divine_torture
leVel
Ha! And I think the downtime is the bigger reason. I'm jerking off as I type this. I did it twice since I started typing this. I need a sandwich now.
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Ha! And I think the downtime is the bigger reason. I'm jerking off as I type this. I did it twice since I started typing this. I need a sandwich now.
Dak
mentat
zabu of nΩd;10377746 said:
Sounds like major life re-orienting. Also sounds like the sort of direction taken by someone with a generous trust fund disbursement.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
Einherjar86
Active Member
Master_Yoda77
Juggalo
Dak
mentat
Unless you live in Chicagoland, like I do. For me the drive to University of Iowa seems like an eternity.
Dak
mentat
zabu of nΩd;10378359 said:
Yeah, Zeph was just pining for "stimulation" in another thread
Einherjar86
Active Member
zabu of nΩd;10378415 said:I know right
Well if my existing social circle ends up being a deciding factor, then Boston, Chicago and NYC would probably be at the top of my list.
The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
So I have completed my move to Iowa City and have the apartment almost entirely set up.
The past week has been absolute hell. I was at a staff party to celebrate the conclusion of my summer job last Thursday and got very drunk, during which I got excessively drunk. My boss then went ahead and started passing around a pipe and as it came my way, if I were in an uninhibited state, I would have passed. As I've said before, marijuana has had negative effects on my cognitive abilities that over time have manifested in my sober life (trouble concentrating, lack of motivation, disorganization, lack of empathy).
But I smoked it anyway, and immediately regretted it as I began sliding into a very paranoid high and watched my world going at a thousand miles an hour faster than my own mind. I thought I could sleep it off, and the next day the after-effects were there: slow mental reactions to external stimuli, and inability to concentrate deeply on any one thought. I thought it would go away the next day and I'd be back on my feet.
It didn't, and it was the day I had to pack up and leave for Iowa, to drive 1500 miles with my father over the course of three days. I got very little sleep during the trip and by the time we got to Chicago and started walking around Millennium Park, which was congested with people, I started freaking out. When we got to Iowa City the next day I was clearly collapsing in on myself.
To make a long story short, my intellectual problems did not go away, and combined with the lack of sleep and physical and psychological stress of moving to a completely new environment, which caused me utter existential terror of failing out of graduate school right at the start, turned into a perfect storm that catapulted me into a severe depression.
It got to the point where yesterday I could barely communicate with other people, because my mind had gone completely blank or had been playing the same thoughts or song lyrics over and over like a broken record. I started seizing and having shortness of breath.
Thank Hermes I had a traveling companion in the form of my father, who helped me move and gave me pep talks about how he himself experienced similar episodes in his life, and that it would appear that Generalized Anxiety Disorder has finally gone from genotype to phenotype in me. I also came out to him about the history of my pot usage, which he was extremely cool about since he had very similar experiences with it when he did it all the time in the 70's. He gave me some Xanax to hold me over till I see a doctor (hopefully tomorrow) who can prescribe me something more longterm and effective.
I'm also hoping that some of these mental issues correlate to some residual THC left in my brain from that fateful party last week. Been drinking lots of cranberry juice and taking Niacin pills to help clear that out.
I have five days to put my mind back together before orientations begin for the Classics Department and TAing etc. I have a hard row to hoe here, but need to stay positive, stay active, eat healthy, stay hydrated, get my bearings in this new town, and focus on the essentials of what's soon to come academically: brushing up on my Greek & Latin for diagnostic exams, and getting familiar with my Rhetoric textbook in order to prepare a syllabus by the end of next week.
I also plan to take up some meditative practices and begin attending the local Orthodox church. I've been getting into Orthodoxy for academic purposes, but I'm now beginning to see a more personal utility beyond its connections to Late Antiquity and Greek philosophy.
Cliffs: got fucked up at a party just before moving to Iowa. Recovering from major psychiatric episode resulting therefrom. Hopefully OK by next week when academic shit hits the fan.
The past week has been absolute hell. I was at a staff party to celebrate the conclusion of my summer job last Thursday and got very drunk, during which I got excessively drunk. My boss then went ahead and started passing around a pipe and as it came my way, if I were in an uninhibited state, I would have passed. As I've said before, marijuana has had negative effects on my cognitive abilities that over time have manifested in my sober life (trouble concentrating, lack of motivation, disorganization, lack of empathy).
But I smoked it anyway, and immediately regretted it as I began sliding into a very paranoid high and watched my world going at a thousand miles an hour faster than my own mind. I thought I could sleep it off, and the next day the after-effects were there: slow mental reactions to external stimuli, and inability to concentrate deeply on any one thought. I thought it would go away the next day and I'd be back on my feet.
It didn't, and it was the day I had to pack up and leave for Iowa, to drive 1500 miles with my father over the course of three days. I got very little sleep during the trip and by the time we got to Chicago and started walking around Millennium Park, which was congested with people, I started freaking out. When we got to Iowa City the next day I was clearly collapsing in on myself.
To make a long story short, my intellectual problems did not go away, and combined with the lack of sleep and physical and psychological stress of moving to a completely new environment, which caused me utter existential terror of failing out of graduate school right at the start, turned into a perfect storm that catapulted me into a severe depression.
It got to the point where yesterday I could barely communicate with other people, because my mind had gone completely blank or had been playing the same thoughts or song lyrics over and over like a broken record. I started seizing and having shortness of breath.
Thank Hermes I had a traveling companion in the form of my father, who helped me move and gave me pep talks about how he himself experienced similar episodes in his life, and that it would appear that Generalized Anxiety Disorder has finally gone from genotype to phenotype in me. I also came out to him about the history of my pot usage, which he was extremely cool about since he had very similar experiences with it when he did it all the time in the 70's. He gave me some Xanax to hold me over till I see a doctor (hopefully tomorrow) who can prescribe me something more longterm and effective.
I'm also hoping that some of these mental issues correlate to some residual THC left in my brain from that fateful party last week. Been drinking lots of cranberry juice and taking Niacin pills to help clear that out.
I have five days to put my mind back together before orientations begin for the Classics Department and TAing etc. I have a hard row to hoe here, but need to stay positive, stay active, eat healthy, stay hydrated, get my bearings in this new town, and focus on the essentials of what's soon to come academically: brushing up on my Greek & Latin for diagnostic exams, and getting familiar with my Rhetoric textbook in order to prepare a syllabus by the end of next week.
I also plan to take up some meditative practices and begin attending the local Orthodox church. I've been getting into Orthodoxy for academic purposes, but I'm now beginning to see a more personal utility beyond its connections to Late Antiquity and Greek philosophy.
Cliffs: got fucked up at a party just before moving to Iowa. Recovering from major psychiatric episode resulting therefrom. Hopefully OK by next week when academic shit hits the fan.
Jimmy... Dead.
contemplative curmudgeon
King Richard
Hello there
You're trying to get your mind right and you think attending a church is the best way to go about it?
da fuq
da fuq
viewerfromnihil
Vein-Marbled Tower
I wouldn't recommend taking xanax, or, for that matter, any of that big pharma state certified mind altering drugs, on a regular basis Zeph. I see plenty of those kind of guys in the pharmacy and they're just weird, like their spine fell out of their ass weird. If you're having trouble with anxiety, or whatever, developing a dependence on something to fix it for you isn't the answer. It doesn't work. I don't think what you're going through is a problem, so to speak, but something that's fairly normal and just needs to be worked through without the help of anybody except for yourself.
Master_Yoda77
Juggalo
I had a somewhat similar problem when I studied in England this past month, but I just attributed that to culture shock and nothing much else. It passed, as I'm sure your problems will once you start taking classes and TAing and stuff.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
Holy shit dude. You need to chill out and get ain you
Alcoholism may have been a contributing factor to this depression and maladaptiveness I'm experiencing. I probably should put a moratorium on that for a while, especially if I'm prescribed any drugs.
I need to go whatever I can to set my mind straight. It's easier to engage in an ecclesiastical spiritual system than to construct one on my own, at least not at this time.
Oh trust me. I know that throwing chemicals at the problem won't solve it. But I've noticed the past few days that whenever I took a Xanax or downed a Red Bull, it's given me enough of a boost that I can maintain a positive attitude in tandem with it. My parents have been on heavy doses of antidepressants for years, and they're just fine. It's not like I'm binging pills.
zabu of nΩd;10386677 said:
Thanks, Brosephus. The stoner life is behind me now, and though it helped me think in different ways, it was ultimately at the cost of so much else. Time to regain those powers I once had.
ASD
observing the sabbath
I'm inclined to agree with Master_Yoda77, its possible that a lot of the anxiety is connected to your recent big move.
And I hope the priest at the church says good sermons, I'm Orthodox myself and theres nothing worse than some Catholic-bashing sermon to ruin the good feeling after a liturgy.
And I hope the priest at the church says good sermons, I'm Orthodox myself and theres nothing worse than some Catholic-bashing sermon to ruin the good feeling after a liturgy.
divine_torture
leVel
I agree here. I'm about as anti-Christian/Catholic/etc. as they come, but the fact is dogma is a very vital part in man's existence. I don't agree with how you've chosen to get your fix of dogmatic ritual, but I think that if it works for you, go for it brother.
