UndoControl said:
Mardy: I'm happy to see another great writer on the forum.
Thanks heaps Undo and 6, if you want, check out the creativity and art threads that are buried somewhere on page 985959652. Id posted some stuff there before you came to this forum. Hope you like that, too.
On Dissolving destiny:
The title is beautiful beyond words. I can't really say anything because it's one of the best titles i have ever seen.
I am very pleased you like it so much, because that was actually exactly the feeling I wanted to evoke, like, man, what a great title. Its connection to the content of the poem is actually minor, its more of an attention grabber (and a good one it seems)
The images of footsteps in the sand
Milliontimes envisaged
I love that beginning. The imagery is awesome, and i love the kind of melancholically post-apocalyptic atmosphere you gave it.
Again, bingo. Exactly the atmosphere I wanted you to feel. Like nothing matters anymore and yet it does somehow.
After that i kind of got lost (i especially didn't understand the part about poison and venom), but the second stanza is much clearer to me. Even though i wot not what 'apeiron' means, the use of words is brilliant.
The image of antibiotic on its way from poison to venom is an attempt (maybe a tad confusing) to describe the idea of the introducing image of footsteps in the sand (a cliched representation of destiny, as it is confirmed in the second line) - that its helped a lot in the past (yet still being an ANTIbiotic, thus poison), but now its beginning to dissolve, to fade, to rot actually (so its becoming venomous).
Im sure 6 knows who the Eleats were and what apeiron is. Loosing the idea of destiny, past, future, the glorification of the present moment are like those arrows of Zeno, succession of still moments - and the apeiron (brew) comes from Anaximader. It means "the indefinite" (ask Sirenoulitta
) and Anaximander saw it as the
arche, the basic principle of everything (all comes from it and to it returns). The whole idea was that despite the semi-buddhist approach of our civilisation to the present, the result is not a quiet contemplation, but boredom and frustration - alienation (if you want
).
And the myths grow stronger everyday
Never having left us alone
That is beautiful, and it's a good ending, i think, leaving us thinking about it. Again, social critique, but good one. And great use of words.
Thanks.
On The last moment:
April is the cruelest month
Well, :\
Well, thats the first line from Wasteland, from T.S.Eliot, I said I always read him in April.
The tubes are fed
With filth of the slowly deceased
Dead season
I like this. Great imagery, once more (it makes me think of rotting corpses of old people in an asylum, go figure...). I always liked the description "the slowly deceased" for dying people in hospitals with tubes all over. And april does seem like a dead month (more dead than others, anyway) in this light.
I'm not quite fond of the mono-verbal verses in this case, and the final verse is disorienting (but pretty, in a way) to me.
Yeah, you are a very good reader, honest, mate. Again you hit the nail totally. Really, I was thinking if I should make it one line or split it - I went for the latter, simply because it gives the lines a new perspective (its different when you say "with filth of the slowly deceased" than "with filth of the slowly deceased dead season") - namely, that April is really cruel iin its ambiguity - it should purify you of all the winter crap in your body, as well as in your mind, but it should also give you new energy, but where from? So its like with plants, getting energy from the deceased, hehe. Thats why I love Necrophagist so much.
The corpse that was planted
In the garden of my brain
Has begun to sprout
It will bloom this year
The fates will stink again
My eyes will see again
My senses will perceive again
My mind will be focused again
The corpse is another quote from T.S., so dont worry.
Its only a continuation of the necrophagy from the previous lines.
That begins to sound like a horrible doom and ends up sounding like something good, like you're growing more powerful (or awakening again, or something).
Well, yes and no, thats the whole point. Of course, there is a reason for the whole thing being called The Last Moment, cause the whole optimism is kinda weird in contrast with all that preceding manure, dont you think?
