chat, feelings, and random discussion thread

[Rincewind]

Everything before and...The first imbecile who interprets this email as a "poor me" type of self-victimization gets the red card from here to eternity. PLEASE-BECOME-AWARE that there is a world of things beyond your immediate imagination and your cheap judgement.

Didn't have time before to read this when you were online,but I assume you'll see this...anyway,I could NEVER think "poor you" or anything alike,that post of yours got my respectfullness for you few big steps above than before and it really made me think about some bad/sad/whatever things I avoid to think about in my life 'cause there's one too many of them...and I really thank you on that 'cause people here rarely say so sincere and openly their real BIG life problems (I know you didn't want to say it,but reading that made me feel that my problems are very small, ie. my friends and family are all alive and I have time to deal with problems I have with them and say some things that are torchering me inside for some time)...and I also got related to you 'cause of drinking matter (don't get this wrong...just wanna say that I do the same thing, but recently realized that it really doesn't help so much as I want it to help and shitty headaches in the morning when I realize all problems are still here just don't seem so worth anymore...yeah,it helps and yes,those are great evenings of no worries,but I think you're stronger than that-actually,I think you already proved that you are)
...sorry if I got something wrong or offended you in any way,never was my intention...and certainly didn't want this to look like any other way then: I admire you for that post and 1000 times more for things in it you went through and stayed normal

 

[marduk1507]

Please, no pictures! No pictures!!

Yeah, thats what I thought - well, I hope the attention you got made you feel a bit better, you miserable peace of shit!

I rarely let go in healthy fashions for fear of hurting people I care about.

This seems a bit contradictory to me. You mean you rarely treat people in a normal manner because you fear you might hurt them?

I think that my obsession with letting go pushes me to let go too quickly, before I have a chance of properly discharging all the negative stuff and being able to move on.

This sheds some light on the thing above - yeah, I was like that some 10 years ago, I was like a walking pressure cooker. Nevertheless, I still have problems to manage the pressure building up within me (as I have proven here, too).

Certainly something I can work on without making drastic decisions like burning yet more bridges, which is good I think

Definitely.

 

[hyena]

@marduk: about this

you seem to me like life is some kind of duty or occupation to you

yeah, indeed (well, of course anyone takes breaks, and going into the mosh pit at shows doesn't qualify under "duty" or "occupation"). i have the impression that such a view is more or less a necessary evil, considering my personal goals in life, or maybe it's just how i am and nothing can be done about it.

anyway, i will drop this whole discussion because it seems i can't get my point across to you: some of our evaluation yardsticks are totally different and you don't sound interested in learning about mine (i think i know about yours, heard it all before). but i will be waiting for an apology for this

which youve done remarkably well (but youve never missed the opportunity to inform the public about it)

Apologies are needed because this is a blatant lie, and I'm kind of offended. Rest assured that if I had "never missed the opportunity to inform the public" about bad states of mind connected to my father's death or to the issues with the surviving family I would have written about six pages of posts each night.

@rincewind: thanks.

 

[marduk1507]

Im sorry. My apologies.

And it wasnt a lie - please, if you are offended by what I say, mind your choice of words, too - it was only a mistake, an honest mistake, in the sense that thats how I felt. Nothing Ive ever written to you and about you was meant to hurt you, or as a lie.

 

[Misanthrope]

Yeah, thats what I thought - well, I hope the attention you got made you feel a bit better, you miserable peace of shit!

Hey it might seem like fun to you but is a tough job! You gotta give your audience what they want and perform each time you deliver a "fuck off you stupid broad" so is believeable enough the female in question bites the hook.

This seems a bit contradictory to me. You mean you rarely treat people in a normal manner because you fear you might hurt them?

To clarify, when I retaliate I can be very destructive. And I know it, so even when I have valid reasons to retaliate when someone I care about hurts me I restrain myself or stop prematurely for fear of going beyond "reasonable reactions"

In other wordst: I dont want to say ( or do ) vicious things I'll regret, but sometimes I hardly do anything about it or confront people for fear of my own actions. Its hard for me to find a happy medium when I let people know they bother me, the usual reaction of most people is "where the fuck is all this comming from" since it goes from best friends to fist fights in a matter of minutes.

Sadly my own fear of excessive responses only bottles up anger and makes me even more prone to excessively violent retaliation. I need to work on breaking those cycles.

 

[marduk1507]

Sadly my own fear of excessive responses only bottles up anger and makes me even more prone to excessively violent retaliation. I need to work on breaking those cycles.

Exactly. Thats probably the price for actually discovering something negative about yourself and trying to hold it back. Only yesterday I told my wife I wished I was a stupid ignorant fuck, who doesnt even realise hes doing something right or wrong - the very doer, hehe. I was joking, of course, but it must be quite relieving just to punch someone in the face and feel no remorse. I wonder whether these people have some sort of inner life or not.

 

[Rincewind]

@Marduk: No,they don't...at least not those who I met and are like that....
Yeah,I also think it must be relieving and saves yourself from many worries about others around you and you alone...but I still think it isn't worth of the price (becoming stupid ignorant fuck)

 

[rahvin]

personally, i think forums work best when people respond to the post and not the poster. there are exceptions: i've known hyena personally for more than half of my life, and of course whenever i reply to her i'm replying to her. but i don't care much about previous offenses or careless words: there is no therapy to be found here, for all the various maladies of the character we might be suffering from; and yet i think there should be no particular punishment for them either. there are a few people who - in my opinion - consistently post terribly idiotic and irrelevant things, and rest assured that i myself seldom miss a chance to point it out to the best of my abilities. still, the moment misanthrope posts an interesting question about his own behavior, i really couldn't care less how offensive he is/was/will be.

 

[hyena]

t was only a mistake, an honest mistake, in the sense that thats how I felt.

while this might be in good faith, i hope for you that it isn't, because it would imply a difficulty in following basic logic processes.

according to your statement, every time i felt burdened by any of the facts described some posts ago i felt compelled to post something about it on the forum. this implies that i've felt burdened by these facts more or less the 4-5 times in nearly 7 months that i have made passing references to them on this board.

i can actually remember just two, one in a reply to undocontrol and of course one when i informed the forum of my father's death. if you add the 'thank you' posts for condolences received and the one related post i made in the pic thread, maybe you can get as much as 10.

now, following your idea, i've thought about these matters 10 times in 200 days. that makes roughly once in three weeks. now, how credible is that?

 

[hyena]

personally, i think forums work best when people respond to the post and not the poster.

this is helpful in understanding a lot of things. now that you formulate this so clearly, i can see that it is completely unfair and conductive to a serious detachment from reality. if we don't take into account who people are, what they have said, and what they have done then marduk is right - no respect should be given for any achievement of any sort. in this system, child molesters and people who run charities are exactly the same; even worse, a child molester might be idolized on account of his high post count or occasional good witticism.

of course i'm mentioning extremes, and yes, i know that if someone came here and spouted rhetoric about the fact that paedophilia is a noble activity he would probably be criticized and attacked. that's just because less people covertly sympathize with child abuse than with sexism and racism, by the way.

but it must be noted that, even without having to imagine dangerous criminals, in real life i normally balance someone's advice with their lives - of course i think that people can give perfectly good advice even if they don't live it out and i'm often wrong in that way myself, but i tend to be suspicious of people who have guides to successful living without the successful living.

now, if one just cares about the post and not the poster, it is perfectly possible - and also quite frequent - that people end up being celebrated even if they have nothing to back their fame up with. this is because, quite paradoxically, the identity of the poster is a dealbreaker exactly when you are most focused on ignoring it.

example: individual A, who has a good internet persona while being a good-for-nothing guy who has no job and lives off his family at the age of 35, posts something on how to relate to work. individual B, the reader, is not able to immediately form an opinion: she agrees with some parts of the post because they seem to express high ideals, but she finds other parts obscure. now, if B knew A in real life she would dismiss A's opinion as based on no discernible experience and therefore not really worth of consideration. on the other hand, if B only knows that A cracks some good jokes and has a lot of posts, i.e. if B only has inevitable information on the internet persona without knowing what's behind it, she will be more inclined to listen to him, of course with disastrous results.

that's why i strive for higher levels of realism, and more dissemination about who we are, what we do and what we don't do in our real lives. otherwise, an important yardstick for judgment of (practical) ideas is lost. none of us is so mature and inspired that they can be credible even if it turns out that their actions contradict their words, and reading posts in a tight-knit forum such as this one is different from reading a page in a book without caring about the author.

 

[King Chaos]

A High post count and good sense of humour forgives any sin in my book.

About Rahvin's post (for some reason, I just don't quote stuff anymore) I think that post is false in a way. The post, in a way, desparages the face value of written communication. One could just as easily adapt a debonaire demeanor, and waltz around town pretending to be a homosexual millionaire. I post here because I like the community, and what different members bring to the table. A good forum has heart (without being too emo or suckupy).

 

[rahvin]

@hyena: my idea is based on the assumption of a relative impossibility to know the paedophile from the published author, and a relative irrelevance of the celebration of somebody's persona on this or any other board.

the former is - i admit - because of laziness: i don't really want to know, research, or remember facts about misanthrope's life (or anybody else's. i could have said fireangel's, just to mention someone who's consistently blank and all-pleasing). i might have used to have the energy to, but right now i don't, and i don't think the universe is missing much. i care that you're a published author because i know you personally. if i didn't, i'd just read your posts and judge you from them. they would still make me think you are a better person than most of the others around here, so i guess i somehow made very good choices 15 years ago. but the obvious liar, the good-for-nothing idiot, the 30-something scene-whore... they all merge into one for me, and i read what they decide to type and comment on it without much regard from where they come from. it's probably a little shallow, i admit it. and yet it sort of works within the limits of this "special" kind of communication. i care about who my friends, family, and even co-workers are. i care a little about the people from this board i met in the past. the others are fair game: if they say something stupid they're currently stupid, and if they say something smart they're currently smart, and if they say they like little boys i ban their ass faster than you can say bubububu.

the latter, however, i think you should look in the face before wasting your precious energy (no irony, but you know it) skirmishing here again. fame fades pretty fast, especially among users of a small forum like this one. i don't care if ten users celebrate some silly mysoginist on here. believing the anonymous liar is so dumb an activity that person b must either be terminally stupid or momentarily confused to give in to the lure. and i cannot force myself to care about that or its consequences. even assuming i'm trying to sell a product, i don't have to warn people about the risks of running with scissors just because i sell scissors.

edit: @kc: where i admitted to my being shallow is probably where i concede you have a point.

 

[marduk1507]

while this might be in good faith, i hope for you that it isn't, because it would imply a difficulty in following basic logic processes.

according to your statement, every time i felt burdened by any of the facts described some posts ago i felt compelled to post something about it on the forum. this implies that i've felt burdened by these facts more or less the 4-5 times in nearly 7 months that i have made passing references to them on this board.

i can actually remember just two, one in a reply to undocontrol and of course one when i informed the forum of my father's death. if you add the 'thank you' posts for condolences received and the one related post i made in the pic thread, maybe you can get as much as 10.

now, following your idea, i've thought about these matters 10 times in 200 days. that makes roughly once in three weeks. now, how credible is that?

Sweet Jeeezus!

 

[fireangel]

the former is - i admit - because of laziness: i don't really want to know, research, or remember facts about misanthrope's life (or anybody else's. i could have said fireangel's, just to mention someone who's consistently blank and all-pleasing).

http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2785225

@fireangel: exactly what siren said. we are all interested, and your long, informative posts that show culture and interest about many different but equally interesting subjects are such an important part of this board that i would honestly hate to see them gone, for whatever reason.

so while i might not share fireangel's opinion about the fate of her post, i find it more important to draw users into replying to the questions they pose, if only because *i* like reading fireangel's (and many others', of course) educated and interesting messages.

 

[rahvin]

@fireangel: took you forever to notice that. now please pay attention: when the red light goes off, it's a billion volts to the chest and no cookie!

 

[Siren]

*throws flowers to everyone*

 

[RampageSword]

Siren sure knows how to conclude a rough discussion!

 

[Zack]

*wipes tears of laughter out of his eyes and smacks his knee*

 

[Hiljainen]

i'm nervous beyond belief, i should never put myself into relationships, i get hurt too easily.
from now on i will only play dungeon siege 2 forever and keep getting killed because of my total lack of strategy.

 

[Magrathean]

Why, did you just break up with someone?