Originally posted by Persona
The Year is 2010. I have been a fan of In Flames since their EP Subterranean I followed them throughout their career when when they began changing their style. Though I was slightly upset by the change and outraged that people who had just heard of In Flames thought they knew more about what they were about than me, who had been there from the very beginning.
I managed to fit In Flames into my playlist even when they rent from nu-metal to rapcore, to their ultimate manifestation, a cross between Metallica, Linkin Park, Korn, and POD. Band's change right? It makes no sense to not expect a band to move on. In 2008 In Flames were the top of the charts and grossing millions. They eventually went on to sue Audiomagic, the top mp3 file-sharing program at the time. Apparently the network allowing people to share MP3s for free bit too much into their earnings.
I anxiously awaited their newest release. It has a peculiar name: Fartomedia. The first in what In Flames calls: Fart-Metal. The day came when I finally got my CD. I put the disc into the CD player and was shocked and appalled to hear that the album is nothing more than 40 minutes of farts of many varieties. Outraged, I felt betrayed by my favorite band. I loved them so and they produced this monstrosity.
Quickly, I logged onto the In Flames message board expecting to see flame after flame of the new album. I To my shock I saw this.
InFlamatron: The new CD ROCKS! Long live Fartomedia!
JesterGivingHead: Yeah man! This is their best CD EVER! Goes right with my new Linkin Park CD!
I felt I simply had to respond.
Necro666: Um... Don't any of you guys notice that it's just Anders farting into a microphone?
JesterGivingHead: Yo, FUCK YOU! How dare you diss In Flames LeEtness?
Necro666: I'm not! I'm just saying that this album really isn't that good! They could have at least put some guitars in.
InFlamatron: You're no fucking fan of In Flames! Bands change, fucknut! You expect In Flames to play the same fucking thing over and over? You closed-minded fuck! Let the band progress!
Necro666: Progress!? THEY'RE FARTING INTO A FUCKING MICROPHONE! IT'S NOT IN FLAMES! IT'S NOT METAL! IT'S NOT EVEN MUSIC!
InFlamatron: What you been listening to? It sounds nothing like farts, and it is In Flames. There is a riff that sounds like Whoracle in the middle of Track 6!
Necro666: Track 6 is Anders taking a shit with diarhea. What riff? There aren't even any guitars!
JesterGivingHead: You know, when the bowel movement kinda dips then picks up again.
Necro666: You guys are fucking sick!
JesterGivingHead: No you're a fucking moron! Go away, f0ol before I kick your ass!
Necro666: Just try it, punk! Go back to your nu-metal. I'll go back to my stuff.
InFlamatron: Dude, you listen to In Flames. How nu-metal can you get?
Necro666: In Flames is NOT nu-metal! They're NOT!
InFlamatron: Dude, they won the MTV Music award for best alt rock performance on their last album. Yes they are!
Necro666: So they get exposure! Big fucking deal! So they make tons of money. So they sound like several other nu-metal bands. That doesn't make them nu-metal damnit! Listen to The Jester Race! You'll see!
JesterGivingHead: What? Haven't heard of that one. Haven't listened to anything before Reroute to Remain. I heard the old stuff sucks.
InFlamatron: Dude, The Jester Race days are dead. Over. Bye bye.
Necro666: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so, faced with the revelation that In Flames really aren't the same band they were during The Jester Race, I shot myself in the head then and there.
THE END!
