Normal reviews are for sheep and dweebs.
Mayhem - Buried By Time and Dust
3.5/10
Meh. Redeeming factors is the very in your face drumming, but this also didn't make me think of vampires really, the insanity aspect was more heavy. I didn't get the aura of centuries here.
Vampire personification- Generic Malkavian (Vampire the Masquerade)
Satan - Kiss of Death
8/10
Sexy intro, and maybe I'm on a drum kick but I also enjoyed it here. The breakdown was hella groovy. It has a powerful presence, very rock n roll fun, very fuck you I'm drinking your blood, faggot. Satan always does good work.
Vampire personification- David (Lost Boys)
Mütiilation - Tears of a Melancholic Vampire
.5/10
Overdone in every sense of the word, except a grand sense. Try-hardy and immature. The only tears of melancholy here are because mom made him do his blood homework.
Vampire personification- Rod Ferrell (IRL)
Vampire - Night Hunter
5/10
I found myself bored, something about the combination. There was some cool guitar work but I didn't think of a night hunter at all. Maybe its because this band assumedly always follows theme, so it's just another song to them. Just another day of fat white vampire blues.
Vampire personification- Jules Duchon (See last line)
Stone Demons - Vampyr
7.5/10
Decidedly undead intro and the bell gist continues throughout the song, which I find a crucial element of vampyr adherence. This was really goth sounding, overall just a little too subdued though. It fuckin stalks, which I dig and is on point for theme, but it seems he never gets his kill, there's just enough balls.
Vampire personification- Selene (Underworld)
Iced Earth - Dracula
10/10
I was going to submit this, it was the first song I thought of, but I'm like nahhh I never see Iced Earth get love here. One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. Fucking wrenching man, straight up hate the motherfucking church for damning the woman he loved, straight up fought your fucking holy wars, straight up gothic torment and rage.
Vampire personification- Dracula (Francis Ford Coppola's)
Necrophagia - Insane for Blood
4/10
Too burpy. Someone drank too much blood. It is kinda gross though, which is a cool way to approach vampirism amidst all the romance and badassery. I imagine rushing the victims even if there's a fire and crosses, fuck it, they want blood.
Vampire personification - Iris (30 days of night)
Venom - Countess Bathory
6.5/10
It's like a song a dude who wanted to fuck the countess sang, very admiring, lauding her loudly. The bass is awesome. But it feels distant, like a folklore of a folklore. Call me a picky poet but shouting the theme does not make it on point. Too mortal.
Vampire personification- Countess Bathory (IRL)
Bathory - Woman of Dark Desires
4/10
Similar problem to the last song, except this suffers from the additional misfortune of also not being enjoyable. Drums didn't drone, they insisted, and insisted, as did the subject. Not enough of the story even, just generically YO THIS BITCH LIKED BLOOD OF DARKNESS DESIRES! No personality, just hotness.
Vampire personification- Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Till Dawn)
Church of Misery - Blood Sucking Freak
7/10
I'm a sucker for the genre. Giggity. Distortion definitely added to the 'freak' aspect, it just feels fucked up and miserable, a little disoriented. A breakdown of a fledgeling who chokes on his tears as he grabs another victim, dribbling his vampire boogers all over the throat while drinking them and the blood simultaneously, who fucking cares. It's grossness of gritty vampire life without the primality.
Vampire personification - Kathleen Conklin (The Addiction)
The Ravenous - I Drink Your Blood
5.5/10
This is pretty hefty, very caveman-esque. Simplistic, but not minimalistic. It's confident in its ability to satisfy the thirst, that's just the fucking way it is. Music was alright but I've heard the idea expanded more expertly. Also there's an easter egg as to whom submitted this in the comments from seven years ago, I think.
Vampire personification - Blade (Blade)
Witchhammer - Transylvania
6.5/10
Fuckin proper. Like, victorian proper, good guy blonde hair on a steed proper. It's a refreshing change, save the world and all that, get the maiden from the dark lord and shit. The music could have used a bit more, it was a bit cookie cutter, but overall it was... proper.
Vampire personification - Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Helstar - Black Cathedral
9/10
Definitely get the feeling of 'witness my power, mere mortal! Bwahahaha I am darkness incarnate! Fools! I am all powerful, you cannot stop meee!' Badass fucking song regardless, shame they were in a playlist with Iced Earth or they might fare better.
Vampire personification - Dracula (Castlevania)
Blood Cult - Psychic Vampire
3/10
Greeeoovy, dug the beginning. The thematic aspect of it, IMO, is lacking. I know those goth weirdos who think they're real vampires and distinguish between a sanguinarian and a psychic vampire will say it still counts but fuck that, man. Fucking bloodsucking is the right way. Besides, it was a really short song with little substance.
Vampire personification - Generic Skeksis (The Dark Crystal)
Necromantia - Last Song of Valdezie
3/10
Pretty acoustic music, but not excellent, and that would be necessary considering it's instrumental. The stoccatto brought to mind a sort of video game environment, but an old one. It's really hard to stay thematically on point with an instrumental song, this is nice but it's just plain not epic enough. It's not what it needs to be.
Vampire personification - Rayne (Bloodrayne)
