The Opeth joke thread
- Thread starter Profanity
- Start date
Seance
Still Writes in Crayon
Profanity said:
this sentence was a joke in itself
capatalization, apostrophe, and ending period
great jorb
deliverance
ecnareviled
So Mike walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'll have. He growls: "BEEEEEER!!". All the hot babes in the bar explode as soon as this guttural command is utterd. Covered in intestines Mikael sighs. "Birds always explode when i'm around."
The Dude
The Dude abides
BRI
Member
- Dec 30, 2004
- 709
- 1
- 18
Opeth are on the Sounds of the Underground tour. So they're driving down the highway in a big long line of tourbuses, and Opeth are at the front. Lopez is driving, and a deer jumps in the middle of the road. Screaming "ESSE!" he swings the truck around and it rolls over and over. The 20 or so coaches behind them all crash into Opeth and every one of them dies aswell.
So they're all up in heaven, and God is waiting there. He says "since you're deaths were in a huge unexpected disaster, I will allow you to go back down to Earth and finish your Sounds of the Underground tour. I will also grant each band one wish between you."
All of them are amazed at god's kindness, especially Lamb of God, but they don't question it.
First up came Devildriver, and they came to their decision: "We wish we were good musicians." God grants them their wish and they float back down to Earth.
Next came up Poison the Well, who, after hearing Devildriver, changed their minds: "Wow, that's a great idea. We wish to be good musicians aswell."
Up the bands came, one by one, all wishing to be good musicians. Opeth, who were at the back, were conferring. Mendez, Lopez, Lindgren and Akerfeldt walked up to god.
"So, my son," said God. "What will you be wishing for? World peace?"
"No," said Akerfeldt, laughing.
"What, then?" God questioned.
"Make them all bad musicians again."
So they're all up in heaven, and God is waiting there. He says "since you're deaths were in a huge unexpected disaster, I will allow you to go back down to Earth and finish your Sounds of the Underground tour. I will also grant each band one wish between you."
All of them are amazed at god's kindness, especially Lamb of God, but they don't question it.
First up came Devildriver, and they came to their decision: "We wish we were good musicians." God grants them their wish and they float back down to Earth.
Next came up Poison the Well, who, after hearing Devildriver, changed their minds: "Wow, that's a great idea. We wish to be good musicians aswell."
Up the bands came, one by one, all wishing to be good musicians. Opeth, who were at the back, were conferring. Mendez, Lopez, Lindgren and Akerfeldt walked up to god.
"So, my son," said God. "What will you be wishing for? World peace?"
"No," said Akerfeldt, laughing.
"What, then?" God questioned.
"Make them all bad musicians again."
Anarkissed
BOK CHOY!!!
The Dude
The Dude abides
Arnold Layne
Member
Heavenscent
FUCKIN' YAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!
There's this big cruise, with bar and casino and all.
Mikael Åkerfeldt walks into the bar and orders a scotch.
This guy next to him says: "Dude, beer kicks scotches ass. Especially this beer; it's magic beer."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Magic beer?!?"
Dude: "Yuep. One bottle of those and I run three laps around the boat."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Show me."
Dude guzzles down a beer, runs outside followed by the crowd, jums overboard, runs three laps around the boat and climbs back on board "See?"
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "I can't believe you just did that. You have to do it again!"
Dude: "Sure." Guzzles down beer, jumps overboard, runs three laps and climbs back.
"See? It's that easy. Here *hands Mikael Åkerfeldt a beer* try it yourself."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Well, if it works for you, why wouldn't it work for me?" Mikael Åkerfeldt guzzles down a beer, jumps overboard, sinks like a brick and drowns.
Bartenter to the dude: "Damnit, that's the third one this week already. You're such an asshole when you're drunk, Jesus."
Mikael Åkerfeldt walks into the bar and orders a scotch.
This guy next to him says: "Dude, beer kicks scotches ass. Especially this beer; it's magic beer."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Magic beer?!?"
Dude: "Yuep. One bottle of those and I run three laps around the boat."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Show me."
Dude guzzles down a beer, runs outside followed by the crowd, jums overboard, runs three laps around the boat and climbs back on board "See?"
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "I can't believe you just did that. You have to do it again!"
Dude: "Sure." Guzzles down beer, jumps overboard, runs three laps and climbs back.
"See? It's that easy. Here *hands Mikael Åkerfeldt a beer* try it yourself."
Mikael Åkerfeldt: "Well, if it works for you, why wouldn't it work for me?" Mikael Åkerfeldt guzzles down a beer, jumps overboard, sinks like a brick and drowns.
Bartenter to the dude: "Damnit, that's the third one this week already. You're such an asshole when you're drunk, Jesus."
Kalabalik
Member
Heavenscent
FUCKIN' YAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!
For the last fucking time: MIKAEL IS NOT JESUS!!! OR GOD, OR THE GODDAMN ALMIGHTY!!! You might consider wearing a beanie and baggy pants. Fucking fanboys are everywhere.
He's just a great musician. The End.
He's just a great musician. The End.
Kalabalik
Member
Arnold Layne
Member
deliverance
ecnareviled
gatedropper
Prince of Peace
- Jul 19, 2001
- 2,684
- 2
- 38
