Ever feel like this/how do you force yourself...

[Misanthrope]

Ive been out of work for some time, closing in on 3 months now. Since then some of my old mmm, lets say fears ( for lack of a better word ) have come back to haunt me.

For example going out. I honestly never get out of my house, sometimes i go out once per week with my GF but usually she comes to visit me, and i give her a ride afterwards and we never go out.

Is not that i am affraid of going out, if i want to i go out and thats that. But i sometimes can never make it out of the door, i just dont feel like it. I need to, and there could be alot of reasons, important ones too, and sometimes i feel like im just acting like a spoiled lazy bastard, but i still cant go out.

When i do i feel unadequate to say the least. Like when you were humiliated and every time you see someone laugh you cant help it but think they are laughing at you, i feel like that the entire time i am out in public.

Or like you are going on a date, and you are sweating and act nervous, drop things, etc. ? Its like that all the time too.

Now, some situations in my life demand that i go out, on a regular basis. I cannot get around those situations, they are extremely pressing to say the least.

So how do i get over this things? Any thoughts or ideas?

 

[Arch]

Start making a to do list of things you need to do. Start with simple stuff and cross out the things you accomplished, something like doing the laundry, cleaning up the room, etc. When you cross out the items on your list, really cross them out so you don't see them. By the time you're done crossing all the items out, you'll feel accomplished and start doing another list. Sometimes the items on the list are a drag and it's been there for a month. Rip up that list and start writing a new list.

 

[rahvin]

i've never had that kind of problems (usually i don't get out much because it's boring), but i'm told it's more common than it seems. some actually believe that it requires treatment, but i'm old school and i'm convinced all it takes is some motivation and some reassurances. does your gf experience the same issue?

 

[Misanthrope]

Same issues about going out? Not really she's just supportive.

 

[rahvin]

Same issues about going out? Not really she's just supportive.

then my idea is that relying on her support could probably be enough to make your worries better in time. don't get me wrong: everyone of us faces days when he'll gladly stay in bed, bolt the door, and unplug the phone. this is normal. but the actual feeling of discomfort for repeated reactions like these can be fought if you're around people who are supportive.

 

[Misanthrope]

That is not an option for reasons im not willing to discuss. It was in the past but it is not right now and there's nothing that can be done about it.

 

[Lost To Apathy]

Misanthrope: Do you think you could have a case of some degree of depression + angst which creates social phobia, like when you are actually going out? I have all of these in the past, what helps is if you want help 1)seeing a good therapist 2)medication for depression,anxiety 3)healthy lifestyle 4)breaking negative thought-patterns (that doesnt mean lovey-dovey personality, just thinking more positive about your situation)

sorry if what i suggested doesnt go well, but these are well known types of things you can do to atleast help yourself to some degree.

 

[Lina]

Misanthrope: Do you think you could have a case of some degree of depression + angst which creates social phobia, like when you are actually going out? I have all of these in the past, what helps is if you want help 1)seeing a god therapist 2)medication for depression,anxiety 3)healthy lifestyle 4)breaking negative thought-patterns (that doesnt mean lovey-dovey personality, just thinking more positive about your situation)

Exactly. (And where can I find one of these "god therapists"? )

I also have this depression/social-anxiety combo, and there's simply no denying that reasoning and support alone are not enough to combat a physiological disorder.

Also, Mis, talk to yourdeadgroom. He had very severe social anxiety and seems now to be in pretty good shape, relatively speaking, as a result of finding a good doctor and medication.

 

[rahvin]

Also, Mis, talk to yourdeadgroom. He had very severe social anxiety and seems now to be in pretty good shape

*prays mis won't end up like yourdeadgroom in any shape or form*

 

[Misanthrope]

Well thats nice advice....still my founding ascends to about $120 american right now, and it will only cover half of my goddamned phone contract.

So its a tricky situation to find good help with no money, and needing the good help to find a job. But i guess something will have to be done.

 

[Lost To Apathy]

@Mis: sorry, it's easy for me to say go see a therapist, i forget how expensive that can be in other countries when its subsidized here. yeah, do something about it.. sounds horrible living like that, and all too familiar.

 

[Siren]

Mis, i've felt in some similar way often, and in a way i still feel like that i guess, other times more, other times less. Being out with someone that makes me feel comfortable with myself does the trick when said someone is around, but that's a rare occasion. What has made it a bit better for me is sort of "forcing" myself to go out (which can be good if you don't have a phobia, but if you have a phobia it depends on your personality if it could work or not). Just try to ignore what other people you don't know think, try to caltivate in you the idea that those people know nothing about you, they're not any better, and you don't give a shit about what they think. I know it sounds like a given, but often it's harder than it seems.
My point is, try to find the strength inside you first and foremost, if other people (gf, friends) can help you it's all the better. Medication should be the last resort, try to avoid it if you can, i'm sure you're strong enough to not need it.

 

[Lina]

Medication should be the last resort, try to avoid it if you can, i'm sure you're strong enough to not need it.

Strength has nothing to do with it. Argh.

 

[Siren]

Strength has nothing to do with it. Argh.

Inner strength has a lot to do with it. Otherwise counselling wouldn't have a place in psychiatry. If you have a different opinion i'd like to see you back it up.

 

[Lost To Apathy]

@Siren&Lina: please dont fall into that kind of discussions. counselling or medication, one does not rule out the other, they complement eachother pretty well.

its true depression can have biological as well as social reasons. maybe sometimes its hard to say which triggers the onset in a certain individual, and thats what doctors are there for.

 

[Siren]

@Siren&Lina: please dont fall into that kind of discussions. counselling or medication, one does not rule out the other, they complement eachother pretty well.

its true depression can have biological as well as social reasons. maybe sometimes its hard to say which triggers the onset in a certain individual, and thats what doctors are there for.

Don't worry, i'm not going to get in any discussions of that kind. I agree with what you said, and that's the point i was trying to make: since both counselling and medication are used effectively, that means something in itself. But i guess it came out a bit differently than it was in my head.

 

[Lina]

Don't worry, i'm not going to get in any discussions of that kind. I agree with what you said, and that's the point i was trying to make: since both counselling and medication are used effectively, that means something in itself. But i guess it came out a bit differently than it was in my head.

Of course medication and counseling complement each other. And what you said -- "Medication should be the last resort, try to avoid it if you can, i'm sure you're strong enough to not need it" -- doesn't indicate that at all. That's akin to telling someone with poor vision to tough it out and only get glasses as a last resort.

 

[Aldraugth]

Don't you have any friends to go out with? It is much easier to face almost every issue of life with someone you know well. I remember once I didn't go out almost ever alone, but me and my friend lived in same house so we was almost all the time going together. Someone even doubt that we are gay because we are always together.

Now I live in other city than most of my friends, but I have found courage to do everything and go anywhere by myself and sometimes it feels very cool to be bit like a lonely wolf. I have much of new friends here but none of them are as close friends that I had in past. I just want now more my own time and as I'm now living together with my girlfriend, I really don't have so much time for friends.

But actually I'm still bit afraid of "official" situations like job-interviews etc. But I think that it is kinda normal to be little bit strained before those moments. Little fear is healthy, it keeps you in the track. And fear itself is very fascinating feeling, I could talk about that much but I guess that I have gone too much off-topic already

 

[rahvin]

That's akin to telling someone with poor vision to tough it out and only get glasses as a last resort.

precisely. and that's mainly what happens with education: those who don't have much pretend they do and only get some culture as a last resort.

 

[Dark_Jester]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!



Idiot.


Edit: This is not aimed at Misanthrope - hope you can get it sorted out mate, all the best.