College life: without a doubt, the worst wakeup call ever

[Larf03]

Skyclad =

 

[mReEtTaIlRsEkD]

cockholster.

haha

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Apparently, he came into my room because he thought it was the room next door, and my bed was the bed of the girl who lives there. Or at least, that's his story.

Aww, I think he's got a crush on you and is just scared to admit it

Pyrus pwns everything.

 

[Pitiless Wanderer]

im a college student as well, and i have more than my share of stories hehe.


i once drank so much i passed out and woke up on the floor of the common room in my dorm the next morning. haha

 

[Satans_Mom]

Pyrus, I can't remember when this happened, but that fact is that it did happen. The Carrot Award. If you passed out drunk, you woke up with a carrot up your ass. It was quite the deterent to getting shitfaced. Now, this didn't happen to me, but I saw it with my own eyes. The Carrot Award RULES!!!


Try it. You'll never wake up with a hairy mass ass in your face again.

 

[Satans_Mom]

It occured to me....everyone calls me "mean" or "evil". Its a combination of my looks and my attitude. The carrot award was my idea, and this act of indignity has served me well. Damn, I am EVIL!

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Hemi \m/

 

[Lies and Perfidy]

Pyrus pwns everything.

Glad SOMEONE recognizes my genius.

But there is one thing I do not pwn, and that is the awesome that is Hemi. I can't top someone who thought up the Carrot Award. Learn from Hemi's example, everybody. She = winnar.

 

[unknown]

cue scene from ace ventura when he finds out the chief is a man and begins to the self cleaning process

 

[Cephalopod]

So after a long night of drinking, I wake up at six in the morning with the distinct feeling that something is not right. It takes me a couple seconds to figure out what it is, but I soon realize what the problem is.

There is someone in my bed.

To clarify, I look over to my right. Sure enough, someone's hairy leg is in my face. There is not just someone in my bed, but some DUDE in my bed. And he is not wearing any pants. I have a sickening feeling that I know who it is, and in fact I am correct–it's Matt, the douchebag down the hall who always asks us to turn down our music and keeps harassing one of my female friends. And who has this unfortunate habit of wandering around drunk and naked.

My first instinct, of course, is to get the hell out of bed. Then I shake him and say "Matt. Dude. What the fuck?" Bear in mind that I am, at this point, still somewhat drunk.

No response. I continue attempting to wake him up, realizing that not only is this guy in my bed, he is PASSED THE FUCK OUT in my bed. The problem is compounded by my roommate Salvador, who has woken up and thinks that the person in our room is an entirely different guy. Eventually Matt blinks, mutters "Don't worry about it, man," and falls back to sleep.

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

I grab his shoulder, shake violently, and yell "MATT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED!" This finally has some effect. Matt rolls over, looks around, and is immediately possessed by the catacylsmic shock that affects every college guy who has woken up with no clothes in a strange bed. Except this is the bed of another guy.

"Reuben? Wait...am I in East Hall?" I assure him that he is, and further assure him that his room is a mere three doors away, and then inform him that he needs to leave. Right. The fuck. Now.

Matt swings out of my bed, and he is, in fact, bare-ass naked. This is moderately unpleasant. It gets moreso when he stops in my doorway, turns around, and begins explaining and apologizing. "Matt, dude, it's okay, it's okay, just fuckin leave," is my response. This is merely to get him to go away, because this is not okay. It is not okay at all.

He finally leaves. I sit down. I look at Sal. He bursts out laughing, and I curse the cruelty of fate and college.

Then it occurs to me that I am now in possession of the greatest cock-block ever. Le Grande Cocqueblocque. Das Sehr Krieg Kokkenblokken. El Supremo Cockblock Con Quesa. "Matt? Oh, sure I know Matt. This one time he crawled into my bed naked and wouldn't leave for like ten minutes. It kinda sucked."

I, too, burst out laughing.

Today, I wash my sheets.

Best.Post.EVAR. I don't know you or anything, but I think I peed a little when I read this. Hell-arious.

 

[neal]

yeh, if i woke up with a carrot in my ass, everyone else would wake up to a blow with a blunt object to their fucking face, then they would go unconcious again. you dont fucking do that to people. thats bullshit. yeh you got drunk, so heres your punishment for having fun! fuck that. i guess some groups of friends fuck with each other like that, but the perpetraitors should be ready for a violent reaction. fucking with drunk people is for frats, and frats are for assholes.

 

[Captain Beard]

Thanks, Neal... my sentiments exactly.

 

[Larf03]

yeh, if i woke up with a carrot in my ass, everyone else would wake up to a blow with a blunt object to their fucking face, then they would go unconcious again. you dont fucking do that to people. thats bullshit. yeh you got drunk, so heres your punishment for having fun! fuck that. i guess some groups of friends fuck with each other like that, but the perpetraitors should be ready for a violent reaction. fucking with drunk people is for frats, and frats are for assholes.

wow...

 

[Satans_Mom]

That was a very long time ago Neal, like almost 20 years back. Young, stupid, yes. Regret? never!

And Pyrus, you own me as a writer. I wish I could write 1/20th as well as you can, but I don't. Cheers to Pyrus!

 

[Guerrilla]

Neal is a sensitive and caring individual and a great friend. I mean I fall asleep in class for 15 minutes and I wake up with penises drawn on my face, newspaper pieces stuffed in my mouth if I sleep with my mouth open, etc. etc. I dare not imagine what would happen if I passed out drunk. I wish neal was my friend instead and we both lived in california together sunbathing all the time and caring for each other in a loving yet very non-homosexual way.

 

[PlatypusJesus]

Krista! HEY! How are you?

 

[EVERLOSTINDEADETERNITY]

I went to a college party where I didnt know anybody and didnt have one drink. Well when everyone else was passed out I took five bucks outta everyones wallet and went and bought two megadeth cds and a testmanet cd and some doughnuts. That was 3 years ago. I never saw any of those guys again. They played Dr Dre all night so I felt justified in my thievery.

 

[MajestikMøøse]

That wasn't a very nice thing to do. What would your mother say?

 

[Guerrilla]

His mother would probably slap him for not bying some Shania Twain or Dixie Chicks CDs instead.

 

[MajestikMøøse]

That's probably how it works in the south too.