chat, feelings, and random discussion thread
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rahvin
keeper of the flame
@hyena: I, too, know of a forum with enough users to warrant the strict moderation policy you mentioned in case #1. I also agree that it would be overkill to use it here: any degeneration can be confined in the space of a morning and two pages of spam, if that. I wasn't suggesting that the moderation here should change, partly because I don't really see it as a priority, and partly because, well, who the fuck should I be suggesting that to? 
It's the location and the quality of the chit-chat that annoy me a little - and make me think of bad experiences with other official forums of bands - especially since it got to the point where serious, band-related threads degenerate quickly into one-liners that hardly even add any personal information about the users or the users' life. It's not unbearable, and it's definitely not as bad as elsewhere on UM, but I'm irritated by the fact that we don't stand out as much as we used to. Which is something I was beginning to think was a defining characteristic of the fans of this specific band.
It's the location and the quality of the chit-chat that annoy me a little - and make me think of bad experiences with other official forums of bands - especially since it got to the point where serious, band-related threads degenerate quickly into one-liners that hardly even add any personal information about the users or the users' life. It's not unbearable, and it's definitely not as bad as elsewhere on UM, but I'm irritated by the fact that we don't stand out as much as we used to. Which is something I was beginning to think was a defining characteristic of the fans of this specific band.
marduk1507
Member
I agree that DT deserve a lot better, but I also think it isnt that bad. I understand your nostalgia, I havent witnessed the golden age of this forum, so I dont really know. But I am sure the old-timers still follow the forum, but dont reply, or reply very seldom. I probably still have more time on my hand than I thought, and Im kind of addicted to seeing some of the people who still post here, because, to be honest, I have only a few such people around me in the real life. On the other hand, I had been on the verge of leaving this forum for good, when people who so annoy some users came, and sort of stirred the waters and made me stay a while longer. I will see how long.
I just wanted to say that I really please myself here. I think people are really kind and open-minded... I post a lot these days because I work at my mom's office and I am on a laptop for the whole time so... but when I am home I post less of course.
Sharing with people around the world for me is a really special thing and that forum help my need to learn a lot from others...
-xxxxxxx-
Kat
Cheers!
Sharing with people around the world for me is a really special thing and that forum help my need to learn a lot from others...
-xxxxxxx-
Kat
Cheers!
well, all i did in the so-called golden age was getting into mean fights with most users, telling everyone about facts of my personal life they weren't interested in, and getting depressed because rahvin didn't reply to every single comment of mine. i'd gladly do without going back to that time.
marduk1507
Member
I thought you liked mean fights. Maybe the opponents were stronger? Just kidding, I know what you mean. Mind has a funny way of going about the past. rahvin maybe sees it differently, or doesnt want to remember the worse. You do. I used to visit the forums of Necrophagist, Atheist, My Dying Bride and Misery Index on a daily basis, but at present Im there what the old-timers are here - watching, reading here and there, but not interfering. Its all guitar tech talk mostly (Necrophagist), and while Ive learned a lot about playing and tuning and whatnot, I cant play guitar, so I visit less and less. The other forums are just dead. Here its different, I want to know whats up with people here, because I like them. Only you were able to annoy the shit out of me, but thats only because you are one fucking tough woman, and I like that after all, and the times I was going through werent that swell. This forum still is something special, as DT is, Im positive about that.
Just kidding, I know what you mean. Mind has a funny way of going about the past. rahvin maybe sees it differently, or doesnt want to remember the worse. You do. I used to visit the forums of Necrophagist, Atheist, My Dying Bride and Misery Index on a daily basis, but at present Im there what the old-timers are here - watching, reading here and there, but not interfering. Its all guitar tech talk mostly (Necrophagist), and while Ive learned a lot about playing and tuning and whatnot, I cant play guitar, so I visit less and less. The other forums are just dead. Here its different, I want to know whats up with people here, because I like them. Only you were able to annoy the shit out of me, but thats only because you are one fucking tough woman, and I like that after all, and the times I was going through werent that swell. This forum still is something special, as DT is, Im positive about that.The problem is that it takes some time for me to see how shitty they are, and every time i get disappointed by the quality of the males around me. But i guess it's not a matter of sex, most people around here are shitty. Which reminds me why i am so closed to myself.6 Stringed Fingers said:You don't have to like them, or talk to them, or make eye contact with them. Unless you have something more important at stake, then you'd just have to bare with it till it ends.
Shitty men are not worth your puking.
I guess one of my 'weaknesses' is that i tend to give people many chances, but this is about to change, at least for the scum.
And yeah, they're not worth my puking, instead i've started treating them like they deserve. Which makes me a shitty person as well. What a vicious circle.
edit: it's been a long time since i last posted personal stuff in here. it feels nice to be able to see this forum as a small haven again.
6 Stringed Fingers
EditablePoly 1
Siren: I'm sure you'll find someone who you would deem to be nice, one day. Geographical convenience is a shitty way to base relationships on a lot of the times, we have the technology to ignore that factor. All you need is a bit of patience, and luck. All those scums make you more aware of scumness in any person, right? So your choice of men would only get better.
Good luck on the man hunt.
Good luck on the man hunt.
@6: I did find a man who i deem to be nice, but unfortunatelly he doesn't think the same about me.
Technology is not enough, a human relationship needs the physical factor to survive, and geographical inconvenience can bring a huge burden on the relationship and eventually make it succumb under the pressure of distance.
Being aware of scumness is a good thing, we're a bunch of experiences, and that's what makes us wiser. In the end, the problem is that scums outnumber the nice people. But that makes nice people all the more special.
And thanks.
Technology is not enough, a human relationship needs the physical factor to survive, and geographical inconvenience can bring a huge burden on the relationship and eventually make it succumb under the pressure of distance.
Being aware of scumness is a good thing, we're a bunch of experiences, and that's what makes us wiser. In the end, the problem is that scums outnumber the nice people. But that makes nice people all the more special.
And thanks.
@siren: i think i know what you mean about the vicious circle, yes. i'm puzzling over how to break it right now. i've had the same experience as you: for far too long i've treated too well men who didn't deserve it, then i started getting back at them with their own weapons, and now i don't know how to break the horrid pattern. basically, my becoming shitty has been about learning how to 'play cool', which is a synonim of being superficial and non-committed. this in turn has been reinforced by a naturally bad aspect of my temperament, which is a tendency to unwarranted verbal assault and other types of psychological aggression. right now i've met someone who seems genuinely interested in me (in a reasonable, constructive sense), and all i can do is either act superior or treat him badly without a motive. i've already said sorry for that, but i am unable to break the circle. the only consolation is that next week i'm going to meet the person who is responsible for a large chunk of this degeneration, and i will finally try to make him understand how terrible his influence was.
King Chaos
Pomeo Osoponeor
I don't think you should worry about the vicious circle at all. I've met and been friends with women who have been in the same predicament, and they're all great people. And all other great people I know think they're great people... So I guess it doesn't matter if you let some insignificunts have their just deserts some time.
It's the same here. Exactly the same. Women are shit, men are shit. I make do being alone these days because I know not being alone would be a greater sacrifice.
6 Stringed Fingers
EditablePoly 1
Siren said:
Well then, one of the lovers will have to move, doesn't he/she? I understand that with you older people, you can't just move to another city/country because you have already established a social status where you live, and to start anew somewhere else can be frustrating. But a new start in life can be refreshing, especially with someone that you enjoy spending your time.
rahvin
keeper of the flame
6 Stringed Fingers said:
Agreed. Boy, I certainly don't want to start dating my 70-something next door neighbors.
Something hyena said in another discussion some time ago, has always bothered me, since I believe one couldnt be more wrong.
She said that academic learning was the same as social learning. I think it's true that people who are more intelligent and have gone to higher schools or universities may be more reflected about their social life or generally, more reflected about themselves, but in my opinion, social intelligence is a very special form of intelligence that has nothing to do with academics.
Also, if you believe you have certain problems that keep you from finding or keeping your significant other, you wont be able to cure yourself. Analysation may work on others perfectly well, but it never works on yourself. I hope meeting this man from your past will make you feel better, but I dont think it's really gonna matter.
She said that academic learning was the same as social learning. I think it's true that people who are more intelligent and have gone to higher schools or universities may be more reflected about their social life or generally, more reflected about themselves, but in my opinion, social intelligence is a very special form of intelligence that has nothing to do with academics.
Also, if you believe you have certain problems that keep you from finding or keeping your significant other, you wont be able to cure yourself. Analysation may work on others perfectly well, but it never works on yourself. I hope meeting this man from your past will make you feel better, but I dont think it's really gonna matter.
@rahvin: well, look at the bright side... at least you don't have gay neighbors who fight all the time any longer. 
@taliesin: i can't remember what i said precisely, but probably my point was just that normally people are internally consistent, at least to some extent. for example, i don't expect people who are generally selfish to be generous lovers, and i don't expect people who are generally dim-witted to be socially brilliant. on the other hand, you're right in saying that there are different sets of skills and they do not necessarily overlap 100%, even when there is a conceptual affinity between those sets. i might be good in an academic sense, but i'm completely inept at networking: while this does not damage me too much in my current job, if i was trying to build a career in university it would be a serious handicap.
and talking about being inept, i'm really running for first prize in stupidity. the more i think about how wrongly i've been treating this guy for the whole week the more i want to bash my head against the wall. i don't even particularly like him, but it was just unfair, and i didn't derive any pleasure from that. why do i have to have knee-jerk reactions that drive people away is a mystery to me... it's also the first time ever i realize that i tend to be annoying for the sake of it, the more so when i understand that it is causing problems. self-destructive behavior if there ever was one.
@taliesin: i can't remember what i said precisely, but probably my point was just that normally people are internally consistent, at least to some extent. for example, i don't expect people who are generally selfish to be generous lovers, and i don't expect people who are generally dim-witted to be socially brilliant. on the other hand, you're right in saying that there are different sets of skills and they do not necessarily overlap 100%, even when there is a conceptual affinity between those sets. i might be good in an academic sense, but i'm completely inept at networking: while this does not damage me too much in my current job, if i was trying to build a career in university it would be a serious handicap.
and talking about being inept, i'm really running for first prize in stupidity. the more i think about how wrongly i've been treating this guy for the whole week the more i want to bash my head against the wall. i don't even particularly like him, but it was just unfair, and i didn't derive any pleasure from that. why do i have to have knee-jerk reactions that drive people away is a mystery to me... it's also the first time ever i realize that i tend to be annoying for the sake of it, the more so when i understand that it is causing problems. self-destructive behavior if there ever was one.
6 Stringed Fingers
EditablePoly 1
hyena: You should really get a grip on yourself, on your mentality. If you do not wish to be self-destructive, then simply don't be. There is no excuse for the influence from another person, you let him influence you. And therefore, only you can stop this stupid and rather irresponsible state of being. I don't believe you are a weak-minded person. I believe you have to the strength and intellect to be what you wish to be. So if you wish to change, then concentrate on the metamorphosis. Put your mind where you want it, instead of letting it roam in regret. Focusing on the past gets you nowhere.
King Chaos
Pomeo Osoponeor
I knew a lass who used to breakdown crying if she only got an A not an A* on her exams. This same lass was known as whoretard... Based on the fact she made alot of retarded decisions all the time.
I agree that more intelligent people tend to have better insights and tend to be more socially skillful, but it's really not always the case. In fact, it seems to be the core of your problems, if I may say so.hyena said:
Your attitude seems to be "I have a PhD, so I have to be intelligent, right? So bring it on!" and in the end you're all the more disappointed when it doesnt work out and you're like "Butbutbut..! Im intelligent, so why didnt it work out?"
At least that's how I perceive it. But then again you keep surprising me and I keep saying to myself Im far from having figured you out, so..
fireangel
Member
hyena said:
to me aswell
maybe you really could try to at least bury some of your past and not analyse everything forever. I do like doing this aswell, but since you cannot repeat these parts of life, you can just draw your conclusions for the future and then let it rest. Otherwise you´ll always let yourself drag down from the past and will never see the freedom of allowing yourself to start things anew.
thanks everyone for the input. it is much appreciated. now the plan entails going for a workout, having a shower, sleeping a bit and setting the whole thing to rights after dinner, if i get the chance. if i don't, then it will be tomorrow in the morning or in another life, since at noon i'm leaving for london.
anyway, this summer tour is being quite great so far (and, for unfathomable reasons, i'm really getting attention from men. life is strange, why does it never happen back home?). if the three weeks in the UK are going to be this good, then i'll be one happy bubu. i still have one week of holiday to go then, which will be spent doing security - be very afraid - at a religious congress of sorts, and i'm looking forward to meeting people there too. well, hopes run high when things look up, normally. this is stupid because if they compensated it would be more efficient. oh well.
anyway, this summer tour is being quite great so far (and, for unfathomable reasons, i'm really getting attention from men. life is strange, why does it never happen back home?). if the three weeks in the UK are going to be this good, then i'll be one happy bubu. i still have one week of holiday to go then, which will be spent doing security - be very afraid - at a religious congress of sorts, and i'm looking forward to meeting people there too. well, hopes run high when things look up, normally. this is stupid because if they compensated it would be more efficient. oh well.
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