Ideal partners

[hyena]

There's another new thread, hooray for my creativity.

What are the features you look for in a sentimental partner?

Assuming that one can't have everything, do you place great stock in moral qualities such as fidelity, ability to withstand adversities etc. at the expense of the degree of passion and affection that the person spontaneously elicits in you?

Would you rather have only one partner for your life or several? In the latter case, do you think each of them should be a synthesis of what you like or would you prefer to have different people for different seasons of life?

Why do you think you're attracted to the qualities you're attracted to? Do they fit in your personal history somehow? Do they reflect something that you learnt from/see in your parents? Or opposite to that? Etc.

Thanks.

 

[DragonLady1]

There's another new thread, hooray for my creativity.

What are the features you look for in a sentimental partner?

- understanding
- leaving me the freedom I need
- creativity
- dreamer
- romantic
- passionate
- strong and sure of himself
- now that may sound a bit superficial but believe me I started to see that it is a bit important that he has to have a simliar lifestyle, means going to gigs, festivals, travelling, similar music taste etc...

an absolute no is jealousy and being too attached to the point of following me everywhere and not letting me a minute to breath, as well as violence and stupidity

and I'm very smeel-sensitive, this has to do with chemistry of the body I guess but I'm so sensitive to this cause most of the men I met werent smelling very nice (2 exeptions tho, my ex and the guy I met this year )

Assuming that one can't have everything, do you place great stock in moral qualities such as fidelity, ability to withstand adversities etc. at the expense of the degree of passion and affection that the person spontaneously elicits in you?

hm fidelity is important but more important is trust

Would you rather have only one partner for your life or several? In the latter case, do you think each of them should be a synthesis of what you like or would you prefer to have different people for different seasons of life?

I'm more the person for more partners in my life cause I'm moving fast, living fast, being very busy etc... what means also lots of changes and most of the guys I met couldnt cope with these changes, thats why my longest relation only lastet 2,5 years. so yeah, different people for different seasons of life, at least for now, that may change if I feel more settled and calm maybe one day...

Why do you think you're attracted to the qualities you're attracted to? Do they fit in your personal history somehow? Do they reflect something that you learnt from/see in your parents? Or opposite to that? Etc.
Thanks.

dunno really, about the creativity thing its probably due to my parents and whole family who all do/did something creative in a way (music, fotography, painting etc.) and this always surrounded me, so I still look for it to surround me. as the dreaming thing, I am a dreamer so I need someone I can share my dreamworld with... well for the lifestyle thing thats kind of obvious, as I'm always away at gigs and festivals and a part of that dont have much time left. strong and sure of himself: someone insecure makes me insecure even more... passionate and romantic: very important to me since I need to share this and get bored very quickly if someone doesnt show these qualities.

 

[Schwedentod]

I could write pages about this since - especially within the last months - I thought a lot about all this (I think you all know).

I don't care about visible parts that much when talking about a relationship. Of yourse, she should be pretty in my eyes, but I don't care about one special hair colour, lenth, eye colour, whatsoever.
But I can tell what I prefer, although this is not written law: long and dark hair, dark (brown) eyes. But I got to know a really pretty girl some weeks ago: blond hair (shoulder-long) and blue eyes. She was one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen...

She should be intelligent because I like discussions about politics, books and so on. Needn't know much about computers (although that's what I study). I will hear enough of that in my entire life when working... Of course, discussions about metal as well, but that's another point: she MUST respect the music I love since this is my life, my hobby, my passion. She needn't like (death) metal, but she should never tell me to "stop listening to that noise". That would surely be some kind of end.

I still think that there'll be this one and only, the girl I want to and will spend my life with. But I'm still waiting for her. It was good to have a long relationship so early (nearly 4 years with Andrea) because I learned a lot. But it's good as well that I found back my freedom. Now, I'll see what future brings. If I fall in love some day: OK, great! If not: OK, great! I'm not searching for a new relationship, but whatever comes on my way through life may come. Sounds a bit poetic, right?!?

 

[Taliesin]

I agree with Schwedentod about most things, like respect for the music, or that the looks arent that important. "She should be pretty in my eyes", that's a good line
For me, trust is very important, along with respect. I think trust is important because the more you trust someone, the more freedom everyone can have in the relation.. there's nothing worse than to picture what might go on just when you're out of sight.
I guess I dont have enough experience to give a more elaborate answer
My impression is though that it's not the big things that get you together or set you apart, it's the small things.

 

[solefald]

this thread is good.will think about it an dpost later

 

[Siren]

i agree, this and the money thread are good, but i'm running out of patience lately, as you might have noticed.
i'll try to contribute when things get better.

 

[Schwedentod]

I agree with Schwedentod about most things...

Surely you do!

For me, trust is very important, along with respect. I think trust is important because the more you trust someone, the more freedom everyone can have in the relation...

That's the point, how could I forget?!? I thought about it, but forgot to write.

My impression is though that it's not the big things that get you together or set you apart, it's the small things.

And that's entirely true as well. OK, in my last relationship it was one of the big things but it started with small things (she wasn't able to talk about sex with me but showed her pussy to everyone who wanted to see, bitch). There were some small things as well I didn't like and in fact I nearly broke up with her 1 month before I actually did...

 

[Arch]

- understanding
- leaving me the freedom I need
- creativity
- dreamer
- romantic
- passionate
- strong and sure of himself
- now that may sound a bit superficial but believe me I started to see that it is a bit important that he has to have a simliar lifestyle, means going to gigs, festivals, travelling, similar music taste etc...

I'm sorry to inform you that those qualities are never to be found from a straight man. Only a gay man.




I'm kidding.

 

[Taliesin]

I'm sorry to inform you that those qualities are never to be found from a straight man. Only a gay man.

Actually.. I thought about the same
I dont mean to sound pissy or anything, but it really sounds like you ask a lot of your partners, like you're waiting for the perfect man, in the literal way.
A friend of mine is doing the same and it's a tragedy watching it

 

[TheFourthHorseman]

- passionate

an absolute no is jealousy and being too attached to the point of following me everywhere and not letting me a minute to breath, as well as violence and stupidity

These two qualities rarely meet in one person. With passion you have to be ready to tolerate the downsides.
Still, I don't think hyena asked anyone to be realistic in this thread. You should be in life, though.

Well, to me, at the moment a girlfriend should be pretty good-looking, not be a total dumbass and somehow stand out. Liking music beyond simple entertainment is pretty important too. Being more or less easy-going would be good because I'm not really interested in planning a marriage after two months now. I don't mean easy-going in that bimbo way though, since a relationship with me and a person like that wouldn't last long because she'd probably find someone more good-looking and with more money in a week.

 

[Hitori]

i'll leave out the important qualities that apply to every relationship such as communication, honesty, patience, hard work etc, and focus on what i personally need: someone who brings out the best in me, basically

negative people might understand me but it makes the relationship way too dramatic. so no drama queens, someone who is relatively cheerful to help me neutralize my negative side is good.

passive people bring out my aggression, which is bad

idealistic dreamers are probably a bad idea as well, since i need someone to help me keep my feet on the ground (negative and idealistic seem to be contradictory, but they're not) and also they tend not to have realistic views on relationships.

in other words, someone with a healthy amount of self esteem who complements me, gets along well with my family and friends, and has relatively similar goals in life.

 

[DragonLady1]

passive people bring out my aggression, which is bad

so true... and even worse, someone who says yes to everything, that makes me mad...

idealistic dreamers are probably a bad idea as well, since i need someone to help me keep my feet on the ground

true again, it must be balanced, I once had a story with a guy who was a dreamer like me and it didnt work since we just stayed in this dream and missed the point where reality came in... but still I like to share my dreams with someone who understands them

 

[Malaclypse]

true, there has to be an equal share of both, rational thought and dreaming - not necessarily in unison though. it's good to have someone get you back to the ground, and sometimes it's very inspiring to have the other one being more emotional than oneself on certain topics.
hem, i'm currently trying to set up a profile for one of these dating sites on the net, it's ridiculous every time i try it, and yet... but it's really hard to come up with something i'd like about a possible gf, i can't really put words to it.

 

[hyena]

@mal: i've been a member of a local dating site for some months now, and even met a couple of guys... it's entertaining in a way, although so far it didn't solve my problems. but i am now positive that most people who frequent those sites are just regular folks, contrary to public opinion. i've come across some people who invent absurd life stories etc., but then again i do meet those in real life as well.

 

[DragonLady1]

btw I just saw that I forgot one really important thing: sense of humor! I'm a bit crazy at times and its so important to me that I can have fun and a good laugh with my partner.

 

[hyena]

oh, and as for me, i'm really inconclusive. i want a devastating passion that blows me away. and i want a quiet, homely situation where i can raise a family. yes, i do want them at the same time. but it is structurally impossible for one guy to fit the bill. if you add the fact that he should love me, we're all set: i'd better stay single and think.

 

[solefald]

well in a relationship you must trust each other you must talk about you and feel together, I had a girlfirend some years ago, but I always was afraid(dont really know why) to express myself and my feelings to her, to show her who I am, and after we split up I heavilly regreted that I wasnt really open to her.
but its strange I can better talk with my best friend(which is a girl) about feelings and sexuality than with the girlfriends I had

 

[marduk1507]

My wife has been my first and one and only partner. Not because of some religious reasons, but simply because I was lucky enough to meet the right woman on the first try. Shes beautiful, intelligent, likes good music, is able to sit beside me and do her nails while Im listening to Nasum, cooks like a goddess... aaaah well.

 

[solefald]

My wife has been my first and one and only partner. Not because of some religious reasons, but simply because I was lucky enough to meet the right woman on the first try. Shes beautiful, intelligent, likes good music, is able to sit beside me and do her nails while Im listening to Nasum, cooks like a goddess... aaaah well.

damn thats cool,youre a happy man :hotjump:

 

[Schwedentod]

I had - right now - feelings comparable to solefalds: Wanted to ring up my Ex, Claire (no, NOT Andrea!!!), again just ask how she is and to see if her life is going well. I'd even like to meet her again, have a coffee and talk a little.

@marduk: Happy man, that's the truth I think! You are adorable!