You laugh, you lose
- Thread starter audiophileguy
- Start date
The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
King Richard
Hello there
mutantllama
Active Member
panzerfaust666
German Asshole
celestialelixir
._.
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
Cronopio
Glorious Imperator
King Richard
Hello there
Dak
mentat
HamburgerBoy
Active Member
- Sep 16, 2007
- 15,042
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Did The Beets have more than one song? All I remember is the Killer Tofu song, and I fucking loved that.
Dagon666
The Ayatollah of Rock
Qantas Airlines: Repair Division
In case you need a laugh (I bloody do this morning!):
Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
In case you need a laugh (I bloody do this morning!):
Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
SweptbackFlame
twitch.tv/SweptbackFlame
Xorv
Drug the Priest
that 90's thing is freaking me out. Goosebump covers are still awesome, I actually went to a goldeneye slumber-party, the afro-painter is a better sleep aid than any drug, and the rugrats is still the shittiest cartoon of all time
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO1rYr4BXAI&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO1rYr4BXAI&feature=related[/ame]
JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
So I uh have an amusing story to tell...I have these neighbours who shit me to fucking tears.I own my house but this house next to me is filled with fucking annoying bogan uni students.
It's been quiet here for ages but they've all just recently returned and have begun having huge parties again.Well tonight there was some pathetic community event in town,kind've a big thing here and they were out but I don't bother cause it's just an excuse to sell over priced food and drink so I took the opportunity to lavish the side of their house and car with various canned foods and yoghurt.It's kind've an ingenious idea and I did it with previous scum who lived there and it seems that it does quieten them down.
Noone gets hurt,no property is damaged,only soiled.Now i've come to realise that they don't give a shit about some baked beans or yoghurt on the side of their rented house but they sure as hell will care about the liberal dosage of yoghurt and baked beans i've hurled upon their nice yuppy car,it'll make them think that it's one of their fuckwit friends who they've had at their place for a party,an inside job so to speak,it sows the seeds of doubt within their shared house,it may also contribute to infighting.
I know this is a crumby thing to do but i'm sick of doof-doof music and faggots yelling out 'Woo' all the time.
It's been quiet here for ages but they've all just recently returned and have begun having huge parties again.Well tonight there was some pathetic community event in town,kind've a big thing here and they were out but I don't bother cause it's just an excuse to sell over priced food and drink so I took the opportunity to lavish the side of their house and car with various canned foods and yoghurt.It's kind've an ingenious idea and I did it with previous scum who lived there and it seems that it does quieten them down.
Noone gets hurt,no property is damaged,only soiled.Now i've come to realise that they don't give a shit about some baked beans or yoghurt on the side of their rented house but they sure as hell will care about the liberal dosage of yoghurt and baked beans i've hurled upon their nice yuppy car,it'll make them think that it's one of their fuckwit friends who they've had at their place for a party,an inside job so to speak,it sows the seeds of doubt within their shared house,it may also contribute to infighting.
I know this is a crumby thing to do but i'm sick of doof-doof music and faggots yelling out 'Woo' all the time.
