We all live dreaming, so... post here your feelings, your thoughts, your dreams!

[atlantis]

@ rahve, fathervic

This is a shared answer, for it's not an answer truly....
Happiness... I wouldn't want to think that happiness is not a fact, that EVERYTHING is not going to last....
I never thought of any universal truth. The truth is mine, but always uncertain- I don't judge, and accept what fate, future (or whatever may be) will bring.
And all the experiences. I would never say i'd wasted my time. The happiness and the feelings I had will never be lost in my memory.

It's the reason to go on, even when i know I will fail again. The desire is the need of experience is stronger than any fear or pain.
But this is the inconstant me, the everchanging me- if I cannot do the same thing or stay with the same one for long whiles it's just my fault.
I don't generalize, Father Vic will probably be happy again, if he trusts love, happiness and more.
I agree at 200% with Rahve. Father Vic will be happy, not for I read cards or waste words, just because he's made to be happy.
Some people are not- because they do not want it.
Definitely, I do not want to feel satisfied. I did my best to see the empire ruin, that's why I can't complain...just accept it. Zen mood
If you choose the glittering carnival of uncertitude instead of "boring" (but I don't trust it. It's just a glamorous lie.) firmness, of course you can't expect more than it.

That's nothing but life.

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by FatherVic
I can't imagine you (nor atlantis) trying to deny happiness just because of previous experiences didn't end gladly. (or at lest because they simply ended)
[...] and I'm 100% sure one day that will happen to you too. [...] I'm one of the most asocial guy on earth, but still I think I could never end my life alone,

in fact, i'm not saying i won't be content. despite the fact that i would certainly feel better if, among the many features of this forum, a decent multiple quoting option were included, i'm positive that i will feel fine for the best part of my life, just as i do now. i'm even sure someone will walk through that door and say "i'm here" (some already did), and previous experiences mostly ended gladly, that is to say: i'm glad they ended

but i know i wouldn't want that. i wouldn't want doors opening, over-enthusiastic people pouring in offering lifetimes of untarnished love, babies calling me daddy or just 'gh', long years of retirement gently cradling in my arms some well-known old lady.
it is true that almost no-one can spend his/her life alone. i'm no different, and i won't do that. it's just that i don't feel instant elation at the thought. i still think things are not like that for you and that this is a good thing: the capability to fill someone else's life and have your own filled by someone is - well - wonderful and moving.

rahvin. (who sits at the office, wondering whether the promising door he's looking at is going to be opened by a 70-year-old male teacher of russian )

 

[Skald]

do you study Russian, rahvin?

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by atlantis
I never thought of any universal truth. The truth is mine, but always uncertain- I don't judge, and accept what fate, future (or whatever may be) will bring. [...]
But this is the inconstant me, the everchanging me- if I cannot do the same thing or stay with the same one for long whiles it's just my fault.
[...] Some people are not- because they do not want it.
Definitely, I do not want to feel satisfied. I did my best to see the empire ruin, that's why I can't complain...just accept it. Zen mood

truth: i'm not sure you may claim to have a personal truth as long as you show deference towards higher powers. in a perspective where everything that happens is forced to, i would be surprised to find room for individual initiative at all. it makes sense to me that, once you've decided (on unfirm ground) that courses of action are 'brought' upon us, you are no longer able to do anything right/wrong (merely necessary or compulsory). therefore, human acts lose any value: everything goes under the 'couldn't be anything else' clause. i don't buy it.

lack of constance: you say it a lot and hang on to it a lot. i'm impressed by the sheer quantity of sadness and tearing this single aspect of yourself actually deals onto you. i'm sure you realise tons of people out there wouldn't find that trait so worrying in themselves.

happiness: this is a very polite thread that i don't want to spoil writing out what i think about zen or passive acceptance. i don't even see being satisfied as a faraway goal, but i see what you mean with not being happy: i feel disillusioned and numb. i didn't want to see any empire specifically crumble, but i know i'm always indifferent on that matter.
you might want to try to be a little less dramatic. relax. it's just your life, not some big impressive hollywood movie.

rahvin.

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by Skald
do you study Russian, rahvin?

nope. i work at the uni, foreign language department. i study english and german.

rahvin.

 

[Malaclypse]

woha another intruder capable of decyphring my dirty german thoughts... beware...

 

[atlantis]

@rahve:
Oh God! It's awesome the way this young judge understood and misunderstood everything at the same time!!

There's no sadness, of course lack of constance may disappoint me, above all for I'm discovering it firstly But no way sadness is far to be true, you may say I am, I feel it not..
Don't feel disillusioned nor numb, not at all, but enthusiastic, as usual: relaxing, carefree if possible. Often

Zen, after all, it's not passive acceptance, just an (altered) state of mind. Something like trying to embrace smiling all the while is blown out from our desires, and will.
You can't always have what you want, it's a fact Many people moan and complain about their disillusion, failure, desease only for they didn't get the things they were looking for. It's terribly human, I wouldn't want to mock it or deny- it's not my cup of tea, that's it. Walking some "personal calvary miles to a do-it-yourself crucifiction" () may have some ...logic, but I wouldn't want to walk it, or think I can or simply have to.

As for hollywood movies, I think you missed some specific sarcasm in my words...mhn... mhn... and some alcoholic addiction, as usual. At 3 am I cannot be but drunk or at least tired and drunk, week-ends apart


a

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by atlantis
@rahve:
Oh God! It's awesome the way this young judge understood and misunderstood everything at the same time!!

ssshh! if we keep on surprising each other that much our cover will eventually be blown. keep calm and act nonchalant.

Originally posted by atlantis
But no way sadness is far to be true, you may say I am, I feel it not..
Don't feel disillusioned nor numb, not at all, but enthusiastic, as usual: relaxing, carefree if possible.

i thought that made you sad since you remark it so often. does it make you proud, then?
and i was the one disillusioned and numb (dumb?). the more i look around, the less i find to be enthusiastic for.

Originally posted by atlantis
Something like trying to embrace smiling all the while is blown out from our desires, and will.

uh? that proves my point: zen has no meaning.
and who's that guy 'smiling' i should try to hug, sorry?

Originally posted by atlantis
Many people moan and complain about their disillusion, failure, desease only for they didn't get the things they were looking for.

i don't moan either. usually, i smash some skulls, make some people feel like junk, act very stiff and generally increase mankind's bad mood. that's human, too. perhaps it's better to look at all of that with serenity and detachment, but it wouldn't be funny, and anyway you're not doing it, either.

Originally posted by atlantis
As for hollywood movies, I think you missed some specific sarcasm in my words...mhn... mhn... and some alcoholic addiction, as usual. At 3 am I cannot be but drunk or at least tired and drunk, week-ends apart

well, i never miss sarcasm (sarcasm?) and i rarely think of you as a sober woman.
nonetheless, you tend to use almighty imaginery in describing your pov... i reckon in the w-e you're just drunk, not tired.

rahvin.

 

[OpethChild23]

I've been reading all these posts and I can't believe that so many people are in the same slump as me. Things just don't seem to go right nowadays in my life. The only true happiness I feel lies in my dreams. I've had so many dreams that have affected me so much. I thought I finally found someone to share my dreams with, and to talk about things that are very deep and philisophical. But, alas that person is leaving my world next week

This past two weeks have really been an emotional rollercoaster for me finally I met a girl that I thought I could relate too. We talked so much for the short time we've known eachother. And I've grown to like her so much, and she will be leaving for her home country of Columbia. And I will never see her again, and it pains me so much. Things tend to not go as planned in my life and I just do not understand why. Hopefully all of you have felt the same way as I. Do any of you understand why life must be such a bitch to live through, somedays I wish I could just die and be eternally happy. Because right now this is my Purgatory things seem good for awhile and it disappears and fades away into the white moonlight. And I stand here underneath a weeping willow tree clutching my arms wishing for something good to happen in my life.

Take Care All, Opethchild23

 

[rahvin]

Originally posted by OpethChild23
and she will be leaving for her home country of Columbia. And I will never see her again, and it pains me so much.

go with her. and i really mean it.
if you can't - for now - take a firm hold on decisions that in the future will see you going along to columbia.

ah, one last thing: it's better if she agrees that you come along.

rahvin and his column for the broken-hearted.

 

[OpethChild23]

What the problem is going with her to Columbia is that I'm from the U.S. and I dont know if I can get comfortable with the culture differences. And Columbia is know to be a crazy country especially when shes from Bogota. She told me that there are always shoot outs seven days a week in the city and I just worry about safety factor as well. Because I really am a country guy not really much a of a city person. rahvin you seem very desolate about things when I read your posts they are very deep and stuff but what is tearing at your soul? Do you have the same problems as well as I? Please respond back.

 

[terria]

hey ~mel~, i think i understand what you mean...
words form in my mouth
hid beneath the tongue
never to be seen
it's not that funny but i love those cuuuuute smilies *giggle* *sob*

err. hm. to quote better writer than me: true wisdom comes from learning pain... and i have have knooown paaaaaain duhdudidududldidudidu (just imitating the guitarsolo of nevermore's passenger ). and what i learned was that the best means for being happy or at least untouched by the dismal sides of life is REPRESSION. try it! it WORKS!!! look at me
and if you buy two of them now you get one for free! call anyone

so i read your fathomless thoughts, understand them, and in order to keep on smiling i put alot of smilies in here and try not to think about this all. for me this is the better way. not to stop thinking. but to leave some parts of my mind untouched.

still, i love you all.

take care (and burn burn BURN within. live)

 

[|ngenius]

I'm seeing the verbal fight between my actual wife and our milkman and I think I'm not the only one impressed. Well, I think firstly I must to express my opinion, and then proceed answering some points.

Now I understand the wish to not feel satisfied, 'cos she thinks she isn't made to be happy. I can accept that fact, but I cannot understand it, just the opposite of my behaviour in life. I know the way until we reach our goals is as important as the goal by itself, but atlantis seems to think the way and the experience it can give us is the only important, but her posts seems a try to hide a desillusion behind a cover of integrity, a plenty-free woman, and Rahvin is crushing that cover word after word.

And as Rahvin said, I think your sometimes poetic posts are more dramatic for the right expression of your ideas, adquiring a tone of a hollywood post (Hollywood can post messages here? ).

But Rahvin uses the word fate in the wrong way, I don't believe in a higher power that controls my life, but I belive our life is influenced and conditioned by external factors. Some ppl call it "luck", or "fate" or whatever. Rahvin seems to be a man supported by the ppl around him, by his family and/or friends, and that fact bring him security in himself (I'm going wrong, my italian friend? If it isn't as I described, you can hide your lack of security with hability).

@tlantis: To do the best you can to adquire experience is a good way, but ppl aren't "made to be/do anything", you can be what you wish, satisfied or not.

@Rahvin: I thought firstly to crush skulls, etc. but to play soccer seems less insane, hehehehehe.

@OpethChild23: Why must she leave? If your city is more safe and there are more possibilities...

 

[Malveaux]

Slightly off topic, but has to do with dreams.

Today I went to my university, in Venice. And there was a thick snowfall on the city. That was a truly dreamlike scene, and an unique event. last time snow fell on Venice, it was 50 years ago.


Wow.

 

[OpethChild23]

Maybe she needs to be back with her family and freinds she has made back in Columbia. Because all she talks about is going back home to see everyone again. She told me she misses everyone, but I do not understand why you would want to go back to city that is so dangerous. It's where her heart is set for now. She is not even here today so I could see her for one last time. I feel so depressed and forlorn, my heart aches to see her again my soul cries to no end. The pain wont end, why can't someone come and save me from my damnation. I fell into a whole that I cannot get out of, and no matter how hard I try too I always slip and fall down again. When will I feel happy again? And to add more to the heartache, one of my good friends likes her as well, and everything seems to go wrong, I'm so sorry for making everyone feel my pain. But I really need someone, anyone I can relate to, to help me out. I need a rope thrown down my hole and have someone pull me up. If anyone has a spare rope please lift me out of this hell....

 

[atlantis]

@ rahve

Dear, tender lil' child don't try to judge people with your own measures... you're not going to know (never ever) the way people think, realize, react. Your logic is not the one and only: it may work for you, and not for someone else. We're all different... it's like advertising, isn't it?
And anyway- let's toast our glasses, tonight Julöl and glögg, it's Sankt Lucia


@[ngenius

Man, get the point... it's not like I can't be happy. Or do not want it. Simply, I don't want that kind of happiness...to me, it is not a good feeling. Rest is not my cup of tea, right now. No disillusion, no anger, no sadness.
Perplexity, mostly.... still marrying me, maaan?


a

 

[Melancholia]

Malveaux@ wonderful but grrrrr *enviousMel* I want some snow too Imagine me sitting in looking through the window while listening to Ulver's "Bergtatt"
or being out walking and walking with the snow falling on my face and hair

OpethChild23@ It is very sad that you are through such a bad period... your posts were very touching... I hope you'll start feeling better soon.. (i know these words don't help..... )



(as I mentioned to some other post I did a couple of mins ago...i feel everything I am writing has no meaning..i have nothing interesting to say,I feel totally useless these days... I can't help people,I only manage to carry my misery here and there and infect others )

I'm sorry you have to read all these...It's 3:07 AM here and I feel so lonely,empty and sad....what is going wrong with me? .....I guess I should stop thinking about life all the time,but i can't help it...

Thanks for listening,my friends...
~Bedtime~~Misty sleep......~

 

[atlantis]

Originally posted by Melancholia
I'm sorry you have to read all these...It's 3:07 AM here and I feel so lonely,empty and sad....what is going wrong with me? .....I guess I should stop thinking about life all the time,but i can't help it... Thanks for listening,my friends... ~Bedtime~~Misty sleep......~

I have not the TRUTH in my hand...so I can't tell you what to do or how to behave...my way is just relax and take it easy, sit and wait and laugh about everything, about myself firstly.

It's too personal anyway... It's about the way you are... my one suggestion is to let the pain flow away, and think it over, and laugh, the more you can.
But it's up to you, none can tell you how to become... I am sure people can work it out...people have the chance to become different...but it takes time...

Or just the spur for a revolution... it's not easy..but sometimes it happens...and you barely get it....!
Ok, this is a useless post, probably...I am not the right one to give any advice...but go on and don't give up... take a deep breath, begin again.

Accept it.... and assimilate the good coming out from the evil.
If you can.

 

[rahvin]

well, it's going to take some time. bear with me.

@opethchild23:
consider this: usually when two people are in love they find some way to carry life's heavy burden and plan some kind of haven-like situation. did you two discuss your problems? did you two try to find some answer in order to reunite someday? what is her stance on the subject, is she willing to say that one day she might leave columbia? or are you willing to accept the fact that she'll never leave and buy all sorts of means of mass destruction just to survive the hardships in bogota? give yourself one star for every 'yes' answer. unless you've got all stars, mate, there's probably some flaw on the emotional side, from her part and/or yours. you're torn apart, but what would you give for stop feeling this way?
as for me, my lack of satisfaction has next to nothing to do with soulmates or loved ones. i feel i'm becoming bleaker and colder everyday, that strong feelings and passions of all sorts are all in the past, and they just left this pacified, quiet numb sensation lulling me to sleep. i don't want to sleep.

@|ngenius: you got it right when you said that about my family and friends. some of them just plain lack confidence and look up to me as stable ground (i definitely forged my character in reply to what they actually wanted to see). although it's true that i have strong appreciation surrounding me and i may appear self-assured, i'm not trying to blow anyone's cover, particularly atlantis. your wife is a clever, unadulterated woman who is fun to chat with and absolutely brilliant to talk to, with communication skills and an attitude that deserves my highest esteem and affection. clearly, we've been through skirmishes like this a few times before and at times indulge on a little mutual criticism. for instance:

@atlantis: *mumbles: bloody aes sedai!* your second-to-last reply has to be the most off-topic thing i've ever seen
i mean, where in the world was i applying my logic to anything (included myself)? on my previous post addressing you, i pointed out how you often tell us how inconstant you are. i made some assumption as for the cause of this, in a very hypothetic form. i don't feel inconstant and i wouldn't be either sad or proud if i did felt like that, so no forcing of logic there at all. later i go on saying that when i said 'disillusioned and numb' i was talking about myself. even in that message, there was no reference to anyone else feeling that way (it stated 'i...' etc.) later still, i try to avoid letting you all think that i moan and complain, and it might as well be in that case it's you who's judging the world by your standards. it really beats me what on earth were you talking about, but i think anyway you still did not say anything tangible about the way you deal with fate.
unless you count your reply to mel as an answer.

@mel: yep, you probably shouldn't think about life all the time, but there wouldn't be much left to think about. almost everything is 'your life'. constant evaluation of the good and the bad in it is bound to have disturbing results. maybe you could try to enjoy something you like with an open heart and mind, as a taker instead of a giver. go out with your boyfriend, listen to the wind, climb a mountain, slay a dragon, win a marzipan-eating contest... in short: let go for a while. depression will still be there when you come back.
disclaimer: i wasn't trying to tell you what to do (in case someone accuses me again of too little passive 'all-is-relative' behaviour )

rahvin.

 

[atlantis]

@rahve
take it easy maaan
If I have to show my point of view, it'll be mine. If i have to fake something i am not i will. I don't get the point, sincerly.
Just wondering: if I am willing to repeat eternally I am inconstant, why should you mind it?
C'mon.... An answer is a personal pov, I wouldn't want to underline some of your "obsessions"... what's for?
The subject here was dreams and so on... many people here posted to express themselves... personal thoughts, in this case, are not wrong or right, just thoughts

Of course it's just my very humble opinion... and no offence meant, you know I esteem you highly