The great and all powerful religion thread!
- Thread starter cookiecutter
- Start date
Rabid Headbanger
New Metal Member
I used to feel that way on Sundays when I was in church in my pre-teen years, I would just feel whatever the preacher told me was the truth and that was that. As I got into my teens, I knew I was sinning but really didn't give a fuck, I was going nto do whatever the hell I wanted to, and then when I was 16 I finally decided I wasn't beleiivng in God or Christianity anymore.
A8
Member
- Jul 29, 2007
- 975
- 0
- 16
ok so i felt the need to share in this thread that i went to church for the first time in 6 years today, and thats only because i was tricked into it. I was helping my grandmother move out of her house and as we finished up and got in the car she said we needed to stop somewhere. As soon as i saw the church come into view i knew it was our final destination. She has accepted me and my agnostic view points but that doesnt mean she likes them, and she always tried to get me to go to church but today was the first time she succeded.
Upon walking in i was sickened. not because of the general "churchness" of the place, but because as i first came in the door i was asked for money. I knew it would already be a terrible experience.
When mass started the dullest looking priest tried to make a joke. And I qoute:
"Knock Knock...
Who's there...
Jesus...
Jesus Who..."
Then he laughed. There wasnt even a fucking punchline, yet all the churchgoers laughed as if he was fucking George Carlin. God, like all preists have to be funny or something. It was possibly the dullest thing i've ever been to in my life. The ceremony was just "be kind to your neighbor" type stuff repeated over and over but with different words. I didnt know there was a song in church that just repeats the word Holy for like five fucking minutes.
Afterwards, since my grandparents serve on the alter, i was forced to meet the priest. Since i was forced there against my will i decided to be a bitch to the priest, even though he was undeserving of it. When he shoke my hand and said, "Hi, nice to meet you." I actually responded with a "Thanks, I don't believe in God." He kind of just looked at me like i was nuts for about three seconds then turned away (But maybe thats just because my sweatshirt said SCREAM BLOODY GORE and then DEATH on the back). it was probably one of the funniest things ever.
anyway sorry for the rant but i found out today church sucks, and since this is the religion thread i felt compelled to share.
Upon walking in i was sickened. not because of the general "churchness" of the place, but because as i first came in the door i was asked for money. I knew it would already be a terrible experience.
When mass started the dullest looking priest tried to make a joke. And I qoute:
"Knock Knock...
Who's there...
Jesus...
Jesus Who..."
Then he laughed. There wasnt even a fucking punchline, yet all the churchgoers laughed as if he was fucking George Carlin. God, like all preists have to be funny or something. It was possibly the dullest thing i've ever been to in my life. The ceremony was just "be kind to your neighbor" type stuff repeated over and over but with different words. I didnt know there was a song in church that just repeats the word Holy for like five fucking minutes.
Afterwards, since my grandparents serve on the alter, i was forced to meet the priest. Since i was forced there against my will i decided to be a bitch to the priest, even though he was undeserving of it. When he shoke my hand and said, "Hi, nice to meet you." I actually responded with a "Thanks, I don't believe in God." He kind of just looked at me like i was nuts for about three seconds then turned away (But maybe thats just because my sweatshirt said SCREAM BLOODY GORE and then DEATH on the back). it was probably one of the funniest things ever.
anyway sorry for the rant but i found out today church sucks, and since this is the religion thread i felt compelled to share.
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
You should listen to black metal of an unreasonable facsimile to get the Christian out of your system.
(That's humor, folks, not meant to offend anyone.)
(That's humor, folks, not meant to offend anyone.)
Rabid Headbanger
New Metal Member
I would have told the priest I worship satan and that the lord of darkness would take him in his sleep.
Then I'd puke on the floor and say "let jesus fuck you".
I meant to offend someone.
Then I'd puke on the floor and say "let jesus fuck you".
I meant to offend someone.
supseudonymous
&
I would have offered to eat the body of christ. Then when he gave me a wafer I would get offended and say I want the real fucking thing.
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
This is what you should of said:
Priest: Hello!
You: I want Jesus inside me.
Priest: So you're ready to accept Jesus into your heart?
You: No, I am ready to accept Jesus into my ASS!
Priest: Hello!
You: I want Jesus inside me.
Priest: So you're ready to accept Jesus into your heart?
You: No, I am ready to accept Jesus into my ASS!
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
Rabid Headbanger
New Metal Member
Blue_Jay
New Metal Member
Shut up!!! All of you!!! You are all assholes for trying to deny the only person who knows God, Jesus! He is the best and you are all just jealous of how amazing he is. I hope y'all suffer for this horrible treachery to Jesus!
Ender Rises
Wass sappening?
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
Blue_Jay
New Metal Member
You are not my neighbor you ass, I never read anywhere in the bible that your supposed to be nice.
No I am straight. Also, go and fuck satan.
Evil?
omghaxlol!1
