it's alright, i don't think i need suggestions per se as in 'something to improve my chances' (that would need black magic, not suggestions). i basically think i need to understand what happened and why, and a non-involved third party such as you can help me there. you're getting a short transcript of the last conversation in a sec.
chat, feelings, and random discussion thread
- Thread starter La Rocque
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Air Madrid just lost their license. Hope you have a plan b ^^
nf: thoroughly amused. in the wake of hannibal rising being published, i've been hanging around the lecter fanfiction community to see if anything good was produced, hopefully as a good response to a mediocre book. lo and behold, i found a story i hadn't seen before that has nothing to do with the new book, but it features a policeman named officer Berlusconi. 
talk about having problems coming up with names for characters.
here's the passage introducing him:
Officer Berlusconi backs into the room carrying coffee in a large mug. Overweight but tidy feet. Like a dancer. Every stitch on his shiny suit doing its duty. He places his mug carefully on the table, takes his jacket off and drapes it over the back of the chair. There are no sweat stains on his shirt, but I can smell him. He is breathing quite heavily through his nose. Big lips. Voracious.
hahaha. "Officer Berlusconi". ha. hahaha.
talk about having problems coming up with names for characters.
here's the passage introducing him:
Officer Berlusconi backs into the room carrying coffee in a large mug. Overweight but tidy feet. Like a dancer. Every stitch on his shiny suit doing its duty. He places his mug carefully on the table, takes his jacket off and drapes it over the back of the chair. There are no sweat stains on his shirt, but I can smell him. He is breathing quite heavily through his nose. Big lips. Voracious.
hahaha. "Officer Berlusconi". ha. hahaha.
fireangel
Member
There is your answer.
Though it is true that one can get pretty close to people through the internet, the final confirmation of a friendship has to be in real life. Only then you´ll really know what kind of person someone is, and if the impression from the net gets confirmed or not.
If he thinks that he shouldn´t be too close friends with someone who shares a lot of experiences and thoughts with him, but rather wants something else, let him. If all the things you talked about do not motivate him enough to make a serious and motivated attempt at a meeting and see who this online friend of his is (and you could always meet halfway between your two cities, I mean 1,5 hours is what I usually drive for a concert, at least... ) then forget about it.
Or, if you really, really want to know him, then you should go to Florence and see for yourself, at least then you´ll know what this all is about and if he´s worth your time. If he doesn´t want to meet you then either, then what the hell, be happy you haven´t wasted more time on this "friendship".
@fireangel: thanks for the suggestions, the whole gig is over and done with now and eventhough i'm suffering horribly at not being able to discuss, say, the dirlewanger brigade with anyone i'm confident that i'll live. it won't be nice for a few days, but ultimately everything will fall into place.
also, i'm totally annoyed at the fact that someone i really wanted to attend my upcoming party on wednesday didn't even reply to the invitation, but well, here's for civility and politeness.
these days are not good times.
also, i'm totally annoyed at the fact that someone i really wanted to attend my upcoming party on wednesday didn't even reply to the invitation, but well, here's for civility and politeness.
these days are not good times.
marduk1507
Member
His father isnt sick I believe, he just needed help with moving some furniture. Any good neighbour can help you with that, but maybe Im just being too liberal here.
oh, right, sorry then, i believe you're completely right... i didn't understand, i just read "his father needs help" therefore i assumed it was serious.
nf: drifting.
|ngenius
Little Grasshopper
Well, well, I really missed something lil' bit deeper going on in this board, as it turns out I can't really dig superficial subjects these days and non-meaningful conversations leave me speechless and set me apart (so I'm becoming Silent Bob really fast!!).
Related to hyena's topic. I've been with this girl for over two months now, and it seems like a year to me.
Here's the thing: as hyena stated prior to the "carbon copy theory", it is likeness what I look for... in the sense of people matching some of my areas of interest. My girlfriend matches very few of these, resulting of me unsuccessfully trying to be emotionally understood.
Ultimately, I guess that the only condition that has to be present in any kind of relationship for this to go on is to be fed with whatever you need or look for, and you can get it from a carbon copy or from a little green martian, depending on what you're in need of. In this particular case, carbon copy guy just wanted something else, and came up with a series of explanations to rationalize why he don't fancy you the same way.
It scares me, up to a point, because taken in a cold pragmatic way, this theory sets you as a source for other people's needs, and that will determine how long you stick around.
|ng.
Related to hyena's topic. I've been with this girl for over two months now, and it seems like a year to me.
Here's the thing: as hyena stated prior to the "carbon copy theory", it is likeness what I look for... in the sense of people matching some of my areas of interest. My girlfriend matches very few of these, resulting of me unsuccessfully trying to be emotionally understood.
Ultimately, I guess that the only condition that has to be present in any kind of relationship for this to go on is to be fed with whatever you need or look for, and you can get it from a carbon copy or from a little green martian, depending on what you're in need of. In this particular case, carbon copy guy just wanted something else, and came up with a series of explanations to rationalize why he don't fancy you the same way.
It scares me, up to a point, because taken in a cold pragmatic way, this theory sets you as a source for other people's needs, and that will determine how long you stick around.
|ng.
marduk1507
Member
Thats me and my wife, more or less. But I think its good so, because I know I couldnt stand another person of the same nature as myself. I think whats important is to have some general matches in the areas of interest (which we have: music, books, films, travelling, nature) and then the trying. By trying I mean coming closer and closer to each other in those much more sensitive areas. It sounds good, but Im sometimes pretty fed up with it.
I guess that |ng is perfectly right in stating a "different strokes" theory.
I know that I feel isolated and lonely regarding certain inclinations.
As a consequence, I look for people who share them.
Unfortunately, this sharing is not seen in the same way by the few who match the requirements.
Tough luck.
I know that I feel isolated and lonely regarding certain inclinations.
As a consequence, I look for people who share them.
Unfortunately, this sharing is not seen in the same way by the few who match the requirements.
Tough luck.
fireangel
Member
I think there is needed a good mixture between similarity and difference. If people are pretty much emotional twins, it could (but not necessarily, just for me) be too much at once, and the bad emotional sides would get doubled instead of balanced. If people are too different, I think it´s hard to have nothing in common, be it interests/hobbies or emotional screw-ups.
The likeness is good in order to understand each other, and the differences are good so that you get challenged and have always space for new developments and ideas. Also people need something "for themselves" which is only their area or hobby.
People never get in a close relationship, be it friendship or whatever, if there wouldn´t be anything positive in for them, be it to find someone who shares the same interests, or someone who is different enough to freshen your mind and thoughts, or a person who is just nice to be with, for reasons you have not analyzed. I wouldn´t see it that cold and pragmatic, though
it´s natural that you seek out people who you like, whatever behavioral-biological or psychological reason lies underneath.
The likeness is good in order to understand each other, and the differences are good so that you get challenged and have always space for new developments and ideas. Also people need something "for themselves" which is only their area or hobby.
People never get in a close relationship, be it friendship or whatever, if there wouldn´t be anything positive in for them, be it to find someone who shares the same interests, or someone who is different enough to freshen your mind and thoughts, or a person who is just nice to be with, for reasons you have not analyzed. I wouldn´t see it that cold and pragmatic, though
it´s natural that you seek out people who you like, whatever behavioral-biological or psychological reason lies underneath.
Trying?
As in "we don't really click except common interests"?
The more married men I hear, the more I'm concerned I'll be single till the end of my life. I'm about to consider celibacy, I swear
|ngenius
Little Grasshopper
The more married men I hear, the more I'm concerned I'll be single till the end of my life. I'm about to consider celibacy, I swear
That's because you wanna release the pressure of having to score, pal
@Hyena: That makes two of a kind.
@Fireangel: Well, yeap. I think that the difference is how you take the concept: either it is healthy term where people gather according to related personalities and interests or it is a rather insane concept of using and being used. That was the cold pragmatic side.
|ng.
marduk1507
Member
Trying?
As in "we don't really click except common interests"?
The more married men I hear, the more I'm concerned I'll be single till the end of my life. I'm about to consider celibacy, I swear
Please yourself, which is about all you will get anyway.
I know you dont really care, but by trying I meant the subtle differences. Its actually never about "clicking" or "love at first sight" or "the right one", you never get two identical people, a perfect match. All you get are smaller or bigger differences. And then you have to decide, if its worth to try and bridge the gaps, or if youll look for someone else, or if you just please yourself.
Please yourself, which is about all you will get anyway.
I know you dont really care, but by trying I meant the subtle differences. Its actually never about "clicking" or "love at first sight" or "the right one", you never get two identical people, a perfect match. All you get are smaller or bigger differences. And then you have to decide, if its worth to try and bridge the gaps, or if youll look for someone else, or if you just please yourself.
Identical people aren't necessarily a perfect match, I'm thinking of a couple which makes whole with similarities and differences (but I'm not talking of me staying clean and her sniffing coke on a daily basis). And since it's about first 15 or something seconds - yes, it's about clicking, really. You can always get disappointed later on, but if you go for it it's not necesarily going to get bitter (minor differences and "bridging the gaps"); on the other hand - making work something that doesn't feel right from the beginning ("oh, gosh, I need to get a girlfriend, oh, she looks OK, wanna fuck?")... big mistake, as I know it.
Latter is taken from real life experience (I'm thinking out loud): a girl I know desperately needs someone, she is OK, financially independent and secure, interested in me, but - I'm not going for it. It doesn't seem right. We don't click.
End of story.
it's interesting how single people (including me) normally give a lot of importance to the "clicking" part and married people or people who have been in a relationship for several years rather put emphasis on some aspects that are more rational. i guess that people who have been with someone for ages just forget that they would never have dated their current partner if they didn't feel the "click" and the gut instinct, while those who have been single for ages are not used to considering the fact that even if there is infatuation of the best variety it's still not a guarantee that the relationship will work.
in short, everyone is stupid.
in short, everyone is stupid.
marduk1507
Member
I've been in a relationship for 5 years (well, I was younger, but you can call it so anyway); we dated, lived together, and I couldn't imagine I would ever want to be single again. Well, it wasn't meant to work. So, instead of being single and having a relationship(s) after, I was in a relationship and then stayed single
And no, everyone isn't stupid - everyone lies; how else can you get away with a one nigh stand? To get one you have to be smart in the first place
fireangel
Member
I haven´t forgotten about that
shiny robot: now I see your pragmatic side of it more clearly
I just don´t think that you would call the wish to surround oneself with people to like is "using" them. After all, you are always free to not have any friends at all if the selection doesn´t suit you.
But most persons seem to be somewhat_social, no matter if they have 300 friends and "contacts", or keep their 1 best friend for life and won´t talk to anyone else, so I just guess having someone to talk to is a universal concept that appears to be good for mankind.
On the other hand, if you talk purely about material usefulness, few people could completely sustain themselves nowadays: someone else plants the cotton and directs the machines to weave a shirt, and ships it from India. Aswell, other folks plant and harvest the grain that your bread is made of and produce the marmalade for your breakfast sandwich. Someone drives the bus you travel to work to, assembles the computer you buy, constructs the generators that deliver electricity and so on. These are also connections that tend to be overlooked by those who claim to be completely independent from everything and the world. Only if you live in a self-built hut in the woods and grow your own food, you could probably say that you don´t use and need anyone.
Kovenant84
T-369 days
I think Hyena's a bit right on this.
See, I still remember how my gf and I first 'clicked', mostly because I wasn't expecting it at all. In fact, when we first met, I was at most indifferent towards her. Probably because we met at freshman orientation (at some stupid camp thing they held), and the first time I ever saw her, it was because she was shining a flashlight in my eyes from about 50' away, looking for other people. So, aside from pissing me off a little, I had actually been hanging out with another girl in our year, who was in the dorm room next to mine, on the day or two prior.
But, we wound up going to a comedy club together with a bunch of other people from our year, and I wound up 'helping to fix her computer' (keep in mind, she's smarter than me... a fact I didn't know at the time), and we wound up chatting for hours on end. We then weren't apart for approximately the next 72 hours. And thus began our ridiculously close relationship.
But yeah, unless I conciously think about the beginning, it's really the day to day work on the relationship that I'm thinking about.
~kov.
See, I still remember how my gf and I first 'clicked', mostly because I wasn't expecting it at all. In fact, when we first met, I was at most indifferent towards her. Probably because we met at freshman orientation (at some stupid camp thing they held), and the first time I ever saw her, it was because she was shining a flashlight in my eyes from about 50' away, looking for other people. So, aside from pissing me off a little, I had actually been hanging out with another girl in our year, who was in the dorm room next to mine, on the day or two prior.
But, we wound up going to a comedy club together with a bunch of other people from our year, and I wound up 'helping to fix her computer' (keep in mind, she's smarter than me... a fact I didn't know at the time), and we wound up chatting for hours on end. We then weren't apart for approximately the next 72 hours. And thus began our ridiculously close relationship.
But yeah, unless I conciously think about the beginning, it's really the day to day work on the relationship that I'm thinking about.
~kov.
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