weird, fucked up, or amusing black metal quotes

[Cythraul]

So I've been reading a couple issues of the old Petrified zine, which featured interviews with Emperor and Burzum among others from 93-94, and it reminded me that black metal bands do possibly the most entertaining interviews in all of metal. A lot of these guys say stuff that is either blatantly fucked up or unintentionally hilarious. Here are some from Petrified (all spelling and grammatical errors have been preserved):

Samoth hating on Chuck way back before it was internet-trendy to do so.

Please someone get this Chuck "Flower Power" of Death killed...Fucking hell, he might be Jesus Christ!?

Samoth on whether he will rule in hell among evil after he dies.

I will rule in a medieval-like realm of Darkness...I will sit proudly at my throne with my blacksword at hand in my grey silent castle into the eternal forest...

Faust on homosexuals.

Basically I don't care about them (as long as they keep to their own people), but...what can I say...they are nice to put knives into...

Varg Vikernes on Jews.

They are so full of lies it makes me sick. To bad the holocaust is a lie too, I would love to know they lost six million of their ugly, elephant-nosed, foul mouthed sub-apes. Too bad it is a lie.

Euronymous on what he'd like to change about his life (this one did not appear in Petrified zine.)

I’d just like to have extremely much money. Then DSP would be a big company, we would all have the POWER in this part of the music business, and I would live in luxury with a harem and watch the children in Africa starve to death on video.

So yeah, anyway, post more bizarre, unintentionally hilarious, or fucked up/disturbing black metal interview quotes here. Quotes from album liner notes are acceptable too as those tend to be pretty ridiculous as well. I can't get enough of this stuff.

 

[JontRevolting]

'Because our music is cold and your teeth is rotten' Demonaz Slayer Mag Vol. 11
When asked how come the amalgan in your teeth freezes when you put on an Immortal record.
I will have many more outstanding quotes whence sober and have trawled my archives.

 

[CF87]

"and I would live in luxury with a harem and watch the children in Africa starve to death on video."

 

[JontRevolting]

That aint that funny dude,it's a fairly normal Euro quote,there's gotta be better ones than that out there.

 

[Slayed Necros]

Great idea for a thread. There's definitely a wealth of this sort of thing in liner notes. I'll see what I can find.

 

[NocturnalNemesis]

The pathetic bigoted life-form who uttered that Jewish-related quote is nothing but an oxygen thief, the human race doesn't need or want pond scum filled with mindless hate in its ranks. I'm not Jewish but I wouldn't listen to any band who said such a thing just on principle.

 

[Lateralus14]

Burzum is great, but Varg proves himself to be quite the dumbass with that quote.

 

[Slayed Necros]

From the Hirilorn/Nasav split. Mostly interesting considering how much Shaxul hates nowadays Deathspell Omega, where here he's obviously talking about creating said band.

...Indeed the band is dead now, because Sinn and Yohann have betrayed and humiliated HIRILORN by taking part on a Hard-Core recording. But of course, Shaxul and Hasjarl continue their quest for the ultimate darkness with a raw Black Metal band which name is kept secret for the moment. We fight against open-minded and tolerant people, we play Metal in the name of Satan, none shall betray us, We say: Be Metal or be dead, Humiliate, Mutilate, Exterminate!

A few years later:

I left because the band jumped on the "religious" trend with all this gay Christian bullshit and boring avant-garde fake anti-Metal music.

From Ildjarn's final statement:

...But then again, I’m not able to explain fully why it’s a great feeling fucking teen cunts either; it just is… or
was, although that hole never seems to stop bleeding.

From a re-release of Graveland's Thousand Swords (choices were numerous, as Darken often says this kind of shit in liner notes).

At the gates of new era, new milenium, reborning of aryan race in pagan belief and traditions. I set fire in dark forges of Eastclan to clean and burning-hot hatred flow on the earth and penetrate your hearts with power which only white aryan pagan can release.

 

[Der Morgenstern]

Didn't Varg come out with some shit after he was incarcerated that said guitars were for my pals? This somehow justified his wretched keyboard-based albums.

 

[Chimaera]

The pathetic bigoted life-form who uttered that Jewish-related quote is nothing but an oxygen thief, the human race doesn't need or want pond scum filled with mindless hate in its ranks. I'm not Jewish but I wouldn't listen to any band who said such a thing just on principle.

Yeah, who cares if he burned down a few churches and killed a guy? Badmouthing Jews is much worse.

 

[gundamterran]

Badmouthing jews is so much worse man! Jew's get enough shit for no reason. They've been through enough.

 

[Krow]

Yeah, who cares if he burned down a few churches and killed a guy? Badmouthing Jews is much worse.

This is probably your best post ever.

 

[Cythraul]

I've always thought this was hilarious.

 

[General Zaroff]

Aw fuck that Ildjarn one is hilarious.

 

[JontRevolting]

Aw fuck that Ildjarn one is hilarious.

Fucking oath it is

 

[NocturnalNemesis]

Yeah, who cares if he burned down a few churches and killed a guy? Badmouthing Jews is much worse.

He did? Well I'm not surprised then, hope he stayed locked up for a long time....

 

[Krow]

He's out. Didnt go to jail that long. Not every country locks you away for life.

 

[SkeletonWitch]

A quote from someone who is not a fan of black metal, about black metal.

I must admit that I find most black metal to be rather comedic. I saw Dimmu Borgir once, and it was hilarious: the kabuki make-up, the faux-Wagnerian keyboards, the Cookie Monster vocals on one side of the stage and the Freddie Mercury operatics on the other side... funny, funny stuff.

 

[Alteredmindeath]

I wish Emperor never broke up, but I started sucking my own dick and couldn't stop.
-Samoth

Someone just fuck me in the ass
-Varg Vikerness

I love you Varg baby, but you cheated on me you asshole.
Euronymous

 

[no country for old wainds]

trees don't pay taxes