The official joke thread

[Sinister Mephisto]

A paedophile and a 12 year old girl are walking through a park at night. The girl says 'it's scary in here'. The paedophile says 'you're telling me, I've got to walk back on my own'.

hahaha. I liked that one.

What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

 

[bobvex]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

 

[Profanity]

Why did Ozzy Osbourne cross the road?

to get to a gig

 

[-Gavin-]

London beauty business noticed a steep decrease in business since july...

Turns out the police are doing brazillians for free.

 

[Profanity]

Why is Gavin so weak?

because he gave in when it really mattered.

 

[DoodgeGant]

How do you sit four gay men on one stool?

Turn it around.

 

[Profanity]

You scots don't exactly have a universal sense of humour.

 

[DoodgeGant]

You scots don't exactly have a universal sense of humour.

That's because my other jokes will get me hated by almost every other nationality. Or shall I belt out the Ian Huntley jokes?

 

[-Gavin-]

That's because my other jokes will get me hated by almost every other nationality. Or shall I belt out the Ian Huntley jokes?

Do it!

I nearly whipped out some londoner, pakistani earthquake, tsunami, 9/11 jokes

Still will if anyone's interested.

 

[DoodgeGant]

Have you seen the new Billy Connoly dvd? DUDE! He fucking mentions a joke about 9/11 IN FRONT OF A NEW YORK AUDIENCE!

 

[bobvex]

I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...

 

[-Gavin-]

I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second...

WHEEELP!

 

[-Gavin-]

Have you seen the new Billy Connoly dvd? DUDE! He fucking mentions a joke about 9/11 IN FRONT OF A NEW YORK AUDIENCE!

This, i have to see

 

[DoodgeGant]

You still didn't get that Billy Connoly jesus skit I had


Anyway....

What's more dangerous than Micheal Jacskon babysitting your kids ?

Getting Ian Huntley to give them a bath.

 

[-Gavin-]

What's the difference between Londoners and Smarties??

Smarties don't melt on the tube.

 

[-Gavin-]

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."

 

[DoodgeGant]

The gay magician disapeared with a poof

 

[-Gavin-]

The most insensitive man in NYC on sept 11th was the hotdog vendor who yelled "WHO ORDERED THE JUMBO!"

 

[DoodgeGant]

The most insensitive man in NYC on sept 11th was the hotdog vendor who yelled "WHO ORDERED THE JUMBO!"

That was arguably true

 

[-Gavin-]