@marduk: i concur with what rahvin and alex said, we know you can make it and there's substance to your marriage. so go buy yourself some hot underwear (err) and reciprocate the favor asap.
chat, feelings, and random discussion thread
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marduk1507
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@Tal: No, its not too bad, although its not too good either. We love each other very much, thats the cornerstone of everything. Its solid, yet everchanging, so to speak. We need to talk a lot more, but my wife finds it almost impossible to open up, because she wasnt used to anything like that until she met me. Shes the typical smalltown, suburban child - a small detached house, a sister 8 years older, so basically non-existent, left home early anyway. Parents are really nice, but typical suburban types, everythings clear, the only subjects of dicussions are the daily matters, the usual harmless stuff. On the other hand, Im a typical housing estate, block-of-flat child - a block of 26 flats, a lot of people, kids, lots of fighting, but also playing, discussing, softening/hardening of the edges. There were 5 of us in a 3-room flat, me, my brother and my sister in one room. No privacy, but hey, we talked our heads off. So, thats about it - and now join these two worlds, and bear in mind we live with my wifes parents (we are separated, we have the ground floor, them the upstairs part, but still...). We have lived for 4 years like this. Im starting to think of getting the fuck out.
@hyena: yeah, maybe I should buy myself nice thongs instead of getting lobotomised.
@hyena: yeah, maybe I should buy myself nice thongs instead of getting lobotomised.
If you dont feel like you have your own space and feel the parents' presence over everything, then yea it's time to get the fuck out. Maybe that'll help your wife to find herself more. It's hard to explain, but I think I have changed a lot to the better just by moving out and living on my own. Maybe some independence helps to lose the pressure, it can help her to sort out her relation to her parents and help her to open up more. I hope it'll be a relief and turns things around 
marduk1507
Member
Yeah, thats exactly what I think. Eventhough they dont interfere at all, and try to be as relaxed as possible, its the subconscious that works against us. Its still their daughter, no matter what, and Im afraid my wife just cant escape from this egg-shell, maybe even doesnt want to. My relationship with my parents also improved rapidly after I moved out, theres no doubt about it.
@marduk: if i might be so bold as to give unwanted advice, maybe it's time to think of yourself and her of 2 people making a life together rather than people coming from a certain background - i agree on the fact that background has its importance in shaping people, but after all you made a big decision in getting married, and the number of years that will define you as a family is hopefully going to exceed by far the number of years that defined you as suburban or council-block kids. i am also pretty skeptical on the whole concept of defining people based on their class, where they were born etc, because people are really defined by their choices, not by stuff they had no say, accept responsibility for what i've done but not for who i am, don't call me white and all. oh, and i'd go for black silk boxers with a slytherin crest rather than thongs, thongs on a man gives a drag-queeny feeling. 
marduk1507
Member
Thats not what I meant at all, but Im tired of getting into explaining it, because I have some 4 hours of that behind me.
rahvin
keeper of the flame
marduk1507 said:
From what you said, and with no intention of passing any judgement, this seems like a particularly good idea. On general principles, sensible human beings would probably concur it's logical to be a different family than your parents', in a setting that is removed from that of said parents. Specifically, I think I'd hate to have spent the past 4 years - since we're of an age, Marduk and I - with my significant other but in her parents' house.
Kovenant84
T-369 days
Agreed. I have to say, she won't really figure out who she is and what she's capable of until she's out. The same thing was true of me. I just found out that I'm a slacker that's incapable of just about anything on my own except making myself Chunky soup and Pasta Sides two times a day, and occasionally ordering Papa John's for delivery. Though, you're married, not alone, so I'd assume things would be slightly more dignified.
~kov.
~kov.
Kovenant84
T-369 days
Haha, well now I certainly am. Pre-on-my-own I was downright skinny. Though right now I'm losing weight again, being at home. I'm also working out again, though I haven't started running again. I used to run cross-country in highschool, but I think I'm going to spare myself that torture.
~kov.
~kov.
marduk1507
Member
@kov: Well said. Yeah, this side of our marriage, the "material" side, has worked absolutely great, weve never had any financial problems, weve never had to look for and pay for a place to live (take a mortgage loan and pay it for the rest of our lives), Tanya is a great cook (so dignified is really the word) and I dont have any problems helping with the household work. This sounds funny, but its really important as well.
@rahvin: Yeah, I agree. It wasnt that bad though, but Im starting to look at it as the transition phase, rather than as the first 4 years of living with my parents-in-law. Whats even more important, the prospect of buying a new place doesnt look as impossible as it did 4 years ago. We will see.
Well said. Yeah, this side of our marriage, the "material" side, has worked absolutely great, weve never had any financial problems, weve never had to look for and pay for a place to live (take a mortgage loan and pay it for the rest of our lives), Tanya is a great cook (so dignified is really the word) and I dont have any problems helping with the household work. This sounds funny, but its really important as well.@rahvin: Yeah, I agree. It wasnt that bad though, but Im starting to look at it as the transition phase, rather than as the first 4 years of living with my parents-in-law. Whats even more important, the prospect of buying a new place doesnt look as impossible as it did 4 years ago. We will see.
KitKat said:My cousin is ok, and his bf too. Friends of heer/him got shot, and one girl died. They know her. I'm watching images and this is my town, my places where I use to go. I'm shocked. woah...
They don't know why it happened yet. The guy had a big black trench coat with tatoos and piercings and long black hair...
Maybe he liked Norwegian Black Metal
Anyway... shit happens. But this kind of shit don't have to happen, mofo!
I have to go to school tomorrow morning, near this place... I am afraid...
That's fucked up :/ Always the question - where was fuckign security?
blindfred said:
Oh shit - how about a crack pipe fiend shot your mother/gf/gerbil and then raped her? And then shoot her again? Something surely bugged him for a long time.
Kovenant84 said:
Cross-country is fun - 40 minutes ona treadmill watching fucking baseball - that is a torture. There's a SWEAT gym near where they have individual screens on every treadmill/eliptical machine, but it's kinda expensive right now for me.
Kovenant84
T-369 days
plintus said:
Cross Country is only fun when the practice isn't loops of something. The actual races were fun as shit. And I went to a gym like that in freshman year, Crunch - actually helped me to put on some good weight. Then sophmore year I was alone in my studio, and then my gf and I had a falling out for a bit, after which one of my HS buddies was found dead in a ravine near his college. It was all a really shitty year, which is part of the reason I just laid around an ate. Nearly failed out of school that year, too.
~kov.
Kovenant84 said:
I realized I had a drinking problem when case of Heineken (x12) daily wasn't a problem for me. Then I tried to kill myself and almost succeded twice, but when it didn't work out as planned I decided to prolong the torture and signed in a gym. Addicted to it like fuck! Or may be it's an excuse to run away from things to do?
But anyway - I couldn't live without it It only matters what you eat, not really how often... well, good food more often = good. I'm on fish/dairy/protein diet, frequent workouts, and I'm not gaining weight at the moment (170 lbs at 6'-6'1")
I need to lower my sugar intake - I need those abs without even slightest flexing.
But no topless pictures for you.
Kovenant84
T-369 days
plintus said:
185 lbs at 5'10"-5'11". Which is funny, because when I met you, I though I leaned over to talk to you. But then, that night was rather fuzzy. Which only means I was either wearing my boots or my 'big shoes'. (They have really thick soles, which is great because I walk everywhere, so I wear through shoes like paper.)
When I started freshman year of college I weighed 150 lbs. I looked like a fucking rail. Whats funny is that aside from a bit of expected residual in my face and such, most of the weight went to my gut. So I look like a Sim that let themselves go, hehe.
~kov.
i'm creating a gym rat thread for fitness etc discussions, so the couch potatoes will not need to be green with envy unless they voluntarily click.
fireangel
Member
KitKat said:
sorry to hear
They don't know why it happened yet. The guy had a big black trench coat with tatoos and piercings and long black hair...
Maybe he liked Norwegian Black Metal
Maybe because he had a gun? I thought Canada had stricter laws on owning weapons than the US? Why can such volatile people walk around with weapons?
Magrathean
worldbuilder
*looks at the back of the cd case* Noup, One of my turns. And yes, they are brilliant (the whole song, and, for that matter, the whole album, is).marduk said:
It is a very disturbing album. One of my turns and Comfortably numb are really powerful songs, and Waiting for the worms is scary as fuck.marduk said:
Good luck, mate. I'm glad you're both trying.
marduk1507
Member
UndoControl said:*looks at the back of the cd case* Noup, One of my turns. And yes, they are brilliant (the whole song, and, for that matter, the whole album, is).
It is a very disturbing album. One of my turns and Comfortably numb are really powerful songs, and Waiting for the worms is scary as fuck.
Good luck, mate. I'm glad you're both trying.
You are right, its turns, dunno why I thought it was tunes. I love the album as a whole, but my most favourite part is right at the beginning, the combo of The Thin Ice, Brick 1, The Happiest Days and Brick 2. And then The Trial.
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