The Opeth joke thread

[burton]

Obviously a smart one that takes everything literally.

 

[milkman]

I don't really have any jokes but I'd just like to say that this is the best thread I've seen in a long time.

 

[Jinn]

Bass Player walks into a bar. Peter Lindgren ducks.

 

[Profanity]

Bass Player walks into a bar. Peter Lindgren ducks.

That's funny because it wasn't funny.

 

[Brains for breakfast]

Why did Mikael learn to play guitar so godly?

Answer: His guitar teacher always shackeled his apprentices so they couldn't escape.

 

[rissy]

Answer: His guitar teacher always shackeled his apprentices so they couldn't escape.

He didn't have one.

 

[Profanity]

He didn't have one.

superior pwnage.

 

[vampyré]

While visiting Amsterdam, Martin Lopez walked past a coffee shop.

 

[Profanity]

^ I don't understand

 

[R0l0]

trey parker goes to an oprah show and asks for demon of the fall

 

[youlookadopted]

Interviewer: Mikael, why are you Opeth's frontman.
Mikael: Because I am Opeth.

 

[deliverance]

fuck..page 7 sucks.

 

[Arnold Layne]

Interviewer: Mikael, why are you Opeth's frontman.
Mikael: Because I am Opeth.

Why are you promoting giving away free mp3's, you should be banned.

 

[Brains for breakfast]

He didn't have one.

No offcoarse not, otherwise he would await certain death. We wouldn't want that, would we?

Well, I guess RR is Mikael's master now :Spin:

 

[deliverance]

Well, I guess RR is Mikael's master now :Spin:

no, just the label his bands music will be released on.

 

[vampyré]

^ I don't understand

Which part you didn't understand?

 

[deliverance]

Which part you didn't understand?

haha it consisted of 10 words, and basically 2 ideas: being somwhere and walking past a coffeshop. and it made no sense. that's what i didn't understand, all 10 words together.

hmm, wait. coffee..coffee beans..beaner..bass player is a beaner.

 

[vampyré]

Mike: Hey dude! You gotta hear this joke! It's SO funny!
Rev. Heatley: I'm listening, son.
Mike: So, MArtin Lopez, the drummer of OPeth...
Rev. Heatley: I know who he is.
Mike: So the dude is in Amsterdam...
Rev. Heatley: Yes.
Mike: He's walkin down the street, looking at the... birdges and tulips and shit. Then he walks... past a coffee shop!! Hahaha!
Rev. Heatley: I'm not really following...
Mike: Man... They sell fucking cannabis at the coffee shops in Amsterdam, you know... Everybody knows Martin L is a pothead to the max...
Rev. Heatley: Intriguing... go on...
Mike: HE WALKS PAST A COFFEE SHOP INSTEAD OF GOING IN AND SMOKING A FAT FUCKIN' DOOBIE!!
Rev. Heatley: ...
Rev. Heatley: Now I get it! That's fucking awesome! I'm going to move to Amsterdam! I've had enough of this fucking God bullshit!

 

[TehLeperAffinity]

Rev. Heatley believes in god LOL.

 

[saut]

Obviously a smart one that takes everything literally.

It's not a matter of taking things literally. It's not funny if I have to reread the punchline and mentally insert a pause where the comma should have been. Jokes are often made or broken with their timing. When you're writing jokes for people to read, you've got to use visual cues to get the timing right.

The fact that we are discussing this means that it was not a well executed joke.