Sex and Opeth

foxdvd

foxdvd

Coolest Opeth Fan
Jul 17, 2001
332
0
16
USA
You know the old saying "You have jacked off so many times in the shower you get a hard-on when it rains"????

Well I have made love to Opeth so many times, I find myself...well..uh...how should I say this...getting a little "excited" (did I just quote myself? Someone shoot me now!) when I listen to Opeth.

This can really be a problem folks. When driving by myself, I can no longer listen to Opeth in the car, or I might find myself a bit on the tight-side of the force.

Is there anything I can do? I have tried the rubber-band trick that many use to quit smoking, but find my swollen penis, though actually larger then before, to be ugly as hell and sore (my wife on the other hand seems to be encouraging this rubber band thing, to the point where I am getting a bit suspicious of her real motive)


HELP ME OPETH FORUM, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!
 
foxdvd said:
You know the old saying "You have jacked off so many times in the shower you get a hard-on when it rains"????

Well I have made love to Opeth so many times, I find myself...well..uh...how should I say this...getting a little "excited" (did I just quote myself? Someone shoot me now!) when I listen to Opeth.

This can really be a problem folks. When driving by myself, I can no longer listen to Opeth in the car, or I might find myself a bit on the tight-side of the force.

Is there anything I can do? I have tried the rubber-band trick that many use to quit smoking, but find my swollen penis, though actually larger then before, to be ugly as hell and sore (my wife on the other hand seems to be encouraging this rubber band thing, to the point where I am getting a bit suspicious of her real motive)


HELP ME OPETH FORUM, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!
Click to expand...

Cut it off.

This is an Opeth forum.
 
Hahahahaha I think this thread is hilarious!

But of course there's people whining as always... fucking immature people...
 
As long as you're not "excited" in public in California, you should be okay. Did you know it's considered a crime in California to have a visible erection? Even while wearing pants! :ill:

Fucking Puritans...
 
smylex said:
As long as you're not "excited" in public in California, you should be okay. Did you know it's considered a crime in California to have a visible erection? Even while wearing pants! :ill:

Fucking Puritans...
Click to expand...
how do they gage a visible erection? I mean, it could be just a bulge, or you could just have a really big penis while limp right? So does the cop reach down and feel the hardness level? What if you are 75 percent erect? Does it need to be a 100 percent vein-induced bone?


anyway to keep this topic on track, in all seriousness, who here has made love to Opeth?
 
foxdvd said:
anyway to keep this topic on track, in all seriousness, who here has made love to Opeth?
Click to expand...

And to be sure you know what I am talking about, I am talking about Opeth MUSIC, not some orgy with the whole band...
 
One time i was listening to Opeth and there was this 12 year old girl sitting across the street, and me being the silly dude i am, i walked over there and sarcastically asked if she would like to fuck hard. she said "no", but me being the silly dude i am i grabbed her by her hair and dragged her to my bed and fucked her while listening to Serentity Painted Death. It was really fucking sick and disturbing. I threw up all over her. Then she told me she wasnt 12, but she was 13, but she was born on a leap year so she was actually in her late 40's/early 50's, and then i puked all over her again and fucked her harder while listening to Black Rose Immortal. She then told me she was never born in the first place and i was fucking an image of myself as a 12/late 40's/early 50's girl the whole time. It was really fucking sick and disturbing. but after all; i am the silly dude i am.

That was my new poem i wrote. sorry if i offended anyone born on a leap year.
 
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