The Self Help thread.

[Chryst Krispies]

I was going to bust out a colossal shcpeel, but opted against it; however I'd still like to bring up a thread where we can vent.

Basically the first order of business is I have anger issues. I don't think they are big enough to pursue SERIOUS help, but they are bothering me and maybe you peeps can help?

That's probably the least of my m.h problems; it's starting to bother me though.

I get enraged, but never release it.

If this thread suck feel free to shoot it down and lead it towards "how do X?" I won't be offended. I didn't want to even make this thread really just kinda hoping someone has a thought.

Dis-CUSS.

 

[abyssofdreams]

well...

1. why do you get enraged? what reasons are there?
2. why don't you release it?

 

[James-Doolan]

Its good to release dude just go nuts when you get pissed, like when i stub my toe or something stupid like that i will shout every name under the sun at whatever i hit like a freaking maniac same thing when playing pro evo if one of the players does something stupid il be like you stupid ass fucking donkey whore cunt at the screen my family think its funny if you didnt know me you might think im insane i dunno but i know other people who are the same its quite healty to get pissed off man its the people who dont i get worried about jeez freaking psycho killers in the making.

If its work shit and you cant realy go off on your boss i find a realy hard work out at the gym does the trick just dont go sparring if your super thick take it out on a bag instead.

 

[Chryst Krispies]

Why 1
Pretty much everything. Traffic, I get angry and then start driving erratically etc.
Like I can't think of anything that doesn't make me mad.

I don't know what "releasing it" even means to be honest with you. I usually take it out on family. I just swear and yell and want to be left the fuck alone.

Does anyone else have this problem?

At the bag thing:
Pairing that violent act up usually just ends me pairing that stimulus with my anger and that's been making it worse, because I don't know when to stop.

I.E I literally destroyed a window in my basement tore a pseudo wall down/.

 

[SocialNumb]

The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living.

I have not been angry in years. My family is stunned by this and don't understand how I do it. I used to be a real angry asshole.

It does go into a Buddhist thing but it's not the main focus.

 

[STINNETT]

I used to have extreme anger issues. I got so fucking mad at people that I sometimes dreaded even leaving my house! Road rage, line rage, waiter rage, dude-bro rage, scene-kid rage, old people rage, internet rage (rage against the machine?) I pretty much raged against everybody.

I hit a point, I don't know if it was just age or what, but a certain wisdom just seemed to start sinking in. Getting pissed about everything is stupid and it ruins your life. I was able to put my happiness above my desire for the unhappiness of others. Really that is all that anger is most of the time - wishing that someone else was miserable and fucking paying for that weak-ass shit that they did!
If I can channel my effort into making myself happy and relaxed instead of making someone else unhappy, or even just wishing that someone else was unhappy, I'm way ahead in the game.
People can still piss me off, but I'm 10 times more likely to just shrug and say, "I feel sorry for that imbecile and I'm glad I'm not him". I cannot even tell you how much better my life is since I mellowed out.

 

[abyssofdreams]

Well there's always a source for any problem. You have to find it and work on it or if you can't work on it (e.g. family) just move the fuck out
When I was with my family I couldn't be calm at all, worlds were clashing all the fucking time, once I moved out, voila, peace and harmony all the way

No seriously, just find something to vent, like I sometimes go to my garage and beat the hell out of my sandbag, it really helps, once you have no energy left you don't really care if you're angry anymore

And about the driving, fuckyeah... I get angry in my car all the time and to quote the great Carlin:

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

LOL @the Dalai Lama book, I might even give it a shot just out of curiousity but you might as well brainwash yourself with any other dogmatism

 

[STINNETT]

After you spend an hour being insanely pissed about something and you finally let it go without going after the dude and loosening his head with an oversized pipe wrench, do you think to yourself - "being pissed for that whole hour was an atrocious waste of time"?
That's what I started doing. I convinced myself that I wasn't really going to do anything about it other than be pissed, so why be pissed?

 

[abyssofdreams]

Nah, I think being pissed off once in a while is fine, keeps the heart pumpin'. Just don't let it take control over you @see above.

 

[Metaltastic]

I think one really important thing to just establish is that "venting" it on people/things isn't releasing, it's taking it out on them, which is one of the worst things you can do IMO. Not saying anyone was advocating that, but I just wanted to shoot it down.

I think American History X has fantastic messages about anger and hatred; when Derek is out of prison and trying to convince Danny that he should stay away from all the neo-Nazi bullshit, he says "I just got tired of being pissed off all the time," and it's really true IMO - being angry at something (or especially someone) gives them power over you, specifically the power to make you mad and unhappy. Really, my way of dealing with anger, depression, sadness, insecurity (honestly, I think they all really stem from the same thing) is to distract myself (I have a list of things to do when bored, a list of things I need to accomplish, from writing music to projects, etc.) until I don't give a shit about it anymore. Often it'll feel like you really wanna work it out inside your head, but I think the thing to realize is you can't rationally work it out when you're seeing through such an emotional bias, so throw yourself at a task (preferably productive for that extra self-esteem boost) and often you'll come back finding out that you suddenly couldn't care less about whatever was bothering you!

So in short, I think "venting" it is unhealthy and just treats the symptom rather than the cause; you should try to release it in the sense of letting it go IMO, and the easiest way to do that is just to take your mind off it!

 

[Chryst Krispies]

I used to have extreme anger issues. I got so fucking mad at people that I sometimes dreaded even leaving my house! Road rage, line rage, waiter rage, dude-bro rage, scene-kid rage, old people rage, internet rage (rage against the machine?) I pretty much raged against everybody.

I feel the same way right now, except it usually just gets to me and I stomach it and then let it brew alll day until I come home and want to just destroy everything.
Today I wanted to reach through my computer and strangle the motherfuckers commenting on a sports article on the Yahoo homepage. It was almost funny I had to leave the computer and just imagine myself on a beach somewhere so I wouldn't flip.

Letting things go is WAY easier said than done for me. Also I wanna clear up when you say "letting it go" I don't know really WHAT to let go, cause it's always a combo of things flurrying in rapid succession/.

Thanks for the comments so far though. I really appreciate it.

 

[Metaltastic]

After you spend an hour being insanely pissed about something and you finally let it go without going after the dude and loosening his head with an oversized pipe wrench, do you think to yourself - "being pissed for that whole hour was an atrocious waste of time"?
That's what I started doing. I convinced myself that I wasn't really going to do anything about it other than be pissed, so why be pissed?

And Bernhard, I'm with Will on this one.

 

[SocialNumb]

LOL @the Dalai Lama book, I might even give it a shot just out of curiousity but you might as well brainwash yourself with any other dogmatism

That all depends on what you take out of it. Religion is not the focus of the book. It wasn't even written by him.

Besides, I'm pretty sure you all know how I feel about religion.

 

[Skinny Viking]

question and statement....

how old are you? Your age can really be a big part of it man. I used to get all froggy and pissed about some seriously unimportant shit when I was younger but the problem was at the time it didn't seem unimportant to me. By the time I hit like 28, I really just started seeing situations much clearer and reacting better.

As for my statement ... try to figure out where the negative energy comes from. I know you say everything but if you try to really scrutinize it, you may find that what you think is causing you to get pissed is actually not whats bothering you. It can just be what you actually are releasing your anger at but because you're all heated at the moment you don't realize its not actually whats causing you to feel like that. It took me some time, a few years to really and honestly start looking at where a lot of the negative energy was coming from for me ... job stuff, my girl at the time, some friends, some band situations, etc ... and also how they started directing my reactions to just about everything. Once I was able to pinpoint and systematically REMOVE these negative aspects, I really started feeling better on many levels and I pretty much don't get mad about things unless I'm pretty sure there is a valid reason to be.

Just some stuff to think about maybe

 

[SocialNumb]

I think one really important thing to just establish is that "venting" it on people/things isn't releasing, it's taking it out on them, which is one of the worst things you can do IMO. Not saying anyone was advocating that, but I just wanted to shoot it down.

I think American History X has fantastic messages about anger and hatred; when Derek is out of prison and trying to convince Danny that he should stay away from all the neo-Nazi bullshit, he says "I just got tired of being pissed off all the time," and it's really true IMO - being angry at something (or especially someone) gives them power over you, specifically the power to make you mad and unhappy. Really, my way of dealing with anger, depression, sadness, insecurity (honestly, I think they all really stem from the same thing) is to distract myself (I have a list of things to do when bored, a list of things I need to accomplish, from writing music to projects, etc.) until I don't give a shit about it anymore. Often it'll feel like you really wanna work it out inside your head, but I think the thing to realize is you can't rationally work it out when you're seeing through such an emotional bias, so throw yourself at a task (preferably productive for that extra self-esteem boost) and often you'll come back finding out that you suddenly couldn't care less about whatever was bothering you!

So in short, I think "venting" it is unhealthy and just treats the symptom rather than the cause; you should try to release it in the sense of letting it go IMO, and the easiest way to do that is just to take your mind off it!

Forgiveness. If not person, than yourself. Anger is useless and leads to hatred.

 

[abyssofdreams]

That all depends on what you take out of it. Religion is not the focus of the book. It wasn't even written by him.

Besides, I'm pretty sure you all know how I feel about religion.

Haha, yeah I figured you wouldn't have posted it if it was that obvious
That's why I'm actually considering it a soon-to-be-read.

 

[Metaltastic]

Forgiveness. If not person, than yourself. Anger is useless and leads to hatred.

Yeah, my Dad (who is my guru in this department) keeps telling me about forgiveness, but the word still gets a knee-jerk "pussy" reaction from me - I'm all for letting go of anger, and not giving a shit about people who piss you off, but calling that "forgiveness" is just sickening to me because I feel like it's somehow saying what they're doing is ok...

 

[abyssofdreams]

And Bernhard, I'm with Will on this one.

On what? I just don't think being pissed about something is utterly pointless. It all depends.

 

[Metaltastic]

On the thing I quoted

 

[abyssofdreams]

Yeah, and I disagree there
I think I'm having a problem with generalization here, whilst what he said might apply sometimes I still say being pissed about something is okay as long as you understand the reasons why and deal with it one way or the other. If my neighbour keeps pissing me off for whatever stupid thing he does and if he keeps doing that for a period of time (e.g. using a jackhammer to work on his rooftop on fucking sunday mornings) I might do something about it. I mean in practical terms There, problem solved.