I need help, but I don't think it'll help

[Cat5Messiah]

Okay, here is the thing. I'm really confused as all hell right now. There is this girl I know, from the Internet. Lately, I have been talking to her alot. I talk to her every night, on the phone. I live here, she lives near Chicago. She currently has a boyfriend, but I don't see them lasting much longer because he kind of treats her like shit. I know this dude (never met him in person) and have known him for somewhat close to two years. The way he is towards her angers me. So anyways, I have been starting to develop feelings for her. I mean, really, real feelings, a real liking for her. I can't sleep at night. Well, I've always had sleep deprievation problems, but it's a little worse now. All I do, is I work and come home and look forward to talking with her every night. I feel that we click. We have a lot in common, we get along great, I respect her, and vice versa. She is just so fucking beautiful and it's killing me, man. Lately, I have been in a deep state of depression and the people I talk to, even on the computer (IRC), have noticed it too. Some of them have even said that they don't like my new found maturity. I have always been mature, but in the computer-based world, I'm more immature because that's my release, where I rid all of my energy. Lately, I have had no energy. I feel weird, for one, because this is someone over the fucking Internet and it's the first time I've fallen for someone like this. I mean, I just got promoted, and when I get some cash flowing, I'm going to fly her over here and shit. But she is all I can think of and I've been highly depressed as of late. I am a Manic Depressant, but I have learned how to take over, except for lately. My depression is starting to take over and I'm getting kind of freaked out. I'm more emotional. I was a really emotional person in my childhood because I got that part of me from my mom, but after I grew up, I learned to supress my emotions. Lately, it's even come to the point to where I almost cry myself to sleep. I don't know if it's fear of the fact that I think that this is the one and that I won't ever end up with her, or maybe because I haven't truely had these feelings in a couple of years, or maybe because lately, I have come to realize that I'm really lonely. I'm only twenty, but I want to start my life. I want to meet someone. I'm tired of being alone, and it's freaking me out. I can't take control. I'm being controlled by a strong, invisible force. It's called my mind. My mind is taking over by it's emotions and I have no control over them. I'm going to stop ranting because I could go on and on, and I'm sure you guys wouldn't like to read all of that crap. This is another reason why I haven't really been around lately. I haven't even felt like playing FFXI lately. All I do is wait for her to get home so I can talk to her. I'm in a too depressed state of mind to concentrate on anything. I've been writing a new song...and it's just been so hard to think of the structure. I'm struggling on it because my mind is going two million miles per hour. This sucks, and I can't fight it.

 

[†_Aragorth_†]

holy shit, bro...you felt into serious depression it seems. well at least what I can help you is that leave fucking computers alone and damn games for some time. this shit is definatelly not good for such stuff you're saying. its like a 'cover' for you. fuck this shit and go out...
I know wtf means to be all the time on PC...=/

save that girl like a man

 

[Cat5Messiah]

The thing is though.....I live in Moses Lake. I'm from the Seattle area. Sure, I know people here that I have known from the past (I lived here from when I was 3-9 years old), including people I have met from friends and shit from when I would come to visit family with my parents three times a year (we have a shitload of family here), but the thing is, there is nothing to fucking do in this town. This town is horrible so pretty much the only thing I can do is sit at my computer. I occasionally go out with buddies of mine but they have lately been too busy with their girlfriends and shit.

 

[†_Aragorth_†]

yeah i understand. but thats just wrong. computer makes things even worse. you should go out with buddies more or find a gf.
ever thought about moving to other location?

 

[Cat5Messiah]

Actually, lately, I've been thinking about how sick and tired of this state I am living in. I mean, maybe it's just this town, and maybe when I go back to the Seattle area, where I'm more familiar with and know way more people, I will feel comfortable once again. Although, I've also thought about what it would be like to move somewhere completely different and just start over. Any way, I'm going to have to get my career rolling before I make any drastic changes. And it's hard to get a girlfriend in this town......this town blows. Nothing but jailbait.

 

[Yetti]

as far as your depression goes, you might want to pick up the new issue of men's health[feb '04]. theres a little 2 page "article" in there about depression where they compare 3 guys and their different approaches to beating it. theres also a little self-test in there to gauge your current state of recovery. im really bored, so ill go ahead and type the test out word for word and you can take it.

FAMILY HISTORY > Do any of your relatives suffer from depression?

Yes, one or both of my parents -2
Yes, one or both of my grandparents -1
No +1

Comments - You're up to 8 times more likely to be depressed if you have a first degree relative who is.

MEDICATION > Are you taking a prescription antidepressant?

Yes +1
No -1

Comments - Imbalances of chemicals in the brain, such as seratonin, may cause depression. Antidepressants work by rebalancing your brain's biochemistry.

EXERCISE > How often do you...

Do cardiovascular exercise?
3+ times a week +2; less than 3 times a week +1; never -1

Weight-train?
3+ times a week +1; less than 3 times a week 0; never -1

Comments - Besides flooding your system with mood-elevating seratonin, exercise promotes self-confidence, positive body image, and a feeling of control. If you continue to exercise, theres only a 9% likelihood that your depression will return(versus 30% for those who rely on antidepressants).

THERAPY > Are you in individual or group therapy?

Yes +1
No -1

Comments - A therapist can pinpoint sources of sadness, identify negative patterns in your life, and help you gain a sense of control.

VICES > How often do you have 2 or more alcholic drinks?

4-7 times a week -3
2-3 times a week -2
Once a week -1
Never 0

Comments - Alcohol is a depressant, which will only worsen your mood. Despression combined with alcohol use is directly related to higher self-injury and suicide attempts.

JOB STRESS > Do you feel you have too much stress at work?

Yes -1
No +1

Comments - Studies show that feeling out of control at work can make depression four times worse. A feeling of being overextended at work can double it.

DIET > Is it packed with vegetables, fruit, lean beef, fish, nuts, and milk?

Yes +1
No -1

Comments - Taking in enough folic acid, magnesium, omega-3 fatty acids, and vitamin B12 plays a key role in overcoming depression.

RELATIONSHIPS > Do you have a close relationship with...

A girlfriend or spouse? +1
Family? +1
Friends? +1
Pets? +1

Comments - Studies show that meaningful relationships, even with pets, decrease the severity of depression.

SLEEP HABITS > Do you go to bed and wake up at the same time each day?

Yes +1
No -1

Comments - Because 90% of depressed men experience some kind of degree of insomnia, going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day is a sign of recovery.

WEIGHT > Is your body-mass index(BMI) above 30?

Yes -1
No +1

Comments - Guys who are obese are 60% more likely to be pessemistic and 43% more likely to be dissatisfied with life.

FAITH > Are you religious?

Yes +1
No 0

Comments - Studies show that the stronger your faith, the faster you'll recover from depression.

DEPRESSION HISTORY > Have you been depressed in the last 10 years?

Yes -1
No +1

Comments - Nearly half of all men who have suffered depression have another episode within 5 years.



SCORES >

If your score is 5 or more: You're on your way to full recovery.

If your score is 1-4: You may beat depression this time, but theres a good chance it will return.

If your score is less than 0: You need some lifestyle changes. Start by exercising today.

 

[†_Aragorth_†]

oups...I tried this test. got -1

 

[BodomiC]

Steve, simply, leave those pc and console stuff... Get a real life, real friends, someone who will call you, get you out somewhere... This virtual world is good, when ya want to turn away from the real one. Think about comming back to it

 

[A Fire Inside]

Fuck! I got... lets count...

-2
-1
-1
-1
-1
0
-1
+1
+1
+1
+1
0
-1

And that is... -4 should I be depressed?

 

[Tut Ankh Amon]

shit man =/
i feel bad for you...

you know, the net is really a place for shy/serious people to express themselves more oppenly... i'm fucked up even in person (ask thomas ), but for some stuff (like women ) i have more guts on the net, so i understand how you feel (and i bet a big ammount of us um-addicts do too )

After reading your post again, i feel like i've been through very similar situations, a short time ago =P

Unfortunately, even in times when we're really fucked up emotionally, we have to gather some energy to try and think rationally.

You're an intelligent guy, i'm sure you'll get what i mean and will most likely do the right thing, whatever it is. It's hard but, damn, we gotta go through these things, right?

And remember man, even if it's through the net, im sure me and lots of other guys around here are willing to help with anything
so if ya need anything, just talk to us

 

[A Fire Inside]

Oh! fuck me, I forgot to post what I wanted to say.

Sephiroth, that depression you have is caused by a virtual trouble, and that means that is not a real depression caused by a real trouble. You know, it is a virtual depression. I have had a few of these, they're (normally) caused by things that you could avoid if you had switch off your computer.

I got over from many of them by going out to walk, sitting in a bank and thinking how to solve those problems. My depressions were all caused by girls... because I talked to them via-MSN all day long and they said some things to me that caused me some kind of "fall" feeling that left me alone and with all these symptomas you mentioned above.

It's... shit. Come on, listen to Mardu... no no, you need to listen to Helloween, Stratovarius, and Power-Happy-Metal stuff, sure it works for you!

Well, if the advise above (Helloween and Strato things) does not work, try the opposite. I used to listen to Hardcore, Grindcore, Black Metal and Gothic stuff when I was depressed, and it worked. I didn't want to hear anything happy... maybe it was the time that helped me... I don't know.

EDIT: And I forgot, if it's about a women you like or love, just say it to her... It worked for me 6 days ago, and now I amb incredibly happy and with girlfriend.

 

[Cat5Messiah]

Steve, simply, leave those pc and console stuff... Get a real life, real friends, someone who will call you, get you out somewhere... This virtual world is good, when ya want to turn away from the real one. Think about comming back to it

I have a real life, somewhat. Whenever there is a opportunity to do something, I do it. I leave. I go places. But, you have to understand this town. There is nothing. I am not the type to go out and do new things, and meet new people, though. I never did, but I think I have developed social anxiety. Maybe I had it and just didn't realize it until lately.

@Yetti: I'm gonna take that when I get home from work.

@AFI: But the thing is, I want to have this girl move west (which she wants to) and actually start a relationship with her, that's the problem. It's not virtual depression.

 

[A Fire Inside]

@AFI: But the thing is, I want to have this girl move west (which she wants to) and actually start a relationship with her, that's the problem. It's not virtual depression.

Then, move to Barcelona. Here, we have a lot of beautiful girls that... oh, no, I was kidding again. Sorry.

Mmm, have you talked to her? Maybe you have to wait a bit until she comes to your town/state/however you call it. But time sometimes acts right, be patient, young padawan, be patient. I don't know what to say, because you know I'm a bit stupid and in English I can't express it clearly.

If you had MSN, it'll be better, I think.

 

[Cat5Messiah]

*Note: The text in Italics after each are mine.

FAMILY HISTORY > Do any of your relatives suffer from depression?

Yes, one or both of my parents -2
Yes, one or both of my grandparents -1
No +1

This is a -2 because I have one grandparent and a parent that do, that I'm aware of, possibly a -3.

MEDICATION > Are you taking a prescription antidepressant?

Yes +1
No -1

I don't, so this is a -1. That puts me at -3 or -4.

EXERCISE > How often do you...

Do cardiovascular exercise?
3+ times a week +2; less than 3 times a week +1; never -1

I don't exercise whatsoever. I have a high metabolism so I've never really needed to exercise. Though, I might start to do so soon. So as of right now, this puts me at -4 or -5.

Weight-train?
3+ times a week +1; less than 3 times a week 0; never -1

Going to the gym is so fucking expensive and I don't have any weights. I lifted a little bit in the past, but as of late, no. This puts me at -5 or -6.

THERAPY > Are you in individual or group therapy?

Yes +1
No -1

I had therapy from the time I was about six, until I was about fourteen. This is a -1. I am now at -6 or -7.

VICES > How often do you have 2 or more alcholic drinks?

4-7 times a week -3
2-3 times a week -2
Once a week -1
Never 0

This varies. As of late, I haven't really been drinking much. Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes 2-3 times a week and maybe even 4-7 times a week, but that's rare. I used to drink every night but not anymore. I'm going to go with 2-3 Times a week. This puts me at -8 or -9.

JOB STRESS > Do you feel you have too much stress at work?

Yes -1
No +1

I don't really feel that my job is stressful. I am in sales, but I don't really stress much. I'm now at -7 or -8.

DIET > Is it packed with vegetables, fruit, lean beef, fish, nuts, and milk?

Yes +1
No -1

I don't have a diet. Like I said, I have a high metabolism. I usually just grab whatever I feel like. I'm at -8 or -9 again.

RELATIONSHIPS > Do you have a close relationship with...

A girlfriend or spouse? +1
Family? +1
Friends? +1
Pets? +1

Friends and Family, and that's it. Not too much family and not too many friends because most of my friends are in the Seattle area, where I'm really from. I find that not having a 'girlfriend or spouse' should be -4, in my case. I'm at -6 or -7.

SLEEP HABITS > Do you go to bed and wake up at the same time each day?

Yes +1
No -1

I have the worst sleep deprievation. I'm now at -7 or -8.

WEIGHT > Is your body-mass index(BMI) above 30?

Yes -1
No +1

Ummm......I'm not overweight so this would be no. This puts me at -6 or -7.

FAITH > Are you religious?

Yes +1
No 0

Nope. I'm still at -6 or -7.

DEPRESSION HISTORY > Have you been depressed in the last 10 years?

Yes -1
No +1

I have had manic/bi-polar depression my whole life. I'm -7 or -8.

SCORES >

If your score is 5 or more: You're on your way to full recovery.

If your score is 1-4: You may beat depression this time, but theres a good chance it will return.

If your score is less than 0: You need some lifestyle changes. Start by exercising today.

So, overall, I'm -7 or -8.

 

[BodomiC]

thats not good StevO, better try meeting new ppl, go to some bar, meet some girl, its really not so hard, believe me, I had the same problem, not theyre gone. Little self confidence and those problems will go away...

 

[Cat5Messiah]

thats not good StevO, better try meeting new ppl, go to some bar, meet some girl, its really not so hard, believe me, I had the same problem, not theyre gone. Little self confidence and those problems will go away...

For one, I'm only twenty, so I can't go to the bar. Two, I'm trying to cut down on my drinking and three, I don't think anyone can compare with this girl. Nobody, I mean nobody, not even Kim, the love of my life, has me thinking about her like I do with this one. I mean, shit, I'm listening to fucking Techno!! That's how bad it is!

Edit: Oh, and I even blew off my plans for tonight, so I could talk to her. Like I said, I look forward to talking to her every night.

 

[Cat5Messiah]

And remember man, even if it's through the net, im sure me and lots of other guys around here are willing to help with anything
so if ya need anything, just talk to us

I know, Yanko, I know. That's why I posted this thread.

 

[Cat5Messiah]

Heh, this is a worse situation than I anticipated. I feel more emotionally distressed, now.

 

[Cat5Messiah]

The situation is at it's worst for me right now. I feel that I am in the most depressed state of mind I have been in. I don't know what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, speaking of my cycle being over. I feel that I have learned what has needed to be learned in this lifetime and that it's about time to move on to the next cycle. How I do so, I don't really know at this point. A couple of solutions have came to mind as of late, though.

 

[Tut Ankh Amon]

I know, Yanko, I know. That's why I posted this thread.

don't laugh at me bitch


hey man, it's a hard situation, but you gotta find something to ocupy your head where you live!
you can't live expecting her call and blowing your plans...

and about your last post, c'mon man, just don't do anything stupid =P