for serious happenings seems to me quite different.

@|ngenius: wtf is feo?

rahvin.

 

[Malveaux]

Originally posted by OP666187
People are all wayfarers, and we have this need to explore new ground. It's like every day I just gotta find something new. When our life sinks into monotony, we can't be happy. They world just becomes an insipid replay of the same crap every day. When we can't find something new in our lives, we search in our heads. And then we start to make stuff up about the past. We let it kill us with all this crap that doesn't exist.

The key to happiness is change.

Wise words, OpethChild. Really wise words. Maybe that's the cause of my chronic depression? I never go out of my city, unless to go to Venice to my university.

I know you didn't say these things for me, but I have to thank you, because you made me think about something I never considered. Or at least I didn't ponder with enough attention.

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

Life's a game of cards. The secret is that we're all dealt s**t. You lose a few hands, and you keep playing. I know it hurts dearly, but crying over a lost hand won't help anything. Take the next one, and just keep playing. What you've lost is nothing to the future. Take what's left and make something of it.

Chuck wasn't just a lost hand, he was the whole fucking deck.