Although I have researched alot about Anton LaVey's Church of Satan. Of all organized religions, I thought this one made the most sense because it's more philosophy than anything else such as worshipping a statue or something.
LaVey's Church of Satan is stupid. This is from Abulafia at
http://forums.thestranger.com:
I propose that LaVey was a the precise equivalent of the horsey-faced, intellectually immature, just-over-average-IQ younglings mentioned above. But don't take my word for it. Let's see how his pimple scratching "it's all about me" philosophy holds up in even the briefest of presentations by a devotee.
Satanism on 'harm':
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Originally Posted by happy pervert
Satanism is not based on worshiping "the devil" nor does it deal with inflicting harm.
Thank goodness! It would be horrible if it had anything to do with inflicting harm:
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4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
Well, ok. I guess it's ok if someone comes into my lair and annoys me. Then cruel and merciless harm is ok. It's my lair, after all, right? But as long as they are not in my lair, I'd better be nice. Right? Can't I spell it layre? I kind of feel like spelling it layre.
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5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
Ok, wait. So it looks like if someone really pisses me off, vengeance is ok, too. Ok. Got it. So if someone comes into my lair, presumably at my own invitation, but then, say, pops their gum or pulls out one of those tedious Aussie Shirazes or talks about something really annoying, like...er, Satanismthen I get to treat him cruelly. Ok. Got it. And even outside of my lairsay in the foyer of the lairif someone pisses me off, I get to harm him, too. But other than that, no way.
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11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Except if someone bothers me in open territory! Good. I was worried, because sometimes when I am walking in open territory people bother me but I didn't know what to do about it. Luckily, it looks like I have the option of destroying him, since that doesn't count as harm. Since, you know, they were bothering me. And all.
Does this work if I am, say, biking in open territory? Or is this sort of destruction limited to pedestrians?
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9. Do not harm little children.
Unless one has come into your lair or bothers you in open territory. If a toddler does such, and does not stop though you ask him, destroy him.
But other than that, really. Harm is not cool.
Satanism on punctuation:
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1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
Satanism represents a love of exclamation marks!!!
Satanism on nocturnal telepathy:
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6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
Psychic vampires. They know what you're thinking, but only at night.
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8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
And we all know that none of the so-called sins has ever caused anyone any harm. Especially not little children.
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1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
Good! I despise proselytism.
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Why not become a Satanist like me check out links
Hmm.
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7. ... If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
In bed.
Right? Isn't this like the fortune cookie "in bed" game? Just like it!
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8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
In bed.
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9. Do not harm little children.
In... oh, never mind.
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Satanists acknowledge that we are human and work towards perfection, but can sometimes fall into negative patterns of action.
Like, er, spewing pimple-scratching nonsense? Things like that?
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1) Stupidity--The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.
Happy Pervert, it certainly is. It's just that the pain is more often than not felt by those who have to deal with the pimple-scratching nonsense than it is by those who spew it.
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2) Pretentiousness--Empty posturing can be most irritating and isn't applying the cardinal rules of Lesser Magic.
You mean like referring to your studio apartment as a
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lair
Satanism on manners:
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3) Solipsism--...It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy, and respect that you naturally give them.
Such as destroying them, right?
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We must not pay homage to any of the sacred cows presented to us, including the roles we are expected to play ourselves.
So, don't pay homage to a cow, even when that cow is you?
I suspect Satanists do not understand to what the term 'sacred cow' refers (just as I am certain David "I'm a Jew" Whatshisface below does not know what the word 'brazen' meansany more than he could tell me the difference between a mezuzah and a megillah).
Clue: 'sacred cow' is not the same as the biblical 'golden calf,' hp. Wrong religion. I promise you.
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6) Lack of Perspective--Again, this one can lead to a lot of pain for a Satanist. You must never lose sight of who and what you are, and what a threat you can be, by your very existence.
Except remember that it's not about harming people.
Satanism on the work ethic:
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We are making history right now, everyday.
Bully for you! Most of us take a day off now and then, at which point history languishes for a bit, twiddling its thumbs on the porch. Good to see you keeping your nose to the brimstone. Grindstone. Whatever.
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know that you are working on another level entirely from the rest of the world.
That this is the case is beyond doubt.
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7) Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxy's
And, apparently, present formations of the plural.
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8) Counterproductive Pride--The first word is important. Pride is great up to the point you begin to throw out the baby with the bath water.
I have not the slightest idea what this means, but I'm pretty sure throwing the baby out with the bath water bit is bad because it would surely entail the harm of a little child, something obviously prohibited by Satanism. Unless, say, the child was in your lair and kept on asking for chocolate or something even though you've told the little fucker you are fresh out.
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The rule of Satanism is if it works for you, great. When it stops working for you, when you've painted yourself into a corner and the only way out is to say, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I wish we could compromise somehow," then do it
Stand by your convictions, unless it becomes inconvenient.
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