The Opeth joke thread

[TehLeperAffinity]

What do you do if you see Per Wiberg with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

 

[BRI]

On their way to an Opeth concert a man and his girlfriend were driving in the country.

Their car crashed and the man got stuck. He couldn't move any part of his body, so his girlfriend knew she had to get some help. She ripped her clothes off as she forced her way out of the seat. Before she went to get some help she had to cover up her private parts so took her boyfriends shoe to cover up her fanny with.

After walking around for hours she finally found a farmhouse while still holding the shoe over her fanny. She knocked on the door and when the farmer answered she said "help! my boyfriend's stuck" to which the farmer replied "you'll have difficulty getting him out of there".



Surely that's the best joke yet?

No, there have been funnier jokes that actually use Opeth instead of sticking them in where you could have put anything (ie going to a yard sale). I did expect less however.

 

[R0l0]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was on it's way to an Opeth concert.

hohohoho

 

[deliverance]

Mikael: Hey, doc, whenever I play my guitar, I have an epiphany.

Doctor: Why don't you get a real Gibson, you cheap ass motherfucker?!?!?

On their way to an Opeth concert a man and his girlfriend were driving in the country.

Their car crashed and the man got stuck. He couldn't move any part of his body, so his girlfriend knew she had to get some help. She ripped her clothes off as she forced her way out of the seat. Before she went to get some help she had to cover up her private parts so took her boyfriends shoe to cover up her fanny with.

After walking around for hours she finally found a farmhouse while still holding the shoe over her fanny. She knocked on the door and when the farmer answered she said "help! Akerfeldt is stuck" to which the farmer replied "you'll have difficulty getting him out of there".



Surely that's the best joke yet?

now it is, and now it's also an opeth joke.

 

[Profanity]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was on it's way to an Opeth concert.

hohohoho

I told a similar joke to that. Try and think of your own jokes.

 

[burton]

You should take your own advice. =P

 

[R0l0]

I told a similar joke to that. Try and think of your own jokes.

I'm sorry I didn't know you hold the intellectual property of all "Why did the _____ cross the road?" jokes.

 

[Profanity]

All my jokes are original, including this one:

A girl walks into a music shop and says to the assistant "have you got any Backstreet Boys?" to which the assistant replies "sorry, we've sold out", the girl then says "have you got any Oasis?" to which the assistant replies "sorry, we've sold out", she'sa getting very stressed at this point and says "have you got N Sync?" and once again the assistant said "sorry, we've sold out" and the girl then says "ok, i'll just buy some Opeth".

 

[The Dude]

What did Profanity get for Christmas?

Nothing, he's Jewish LOL.

 

[Julian Zembrowski]

LOL!

 

[Profanity]

What did Profanity get for Christmas?

Nothing, he's Jewish LOL.

[Opethicised version]
What did Profanity get for christmas?

Nothing because he got killed at an Opeth concert.

 

[Arnold Layne]

What did Alt 3 get for xmas?

His Opeth concert postponed because the drummer had a breakdown.

 

[Profanity]

 

[deliverance]

A girl walks into a music shop and says to the assistant "have you got any Backstreet Boys?" to which the assistant replies "sorry, we've sold out", the girl then says "have you got any Oasis?" to which the assistant replies "sorry, we've sold out", she'sa getting very stressed at this point and says "have you got N Sync?" and once again the assistant said "sorry, we've sold out" and the girl then says "ok, i'll just buy some Opeth".

 

[spigot]

What did Profanity get for Christmas?

Nothing, he's Jewish LOL.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Profanity was on its side of the road.

 

[Pseud0]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Profanity was on its side of the road.

best joke yet.

 

[Skullzz]

Opeth are on the Sounds of the Underground tour. So they're driving down the highway in a big long line of tourbuses, and Opeth are at the front. Lopez is driving, and a deer jumps in the middle of the road. Screaming "ESSE!" he swings the truck around and it rolls over and over. The 20 or so coaches behind them all crash into Opeth and every one of them dies aswell.
So they're all up in heaven, and God is waiting there. He says "since you're deaths were in a huge unexpected disaster, I will allow you to go back down to Earth and finish your Sounds of the Underground tour. I will also grant each band one wish between you."
All of them are amazed at god's kindness, especially Lamb of God, but they don't question it.
First up came Devildriver, and they came to their decision: "We wish we were good musicians." God grants them their wish and they float back down to Earth.
Next came up Poison the Well, who, after hearing Devildriver, changed their minds: "Wow, that's a great idea. We wish to be good musicians aswell."
Up the bands came, one by one, all wishing to be good musicians. Opeth, who were at the back, were conferring. Mendez, Lopez, Lindgren and Akerfeldt walked up to god.
"So, my son," said God. "What will you be wishing for? World peace?"
"No," said Akerfeldt, laughing.
"What, then?" God questioned.
"Make them all bad musicians again."

Genuine funny!

 

[Profanity]

How can a joke that long be funny?

 

[Skullzz]

How can a joke that long be funny?

Bob forbid you actually read more than eight words in one sitting, right?

 

[Saber Rider]

@Trey

BEST.SIG.EVER.