Help this noob discover real metal?

slayer's albums

Show no mercy - 8.5/10
Hell awaits - 8/10
Reign in blood - 9/10
South of heaven - 9.5/10
Seasons in the abyss - 8.8/10
divine intervention - 7.5/10

Show No Mercy- 80%
Haunting the Chapel- 80%
Hell Awaits- 90%
Reign in Blood- 100%
South of Heaven- 90%
Seasons in the Abyss- 90%
Live: Decade of Aggression- 90%
Divine Intervention- 75%
 
SOH has some fantastically dark lyrics (just check my sig!!) to go along with the great atmosphere of the songs

really well-written, more controlled and better structured (than RIB), excellent thrash metal

You're an expert in nothing but bullshit, stop pretending otherwise.
 
As much as I dislike them now, Children of Bodom are a great band to start off with to start getting you into the "extreme" side of the metal spectrum. They have harsh vocals, but they're "warmer" and friendlier than most. I got into them immediately.

Opeth would also be a great starting point (Black Water Park album particularly)
 
Recommending Burzum is moronic. Can you even read? The guy listens to Mudvayne and Slipknot and can't stand growls.

Getting used to heavier stuff is quickest and easiest on a shallow learning curve. So start with Soilwork and CoB but they're not very good bands so as soon as you "get it" move on to death and black.